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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 04:05 PM
Acme 28 Feb 05 - 04:01 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 03:49 PM
GUEST,MMario 28 Feb 05 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 03:31 PM
Acme 28 Feb 05 - 02:22 PM
MOAB 28 Feb 05 - 02:01 PM
GUEST,MMario 28 Feb 05 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 12:22 PM
GUEST,MMario 28 Feb 05 - 10:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM
Amos 28 Feb 05 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 28 Feb 05 - 08:51 AM
Acme 28 Feb 05 - 12:50 AM
Amos 27 Feb 05 - 10:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Feb 05 - 10:08 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 05 - 09:59 PM
Acme 27 Feb 05 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 05 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 05 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 27 Feb 05 - 06:18 PM
GUEST,Amos 27 Feb 05 - 03:21 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Feb 05 - 12:17 PM
GUEST,Amos 27 Feb 05 - 11:48 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Feb 05 - 11:02 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 27 Feb 05 - 10:53 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Feb 05 - 10:30 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 27 Feb 05 - 08:53 AM
Amos 27 Feb 05 - 06:11 AM
Teresa 27 Feb 05 - 12:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Feb 05 - 12:37 AM
Amos 27 Feb 05 - 12:18 AM
Acme 26 Feb 05 - 11:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Feb 05 - 11:04 PM
Amos 26 Feb 05 - 10:14 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 05 - 08:35 PM
Amos 26 Feb 05 - 04:17 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 05 - 02:26 PM
Acme 26 Feb 05 - 02:22 PM
Amos 26 Feb 05 - 01:39 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 05 - 12:35 PM
Amos 26 Feb 05 - 10:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Feb 05 - 10:44 AM
Rapparee 26 Feb 05 - 10:22 AM
Acme 25 Feb 05 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 05 - 12:10 PM
Amos 25 Feb 05 - 11:58 AM
Acme 25 Feb 05 - 11:55 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 04:05 PM

I thought I was being "green" by collecting them. The hook had been set when I went mushroom hunting as a child, but I guess I was just puttering around. Now I take a drive and get them at the store down at the tee junction -- Eagle, I think it's called.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 04:01 PM

You just don't know how to slice them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 03:49 PM

Dang! I thought those things were just really hard mushrooms. If they're really golf balls it explains why the take so darned long to cook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 03:46 PM

I've heard that snagging palindromical numbers can make you go blind Rapaire! Or grow hair on your palms. Or BOTH!

And it makes golf balls appear in your back yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM

And wanting to snag palindromic numbers, Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM

Mom? I keep misreading a lot of threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 03:31 PM

Mom? I gotta confess too. I keep reading this thread as something else. Please forgive me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 02:22 PM

Now that was real nice--reminds me of some of the notes my mother left for us after she went back to work, when we'd get home from school to an empty house. And she signed them "MaMa."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 02:01 PM

Dear MMario,

Go ahead and do it if it'll make you feel better. But you know it probably won't. You just think it will.   

Face it, hon, a couple of your siblings are idiots. Do you really want to pattern your behavior after dunderheads? Don't get me wrong, they're my children and I love them. But they're morons.

And, anyway, if you do start a moronic derivative thread you will probably be abused by others. You will be called stupid. Do you really want to subject yourself to such humiliation? Some of your siblings seem to be too imbecilic to recognize an insult when it's thrown at them, but you aren't that way, are you?

Love,

Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 01:27 PM

Mom? Can we talk a sec?

I got a confession to make.

You know all those copycat threads that pop up? You know how you've always said spread the BS here and not air it in public?

Mom, I...

oh, god, this is embarressing!

well - I keep reading THIS thread title as 'Dehumidification as a Political Tool'

and Mom, I have to admit - a REALLY REALLY REALLY want t start a thread with that as the actual title.

Does this mean I need therapy? Please, Mom, tell me I won't end up like , uh - well, y'know, those guys?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 12:22 PM

Penguins can drive? What kind of car was it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 10:18 AM

a mechanic who tells you what the problem is! Hysterical! Boy, whoever thought that one up has a twisted mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM

Of course you didn't understand it, Rap. You blow driveways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 10:15 AM

What part of "penguin with car trouble" didn't you understand, man???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 08:51 AM

I didn't understand it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Feb 05 - 12:50 AM

MOABites, on the other hand, saw that one coming from a long way off and still thought it was pretty damned funny. :-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 10:16 PM

I just spent the last five minutes telling that joke to BBW. Thirty seconds to tell and four and one-half to wait for the penny to drop and to intervene when it didn't.

Good joke, though!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 10:08 PM

Something analagous to the joke about the penguin with car trouble. When the mechanic told him it looked like he'd blown a seal he said, "Nah. That's just Tartar sauce from the fish sandwich I had for lunch."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 09:59 PM

Amidst MOABites, almost anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 09:01 PM

So what did you think we were envisioning, Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 06:26 PM

With, I hasten to add, a leaf blowing machine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 06:21 PM

I just blew the driveway and filled the air with delicate clouds of dust and gravel. Does that count?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 06:18 PM

My wife sometimes fills th' bath tub up with delicate bubbles. It's all right. Ain't as much fun as Jello or Crisco, but it'll do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 03:21 PM

Nah, I was just imagining. No need to try the issue. It is but a fillip of delicate bubbles from Elsewhere.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 12:17 PM

Ol' Jesse Hawk Shera his own self once cited incorrectly. So did Pierce Butler. So did Kate Sanborn. So did Louis Shores. So did Ludwig "Lewd" von Beethoven. And Johnny Sebastian Bach. So I slipped up once. Sue me. Go on. I dare ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 11:48 AM

Pretty clumsy, Rapaire. Serious. We may have to have a premature review and revisitation of the re-processing of your re-cyclability status. This sort of thing should not be repeated or re-prehended (it is less reprehensible than imagined).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 11:02 AM

Sorry, but I cited the wrong title.

It was actually in The Dictionary of Anonymous, Pseudononymous, and Heynonnynonnymous Literature (Dingle, Idaho: The University Press, 1847).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 10:53 AM

I want one of those t-shirts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 10:30 AM

Bee-dubya-ell is a famous author.

I have just checked in the Dictionary of Anonymous and Pseudononymous Literature (a tome which should be in every home) and found this entry:

Bee-dubya-ell, pseud., fl. late 16th c., still writing today; real name Anthony O'Namuss, writings credited to "Ann O'Namuss." Author of many excellent folk songs, poems, stories, folk tales and scurillous, libelous, ribald, bawdy, disgusting, and pornographic things. Sorry, not dead yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 08:53 AM

Aw shucks, Amos. I din't really write thet thang. I stoled it off a bafroom wall. It wuz writ right unner whar it sed "Fer uh good time call Rustic Rebel @ 669-6969!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 06:11 AM

Well, I did that, BWL -- I used one of those bvanjo tunes that you find floating around, kinda like "Old Joe Clark". Goes well, and those are most excellent lyrics, too, I might add. You really have the gift! Vivid and humorous AND scansion too. Wow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 12:50 AM

I went to the MOAB and all I got was this crumb-y T-shirt?

Ok, never mind. :) :-P

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 12:37 AM

Okay, put this to music:

I'd rather suck a rat's ass
or eat a peck of dirt
than make up stupid rhymes
'bout fuckin' crumbs upon a shirt.

I'd rather have a cattle prod
inserted in my bum
than generate some drivel
'bout a shirt covered in crumbs.

I'd rather drink raw sewage
from a scabbous leper's shoe
than write of crumbs upon a shirt.
That's one thing I won't do!

Of shirts and crumbs I will not write!
No, not a single word!
I'd rather suck a monkey's nose
and eat a camel turd!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 12:18 AM

C'mon, BWL -- it's not like this is, like, Tin Pan alley -- this is FOLK music, for cry-i!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 11:45 PM

I don't think the crumbs were fornicating, BWL. On the shirt or anywhere else. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 11:04 PM

I'd rather suck a rat's ass
or eat a peck of dirt
than make up stupid rhymes
'bout fuckin' crumbs upon a shirt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 10:14 PM

My lover came to see me;
I served him my very best!
Cappucino and a Scottish scone
Most elegantly pressed

He kissed me before eating
And in a manly show
He shoved that whole scone down his hatch
The whole thing in one go.

The crumbs they flew like fireflies
All across my kitchen floor
His shirtfront with them was covered up
Sure half a pound, or more!

He held me hard when parting
It made my heart to throb
I could scarcely to speak to tell him he
Was a true, God-awful slob.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 08:35 PM

My lover was a dumkopf,
A sloppy little runt,
He drank French Vanilla latte,
With biscotti crumbs down his front


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 04:17 PM

As I walked out one evening,
To a cybernet cafe
A twenty-year-old barista
to me these words did say...
I see you are a dumkopf
Please excuse my being blunt;
For no-one but a dumkopf
Has crumbs all down his front.

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 02:26 PM

A shitner, a Shatner...
A shaker and a flattener...
I t'ought I saw a wagging jaw...
I wish I had a battener...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 02:22 PM

Several silly songs come to mind, in which the indication of a social outcast is the presence of crumbs on the face or shirt. Be careful that you don't become the subject of note in a new song!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 01:39 PM

Do not delete me, oh, my darling
You made that promise for a date
You know I never will be happy
Until you text-message my cell-456-9778.


Nah, yer right -- it ain't the same, somehow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 12:35 PM

What a change living here today is from living here a hundred years ago! Back then, a man would put on his hat, buckle on his gun belt, and walk out. Nowadays, a man puts on his hat, hitches up his belt, snaps on his cell phone, and walks out.

"High Noon" it ain't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 10:56 AM

Anyone seen Rapaire? Ma says he walked through the screen door staggering, with his mouth full of cookies and crumbs all over his front. I thought I'd try and round him up before he causes some embarassment in the neighborhood...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 10:44 AM

They bottle 16 year old Irish single malt whiskey in pints? I would think that if one can afford to buy the stuff at all, one can afford to buy the whole damned quart. We're not talking Four Roses or Old Grandad here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 10:22 AM

Here ya go, Ma! Glad I could prevent your fall. No, no, just some of your homemade cookies and a glass of milk will do. Oh, okay, some 16 year old Irish single malt -- but only one pint!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Feb 05 - 02:04 PM

Yes, Amos, just like that. Except I don't write the entire password on the yellow sticky, I just make a note of the part of it that I change each time I change my password. (Once I memorize all of the new ones this latest slip will go in a file.)

Here's an aside, and a little Mudcat heartbreak: The Random Link at the top of the last page:

    Random Link
    Rick & Heather Fielding's Acoustic Workshop - Mon. 9 PM
    http://ciut.fm/
    Here's a link to the RealAudio feed of CIUT in Toronto. Tune in Mondays at 9 PM Eastern Mudcat Time to hear Mudcatteers Rick and Heather Fie...


Ah, well. It's nice to be reminded of old friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 05 - 12:10 PM

Hey, you want I should send Vinny and Snake down there? Kinda give the punks a lesson, ya know? Little extra-joodishull punishment? They'll need some cement an some rebar. Lemme know. Always glad to help out a friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 05 - 11:58 AM

OK, OK, I didn't realize. So your back ups were right there with the computer, right? Makes sense. Like putting your system password on a little yellow sticky on the edge of the monitor.

I hope they can recover at least the disks. Keep leaning on the damned detective.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Feb 05 - 11:55 AM

Just a vulture--does that count?


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