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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 May 04 - 07:50 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 07:07 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 12:41 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 10 May 04 - 12:36 PM
GUEST,h 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM
GUEST,Noddy 10 May 04 - 12:34 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:33 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM
GUEST,MMario 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:18 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 12:13 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:10 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:01 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:00 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM
Amos 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 11:27 AM
freda underhill 10 May 04 - 10:59 AM
42 10 May 04 - 07:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 May 04 - 12:18 AM
Rapparee 09 May 04 - 11:33 PM
Amos 09 May 04 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 09 May 04 - 11:19 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 09 May 04 - 09:47 PM
khandu 09 May 04 - 09:29 PM
Tweed 09 May 04 - 09:15 PM
khandu 09 May 04 - 09:07 PM
Tweed 09 May 04 - 05:44 PM
khandu 09 May 04 - 01:51 PM
Amos 09 May 04 - 01:31 PM
Amos 09 May 04 - 12:37 AM
42 08 May 04 - 10:51 AM
Tweed 08 May 04 - 08:11 AM
Amos 08 May 04 - 05:27 AM
Rustic Rebel 08 May 04 - 02:57 AM
Rapparee 07 May 04 - 06:12 PM
Amos 07 May 04 - 05:34 PM
GUEST,khandu's mommy 07 May 04 - 04:50 PM
Rapparee 07 May 04 - 04:08 PM
Acme 07 May 04 - 02:03 PM
Amos 07 May 04 - 11:56 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:50 PM

Portuguese, I think....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:15 PM

Is that Esperanto?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:07 PM

Wiashta! Nyong flant MOAB shishatsa wen. Pornique de las teatnas patporbus Amos ent Little Hawk? Prevacsi, mys amisi! duit pacen faceita, non?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:41 PM

I love the Babelfish translator. It's one of my favorite toys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:36 PM

3100 Big Ones! Beam me up, Scotty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,h
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM

Time for...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM

Time for a beer!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Noddy
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:34 PM

What time is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:33 PM

Yes, it's odd. I think you need a name change.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM

You will notice, Young Hawk, that every time you put insults about me into the translator, for reasons I cannot fathom it instructs you to think of me as "Masters".

Take a hint, there, why doncha???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM

My spider thinks, therefore I am. How very Zen!

But if a tree falls in the forest and kills my spider, do I cease to exist?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM

I am not possible without my spider thinking

I have always suspected that something of this sort underlies LH's basic philosophy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM

Masters are cavron deceived. He imagines that he is very wise, but in truth he has the mentality of a hysterical duck. I ask myself when it comes to his senses? When it will make that Mr. Shatner is the only adjustment of the man to lead our glorious civilization ahead? When it will stop being against of the inevitable one? Who can say? God, I LOVE the sound of that! Joust like General Santana!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:18 PM

Amos es un cavron engañada. Él se imagina que él es muy sabio, pero en verdad él tiene la mentalidad de un pato hysterical. ¿Me pregunto cuando él vendrá a sus sentidos? ¿Cuándo él realizará que Sr. Shatner es el único ajuste del hombre para conducir nuestra civilización gloriosa adelante? ¿Cuándo él parará el oponerse del inevitable? ¿Quién puede decir?

God, I LOVE the sound of that! Just-a like el General Santana!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM

I thought I might put it through the translator a few more times - French, German, Dutch etc, and finished up with this:

Where c'est mine spider? I am not possible without my spider thinking! The masters are that, of esta' ; Person in a responsible manner of it. He must pay!

Maybe that's what he meant?????????????

Jenny, with way too much time on her hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM

I submit for reflection that a man who must needs have a spider to think, is not a thinking man. LH, your spider was called away on an important business trip, and will be returned to you aso soon as it is finished. Do not worry, young Hawk, your spider has not forgotten you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:13 PM

Signet's Spanish-English (and vice versa) Dictionary says it also means "chandelier." I think it makes more sense that way. Unless he meant the skillet-like cooking utensil. But then he might have used "sarten" (with the accent agut over the 'e').


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:10 PM

Very close! You should work for Babelfish. Here is what I said:

"Where is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Amos is the one responsible for this. He must pay!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:01 PM

I got that translation too, Carol.

I think it is more likely to be "Where it is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Amos is the one responsible for this. He must pay!"

Ah, but what does it MEAN?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:00 PM

It's astounding just how badly that translator works.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM

"Where it is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Masters are the one that esta' person in charge of this. He must pay!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM

two momey rathes, one male and one female (both have been neutered and are inoculated against ringworm, rabies, scabies, blackfoot, heartworm, botfly, mange, distemper, parrot fever, dengue fever, footrot, glanders, and the other common diseases of this species).

I am sorry to report that Rapaire has been left out of the loop again. Both of the mome raths in question were only turned in because they were acting excessively mimsey, making it impossible to keep them. Specialists examined them and declared that, in addition, they were completely and irreversibly outgrabe. Under the circumstances the authorities required that they be put to sleep so we sent them back through the Looking Glass, so to speak. They are better off. Do not worry. There was nothing else we could do.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:51 AM

From what I can tell, LH has lost his chandelier (which helps him think) and is infatuated with Amos. The image of LH, holding his chandelier aloft while searching for Amos, is indeed a striking one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM

¿Dónde está mi araña? ¡No puedo pensar sin mi araña! Amos es el que esta' responsable de esto. ¡Él debe pagar!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM

Free to a good home. . .

Maybe you heard them while camping in the Kluane Wilderness . . . or perhaps they serenaded you as you hairboated the
Whataroa River . . . or heard them sing, welcoming the dawn over their rookeries in Iceland or heard them in chorus with the penguins at McMurdo Sound, under Mt. Erebus' visage that year you "wintered over."

Now, free to a good home -- two momey rathes, one male and one female (both have been neutered and are inoculated against ringworm, rabies, scabies, blackfoot, heartworm, botfly, mange, distemper, parrot fever, dengue fever, footrot, glanders, and the other common diseases of this species). These little critters are loving, have the soft silver and black fur of their species, and are completely at home around children. Their sole drawback is that momey rathes can't be housebroken, but since their excreta glows in the dark you'll never tread in it some dark night. Their scent glands cannot be removed, either, but is not an insurmountable drawback, especially if you enjoy (as many do) the combined odors of butyl mercaptan and butyric acid.

If interested, contact Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:27 AM

Awwww....

He hasn't even read the thread. He's just blustering to make us think he read it so he won't have to.

Can't say I blame you, Khandu. After I was away for a few months, it was daunting to say the least, to even think about trying to read everything I missed in the MOAB while I was away. In fact, I never did. There's a big chunk in the middle of the MOAB that I've never seen. I think I'll save that part for when I'm very old and feeble and have nothing else to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 04 - 10:59 AM

toads.
interlocutory circumvention in extracolonnic expurgation of unlimited irrelevant surfacing nodules of excremelocution in infractuous unmitigated tarean excrement.

thus spake Hiroshima.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:04 AM

From toad venom to toadies...ah the progress of Man.

ps. LH - when my infinite probability drive kicks in I'll let you know


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:18 AM

Happy Mother's Day, MOAB!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:33 PM

His resonanting rhetoric wrecked?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:22 PM

Alas -- all is delusion. Shatner has taken on the mental acuity of a wiener dog. His robot-automaton,. servo-mechanism and homosexual love-slave, Little Hawk, has allowed himself to be degraded to the status of puerile amanuensis. Callow histrionics is all that is left in the place of once-great, resonating rhetoric!! Alas!!

And a sexist he, too!!

Forget it you jealous, hot-handed Canuck celibate..you're not fooling anyone!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:19 PM

I tried that with my subordinates. After the laughter and giggles died down they were wroth. Right wroth, yup. And there was Ruth, wretched ruin, ranting, ruefully really regularily righteously wroth.

So, let me get this straight in my mind.

Ol' Khandu decides to prop up a lamp post until some woman comes by. He props up this here light pole, whistling at women and probably saying things like, "Shake it, don't break it!" and "Hey, hot mama!" and "Wanna cut a little rug, beautiful?" whilst the rest of us are busy fighting off a Martian invasion, dealing freds and Ralphs, organizing rescue parties (for Khandu his own self, fer chrissakes!), and doing our utmost to prevent MOAB from slipping off the bottom of the page into the uttermost depths of lost threads and the thanks we get for keyboarding our fingers down into nothingness (I'm typing this letter by letter, using a pencil held in my teeth and banging my head against the monitor screen with each letter)is that Khandu is wroth with us. And then he dangs us all to heck!

Well, out here in the West, when men are men and women are women except that some of the men are women and...where was I? Oh, yeah. Out here in the Wild West, the land of Manyfeast Destiny, out here, I say, where the Shining Mountains brush their broad shoulders against the clear azure sky, well, we don't take kindly to ingrates. Nope. In fact, we gits us a 3/8 inch manila silk rope or maybe a good latigo one or even horsehair and we strings 'em up. I don't know why we need the rope, really, 'cause the strings are just some old fishin' string, usually, but it's traditional.

So, as they say in California, I guess it's time for a Recall Election! Or is it Initiative? Or maybe Referendum. It's one of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:47 PM

Do what I do when there's been a shoddy performance or a breach of security by your subordinates, Khandu...

Order them all to assemble in the Captain's briefing room.

Fix them with a steely eye for a minute or two, pace around, and watch them sweat. Tap your fingers thoughtfully on the table as you sit down.

Then casually say, "Well...gentlemen...and ladies as well...I'd like an explanation for this sorry state of affairs."

They'll all look glum.

Say, "Don't all talk at once..."

At this point two or three of them will start stammering excuses and interrupting each other. Listen with a look of almost infinite patience that is slowly being stretched to the final limit. Then calmly lift a hand for silence...

"That's enough. I...think I get the picture. Rapaire...go and clean out all the latrines on C Deck...with a toothbrush. Spawk...you're demoted to garbage detail. You...haven't posted here in the last 2,500 posts. Tweed...I want you to go outside and start counting stars. When you reach 3,555,444,555 and 2 stars...and DON'T count any star more than once...report back with your conclusions. CarolC...I'm...going to need you in my cabin in...15 minutes from now. Change into a gown and bring some Romulan Ale...well chilled. You too, Ms Penelope Rutledge...they say two heads are better than one. Bee-Dubya...bend over and assume the position. I'll be with you momentarily, after I adjust my boot. Amos...I...need you to thoroughly analyze and critique the entire collected poetry of an obscure Scottish poet of the Terran 19th century named William MacGonagall. The fate of the Galaxy depends upon it. Get on it right away, and give me your full report at...0900 tomorrow. 42...you're on the wrong ship. Beam out of here immediately or get a proper uniform and enlist. We have an opening in the scullery. MOAB...you are a figment of your own imagination. You don't really exist. Go away. Stilly River Sage...report to Doctor McCoy and get a neural implant to correct that...annoying habit. Little Hawk...you, my fine sir, are the one officer on this starship that understands the chain of command and is willing to follow orders without question. You are promoted to First Officer, replacing Spawk as of this moment."

Then stand up smartly. Say, "That will do." and stride out of the room in a charismatic manner.

They'll be awestruck.

- William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:29 PM

I been leaning on the lamp post at the corner of the street
In case a certain little lady comes by
Oh me, oh my
In case a certain little lady comes by

Oh, she`s wonderful, she`s marvelous
She`s fabulous, she`s beautiful
And anyone can understand why
I been leaning on the lamp post at the corner of the street
In case a certain little lady comes by

AND SHE NEVER CAME BY!! THEN I COME BACK HERE & FIND THIS FIASCO!!! I AM WROTH!! WROTH, I SAY!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:15 PM

O hellfire goddammit, I tried to mislead them but they ar too many these days yore Lhordship....I must say thet Rustic iz still plugging the inflatable PaulPenis dolls. BeeDub iz ....well...he's been to Atlanta and now I don't know if he kin still perform hiz duties as poteLariot or not az he has been off wif space aliens and worse obv late.
But tell us, yore Magogisty, whar habv you been hiding? Whut vizions habv you beheld and whut voices sing to you these days?

Yer faithful lackey,
Tweed
K.O.T.R.O.T.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:07 PM

I`m leaning on the lamp
Maybe you think I look a tramp
Or maybe you think I`m round to steal a car
But no, I`m not a crook
And if you think that`s what I look
I`ll tell you why and what my motives are. . .

YOU HOLES OF UNWIPED ASSES!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN MY ABSENCE???? THIS IS NOT JUST ANY THREAD!! THIS IS THE MOTHER OF ALL BULLSHIT THREADS!!! YET YOU HAVE DEFILED IT!!! YOU HAVE FILLED IT WITH REEKING HEAPS OF BIG RANCID PILES OF PUTRID MOUNTAINS OF CROCKS OF BULLSHIT!!!!!

DANG YOU ALL, I SAY!!! DANG YOU ALL TO HECK!!!!!

WHERE'S MY KOTROT TWEED?? HE ALLOWED THIS SWILL TO SWELL & SWIRL, THE SWINE!!! MAY THE KOTROT SUFFER CODROT FOR THIS & MAY THE REST OF YOU BE DANGED ALL THE WAY TO HECK!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 04 - 05:44 PM

HAIL THE KHING, HAIL THE KHING!! AR LEEJE HABV ARISEN FROM THE DEPTS OBV HAIL!!!


Whare habv you been O degenerate one? We feered you had been taken hostage or committed somwhar nasty and mos fowl.

Get down on yore knees Rawpairs and Liddle Harg! Get on wif beseeching the KHING OF ALL MIZIPPI Hiz Royal Forgibvnes for committing hanus limericks and Shatnerizms on Holy MOAB.

Hail

Hail

HAIL
HAIL......THE KHING IS RETURNED.....O GLORY GLORY GLORY.....

Yerz,
Tweed OFUMF,KOTROT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 May 04 - 01:51 PM

Dear MOAB,
Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 04 - 01:31 PM

All right you guys. That's twice now!! Is he too good to visit his own mother?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 04 - 12:37 AM

Lo! The Khandu has appeared!! On a seperate thread!! Who would have dreamed it possible?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 08 May 04 - 10:51 AM

"Polka Band on acid?" What's next? Vogon poets?

I fear for the BS universe.

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 08 May 04 - 08:11 AM

Dere MamaKhandu,
Pleez convect to Hiz Royal Hihgness on yore next visit, thet his First Duck remains loyal and at the ready fore the return of the Khing. DO NOT under any circumvents, reveal to him thet limericks etc. habv taken obver beloved MOAB, nor thet Rawpears iz barfing up good Irish whiskey on his back lawn.

How iz the Cherokee headress holding out? Iz thar more than five or six feathers left stickin out of thet thing? Can we send a bag of fryer feathers from the processin' plant to sorta flesh it out a little?

Yerz,
Tweedz


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 04 - 05:27 AM

(I think RR is continuing an independent dialogue she began with Bacchus or some other friendly spirit.... :>))   )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 08 May 04 - 02:57 AM

Puke out a precious liquid?
I cannot see it.
Because if you could hold it in,
you could just pee it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 04 - 06:12 PM

Does Khandu have any hay on him? 'Cause then they would be the Gabs-y Hays.

Hyuck, hyuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 04 - 05:34 PM

I guess that makes her the Great Grandma of All BS. GGABS. Huh. And that Khandu, now, that would make him the GABS. NEver looked at khandu quite that way, before, I schwan.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,khandu's mommy
Date: 07 May 04 - 04:50 PM

I am the mommy of the p
\apa of the Mother of All Bullshit, the ill-conceived King Khandu, who has brought embarrassment to the whole state of Mississippi before the whole world in this international forum.
To save the state and the family further difficulties, we have confined the "King" in a padded cell, where he shall remain until the cows come home, the creek runs dry, hell freezes over or the pigs learn to fly , whichever comes first.

Don't think he is in any form of misery. . . Noooo! We have given him a makeshift throne and a Cherokee headdress; we also have convinced the hospitial staff to pretend to be his royal entourage.

He seems quite happy!

His drunken and no-account worthless daddy and I considered it our duty to inform the world through this forum and dispell any rumors which may have surfaced from his absence.

Now, please continue with what every it is you do.

khandu's mommy,
Queen of the Eternal Dark World of Astartartia of the Nebulous Uter of Wigley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 04 - 04:08 PM

No, Mom. I promise. Besides, I know the Chief of Police. He'll be drinking with me. But since I can't give you any of the Bushmill's, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll overclock the processor and then plug you into a 220 volt outlet! Doesn't that sound like fun?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 04 - 02:03 PM

It is so refreshing, when I get tired of dodging threads about the many types of rubbish in Hull, the many types of atrocities of war, the many stupid things George W. Bush is saying and doing, to drop in at MOAB for some well-articulated banter. I'll tip a nice glass of chardonay in the general direction of the computer on Mother's Day. But only one--I need to lose the weight I gained while working at the computer for the last few months--oops, weight loss, another thread topic that got so long I stopped reading. . . at least here, you don't need to "keep up."

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 04 - 11:56 AM

Well, I'll raise a toast to her in general. But she is the Mother of All Bullshit, if I recall my acronym correctly. So let All Bullshit buy her stuff for Mother's Day! A


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