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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Sep 11 - 03:07 PM
gnu 09 Sep 11 - 02:48 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 11 - 02:02 PM
Amos 09 Sep 11 - 11:37 AM
Amos 09 Sep 11 - 11:35 AM
Acme 09 Sep 11 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 11 - 09:28 AM
Amos 09 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 11 - 09:18 AM
gnu 09 Sep 11 - 09:04 AM
gnu 09 Sep 11 - 07:54 AM
MMario 09 Sep 11 - 05:36 AM
MMario 09 Sep 11 - 05:34 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 11:54 PM
Eiseley 08 Sep 11 - 11:35 PM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 11:01 PM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 10:50 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM
gnu 08 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM
Amos 08 Sep 11 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 03:29 PM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 03:24 PM
gnu 08 Sep 11 - 03:20 PM
Amos 08 Sep 11 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 02:12 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 01:14 PM
Amos 08 Sep 11 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 09:25 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 01:20 AM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 12:27 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 11:00 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 10:52 PM
gnu 07 Sep 11 - 08:03 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 06:46 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 06:37 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 03:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 03:26 PM
Eiseley 07 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 03:07 PM

A long, long wake behind us! From 2009:



We're thirty two-five-and eighty now,
And all full and away
ANd the Mother has a bone in her teeth,
As she rollocks, bows, and sways.
She's trim and lean, and her bottom clean,
And the moon shining on the lee
As the black seas sweep underneath her stern,
SIng a song of the Thirty-Three.

The night wind rattles in the stays
ANd the foresail fills to lee
And all the hands are grinning broad
As she kicks her heels out free.
We know she's running down the wind
Where the wind wants her to be;
And the dolphin striker points the way
To the port of Thirty Three.

Old Ed stood high on the tops'l yahd
A-staring into the sun.
To see the way he stared, we feared
Some damage might be done.
And sure enough, when his watch was done,
An' he shinnied down the stay,
He started spouting Marxist thoughts
In a tatterdemalion way.

Now Little Hawk, on the foc's'le head,
Was watching in the gloom
As the phosphorescent breakers passed,
An' he dreamed he was in his room.
He fancied seeing shabby types
Of simian and Canuck.
He dreamed them up and gave them names,
And his fancies kinda stuck.
For when old Hawk came off that watch
He swore his chums were there!
So we tied him up and stowed him below,
Just to give him a change of air.

And sure, it was a patchwork gang
We'd sailed with from the docks,
With prim Rapaire, and wild-eyed Bruce,
And Still and Jane in frocks.
But we didn't care if we all seemed odd,
We were glad to be under weigh.
For we heard the call of the Mother's voice
Singing "Thirty-three of Kay!"

At thirty-two and seven bells
We left the land to lee,
And all we saw was a raging hell
Of foam and storm-torn sea.
And the seas climbed high, and the seas broke hard
As our top mast reeled and swayed,
But she stood the force, and we held our course
For the thirty-three of Kay.

Below the deck, in a galley warm
Worked Janie, Reb, and Still
And they tried to make up something good
Our hungry mouths to fill.
But the twisting seas and the rollicking gale
Made the whole place much too rough.
So they tied themselves into their bunks,
And swore they'd had enough.

The night was pitch, and the howling bitch
Of a storm howled louder still
And we ducked our bow and rose again
In seas as big as hills.
No man could face that awful gale
Without thinking he oughter pray.
And no-one knew if we'd make it through
To the thirty three of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 02:48 PM

Yes Rap and there will also be an increase in the proportion of children born by ugly people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 02:02 PM

Will the birth rate increase as it did then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 11:37 AM

YEs. It was a cascade of failures which impacted a very high-voltage switching yard in Arizona. The first spikes caused a couple of power stations to blow and the following ones caused several others to go off-line in self-defense.

Biggest energy failure I have ever seen since the Northeast was blacked out back in the 70's.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 11:35 AM

I dedicate this song to Rapparree in honor of his scintillating perspicacity:

The Incandescent Pickle.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 10:07 AM

Amos, that's a huge area without power. And not a storm in sight, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:28 AM

Dang, I was certain that you'd become negatively charged and repelled electrons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM

Well it was an interesting time. Power went out from Yuma to the sea and from Baja clear up to Mission Viejo. A huge chunk. Blanket absolute powerlessness except for places with backup gennies.

So I filled the bathtub, broke out the hand-cranked radio, cleaned my shotgun, and had neighbors over for wine and good conversation. He is from Sweden, she is from Holland. Really nice folks. About 1 AM the power came back on and we ran around setting clocks.

All back to normal now!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:18 AM

Poor Amos. He can't use The Force. Even electrons have abandoned him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:04 AM

Some 694,000 of the 1.4 million customers throughout Southern California who lost power have now had power restored, San Diego Gas & Electric Co. reported at about 2:45 a.m, 11 hours after the outage occured.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 07:54 AM

Authorities say the outage was accidentally triggered about Thursday afternoon when an electrical worker removed a piece of monitoring equipment at a power substation in southwest Arizona.

The San Diego area was hit especially hard, with power severed to all 1.4 million customers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 05:36 AM

Good Morning forty-two thousand!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 05:34 AM

Forty-one thousand nine hundred and ninety -eight post on you MOM!

Forty one thoussand nine-ninety-eight!

type one down, post it around,

forty one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine on you MOM!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 11:54 PM

Sure beats me where the hell you found 2 of my personally monogrammed bullets, Rap, (the ones that have my name etched on the brass shell casings) but you are welcome to them. I am a generous guy, as you know. Use 'em for some special occasion, okay?

That Subaru you got sounds like one hell of a good workin' vehicle. I really love the idea of the V-shaped underside to deflect the land mines! Gotta get me one of them puppies soon if I can float a loan. It may not be as stylish as havin' an old Duesenberg, it may lack runnin' boards for gunsels to perch on whilst makin' a getaway, but it sure ups the survival quotient for the driver, and that is somethin' you gotta keep in mind these days. It's a jungle out there. And besides, Deusies are just too expensive nowadays.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 11:35 PM

Don't eat yellow snow. Rapparee will tell you why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 11:28 PM

Pushing it a little closer, but I'm bushed. You guys grab the glory of number 42K.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 11:01 PM

I forgot that Canada has ice worms, which they imported from Alaska.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:50 PM

Hey! I love my Chevy Silverado, and it was made in Canada. Funny, because now the Chevy plant in the town where I work makes the pickups.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM

Better than buying a Chevy made in Canada, ain't it? I'm helping Japan recover from earthquakes, tsunami, and a nuclear bad thing. What's Canada had lately? Just more skeeters and snow, right?

By the way, Amos is powerless to do anything at the moment.

I cleaned mah shootin' ahrns tonight. Guess what! I found a bunch of bullets with the Chonger's name on them!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM

Subaru... there goes the US ecomomy, yet again, one car at a time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 09:14 PM

Just nine more to forty-two kay
When we will all shout "Hip-hip-hooray!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 09:13 PM

Well, we went and put in a bid for a new Subaru Forester today. We didn't order it yet because of the model year change and they aren't yet certain of the prices. 5-speed manual, deep red color, all wheel drive, armored all around with bullet-proof glass and a v-shaped underbody to deflect landmines. There's a 20mm "Vulcan" chain gun mounted on the top, remotely fired from the interior. Gas mileage is about 6 mpg city, 8 highway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM

NEWS FLASH: Because Eiseley got her Story Hour kids to wish for me to undie, I am undead! Thank you, children. Children believe in me.

Amos, back when I was workin' in cemeteries settin' tombstones it was the most peaceful place you could imagine. NEVER did a customer complain, or tell you how to do the job, or anything. Live ones were always respectful and the permanent residents, well, except for one place they were polite and never said a word.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 06:21 PM

He could claim self defense, or religious tradition, huh?

ANyway, Chongo, corpses don't have "peace", they have "ultimate apathy". God preserve the difference, bucko. Keep living until you learn!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:29 PM

"There ain't nothin' quite so peaceful as a corpse."

That is a great truth, Rap. It oughta be etched in gold on some marble monument somewhere, right under a black sillouette of a pair of crossed tommy guns.

gnu, LH says "Thanks for the good wishes."

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:24 PM

Field of Honor? I don't think there is any moral high ground if these two were to duke it out. Know what I mean? The chimp is crazy and the man would be arrested by the ASPCA and charged with animal fighting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:20 PM

Welcome back LH. Glad to see you posting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:57 PM

I know!! You should call him out to the FIeld of Honor!! Assuming you can find it, it would be a great PR victory, as he is certain not to show up!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:54 PM

Yeah, that Chongo is great at blowin' smoke. When it comes to actually doin' somethin', well, he ain't home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:12 PM

Chongster, I don't let punks like you get that close. Them that try generally run into the end of either my .357 or a sawed-off 12 gauge double. Folks get real quiet either way, a real peaceful. There ain't nothin' quite so peaceful as a corpse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 01:14 PM

I know what you are up to, Rap. Yer tryin' to get under my skin. Callin' me a "monkey". Droppin' specist innuendo.

It ain't gonna work, Roscoe. I blow off dummies like you without even blinkin' an eye. I just look at 'em quietly and blow a couple of smoke rings in their face. What happens then, usually, is they go away...if they're smart.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:52 AM

And, recalling the timeless wisdom of the Great Rapp:

You can put a lot in a fedora.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM

Well, yes. We all have a bit of smell, but what you're trying to say is "a bit of stink." Except that Chongo, when he puts on his fedora, covers his head with a LOT of stink...and other things too gross to discuss. Of course, like any monkey, he wants to keep his ammunition close to hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 09:25 AM

I'm just repeating what MOM said. I don't have a problem with you, I have dogs around here. I'm used to a bit of a smell. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 01:20 AM

Uh-huh. Well, I am usually real polite and courteous to dames and other members of the female persuasion...

But I could make an exception in yer case, Stills. Know what I'm sayin'?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 12:27 AM

Whew! Smells like a rancid rag mop in here.

Was that stinky stupid simian here again? And you let him in? You KNOW what MOM said the last time he was hanging around. She was going to let him have it upside the head with a skillet (though she had her pressure cooker in her hand when she said it, and I got the impression she'd have enjoyed clobbering him with a cooker full of pot roast or something else equally hot and heavy!)

Better keep him out of sight if you know what's good for you.

Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 11:00 PM

He's been takin' a break, that's all, gnu. And believe me, he needed one.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 10:52 PM

The Holy Daze is/are the chronic--not to say perpetual--state of affairs at Little Hawk's place.

Rapparee does not realize that what he has been investigating is the inside of a ten-year-old flash drive that is presently bouncing around on the floor of my glove compartment. C'est la vie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 08:03 PM

Where ya been LH? Hollerdays?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:46 PM

"Qualified", you say?   Hell, he's overqualified.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM

The Committee of First Knowers has determined that Rapparee's invention of an All-Creator is actually a secondary character, and therefore not itself eligible for the narcissism position previously advertised. However, they stress that Rapparree himself is of course eminently qualified.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:37 PM

Yeah, you can hold a lot in a fedora. As for the "trading post" -- we know from your sister and mother what you were trading, and I've confirmed it with that dude in logging boots. I wanted to know, so I ask him and he told me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM

I got no objections at all to you undyin', Rap. Go right ahead and rejoin the Earthly choir. We'll all be glad to see you back ASAP. As regards yer hypothetical comments about makin' me mess my undies, I gotta tell you...it takes a helluva lot to make me mess my undies. It ain't happened in a very long time. Matter of fact, I'm not sure it happened even back then...cos I wasn't wearin' undies in the days before I took up that job at the White man's tradin' post back in the old country. I was a little bush ape back then, and bush apes don't wear any clothes at all. I may've had a couple accidents in them early days when I was just a little shaver, as they say, but I been practicin' strong intestinal fortitude ever since I took up fedoras and firearms.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM

I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!

...Huh.... He'll be coming back to life any minute now, I yam sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:53 PM

Chongo, it's, well, interesting. At the end of this tunnel of light is a guy who looks like a cross between Burl Ives and the guys in ZZ Top. He's wearing a dress that goes clear down to his ankles and he's wearing old-time calked logging boots. He told me that the whole of the "other side" is under repair and go "play with things" until I either undied or the repair work was done.

If you want me to undie, you have to close your eyes and wish real hard and say, "I do believe in fairies Rapparee" over and over and over and over for at least a whole day. If you don't want me to undie I'll make you mess your undies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:41 PM

Seein' as I am a truly generous soul who likes helpin' the weak and doin' good in this world, I am gonna make some more FREE contributions here even if Amos don't see fit to hire me and put me on salary. That is the kind of guy I am, generous to a fault.

So, Rap, tell me...what is it like bein' on "the other side"? Is it as good as bein' here? Or is it even better? I been pretty close to death on a few occasions, so I have a natural curiosity about the subject. Have ya got to meet any other spirits of the departed and compare notes? Have ya come across anything that resembles either "heaven" or "hell" or did that turn out to be a bunch of hooey? If you do get to visit hell, there's most likely a gorilla there that I would like you to look up...his name is Vinnie "D". If ya find him, say you got a message from Chongo: "Hey, Vinnie? Remember me? I remember you. You are not missed, old pal, but you are remembered...kinda like a bad smell." Ook! Ook! ;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:28 PM

So you are rejectin' my application, Amos? Fine. I been rejected before, I can take it, but I think you are makin' a big mistake, cos this place needs someone like me to reach its full potential.

So your loss, buster.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:26 PM

No, it's not. I created all of you. Even though at the moment I'm dead I'm still in charge. Oh yeah, Amos -- you got some "interesting" P-N junctions in here and they're all full of byte dust. You should take the cover off and use a shop vac on this thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM

My firstborn son used my own stampeding rhino against me, and two of my bellowing tangleworms! For a punishment I informed him that he will not be allowed to get his driver's license until he turns 16. That shut him up but good.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM

Of course it is going too far for a three-foot tall simian. If you were a towering giraffe, you'd probably think it was just right. But you're not, see?

Anyway, I am sorry to tell you that the position is oinly open to first-order creators of narcissistic BS, and not their figments, spirit animals, angel guides, cartoon deities or any other secondary or tertiary order of entity.

Being as you were dreamed up, by yon what's his name, you are a second order entity. WHen you dream of Betty Grable shaking her garters at you, that dream-creature is a third-order entity. If you dreamed of her fantasizing about Erroll Flynn, that Flynn entity would be fourth-roder, and so on.

THere may be a zeroteth order--the one who dreamed up LH's person, in this example. But that is beyond the scope of this thread, believe it or not.


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