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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 12 Aug 10 - 03:34 PM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 03:15 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 10 - 03:03 PM
gnu 12 Aug 10 - 02:31 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Aug 10 - 02:23 PM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 02:07 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Aug 10 - 01:47 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 12 Aug 10 - 01:28 PM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 01:21 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 10 - 12:59 PM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM
Acme 12 Aug 10 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 10:12 AM
Amos 12 Aug 10 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 11 Aug 10 - 10:47 PM
Acme 11 Aug 10 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 10 - 10:37 PM
Amos 11 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 10 - 08:03 PM
Amos 11 Aug 10 - 07:41 PM
Eiseley 11 Aug 10 - 05:44 PM
Amos 11 Aug 10 - 03:28 PM
Amos 11 Aug 10 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 10 - 11:16 AM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 10 - 10:59 AM
Amos 11 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM
Acme 11 Aug 10 - 01:08 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 11 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 10:08 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 08:55 PM
Amos 10 Aug 10 - 08:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 05:49 PM
Amos 10 Aug 10 - 04:17 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 10 Aug 10 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 02:45 PM
Amos 10 Aug 10 - 02:10 PM
Acme 10 Aug 10 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 Aug 10 - 11:41 AM
MMario 10 Aug 10 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 10 - 11:12 AM
Amos 10 Aug 10 - 10:54 AM
Eiseley 10 Aug 10 - 09:43 AM
Acme 10 Aug 10 - 12:29 AM
Janie 09 Aug 10 - 11:38 PM
Janie 09 Aug 10 - 11:23 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 09 Aug 10 - 11:11 PM
Eiseley 09 Aug 10 - 11:11 PM
Janie 09 Aug 10 - 10:55 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 03:34 PM

You're wrong, Shame. I'm not a librarian any more. I retired from that gig back in March. I'm working as a free-lancer for Certain Folks and I have a "job" to do in Saginaw soon. It won't take long and since we want to give the guy a "boat ride" in the North Channel I think me and Rocco might help the world by paying you a visit. Why, we'll even give you your first and last bath! Har Har Har! Of course we could get in trouble with the EPA and Environment Canada for that! Shucks, we won't even charge for the trouble of making sure you're securely anchored!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 03:15 PM

I am impressed with how succinctly Chongo completely avoided the issue. Clearly he is a highly developed dodger and evader.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 03:03 PM

It sounds like some sort of code to me, gnu. Kind of worrisome, actually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 02:31 PM

But, you heard him, LH. Echoing in a hollow chamber... hmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 02:23 PM

Yeah? And yer an empty noise echoin' in a hollow chamber.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 02:07 PM

Chongo,

You are a flea-bitten anachronistic pod of simian improbability covered in a thick coat of complete irresponsibility. You may not be broken, but neither is a tuberculosis bacterium, yet somehow you both bring out the urge in people to do something about it. I know its not your fault you're an under-evolved species, but you don't have to dramatize it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 01:47 PM

Amos, ol' pal, there is one simple little rule that will keep you outta trouble in life:

"Don't try to fix what ain't broke."

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 01:28 PM

Hey Rap-POOP? You there? I know what yer problem is, man. You are all ate up with flippin' envy whenever you think of me, Shane McBride, cos I am everything you always wanted to be but you didn't have what it flippin' takes, eh? I am a livin' legend in his own mind and a majrly cool dude with a killer body and a repitation among the ladies that don't have no flippin' pier! I am the dog's bone, man.

And what are you?

A flippin' liberrian! Ha! Ha! Ha! How can a man even be a liberrian? Holy flip. Looser City, eh? I would pity you, but I can't flippin' be botttherd givin' someone like you none of my simpathy.

Too bad fer you. I would help you out, man, but I'm afeard that in yer case it is just too late, eh? You are beyond rendition. Hey, man, ajjust yer pointy glasses, go check out yer flippin' card catellog, and tell them rowdie boys in the corner to "SHHHHHHH!"

LOL! I am rollin' on the floor here!   

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 01:21 PM

The only episode I had with Chinga was to bring her sorry tale to the attention of the world, LH, in an effort to make Chongo face up to his responsibilities. I am sorry to say that in this case the task was more than even I could manage, so deeply ensconced were his profound commitments to complete irresponsibility and feckless narcissistic hedonism.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 12:59 PM

Aside from those sordid little episodes with Chinga....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM

Reckless assumption. I have lived a life rich in compliance, virtue, civil obedience, and highly moral behavior.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 12:13 PM

Can't say I do!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM

Great big openin' goin' IN them prison gates, little tiny one goin' out.

But I assume that you know all about the inside of prisons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 10:12 AM

Thanks for the lyrics, Rapaire, and I have heard of the song. But I did want to take up that li'l opening you left for me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 10:10 AM

Sam says: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:47 PM

Here's the whole thing as sung by Harry Belafonte:

I don't want no bald headed woman,
She too mean, Lord, Lordy well she too mean
I don't want no bald headed woman,
She too mean, Lord, Lordy well she too mean

I don't want no sugar in my coffee,
Make me mean Lord, Lordy well it make me mean
I don't want no sugar in my coffee,
Make me mean Lord, Lordy well it make me mean

I got a bulldog he weigh five hundred
In my back yard Lord, Lordy in my back yard
When he bark he call like thunder,
In my back yard well, Lordy in my back yard

I don't want no cold iron shackles
'Round my legs, Lord, Lordy well a round my legs.
I don't want no cold iron shackles
'Round my legs, Lord, Lordy well a round my legs.

If you see my long haired woman,
Better bow your head, Lord, Lordy well a bow your head
If you see my long haired woman,
Better bow your head, Lord, Lordy well a bow your head.


Amos, you'd better memorize this because you never know when you'll end up in prison.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:47 PM

MOM, you'll be so pleased with the new tires on the truck. And this time I had them put the white writing on the outside (they're not quite whitewalls but the name is in white).

I need to get the boys out in the driveway one of these hot afternoons to hose down the truck. No soapy bucket, I don't want it drying on the paint, but they could get rags out of the rag bag and wipe down the wet truck and take off most of the dirt. It would also mean they got a much-needed cleanup--I could put some body wash in a squirt gun and shoot at them and the truck and clean up everyone. After they finish the inevitable water fight everyone and thing should be clean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:37 PM

For goodness sakes, Amos, don't you recognize an old prison song? Pete Seeger sang it:

Don't want me no bald-headed woman,
Make me mean, lord lordy, make me mean.

Don't want me no sugar in my coffee
Make me mean, lord lordy, make me mean....

The beat is in time with a sledge hammer breaking rocks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM

You can stop praying now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 08:03 PM

Don't want me no virtuous woman
Make me mean, Lord Lordy, make me mean....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 07:41 PM

The thing to know about our Eiseley
Is that she thinks and posts most wisely.
And even when not wise, precisely,
She has the grace to post most nicely,
Which show great virtue in our Eiseley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 05:44 PM

48. A lightweight carrying container or backpack for all of it.

Then make #47 carry it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 03:28 PM

You know, I guess, that forty-nine
Posts only want, along this line,
Before the single glorious day
When we will reach the next of Kay!

Now won't that be one happy hoot?
Think how much hot air had to shoot
From our fevered minds, that we could say
"We brought our Mom to the next of Kay!"

It's coming soon! Of that I'm sure!
I know each one of you has your
Keyboard primed with love and sin,
To bring the next Kay safely in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 12:40 PM

I choose to assume your words are kind, LH, and accordingly send my thanks for them.

Do let me know if I am mistaken, though!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 11:16 AM

Well, it was good while it lasted: a total lack of Shame. But he's back, old buddy-boy is back. The cancerous, running sore on the fair face of Ontario, the bad breath of Blind River, the man who put the "whore" in "Tim Horton's", the nasty know-nothing of the North Channel! Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to re-re-re-introduce the one, the only

SHAME MCBRIDE!!!

Poster child for the hoser industry, Shame has set records for the number of time he has been treated for STDs. He has some of the strangest crimes on record with the OPP. He is the ONLY person ever rejected by "Playboy" magazine for being ugly (it flew out of his grimy hands all on its own). Declared a Violation by the World Health Organization, he has spread more pestilence than all the wharf rats in the world. Let's give him a big round of something...applause, maybe....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:59 AM

You are an amazing phenomenon, Amos. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM

Night courses through the soul of day,
Warning the future of the past's betrayal.
While the moon, the queen of all things night
Condemns the sun in absentia.
How
Should we know in such a flux
That anything is true? One
True thing is all
A human needs, and here
In the house of Mom
A higher truth unfolds
In pure BS.


Gota Yannkerchane
Lines from under The Mountain
Yokohama, 1917


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 01:08 AM

Nite coarses. So be careful, Shane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM

Youse guys are finally, like, talkin' sense, eh? So what gives? You been, like, takin' night corses or somethin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 10:08 PM

Do you realize that my last post -- 36933 -- is totally divisible by 3? It comes out to 12311 -- and the square root of that is 110.95494581135173.

Notice that in the square root the numbers 2 and 6 does not appear even once!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 08:55 PM

No, it was my mother. She drove me down to the Armory on my 18th birthday to sign up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 08:28 PM

And yet somehow it was your karma that drove you to the Army? Or was it a sort of rancid butter of the soul, a Karman Gheea?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 05:49 PM

Yeah. Karma. We'd all get, like, really ripped and go to this club and meet Karma and like I didn't think about her in like years, ya know? and what she gave my friend Jim. I was, like, glad it wasn't me, ya know? Like when the medics had to give him the shots and all? With them square needles with the burred tips? Had to put them shots into the, you know, like, "important parts", ya know? Man, I was glad it wasn't, like, me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 04:17 PM

Man, it's like, we all have karma, you know? And, like, it is groovy even if our karma is to make like unfortunate decisions that then have long, drawn out consequences we hafta like wade through, ya dig? And it's beautiful, man. It is beautiful. I can even prove it, ya know? Hey, man, even deciding to go into the Army is like karma, too, you dig???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM

Wow, man...he was at Woodstock?? Did he, like, meet all them famous rockers like Bill Hailey and Elvis and Chubby Checker? Wow. I didn't get to go, cause I was, like, in the Army.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 03:02 PM

Mister Newhaven would be pleased at your remarks, Rapaire; unfortunately he succumbed to a liver infection, a liong drawn out sequel to a misadventue at Woodstock, shortly after he penned those immortal words.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 02:45 PM

Amos, that poem is truly Marvell-ous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 02:10 PM

Had I but time enough and space,
I'd walk the Web with such aplomb!
I'd post each day to my MyFace
And always be there for our Mom!
I'd write things ribald, droll and bright
And win each Songster's Challenge Race
And end each thread completely right,
Had I but time enough, and space.

Hartford Newhaven
Subsidized Maundering for Fun and Profit
Self Help Press, Bridgeport, 1997


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 12:39 PM

You'll find several on curbs south of the border. Many folks have not quite figured out that if there is no picture to be seen because all station switched to digital that these don't have functionality for others, either, so they try to sell them at garage sales. They don't sell, and are left on the curb. Take your pick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 11:41 AM

1. a pack of ZigZags
2. an ounce of weed
3. a 2-4 of beer
4. a large hot pizza
5. a Penthouse magazine
6. a TV that works! (Ourn don't. It died last week. I gotta find a good one one of these nights after 3 AM and "borrow" it.)

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 11:33 AM

I used to have a collection of assourted 'thous' but traded them in for twice as many ewes...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 11:12 AM

42. A pant of pants.
43. A shirt.
44. A jacket.
45. A pair of socks.
46. A pair of shoes.
47. A valet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 10:54 AM

35. A jug of wine
36. Six loaves of bread
37. Five assorted 'Thou's.
38. One Martin Dreadnought with misc.
39. One case single-malt.
40. One case of a decent unpretentious full-bodied red.
41. One Indian motorcycle.

That'll do 'er.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 09:43 AM

32. A needle and thread
33. A notebook
34. A ballpoint pen


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 10 - 12:29 AM

Okay, here's Janie's part:

24 toilet paper
25 beer
26 cigarettes* (though I really hope we can make these candy cigarettes, because the "regular" sort are so nasty)

I'll add

27 baking soda
28 white vinegar
29 a 100' garden hose
30 a jigsaw
31 an electric drill (none of those hand augers for this list!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:38 PM

Leastways, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:23 PM

Well sure, Shane. It's just that when I was young and good lookin', I always had to buy the cigs and the toilet paper, and some of the beer, but the weed just always seemed to be there.


Well, Eiseley, my only excuse is that I am older and (perhaps) wiser now, and my list has undergone significant revision over the past 35 or 40 years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:11 PM

Hey! Two outta three ain't bad, Janie!

Fer me it's beer, cigarettes, and weed, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:11 PM

I didn't see those three in the recent numbered list of essential tools.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 10:55 PM

Of course, in my younger years I considered the essentials to be beer, cigarettes and toilet paper.


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