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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 26 Oct 04 - 06:55 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 04 - 07:03 PM
MMario 27 Oct 04 - 08:24 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 04 - 08:45 AM
Amos 27 Oct 04 - 08:54 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 04 - 09:17 AM
MMario 27 Oct 04 - 09:34 AM
Amos 27 Oct 04 - 09:59 AM
GUEST,the middle headed wombat 27 Oct 04 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 04 - 11:51 AM
Amos 27 Oct 04 - 12:32 PM
Amos 27 Oct 04 - 01:09 PM
Amos 27 Oct 04 - 01:11 PM
MMario 27 Oct 04 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 04 - 01:49 PM
Acme 27 Oct 04 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 04 - 07:26 PM
GUEST,Sn'athgothra 28 Oct 04 - 08:39 AM
Acme 28 Oct 04 - 11:11 AM
MMario 28 Oct 04 - 12:38 PM
Amos 28 Oct 04 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 04 - 01:35 PM
Acme 28 Oct 04 - 01:42 PM
MMario 28 Oct 04 - 02:00 PM
Acme 28 Oct 04 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 04 - 06:46 PM
Amos 28 Oct 04 - 09:18 PM
Acme 29 Oct 04 - 12:54 AM
Acme 29 Oct 04 - 09:46 AM
Acme 29 Oct 04 - 09:56 AM
Amos 29 Oct 04 - 01:43 PM
Acme 29 Oct 04 - 01:58 PM
Acme 29 Oct 04 - 03:58 PM
Amos 29 Oct 04 - 05:16 PM
Rapparee 30 Oct 04 - 10:38 AM
JennyO 30 Oct 04 - 10:40 AM
Jeri 30 Oct 04 - 10:45 AM
Amos 30 Oct 04 - 11:21 AM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 11:29 AM
JennyO 30 Oct 04 - 11:48 AM
Jeri 30 Oct 04 - 11:59 AM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:11 PM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:15 PM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:17 PM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:21 PM
Jeri 30 Oct 04 - 12:21 PM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:23 PM
Acme 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM
Jeri 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM
Jeri 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 04 - 06:55 PM

This one was supposed to go through instead of the second "termite," but didn't, darn it!

The Guppy
by Ogden Nash
   
Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens,
Bears have cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.

http://www.westegg.com/nash/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 04 - 07:03 PM

While we're on the subject, you have probably long wondered about the caliber of US naval rifles.

American naval rifles use two numbers to indicate their size. These are shown in the form of 5"/25-calibre (or just 5"/25). The first number is the diameter of the bore, in this case five inches. The second is the length of the barrel in calibres, with one calibre, in this case, being the bore diameter of 5". So what 5"/25 indicates is a rifled cannon firing a 5" diameter shell, and with a 125" (10' 5") barrel length.

Generally, a longer barrel is considered better for two reasons. First, the longer barrel allows more complete combustion of the propellant charge before the shell leaves the barrel. This adds imparts greater velocity to the shell, giving it a longer range and greater striking power. Second, a longer barrel adds greater stability to the shell, making it more accurate.

The negative side of a longer barrel is that it requires a more stable platform to achieve any gain in accuracy, and may actually be less accurate from an unstable deck. This was the reason the Navy adopted the 5"/25 for submarines, rather than an open-mount version of the more usual 5"/45 or 5"/50 normally found on destroyers and other surface ships.

You are a much, much better person for knowing this, even though reading leads to a life of crime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 08:24 AM

Reading leads to a life of crime? Then librarians are subversives?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 08:45 AM

1. Reading brings knowledge.
2. Knowledge is power.
3. Power corrupts.
4. Corruption is a crime.

QED.

It's part of our secret plan to take over the world.

Don't tell anyone I told you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 08:54 AM

IF this is the sort of logic which librarians promulgate in the world, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 09:17 AM

It is absolutely logical. It doesn't even fall into the fallacy of the Undistributed Middle.

A is B.
B is C.
C is D.
D is E.

Therefore, A is E.

QED.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 09:34 AM

1. Reading brings knowledge if there is comprehension and retention.
2. Knowledge is power if applicable to the situation.
3. Power can and may corrupt but does not necessarily do so.
4. Corruption may be a crime depending on laws and current morals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 09:59 AM

It is the sort of fallacious reasoning that comes from people who suffer from undistributed middles.

It stems from an inability to differentiate between "some" or "sometimes" and "all" or "always".

MM has kindly offered a much straighter version. But that spoils all the fun. You sure you're not a Republican? **bg**


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,the middle headed wombat
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 10:10 AM

twas an undistributed middle,
he said quite politely
the doctor said - twaddle
this middle's unsightly
lets distribute some indistributed middle to the centre
above and below, inside and , back enter
well, they distributed the middle to the top and below
the middle was now muddled, i had nowhere to go.
i said - don't meddle with muddles - you've taken to extremes
my undistributed middle
is not what it seems.
it's all a big muddle, i said with despair.
not a muddle, a MIDDLE, said doc, tairing her hait.
this poem won't end, its stuck at the middle.
to see the beginning or the end would result in a muddle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 11:51 AM

Fallacy of the Undistributed Muddle?
Phallacy of the Undistributed Meddle?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 12:32 PM

AN undistributed meddle is when you go play with yourself.

An undistributed middle is when you eat more than the rest of the family and grow a pot belly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 01:09 PM

An undistributed muddle is when you keep your mouth shut in a meeting because you don't understand what is being talked about...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 01:11 PM

An undistributed modal is when you sit in the corner and sing rare Welsh airs to yourself. Known also as doing the Welsh Rareairbit.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 01:18 PM

ouch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 01:49 PM

And an undristributed model is one that hasn't been shared. cf. "Supermodel".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 04:58 PM

Amos, go sit in the corner. That was horrible (I loved it!).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 07:26 PM

A Poem on the Inter-Uterine Device
by Dr. A. Rasheed Gazi

Under the most ideal remedy
Who cares to haave an IUD,

Most modern method of contraception,
Gives nearly 98% protection,

Bleeding, spotting and cramps are some
More that half the battle is won.


--and so on, for seven more couplets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sn'athgothra
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 08:39 AM

What a night! There I was, swallowing the Earth after causing the eclipse to distract you humanoids from my swallowing, and this tasty, delicious morsel tingled my taste buds. I had to find out what it was, and you can imagine my surprise when my third tongue played with it enough to discover that it was this thread!

I pulled it out and perused it end to end. What a delightful, thoughtful bit of spice, I though. And created just to make this swallowing, which I had hoped would be the last one, so very, very tasteful and piquant.

It was not to be, of course. I thought that the geas laid upon my by Yog's daddy had been lifted, but no. Damn! I have to continue that swallowing routine.

But I do have to pass this advise on to you.

I have never before, in the eons and eons I have been swallowing Earth, had such a rotten, putrid, disgusting taste left in my mouth as this last time! Ugh! I won't get that taste out of my mouth for at least two years! But if you folks don't do something about it pretty quick, I can't be responsible for what happens the next time. I've managed to hold back, but I am a projectile vomiter and this time Earth was spared that. But I can't hold it back forever, so please, fix that bad taste in my mouth. I wouldn't want to spew you across several hundred parsecs. I mean, even I have my limits. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 11:11 AM

We aim to please!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 12:38 PM

The earth got swallowed last night?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 01:31 PM

I think it was someone's delusion. But not someone likely to own up to it....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 01:35 PM

I don't think so. Apparently Mr. S couldn't stomach us. Hmmm...it is an election year, and right now even I can't hardly stomach us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 01:42 PM

You have to have read the eclipse thread. This goddess swallows the earth every night, or so she says. Hungry Mungry manifest.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 02:00 PM

but...but..but...

if she/it swallows the earth every night then she/it has to...

uhmmmm.....

well - "pass" it every morning...?

Does this mean life is nothing but diety droppings?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 03:56 PM

Easy come, easy go. . . you might want to wash your mug before you pour that first cuppa coffee in the morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 06:46 PM

Well, I'd always thought that life on Earth sprang from the trash left here by intergalactics picnicers. I'll have to rethink that. Maybe we only exist because some ET dudes passing by emptied the holding tank on their RV or...deity droppings...where Zeus poop...the records don't say....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 09:18 PM

Actually I think it was a dumping ground for some high-society faddists who got th idea that bioengineering was camp and tried all sorts of fashionable forms to be the coolest in their life-form-show-off salons in some other Galaxy.

Then, a bunch of environmentalists rose to power and popularized the idea that it was unethical to create life forms and then just kill them off.

So at GREAT expense they had to find some far-off planet to ship them to and drop them at where they could be left to random chance.

It went on for thousands of years.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 12:54 AM

This is not an original idea, Amos! There's an original Star Trek episode about that. (It was an episode called "The Paradise Syndrome," in which it posited that Indian-like folks were dropped around the galaxy.) Shatner at the origins of the solar system. Who'da thunk it?

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 09:46 AM

The Paradise Syndrome, aka (to fans) the Captain Kirk's Wife episode

The Women Of Star Trek: High Priestess Miramanee
by Laura Goodwin

Edith Keeler blah, blah, blah great love of Kirk's life blah, blah, blah. Baloney! Kirk barely knew Edith Keeler. He never made it past first base with her. She never had a chance to prove her love for him, and he certainly failed to prove his love for her.

And why make such a big deal about Kirk's forced interracial kiss with Uhura, when Kirk had a very happy interracial MARRIAGE with Priestess Miramanee? Kir-ok was so ecstatically happy about his marriage to her that he hugged himself at one point out of sheer, pure, unalloyed JOY. . . [read the rest online, Little Hawk et al]

Now there's a Shatner fan!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 09:56 AM

All Your Base Are Belong to Us


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 01:43 PM

Hmmm...I dreamed it up independently about 25-30 years back, but what the hell, maybe its a Jungian archetype!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 01:58 PM

At least a Roddenberry archetype!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 03:58 PM

Now hear this, you annoying blabbers on the bus

    (By SUSAN PAYNTER
    SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER COLUMNIST)


    A little poetic justice may be in store for the next long-winded cell phone shouter who plops down next to Esther Rousso on a Metro bus. Matching the decibel level of her yakking seatmate, Rousso may pull out a book and start reading aloud. A slim volume of poetry ought to work, she says.

    I think Allen Ginsberg's "Howl," described as the "saxophone cry that shivered cities," would do the trick. Or maybe the insipid watercolor word play of Rod McKuen.

    Rousso was just one of a busload of readers, bus riders and drivers who wrote and called with some downright devilish solutions in the past week following last Friday's column on bus-riding loudmouths and the drivers who fear to tame them.

    She got the idea from a story about subway cell phone incivility in The New York Times. As a subway rider's voice rose, his seatmate began reading aloud, raising her pitch as he raised his. Eventually "the cell phone culprit complained to the book reader that she needed to stop because he couldn't hear his cell phone," Ruosso chuckled.

    The reader agreed she would snap her book shut if the cell talker would hang up. . .


poetry will work, but think about singing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 05:16 PM

I wish I could find the link to a story recently about a New Yorkl subway rider who was accosted by a different nuisance -- loud, mindless public evangelism on the subway -- and defeated it by singing show tunes loudly until the proselytizers broke down and fled!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 10:38 AM

One of my roommates, back in my first go at grad school, was from Nigeria. One day he and his friends were getting ready to go to a local church and talk about his country (and I must point out that they were all good Lutherans). Dressed in his regional dress, he opened the door when a Jehovah's Witness rang the bell.

He stood there and politely listened to their spiel, and when they asked if they could come in a talk, he replied, in his perfect Oxonian accent, "Certainly. We are just getting the goat ready for the sacrifice and you can help hold it."

They left, and we weren't troubled again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 10:40 AM

Here it is, Amos:

Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net

(singing) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 10:45 AM

You can always go up to folks and recite 'Jabberwocky' while looking as if you're speaking directly to them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 11:21 AM

There ya go SRS -- SHOW TUNES!!! Give him SHOW TUNES. They're good enough for Jayzuss, they should be good enough for a cell phone conversation.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 11:29 AM

Jenny, thanks for posting that wonderful story! (Though one wonders how they can hear much of anything--the trains are still fairly noisy). I think learning "Nell Flaherty's Drake" well enough to sing it back at them would be a satisfying response.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 11:48 AM

Thanks, SRS. However, I can't take credit for posting it. I just linked to the thread that Robin (Foolestroupe) started. Great story though, wasn't it!

(singing again) Climb ev-vry mountainnnnnnnnnn
fooord ev-vry streeeeeeeeeeeem
fol-low ev-vry rainboooooooow
tiiiiiiiill yooooooooooooo fiiiiiiiind yoooooooooooooorrr dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 11:59 AM

I wonder how many other folks you could get involved singing show tunes? Or other songs everybody knows, for that matter. Amazing Grace might be one, or "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing." Come to think of it, the tunes aren't all that different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:11 PM

Show tunes are good, they're catchy and the rest of the car can sing along. But think about this one--they bible thumper can consider themselves well and truly trumped in their threats! -- SRS


NELL FLAHERTY'S DRAKE

Oh, my name it is Neil, quite candid I tell,
And I lived in Clonmell, which I'll never deny,
I had a large drake, and the truth for to speak,
My grandmother left me, and she going to die;
He was wholesome and sound; he weighed twenty pound,
And the universe 'round I would rove for his sake.
Bad luck to the robber, be he drunk or sober,
That murdered Nell Flaherty's beautiful drake.
His neck it was green, he was rare to be seen,
He was fit for a Queen of the highest degree,
His body so white, it would give you delight,
He was fat, plump and heavy, and brisk as a bee;
My dear little fellow, his legs, they were yellow,
He would fly like a swallow, and swim like a hake.
Until some wicked savage, to grease his white cabbage,
He murdered Nell Flaherty's beautiful drake.

May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
May a ghost always haunt him in the dead of the night,
May his hen never lay, may his ass never bray,
May his coat fly away like an old paper kite;
May the lice and the fleas the wretch ever tease,
May the pinching north breeze make him tremble and shake,
May a four-year-old bug build a nest in the Iug,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.
May his cock never crow, may his bellows ne'er blow,
And a-pot or po, may he never have one,
May his cradle not rock, may his box have no lock,
May his wife have no smock to shield her back bone,
May his duck never quack, and his goose turn quite black
And pull down the turf with his long yellow beak.
May scurvy and itch, not depart from the breech,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.

May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke,
And to add to the joke may his kettle not boil,
May he lay in the bed 'till the moment he's dead
May he always be fed on lob-scouse and fish oil,
May he swell with the gout, may his grinders fall out,
May he roar, bawl and shout, with the horrid toothache.
May his temples wear horns, and all his toes corns,
The monster that murdered NeII Flaherty's drake.
May his spade never dig, may his sow never pig,
Every nit on his head be as large as a snall,
May his house have no thatch and his door have no latch,
Nay his turkey not hatch, may the rats eat his meal,
May every old fairy fiom Cork to Dunleary,
Dip him in snug and easy in some pond or lake,
Where the eel and the trout may slime in the snout,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.

May his dog yelp and growl with hunger and cold,
May his wife always scold 'till his brain goes astray,
May the curse of each hag, that e'er carried a bag,
Alight on his nag till his beard it turns grey,
May monkeys still bite him, and man-apes affright him,
And everyone slight him asleep or awake,
May weasels still gnaw him, and jackdaws still claw him,
The monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.
Then all the good news l have to diffuse,
'Tis for Peter Hughes, and blind Peter McFree,
There's big nosed Bob Manson, and buck-toothed Ned Hanson,
Each man has a grandson of my darling Drake,
My bird he had dozens of nephews and cousins,
And one I must get or my heart it will break,
To keep my mind easy or else l'll run crazy,
So this ends the song of Nell Flaherty's Drake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:15 PM

Or go to poetry, a rousing good recitation of Annabel Lee (Edgar Allen Poe):

Annabel Lee
    It was many and many a year ago,
          In a kingdom by the sea,
    That a maiden there lived whom you may know
          By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
    And this maiden she lived with no other thought
          Than to love and be loved by me.

    I was a child and she was a child,
          In this kingdom by the sea;
    But we loved with a love that was more than love-
          I and my Annabel Lee;
    With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
          Coveted her and me.

    And this was the reason that, long ago,
          In this kingdom by the sea,
    A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
          My beautiful Annabel Lee;
    So that her highborn kinsman came
          And bore her away from me,
    To shut her up in a sepulchre
          In this kingdom by the sea.

    The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
          Went envying her and me-
    Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
          In this kingdom by the sea)
    That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
          Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

    But our love it was stronger by far than the love
          Of those who were older than we-
          Of many far wiser than we-
    And neither the angels in heaven above,
          Nor the demons down under the sea,
    Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

    For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
    And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
    And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
    Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
          In the sepulchre there by the sea,
          In her tomb by the sounding sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:17 PM

Geez, what a workout. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:21 PM

Or you could make their eyes glaze over:


A Winter Night
Robert Burns

Poor naked wretches, wheresoe'er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm!
How shall your houseless heads, and unfed sides,
Your loop'd and window'd raggedness, defend you
From seasons such as these?
Shakespeare

    When biting Boreas, fell and dour,
    Sharp shivers thro' the leafless bow'r;
    When Phoebus gies a short-liv'd glow'r,
    Far south the lift,
    Dim-dark'ning thro' the flaky show'r,
    Or whirling drift:

    Ae night the storm the steeples rocked,
    Poor Labour sweet in sleep was locked,
    While burns, wi' snawy wreaths up-choked,
    Wild-eddying swirl;
    Or, thro' the mining outlet bocked,
    Down headlong hurl:

    List'ning the doors an' winnocks rattle,
    I thought me on the ourie cattle,
    Or silly sheep, wha bide this brattle
    O' winter war,
    And thro' the drift, deep-lairing, sprattle
    Beneath a scar.

    Ilk happing bird,-wee, helpless thing!
    That, in the merry months o' spring,
    Delighted me to hear thee sing,
    What comes o' thee?
    Whare wilt thou cow'r thy chittering wing,
    An' close thy e'e?

    Ev'n you, on murdering errands toil'd,
    Lone from your savage homes exil'd,
    The blood-stain'd roost, and sheep-cote spoil'd
    My heart forgets,
    While pityless the tempest wild
    Sore on you beats!

    Now Phoebe in her midnight reign,
    Dark-muff'd, view'd the dreary plain;
    Still crowding thoughts, a pensive train,
    Rose in my soul,
    When on my ear this plantive strain,
    Slow, solemn, stole:-

    "Blow, blow, ye winds, with heavier gust!
    And freeze, thou bitter-biting frost!
    Descend, ye chilly, smothering snows!
    Not all your rage, as now united, shows
    More hard unkindness unrelenting,
    Vengeful malice unrepenting.
    Than heaven-illumin'd Man on brother Man bestows!

    "See stern Oppression's iron grip,
    Or mad Ambition's gory hand,
    Sending, like blood-hounds from the slip,
    Woe, Want, and Murder o'er a land!
    Ev'n in the peaceful rural vale,
    Truth, weeping, tells the mournful tale,
    How pamper'd Luxury, Flatt'ry by her side,
    The parasite empoisoning her ear,
    With all the servile wretches in the rear,
    Looks o'er proud Property, extended wide;
    And eyes the simple, rustic hind,
    Whose toil upholds the glitt'ring show-
    A creature of another kind,
    Some coarser substance, unrefin'd-
    Plac'd for her lordly use thus far, thus vile, below!

    "Where, where is Love's fond, tender throe,
    With lordly Honour's lofty brow,
    The pow'rs you proudly own?
    Is there, beneath Love's noble name,
    Can harbour, dark, the selfish aim,
    To bless himself alone?
    Mark maiden-innocence a prey
    To love-pretending snares:
    This boasted Honour turns away,
    Shunning soft Pity's rising sway,
    Regardless of the tears and unavailing pray'rs!
    Perhaps this hour, in Misery's squalid nest,
    She strains your infant to her joyless breast,
    And with a mother's fears shrinks at the rocking blast!

    "Oh ye! who, sunk in beds of down,
    Feel not a want but what yourselves create,
    Think, for a moment, on his wretched fate,
    Whom friends and fortune quite disown!
    Ill-satisfy'd keen nature's clamorous call,
    Stretch'd on his straw, he lays himself to sleep;
    While through the ragged roof and chinky wall,
    Chill, o'er his slumbers, piles the drifty heap!
    Think on the dungeon's grim confine,
    Where Guilt and poor Misfortune pine!
    Guilt, erring man, relenting view,
    But shall thy legal rage pursue
    The wretch, already crushed low
    By cruel Fortune's undeserved blow?
    Affliction's sons are brothers in distress;
    A brother to relieve, how exquisite the bliss!"

    I heard nae mair, for Chanticleer
    Shook off the pouthery snaw,
    And hail'd the morning with a cheer,
    A cottage-rousing craw.
    But deep this truth impress'd my mind-
    Thro' all His works abroad,
    The heart benevolent and kind
    The most resembles God.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:21 PM

They're a bit hard to join in on, Stilly. I think a nice, short loud one that everyone knows would work better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:23 PM

Okay, how about one EVERYONE knows:


The Raven
    Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
   As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
                Only this, and nothing more."

    Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
    Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
    From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
                Nameless here for evermore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
    So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
    "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-
                This it is, and nothing more."

    Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
    But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
    And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-
                Darkness there, and nothing more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM

You'd have to go with what the general population knows by osmosis.

Interestingly enough, you can sing Jabberwocky to the tune of "Amazing Grace."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:24 PM

Of course, everything goes to "Amazing Grace."


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