BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 04 - 11:51 AM

I have absolutely no evidence to support this totally speculative hypothesis, but I'll throw it out anyway.

Burma Shave is not just plain old soap in a can. It's scented. So what does it smell like? Well, some folks with vivid olfactory imaginations may have thought it smelled a bit spicey. So where do exotic spices come from? Asia. So, if the folks that made the scented soap in a can wanted to give it a name to personify its spicey fragrance, it's logical that they would choose the name of an exotic Asian local. "India Shave" doesn't work. How about "Laos Shave"? Nah! "Japan Shave"? Nope. "Burma Shave"? Yeah! That'll work.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 04 - 11:38 AM

Because, Amos, today it would have to be called "Myromarshave" and that sounds like "Mallowmilkshave" which would mean smearing your manly cheeks (facial) with a chocolate/runny marshmallow candy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 11:10 AM

(I have never understood why someone would name a shaving cream after a remote Indonesian nation. Sigh.)

Of all the mysteries

We can claim

Who knows how this stuff

Got its name?

Burma Shave

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 05 May 04 - 11:07 AM

Har! Thought you were rid of us, didn't you? Har! Well, don't worry, we're not back for good. Har! We were just passing through and thought we'd stop by and annoy you a bit since it seems to be a special occasion. Har! Nothing we Ralphs like better than putting a damper on a good party. Har! Har! Har!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:50 AM

Bermashave

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:47 AM

Well, it's good to see that one of my loyal MOABites made my 3000th post instead of some jerkoff asshole like William Shatner.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:35 AM

3000!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:35 AM

That it leaves all reality far, far behind down the road...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:34 AM

And so much damned BS...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:34 AM

It can generate stress...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:33 AM

It wanders through space, and through time...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:32 AM

A wonderful thing is the mind!...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:54 AM

I shall go to work now, and when I get there, I shall check to see who posted The Magic 3K.

As for waste production, Mother excels in that, is, indeed, the ultimate. Need I remind you of the adage "Garbage in, garbage out"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:40 AM

Ah! And life also involves the production of waste matter and at that the MOAB does indeed excel!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:36 AM

Well, why not? Life involves respiration, digestion, reproduction and MOAB exhibits all three. And more intelligence than most politicians.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:34 AM

I'M ALIVE!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:33 AM

I amd the Very Model of a Genius Computational

I ame the very model of genius computational;
At writing of assembler code I really am sensational.
I'm not afraid of SVC's, to macros I am much attached;
Load modules I make elegant, well optimised, DEBUGged and PATCHed.

I know the different languages: in Fortran and BCPL,
In Algol, Snobol, PL/I, in Lisp and Cobol I excel.
Numberical analysis? My algorithms make y'gape!
I read my favourite novels in editions punched on paper tape.

I'm very good at file control -- my DCB's are always right.
My use of ZED's so subtle, people stay to watch me half the night.
I know what's wrong with the machine if it's not operational --
And thus I am the model of a genius computational!

                                 --J. R. Partington

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 04 - 09:29 AM

There has been discussion, in this thread as well as others, as to exactly what this MOAB is. Is it a movement? Is it a religion? Is it a hallucination? Whatever it is, it seems to have taken on a life of its own. Well, anything that has a life of its own must be alive, right? And anything that's alive that spends as much time on the Mudcat as the MOAB does really should be a member of the forum.

Therefore, on this, the first anniversary of the MOAB's birth, I have given her the gift of a Mudcat membership in her own name. Yes, our Mother is no longer just a thread! She is now a bona fide Mudcatter with her own screen name and she will be posting here soon! Isn't it exciting?

Now, since MOAB belongs to all of us, it is not appropriate that her membership be hogged by one jerkoff southern redneck asshole. It should be spread among all the assholes of various stripes that hang out here. But, I'm not gonna just post the password that can allow anyone to pretend he or she is MOAB. That would be inviting chaos, anarchy and the hijacking of MOAB's identity by assholes who are not MOABites (as opposed to assholes who are).   So, if you will send me a PM requesting it, I will let you know what MOAB's password is so that you can log her on from your computer.

The potential for BS of a totally new ilk lies before us!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:44 AM

Some health tips for those who live long enough to get from one end of this thread to another.

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.


And last but not least:    I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
   

good health!

freda

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:20 AM

Addicted to MUD
The net is up - so you're not home;
Your mind - is not your own.
Your client starts - your body wakes;
One more connect - is what it takes.
You can't sleep - you can't eat;
There's no doubt - you're in deep.
Your fingers ache - but you don't heed;
Another mud - is all you need.
> Whoa...
You like to think that you're immune to the stuff;
Oh yeah?
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough;
You know you're gonna have to face it:
You're addicted to mud.

You see the words - but you can't read;
Your modem's at - a different speed.
Your fingers type - in double time;
One more connect - and you'll feel fine!
A one track mind - you can't be saved;
Your mudding life - is all you crave.
And if there's room - on your machine,
You'll run your own - Mud Supreme!

Whoa...
You like to think that you're immune to the stuff;
Oh yeah?
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough;
You know you're gonna have to face it:
You're addicted to mud.

Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.

Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.

(instrumental)

>
The net is up - so you're not home;
Your will - is not your own.
Your client starts - the load climbs;
Another mud - and you'll be mine!

Whoa...
You like to think that you're immune to the stuff;
Oh yeah?
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough;
You know you're gonna have to face it:
You're addicted to mud.

Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.
Might as well face it you're addicted to mud.

(repeat)

(fade) original words Robert Palmer
author of this one unknown

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:13 AM

Then hush your sobs, my pretty little miss
and dry those oily tears
You know that robots can't afford to cry
it surely rusts their gears
You must give up all these thoughts of love
though it leaves you an aching void
Give up this Univac Mark II
and find you an XM-I humanoid

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:12 AM

Then each to each on wavelengths ultra high
They whispered secretly
Of transistors and gears and shifts
and cams and printed circuitry
So time passed for the two of them
in the place where they were employed
For he was a univac mark II
and she was an XF-I humanoid

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:11 AM

She gazed at him and a tear was in her eye
to her love was denied
Her lover stood four mighty stories high
and he was one block wide
How could they do the impossible
how could their love be enjoyed
For he was a univac mark II
and she was an XF-I humanoid

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:10 AM

Hark to my tale of a very tragic love
so grievous to relate
Two star-crossed lovers with the perfect love
they could not consummate
Their love was constant, their love was true
but of passion it was devoid
For he was a univac mark II
and she was an XF-I humanoid

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Julius Caesar
Date: 05 May 04 - 04:03 AM

SEMPER VBI SVB VBI

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 02:26 AM

2981

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 04 - 01:03 AM

By George! (Not you LH! The other George!) I do believe the MOAB will reach her 3000th post upon her very own first birthday! How appropriate! How cosmic! How utterly and truly MOABish!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 May 04 - 12:01 AM

Yeah, but I ain't a dame.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 May 04 - 11:24 PM

In my minds ear, you sound just like her too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 May 04 - 11:21 PM

Yeah? Gimme a minute. I gotta check that out.

Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 May 04 - 11:07 PM

Chongo, in my minds eye, you look just like Babe Bennett on This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 May 04 - 10:41 PM

Love? Well, love is great, but it don't pay the bills. If a dame tells ya she loves ya, she might mean it and she might not. Even if she does think she means it she might not know her own mind. Some of these dames, and some fellas too, they just want to fall in love all the time cos they get ideas outa them romantic novels and movies. That don't mean it's all hearts and flowers once the first thrill wears off. It ain't easy to find a love that lasts for life, but it's easy to find a ball and chain that does...know what I mean? Hot kisses can be great, but I say, keep a cool head and make sure ya got a back door or a window handy in case ya gotta 23 skidoo. Don't be a sap. A loaded gun is way better insurance than a fistful of posies and a valentine.

And don't never trust no she-gorilla that wears a fake pearl necklace...

Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 May 04 - 09:56 PM

What does love got to do with Bee-Dubya needing help, because he has his head up his ass? That is my quintessential question.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 04 - 09:55 PM

Ah, well, that explains it so clearly!!

Pray elucidate. LH -- what is this everything, and whence cometh it?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 May 04 - 09:47 PM

Why, EVERYTHING, that's what.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 04 - 08:45 PM

Enough of this nonsense. There are far more important kinds of BS to work on here. Stop idling about. The next topic should be this very deep and telling theme, which is possible responsible for more of the world's total supply than any other:

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 04 - 06:48 PM

Hare's a search that will get you where you need to go, Gentlemen. Enjoy!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 May 04 - 06:34 PM

I notice on the same page, they've got an ad for "National Embarrassmints".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 May 04 - 06:32 PM

Those Google people are so snooty anyway. I did a search on "Help! I've got my head up Bee-dubya-ell's ass!", and they asked me if maybe I meant, "Help! I've got my head up Bee-dubya-bell's ass!".

So I clicked on that, thinking maybe Bee-dubya-ell's got a sister whose ass has someone's head stuck up it or something, and there's nothing there!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 04 - 05:44 PM

Results 1 - 10 of about 96 for "head up my own ass". (2.85 seconds)

Of course, I don't think that those in this situation would ask for help....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 04 - 05:28 PM

Of course "head up my ass" (but without the quotation marks) will get a zillion results. Even "Help! I've got my head up my own ass!" without the quotation marks gets a buncha results. But "Help! I've got my head up my own ass!" with quotation marks, meaning I'm looking for that exact phrase, gets zero. By the way, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" (with quotation marks) gets 1760 results.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 04 - 05:08 PM

Gee, Bee-dubya, my result for the search

head up my ass

was "Results 1 - 10 of about 2,740,000 for head up my ass. (0.41 seconds)"

Are you certain that you spelled everything correctly?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 04 - 05:02 PM

I did a Google search for "Help! I've got my head up my own ass!" and got zero results. Amazing! Does that mean that with all the billions of websites out there nobody has ever used the phrase "Help! I've got my head up my own ass!" in a single one of them? Does it mean that the next time someone does a Google search for "Help! I've got my head up my own ass!" they'll be sent here to the MOAB?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Aspiring poet
Date: 04 May 04 - 04:19 PM

I did a search on google for information on iambic pentameter for a paper, and it sent me here!. Thankyou for typing out all that rubbish - I'm hoping to get an A now. This is my own effort at a limerck - what do you think? (I think the rhyming needs a bit of work, but other than that I'm proud of it. But I shouln't be my own critic - go on, be harsh)

There was, like, this guy from Dundee
Who got stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said, "Yes it does"
Then went to hospital because he had an alleric reaction.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 04 - 03:02 PM

Nope, he just thinks that the hoipolloi should do their own research. The Truth is Out There! (only I ain't gonna look it up for ya).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 04 - 02:55 PM

Higgledy Piggledy
Rapaire Librarian
Magnetized celery!
(Really a wow!)

Now he implies it's
"Mysticalchemistry"
No way the hoi-polloi
Will ever learn how!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 04 - 02:47 PM

I do!

And Google searches on "concrete guitar" and "cement guitar" yields thousands of hits!

As for celery navigation, heck, you just magnetize the tip and it'll point just like a compass needle. (If you don't know how to magnetize celery, look it up. I'm NOT going to do all of your work for you.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 May 04 - 12:18 AM

No, I really don't.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 May 04 - 11:52 PM

Actually, Carol, I've done all those things (with the exception of the one about playing polkas on an accordion). Madeline's not so bad if you put a bag over her face. And the bit about navigating a ship with a celery stalk, that's easy if you give the celery stalk a little extra mass by stuffing it with brie and peanut butter. But I know what ya mean about Sly Stallone. We have a composting toilet and the last time Sly dropped a load in it, well, you don't really wanna hear about it, do ya?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 03 May 04 - 11:01 PM

In most matters, I think I might tend to agree with you, Bee-dubya-ell. But not higgledy piggledys. They are a highly refined art form, and if you don't follow the rules, it's just not the same. To write higgledy piggledys without following the rules would be like figure skating with hockey skates or eating brie with peanut butter or trying to navagate a ship using a stalk of celery instead of a compass or building a guitar using cement or playing polkas on the accordion or filming a love scene between Alan Rickman and Madeline Albright or making toilet paper out of silk or putting all of your favorite books in the crawl space under your porch or painting a moustache on this or talking about celebrity gossip in the MOAB or letting Sylvester Stallone use your McGill or showing your mother your space poetry or... well, you know what I'm trying to say.