BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 04:47 PM

Marvelous, Rapaire! Marvelous! I am touched. Bill is touched. You are definitely touched. This poem of yours will be bronzed and put on display in the Great Hall of the WSSBA, to be read by generations of acolytes of the Great Shatner.

Amos - Thank you, sir! Indeed I do know how to spell "bated breath", and like you I am constantly troubled by the fact that almost no one else does. "For lo, the wind had abated, and the sails hung loose in the still air..." But you CAN reward me financially! I'll email you my street address forthwith, and you can send me a check for an appropriate sum...may I suggest 4 figures? No Italian Lira please!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 04:00 PM

You Are Old, William Shatner
(a parody of Lewis Carroll)

"You are old, William Shatner," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very thin;
And yet you incessantly wear a bad wig
Do you think, at your age, this is "in"?

"In my youth," William Shatner replied to his son,
"I feared that it would be in bad taste;
But, now that I'm perfect sure I have none,
Not do do so would be quite a waste."

"You've grown plumb," said the youth, "Did I mention before?
Indeed, you've grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you tried a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his few locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
And by very good luck avoided the pox --
Unlike you, with your brain of a bubble."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your brain is too weak
For anything tougher than mime;
Yet you've massacred Shakespeare, Shaw, and the rest
Pray, why did you commit this fell crime?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the stars,
And commanded the Enterprise there;
And the dictatorial powers I thereby enjoyed,
Have created this cross you must bear."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your voice was as steady as ever;
Yet you failed on recordings of wonderful songs
What made you think you were so clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't mess with your Pop!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll call for a cop!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 02:06 PM

*space wasting note: I posted this because I like the poem, not because I think pappa William BS (Bill) Shatner is capable of such sagacity as the old man displays in this poem.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:43 PM

You Are Old, Father William
(a parody by Lewis Carroll)

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:36 PM

I must commend you Little Hawk. I applaud you. I would reward you financially if I were in a position to do so. I congratulate and acknowledge and thank you. I bestow on you the title of Master.

Not for your fraudulent esteem centered on Shatner, but for being the one person out of ten thousand who knows how to spell "bated" in the expression "bated breath".

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:27 PM

I personally think he's holding out for the 10,000th post. He knows how to keep his audience on tenterhooks...waiting with bated breath for his next appearance.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 10:06 AM

Buzz off, brother William
Go away from our door
Post not to the threads here
And plague us no more
Your style is offensive
Your hair piece is trite
Your acting's pathetic
And your singing's not right

You're a wanna-be loser
And a has-been of yore
We don't need you here
You ain't intersting no more!
So Shatner yourself off
To some other club,
You're not wanted here, Bill,
So just buzz off, bub!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 08:14 AM

come back to us William
come back to us now.
turn your eyes from heaven
rise again somehow.

If you bump into Jesus
maybe he can help you out
come back William Shatner to us now.

j

(loosely paraphrased)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 07:33 PM

yes, SRS, it was like running the long distance mile...always wondering if someone would flash past at the last moment!

(poem by CJ Dennis)

freda

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 05:58 PM

freda, that's pretty scary. And it's hard work posting like that. Congrats--for now. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 05:52 PM

One to change it and seventeen to watch?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 01:21 PM

how many nudists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 12:46 PM

If you would reveal a granfalloon
Remove the skin from a toy balloon

I am pretty sure Kurt VOnnegut said that.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hidden Rapaire
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 12:18 PM

Is that kinda like a spitoon?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM

I hope with fervor and passion that he has abandoned this thread and every thread, now and for all time.

He has no business posting.

He is noithing but a granfaloon

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:57 AM

..just practising for the big one...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:54 AM

My God, the things people will do for their little moment in the sun... :-)

I note that William Shatner sat this one out, either due to his great compassion or because he has abandoned this thread. We shall see.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:27 AM

hadya there......

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:27 AM

It's just a little joke of mine, which you'll forgive, I hope.
Oh, try!
Tri-
    Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope.
ps.....................


























4000th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:26 AM

For there isn't such an insect, though there really might have been
If the trees and grass were purple, and the sky was bottle green.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:25 AM

But of course you haven't seen it; and I truthfully confess
That I haven't seen it either, and I don't know its address.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:24 AM

Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:23 AM

And offer it some sandwiches of sealing-wax and soap.
So try:
Tri-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:23 AM

It trembles if you tickle it or tread upon its toes;
It is not an early riser, but it has a snubbish nose.
If you sneer at it, or scold it, it will scuttle off in shame,
But it purrs and purrs quite proudly if you call it by its name,

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:22 AM

Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:21 AM

Tri-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:20 AM

But when you look for it again, you find it isn't there.
And unless you call it softly it will stay away and mope.
So try:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:18 AM

Its appetite is hearty, and its manners a disgrace.
When first you come upon it, it will give you quite a scare,

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:17 AM

It lives on weeds and wattle-gum, and has a funny face;

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:17 AM

Triantiwontigongolope!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:16 AM

Its name is quite a hard one, but you'll learn it soon, I hope.
So try:
Tri-
    Tri-anti-wonti-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:15 AM

It is something like a beetle, and a little like a bee,
But nothing like a wooly grub that climbs upon a tree.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:15 AM

There's a very funny insect that you do not often spy,
And it isn't quite a spider, and it isn't quite a fly;

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 14 Jul 04 - 11:20 AM

this thread is full of bluepers..

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 05:47 PM

No doubt you'd look stunning in bell bottom trousers and a coat of naive blue.... or
ingenuous ochre.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 04:34 PM

You think I'm nave navy niave naive?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 01:34 PM

Azure all know perfectly well, this is also a blues site.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 12:13 PM

lets not go down that woad again. Indigo dat way things around here will just fall apart.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 12:01 PM

groan!!! (and this is "blue" for a darned good reason!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 11:20 AM

Ah, the bitter sweet memories of a youth so wisely misspent! Nay, nay, Amos, not fantasies, just the reveries of maturity reflecting back upon youth.

"...but a full glass of wine
Brings an old soldier's dreams from afar...."

And how could anyone who has experienced it ever forget Erin's "green isle"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 08:57 AM

Rapaire, Rapaire....calm yourself! You're being quite swept away with your fantasies!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 08:44 AM

I once upon a time tried to use a pick with a guitar. One swing and when the pick hit the guitar the guitar busted into flinders and smithereens. I'll try a shovel the next time.

Copeland. Erin Copeland, Aaron Copeland's wayward granddaughter. THAT was who I was thinking of. She was the one who wrote about Billy the Kid being sweet in an Appalachian spring. She also wrote "Fanfare for the Decidely Uncommon Man" for me after one of our more...interesting...afternoons together. That was in my youth, of course, but now, in my dotage, my hair white with the experiences of a live fully and well led, with a few regrets but too few to mention, knowing full well that my life may have but a few precious hours left to run because I have to go to Boise for the next couple of days, I can pass on what I have learned, the wisdom I have gained by living a goooood life. And I shall, whether you will or no: first, don't try to fill an inside straight and second, never give a sucker...oops, sorry...be kind to everyone, and you will be amply rewarded in the next life and, if you work the scam right, in this one as well.

Ah, Erin Copeland! I can still see your freckles and red braids as we strolled hand in hand in hand that Spring. I can still taste the magic of that first, shy, innocent kiss that so awakened the woman that the girl suddenly became. I still remember you hands clawing at my shirt, still remember trying to explain the scratches on my back to Sister Mary Mary Mary when I returned from that delightful recess so very many years ago. Trying to explain the burning pain I experienced to the doctor. Trying to explain to my mother why I needed all those shots. Trying to find you and get my lunch money back. The Health Department interviews. Regrets, I've had a few, then again, too few to mention. Sigh.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 01:50 AM

From the helpful hardware catetory: I couldn't muster up a nail long enough to make that kind of music. But I suppose there is a special kind of music implicit with a good screw.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 01:34 AM

Stilly. Glad to see your back and not giving me any shit for giving you shit. You are a person of non-giving shit-back-wonderfull.
With that said....

Part Three.
Discovering your body.

If you have or if you will, grow the fingernails on the left side of your body to an uneven amount of length.
When you have perfected an even, un-even amount of growth, use the strong right thumb nail to pluck on the nails of your left hand to produce a sound or song to the preference of your liking.
Be creative in producing a sound unlike any other.
Use your nails to be your guide into the new realm of making music that sooths the unrinquished beast within.
Hear your nail music.
Glide to the dance.
Be the growth of carbonite calcium.
Do the nails in a way you and only you can do the nails.
Discover the nail music within yourself and dance naked on your porch in front of a million stars and your neighbors.
Only you can define the music of discovering your fingernail jamboree.

End-Part Three.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 11:11 PM

Being like an overstuffed codpiece, I expect, is all in the eye of the believer, or codpiece wearer in this case. There are some similarities even I cannot speak to.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 10:56 PM

Is a rigorous chapeau like an overstuffed codpiece? Would it be out of place with lederhosen?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 10:25 PM

De chapeau, mon grise Rappelle!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 04:22 PM

De rigueur, mon chere Rapaire!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 03:31 PM

My family isn't from Ireland. My roots got back to the border of Germany and the Netherlands. If, then, I want to sing an Irish song, do I have to wear lederhosen, wooden shoes, and an Aran sweater?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 02:26 PM

all I get for adds is "support the carter center"