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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 11 Jun 18 - 09:13 PM
keberoxu 11 Jun 18 - 04:00 PM
Donuel 11 Jun 18 - 01:33 PM
Vashta Nerada 11 Jun 18 - 01:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jun 18 - 12:19 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jun 18 - 11:54 AM
Donuel 11 Jun 18 - 11:49 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jun 18 - 11:32 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jun 18 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 10 Jun 18 - 11:13 PM
gnu 10 Jun 18 - 11:19 AM
Acme 09 Jun 18 - 11:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 18 - 09:56 PM
Donuel 09 Jun 18 - 07:49 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 18 - 04:26 PM
Acme 09 Jun 18 - 03:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jun 18 - 02:28 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 18 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 18 - 10:50 PM
Acme 08 Jun 18 - 10:30 PM
Donuel 08 Jun 18 - 01:41 PM
gnu 08 Jun 18 - 08:40 AM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 18 - 12:00 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 18 - 05:20 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 18 - 12:22 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 18 - 12:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 18 - 10:44 AM
Acme 07 Jun 18 - 01:16 AM
keberoxu 07 Jun 18 - 12:06 AM
Amos 06 Jun 18 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 18 - 09:44 PM
gnu 05 Jun 18 - 03:41 PM
keberoxu 05 Jun 18 - 02:17 PM
keberoxu 04 Jun 18 - 09:51 PM
Donuel 04 Jun 18 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 18 - 09:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 18 - 05:47 PM
Donuel 04 Jun 18 - 04:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 18 - 11:03 AM
keberoxu 04 Jun 18 - 12:34 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 18 - 04:12 PM
keberoxu 03 Jun 18 - 03:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jun 18 - 02:42 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jun 18 - 12:55 PM
Donuel 03 Jun 18 - 07:57 AM
Rapparee 02 Jun 18 - 10:43 PM
Donuel 02 Jun 18 - 08:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jun 18 - 07:03 PM
Acme 02 Jun 18 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 01 Jun 18 - 04:48 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 09:13 PM

The Old Man's Comforts and How He Gained Them
          Good Ol' Bob Southey

You are old, Father William, the young man cried,
?The few locks which are left you are grey;
You are hale, Father William, a hearty old man,
?Now tell me the reason I pray.

In the days of my youth, Father William replied,
?I remember'd that youth would fly fast,
And abused not my health and my vigour at first
?That I never might need them at last.

You are old, Father William, the young man cried,
?And pleasures with youth pass away,
And yet you lament not the days that are gone,
?Now tell me the reason I pray.


In the days of my youth, Father William replied,
?I remember'd that youth could not last;
I thought of the future whatever I did,
?That I never might grieve for the past.

You are old, Father William, the young man cried,
?And life must be hastening away;
You are chearful, and love to converse upon death!
?Now tell me the reason I pray.

I am chearful, young man, Father William replied,
?Let the cause thy attention engage;
In the days of my youth I remember'd my God!
?And He hath not forgotten my age.


I have read pretty much everything Charley Dodgson wrote, including the logic books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 04:00 PM

Old Father William!
Do YOU know the book Sylvie and Bruno?
It's a crazy-quilt of a book!
What parts of Sylvie and Bruno do you like?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 01:33 PM

BWL, careful - Tick abuse can lead to
depression


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Vashta Nerada
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 01:12 PM

Here, BWL. I love any excuse to post this poem:

‘You are old, Father William’ (1865)
Lewis Carroll

“You are old, Father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head –
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

“In my youth,” Father William replied to his son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door –
Pray, what is the reason of that?”

“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
“I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment – one shilling the box –
Allow me to sell you a couple?”

“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak –
Pray, how did you manage to do it?”

“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose –
What made you so awfully clever?”

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
Said his father; “don’t give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I’ll kick you downstairs!”


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 12:19 PM

Wearing protective clothing doesn't discourage ticks, it places a barrier between your skin and the ticks. Similarly, using insect repellent doesn't discourage ticks, it repels them. The only way to discourage a tick is to catch it when it first gets on you, swat it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper*, and say, "Bad tick! Bad Tick!"

*If you still have such a thing as a physical newspaper handy, that is. If you get your news online, hitting the tick with a laptop, tablet, or cell phone will generally work just as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 11:54 AM

If you want to truly discourage ticks, the thing to wear is a full-body black rubber wet suit. And it'll really keep you warm too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 11:49 AM

Tucking my pants in my socks to discourage ticks is not as dorky as wearing a belt, suspenders and holster


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 11:32 AM

Mom!

It has occurred to me that I have grown old, I have grown old, but I have not worn my pants legs rolled!

When I was young, I was certain that doing so was inevitable, because Mr. Eliot told me so. Now, the only circumstance under which I can imagine wearing my pants legs rolled would be if I bought the wrong length pants and was too lazy to return them to the store.

Anyway, I live in Florida. I wear shorts most of the year. Rolled up legs on short pants are cute on females of appropriate age, but well beyond weird on old men.

And I still dare to eat a peach, though only if they're nice and soft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 18 - 10:20 AM

What if you get attacked by drunken hosers? What then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 18 - 11:13 PM

gnu, I think I'm going to get a Marlin 1894 in .45 Colt. It'll work for deer and I have a .45-70 for anything bigger (like bison, grizzly, water buffalo, hippo, rabbits...). I have a 12 and 20 and a .22 so I'm covered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jun 18 - 11:19 AM

Yo! A! How was the gig, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 11:47 PM

I gave one away, I cooked two. I promised a couple of them to the dogs. A friend reminded me that they dry well in the dehydrator, so I imagine that's where the rest will go. Whew! I grew these plants from little seeds, I've invested so much time and effort in them, I want them all to be appreciated, none should go to waste!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 09:56 PM

Acme, your new neighbors need a welcoming bushel or two of zucchini. It can be a "Welcome To The Neighborhood!" surprise gift. Just credit it to someone else so that they don't feel the need to reciprocate. Besides, it'll be a nice surprise for the people you blame credit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 07:49 PM

Paganini ate zucchini
in a pink bikini

He washed it down
with Pellegrini

spilling it on
his dressing gown


(picture of zucchini in a two piece bathing suit)

The best bad cartoons 2018


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 04:26 PM

Send it to me. I love zucchini, not least because it rhymes with Mussolini and Piccinini.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 03:00 PM

MOM, I can't find anyone else to palm off share my zucchini with. My next door neighbor who likes it can only eat so much and my other next door neighbor moved and the new homeowners aren't living there yet. A friend visited, but he doesn't eat it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 02:28 PM

Mom!

What's this big deal about physicists not being able to find dark matter? I find copious quantities of dark matter every morning and I don't know a quark from a lepton.

Maybe those scientists just need a dose of Metamucil or a couple of glycerin suppositories.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 18 - 02:15 PM

Thanks, Acme. Shane was wondering what was going on here, so I decided to take a look after a long absence. I re-read Amos's book awhile back, and I highly recommend it. It's a great story, well told.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 18 - 10:50 PM

No, Repparee got to see the cardiologist yesterday. There is the small amount of blockage earlier noted. He also is pumping 40-50% from his left ventricle, with the norm for a 18 year old in perfect physical health is about 60%. Actually, it's not to bad for a guy who's 73 and I told him so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 18 - 10:30 PM

Good to see you here, LH. Our rude and crude greetings to Chongo et al. Amos will certainly appreciate a visit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jun 18 - 01:41 PM

gnu if he is indeed up there he'll never meet President Trump.



20% !
Rap Thats purdy good compared to heavy Americans like Cole Lester Ale. Ask Helen Beck.

Amos thats great. I'll keep the hurricanes away until Sept.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 18 - 08:40 AM

I miss Spaw. Hope he's having a great Bday up there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 18 - 12:00 AM

That's right! You can walk right in the house with a brand new top of the line air guitar, and no one is the wiser. And they never go out of tune.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 05:20 PM

The other great thing about air guitars is you can have as many as you want and your girlfriend won't threaten to leave if you get one more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 12:22 PM

It's Tarzan who swings through. And Chongo, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 12:21 PM

Amos doesn't swing through, he saunters through.

And the great thing about air guitar (Shane's instrument of choice) is that you can leave it just about anywhere when you're not playing it, and no one even notices it's there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 10:44 AM

Guitars should never be stored behind couches, under beds, or in closets unless the guitar owners' abilities are so dismal that their housemates will only allow them to play behind couches, under beds, or in closets.

Accordions and bagpipes, on the other hand, should only be stored behind couches, under beds, or in closets, in hopes that their owners will forget they exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 01:16 AM

Amos, good to see you swing through. MOM wondered if she should put your guitar up in the guest room, but we told her to leave it behind the couch like always.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jun 18 - 12:06 AM

... not to mention one of my favorite outbursts
from Lewis Carroll's "Sylvie and Bruno":

"My room is full of frogs -- I leave you!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 18 - 09:59 PM

Hi, Mom. I am getting stronger a little bit at a time, thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 18 - 09:44 PM

He's not. He had a run in with an Irish colleen, Angie O'Gram. Angie found a 20-30% blockage in his cardiac arteries, but that wasn't enough for a stint with a stent so that wasn't installed. However, some of the heart tissue doesn't work as it should and Angie told him that it might have been do to a viral infection. He'll know more on the 13th when he meets with a cardiologist or sooner. Being groggy when another visitor, Annie Thesia, left he wasn't real clear on the results.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jun 18 - 03:41 PM

I had to log in! Mudcat forgot me. Sorry for not being around. Life, and death (distant), gets in the way. Not much to report.

Saw something on FB today about one of the 'regulars' herein and had to check out this thread... found nada. Hope he's okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 18 - 02:17 PM

There is a really funny silly bit of business from Lewis Carroll
about a mouse: not "Alice in Wonderland" and its dormouse,
but a house mouse.
Unfortunately,
because it is in Carroll's "Sylvie and Bruno" which is known to few people,
I expect nobody will recognize it.

The best known thing about "Sylvie and Bruno," I believe, is the
serial song/poem of The Mad Gardener. A series of limericks,
with the formula:

He thought he saw a *********
That *************
He looked again, and found it was
A **************
and at the end, two lines of commentary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 09:51 PM

Your Imperial Rapness,
do you mean a real house mouse mouse?
A mus musculus?
(those Wikipedia photos sure are cute. You don't think about the mouse's teeth.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 09:13 PM

Hirshfeld and Escher would be mildly impressed with the single line graphic of a duck and a dog. It represents a combined species wish for death to delicious ducks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 09:07 PM

Bee-Dub, I'm sorry your mouse failed. However, a quick search of the WWW will take you to a REAL mouse mouse. You start with a travel mouse and a taxidermied mouse and...well, you can look it up. A fun project for all ages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 05:47 PM

Dear Mom,

I apologize for the botched HTML in my last post. The wee mousie attached to my laptop was in its death throes and the check mark in the preview box did not take. A replacement mousie has been procured for about what it costs to eat lunch at a fast food joint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 04:30 PM

While sausage making may be what it may...

Little Hawk may have found a wormhole in space time and rediscovered the Mom of the past-present-future. The spine of this ol MOM book is still firmly bound by Rap in tone and meta divergence. However Amoshakespear o'the woods' graces the finer pages. Did anyone else notice how naturally he referenced the big bang and its paradoxes in the realm of idea formation 14 years ago?

What graciously rolls off his tongue, in my mouth falls clumsily and clunkily down the vast basement stairs again and again in the dead of a dark stormy night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 11:03 AM

Mom!

Why did Ralph Kramden say, "One of these days, POW!!! Right in the kisser!"? Specifically, why was it necessary for him to specify that the POW!!! would occur one of these days?

There are only two types of days: these days and those days. By definition, those days are in the past and, therefore, no longer accessible for human activity. So, anything that a human may do, whether it's sending Alice Kramden to the moon or making a bologna sandwich, must be done one of thesedays.

Duckdogs, Tralfamadorians, and other higher-dimensional entities may be able to do things one of those days, but Ralph Kramden can't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jun 18 - 12:34 AM

what next?
possum, or hedgehog?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 04:12 PM

Here ya go, Bee-Dub!

Mix pepper, cumin, leek, roux, and pine nuts, and add it to pig vulva. Stuff that mixture into a sausage casing, boil in broth, and serve with dill and more leeks. Some add toasted pine nuts before stuffing the casings,.

Want a recipe for guinea pig?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 03:15 PM

I love it, Acme: junk drawers and five-cent stores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 02:42 PM

Yes, Rap, please provide that recipe for pig vulva sausage. I have a huge pig vulva tree whose fruit has been going to waste. Every fall it drops pig vulvae by the hundreds, makes a big mess, and attracts vultures and other carrion birds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 12:55 PM

Shane was asking me the other day, "Are them flipheads still at it?" He meant on this thread, I think. I said, "I'll take a look and let you know."

Apparently you are still at it.

I shall inform Shane of this and see what happens next.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 07:57 AM

It would be truly humble if thanks is all you want. Worship?
However ancient bacterial resistant recipes and preservation techniques could be invaluable in the ultimate cook book - SURVIVE.

Survivalists would love it (UC BS 025.431) along with its companion books Ancient Palate and Dare Eat And Dominate [DEAD]


Its the one daily thing we have in common


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 18 - 10:43 PM

Humph! I pass on time-tested recipes, recipes handed down from generations past, and this is the thanks I get!

Here's an old fashioned Greek recipe for melas zomos -- a favorite Spartan dish of years gone by:

Combine some pork (boiled trotters preferred), with salt and vinegar to taste. Add lots of pig blood and cook until thick.

I also have a recipe for pig's vulva sausage if anyone would like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Jun 18 - 08:15 PM

14 years ago Amos said Creation doesn't "come from" somewhere. It is what you bring into being from nothingness, an act of aware will, POW! That's where inspiration comes from. Hooking up with enough of your lost, scattered, disconnected, discombobulated, or denied bits of awareness to bring some back together again with a rush of accompanying energy, a proper Shazaam of the soul. Why go around painting yourself as another power?

A

Bold and forthright I would concur with Amos but leave a little room for the transmission and reception of a sixth sense. It is easy to distinguish great musical talent and performance from the tone deaf without rhythm but is hard to compare those with access to another power.


I can for example remotely taste how good BWL's snacks are compared to Rap's snacks. Hey that has a ring to it! RAPSNACKS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jun 18 - 07:03 PM

Hi, Mom!

Fried shark nuggets, fried home-grown zucchini, cheese grits, and hushpuppies for supper tonight. There's plenty left. Come on over if you're sober enough to drive, bike, rollerskate, whatever. No, I'm not coming to get you. Don't ask.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jun 18 - 12:40 PM

You know what is the most important part when setting up a new sprinkler on a good hose?

The five-cent washer. Gotta run to the store for a few. MOM doesn't have any more in the junk drawer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 18 - 04:48 PM

Y'all are just jealous of my culinary abilities.


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