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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 12 Aug 07 - 08:42 PM
Acme 12 Aug 07 - 05:44 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 07 - 05:33 PM
Janie 12 Aug 07 - 03:39 PM
Amos 12 Aug 07 - 03:38 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 07 - 03:28 PM
Amos 12 Aug 07 - 02:56 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 11:54 PM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 11:20 PM
Acme 11 Aug 07 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 10:13 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 10:12 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 10:11 PM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 08:28 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 05:53 PM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 05:38 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 05:23 PM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 07 - 02:15 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 07 - 01:30 PM
Acme 11 Aug 07 - 12:10 PM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 11:07 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Aug 07 - 10:17 AM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 10:16 AM
rumanci 11 Aug 07 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 11 Aug 07 - 09:43 AM
JennyO 11 Aug 07 - 06:16 AM
rumanci 11 Aug 07 - 05:42 AM
JennyO 11 Aug 07 - 05:08 AM
Acme 11 Aug 07 - 02:04 AM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 12:26 AM
Amos 11 Aug 07 - 12:07 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 07 - 11:41 PM
Janie 10 Aug 07 - 10:36 PM
Janie 10 Aug 07 - 10:25 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 07 - 10:23 PM
Amos 10 Aug 07 - 10:01 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 07 - 09:29 PM
Amos 10 Aug 07 - 09:21 PM
Janie 10 Aug 07 - 09:10 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 07 - 08:56 PM
JennyO 10 Aug 07 - 08:40 PM
Amos 10 Aug 07 - 07:31 PM
Acme 10 Aug 07 - 06:38 PM
JennyO 10 Aug 07 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 07 - 12:21 PM
JennyO 10 Aug 07 - 11:41 AM
Acme 10 Aug 07 - 11:32 AM
Amos 10 Aug 07 - 11:26 AM
JennyO 10 Aug 07 - 09:33 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 08:42 PM

My, you do rattle on, don't you? If you read the description it is obvious the schooner was running alongside on a parallel, but opposite, heading to the fatboat. While you could technically fire a broadside at the stern of a retreating vessel, it would not be very efficient.

As to the use of "turgid sea", I think you will find plenty of precedent for the phrase, which has been used among others by such luminaries as Matthew Arnold and Edgar Allen Poe:

About noon, as nearly as we could guess, our attention was again arrested by the appearance of the sun. It gave out no light, properly so called, but a dull and sullen glow without reflection, as if all its rays were polarized. Just before sinking within the turgid sea, its central fires suddenly went out, as if hurriedly extinguished by some unaccountable power.

So I find there is adequate usage established to justify the phrase, even in the face of your disapprobation, Sirrah.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 05:44 PM

I prefer "turgid" in a different context altogether. . .















. . . water balloons!

SPLAT!!! on Amos' broad side

SPLAT!!! on Little Hawk's scrawny butt


Now that felt good. 100 degrees here today. Gotta do something to stay cool!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 05:33 PM

Ah! The thrill of delight...I have caught you in an error, Amos. A grievous error.

I must savour the moment. Wait....





Mmmmmmmm...




Okay, then. ;-)

A "broadside", my friend, is a broadside even if it is fired at a barrel, a seagull, a phantasm, or an empty piece of ocean. It is not defined by its target but by its source...the ship doing the firing. A broadside (in traditional wooden ships) is a simultaneous firing of all guns capable of bearing to either the port or starboard beam. In that sense it is distinguished from firing a partial volley or a "ripple" volley (a series of shots from those guns, one after another) as would often be done when crossing the stern or bow of another ship...reason being, a full broadside in such a case would cause about 3/4 of one's guns to simply miss the target, as the shots would pass harmlessly on either side of it and into the ocean!

You can fire a broadside at the bow or stern of an enemy ship if you so desire, and it has been done. It would still do a great deal of damage, particularly from astern, as wooden ships were least protected at their stern, and as the cannonballs would then fly the length of the enemy hull, inside the ship, causing terrible damage.

However, it would be more effective when passing the stern to fire one gun after another, in sequence, as they bear on the target. Not as dramatic, but far more effective. This, with a well-trained crew, could ensure 100% of your shots hitting the target. With a very poorly trained crew, one might best just fire a simultaneous broadside, I suppose, since they could handle that degree of complexity.

When passing beam-on to the enemy, a broadside is normally a good way to go, although it depends on the situation. A ripple volley is okay from the beam too. They are about equally effective in terms of doing damage.

A broadside, however, is more intimidating to the enemy, since it all happens in one overwhelming moment. This is partly why it is beloved in films and books, and indeed was popular with the real fighting ships as well. It's the most dramatic attack possible. It's also the easiest kind of attack to issue an order for: a ripple volley is much more complex, needs expert timing, and demands a highly trained crew and officers, as previously noted.

I could elaborate further, if you want me to.

*******

"Turgid", as you define it, doesn't work very well in that context.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 03:39 PM

Several hours later, after the fog has lifted, a small day sailer happens by. Seeing an object floating on the gentle swells, they slow and alter their heading to take a look.

"I think it's a dead sea otter," says one of the party as they approach. "How sad."

"Nope. Smells to bad for that," replies the captain. They move on.

Untouched and unobserved, the toupee finally sinks below the surface of the sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 03:38 PM

A broadside cannot, by definition, be delivered from astern.

Turgid, by definition, means "Full, but not swollen." AMong other things.

As for responding in kind, I hope you did not believe you had some exclusive claim to fevered, hyper-maniacal delusions rendered into print.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 03:28 PM

You just cannot resist responding in kind, can you? ;-)

Nicely written, though I would not have used "turgid" in that context.

Was the broadside delivered from abeam of "The Shatner", whilst passing on the opposite course or from directly astern? We need to know for technical reasons relating to naval tactics.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 02:56 PM

Suddenly, out of the riing mists of the turgid sea, a shadow looms, gliding through the shadowy dawnlight like a killer whale making his morning patrol. Barely visible through the scope, her nose cutting through the spray like a sharks pectoral, the golden letters on her bow read bright and far, Schooner Mudcat. Quiet orders are passed and with a rattle of tackle and line, the bold fast moving schooner swings to the wind, passing below the bluff squat bow to The Shatner? with only yards to spare, swing around to a parallel track heading toward her swollen ungainly stern. Another order faintly heard through the thinning mist and with a sudden clatter, twenty ports are run back, twnety ugly snouts run out, and twenty matches touched to the fuse. With a shattering roar, a broadside at lethal range sweeps the ungainly ship, and the Shatner's seams are opened in a fell swoop to the hungry, curious, invading sea. She staggers in the water, all way lost, sets back on her stern, leans and shudders as the waves creep higher on her settling flanks. In moments, the schooner has vanished into the mists astern, and the poor, shattered fatboat is awash to her decks, her company scrambling for lifeboats, rafts, and large dining room tables in a desperate effort to survice.

She stalls and shudders in the tide, and the white foam licks her bridge cabin, her ladders, her radar post, and finally her flying bridge. With a final dying tilt, she rolls to the deep and falls toward the bottom. The pale face of her owner, jammed behind the wheel in the bridge, vanishes in the green glimmer of the closing waters. Then she is gone. The schooner's wake subsides, and all is at peace upon the waters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 11:54 PM

Don't worry. Bill is a very busy man. He probably won't show up again here (even by proxy) for at least another hundred posts. Heh! ;-D

Let's get back to abnormal...the pressure is off now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 11:20 PM

So much for making friends, you scuzzbutt.

LOL!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 11:18 PM

. . . Drat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 10:13 PM

That was post 18800. A moment to savour. Ahhhhh.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 10:12 PM

"The Shatner"!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 10:11 PM

Much obliged, sir. ;-) And now, as the waning hours dwindle, the watchman minds his lonely perch surveying the dark waters with failing eyes. Avast! What is it that he sees, dimly approaching through the murky gloom. A mast? A bluff prow foaming against the waves? He siezes his telescope in workworn hands and peers through the curtain of the predawn mist. Yes, it is a ship! And upon its bow is emblazoned in letters of gilt a dreaded name...a name feared throughout the length and breadth of the Seven Seas....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 08:28 PM

Oh, well, never mind. I do have to admit that the Mudcat is a funnier place with Chicago Chongo and BDiBR Shawn around. They add a definite flavor for which you are entitled to thanks and acknowledgment. Good work!

But not the Shatner part.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 05:53 PM

I didn't even know about your silly challenge at the time. I found out about it later...the next day sometime. Like I said, I was busy. I think you are losing sight of the fact that everything on this thread is a fantasy. I begin to fear that you are taking it seriously. Surely not?

I did not invent my various characters in order to achieve recognition on the Mudcat forum! I don't give a shit about recognition...not on this forum, not in my town, not anywhere else either. It simply doesn't matter. It carries no weight at the end of the line. Besides, people are more inclined to leave you alone when you aren't "recognized" anywhere, and there's something to be said for that, I think.

I invented those characters for one reason and one reason only. I did it for the fun of it. I saw Spaw doing stuff like that. It looked like fun, so I thought I'd try it too. He finds farting funny. I find talking apes and idiots from North Ontario funny (and some other things as well). I enjoy doing it, and that's why I do it. Period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 05:38 PM

Well, you're unregenerate, also. Pietistical, barbarous, impenitent, narcissistic, intransigent, and wilful, to boot.

And at that you are the best among the sorry lot of your invented co-conspirators. Sigh.

I wish you had shown up to respond to my challenge in stead of hiding out among the threads.

But, as I recall, you were forgiven. By my higher self. So I guess I have to honor that. But don't press your luck, nor Rapaire either (he hates being pressed).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 05:23 PM

Fluff. All I get from you, Amos, is verbosity, bloviation (thanks for the word), mega-bloviation, and fluff. But it does help pass the time in an amusing fashion.

May I remind you, for the umpteenth time: Shatner is not an imaginary character. He is real. Go to his website and see for yourself. It's here:

The Fount of all that is Shatner

But wait...did I hear you say that I am "palpably disingenuous"? Oh, that is good! That is soooo good! I am in ecstasy. Tell me more!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 03:55 PM

Faugh. Your desperate attempt to win recognition in this forum by injecting false characters into it, such as your imaginary chimpanzee, your imaginary Canadian sot, your imaginary fat and inept thespian -- all these are charades, barely recognizable as creative efforts. Faugh, I say. The difference between these shards of occasional creative spurting and Mom is so obvious to evewn the occasional visitor, as long as his eyes are open, as to barely be worth pointing out. If you have to ask, which you do have to although you never would, you wouldn't understand it, obviously -- your assertion that your imaginary degenerates are comparable to the obvious benevolent presence of our Mom is plain evidence of that, sir. You are a blackguard, a knave, and a hooligan, with no more grace than a stale, half chewed bagel on the roadside of this amazing Thread.

As for you, Rapaire, why will you not face the facts squarely? Veering off into petty,. arbitrary issues of no bearing on the matter at hand, unwilling to admit your errors -- I am more and more convinced you have become a Republican while we were not paying close attention (which, I freely admit, has been most of the time).

And Little Hawk, I think it is a bit of a stretch to offer to teach me words...I mean, really!! It is the most palpably disingenuous and self-serving sort of projection on your part. In the end, have you no humility, no core sense of honesty?

Faugh.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 02:15 PM

Mr. Amos:

How DARE you, sir, refer to MOAB as "MOAB"? Have you no shame, no pride?

Poltroon I said and poltroon I mean! as anyone who would abuse Mom's Sacred Name!

Your humble Servant,
Mr. Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 01:30 PM

You're a fine one to talk about fantasies, Amos. You are fantasizing about a thread being your "Mother", and imagining you are the one appointed to defend her (its?) honor. How ridiculous can it get?

Chongo, my friend, is a well-known character on this forum, as well known as you or I. He is a type of character quite similar to those such as Cletus, the Reg Boys, Cleigh O'Possum, the Little Pissant, Corridus the Hamster, and numerous others, all of whom merit respect on the basis of their uniqueness and their longevity here. Therefore I say "Hands off, sir!" Cease your disrespect toward the chimp and accord him the recognition he has earned through time, hard work, and accomplishment.

"Scurillous", by the way, is an excellent word that not very many people (except politicians) normally use. I am glad to see you giving it some exposure here, thus broadening the minds of others. Now here are some more great words to work into your postings:

lascivious
salacious
concupiscent
salubrious
equine
sesquipedalian
porcine
euphonious
etymological
eldritch
muezzin
viburnum

Get right to it. The online world is waiting with bated breath. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 12:10 PM

There is a flea thread going right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 11:07 AM

Great. Now M. Hack has sublimated his bitterness and paranoia and rechanneled it to come out of the mouth of a rather poorly-conceived imaginary primate. He certainly is in good shape, this LH.

Making up imaginary animals to present your point of view is not going to handle the situation, LH. It will need far more courage from you than that to eally, truly face what needs to be faced.

Finally, since this is the MOAB, I would like to ask you take your scurrilous ad hominem remarks, unfounded speculations and general flea-bit nastinesses off to some other thread, and then come back when you've cleaned up some.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 10:17 AM

Rapaire has it right. Them two saps have done exactly what I expected, both runnin' off at the mouth like a busted fire hydrant, consumin' valuable bandwidth with their blather. I told ya it was gonna be ugly.

These birds couldn't fight a real duel...or even a common street fight...if their lives depended on it. They are a couple of bloated gas bags, good fer a laugh on a slow day, but that's about it.

At least I managed to shut the Hawk down fer a bit there by messin' with his keyboard. Ook! Ook! That was funny, man. He was goin' nuts for awhile there.

I bet if someone did that to Amos's keyboard the sucker would just curl up in a ball and die from total frustration. That bozo seems to need an online audience real bad, judgin' by the endless dumb stuff he posts all the time.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 10:16 AM

Well, Mister Rapaire, your reference to the fine words of the Code are reassuring. But in your own fit of misguided temper you claim that I have violated all the tenets, where in fact it seems I have violated none but the doctrine of relying on the Second, your esteemed self.

In addition, you might take into account that I waited fully microseconds before issuing my challenge. Although it might have been more seemly to hold my peace and allow your esteemed self to voice the challenge, it is not a core violation of the governing equations, especially in view of the differences in situation caused by our modern technologies.

Let me also add that while I offered you the role of second, your own response thereto was not timely, and in fact showed no sign of materializing until AFTER the appointed time of struggle was past. Thus, it was not I who failed to appear at The Field of Honour, but yoursellf, Chongo, and the pusillanimous M. Hack. Wherefore, then, do you have the temerity to pretend to decry that the one person who stood ready to take up this travail at arms should be posted? It is, itself, a calumny unbecoming of any Gentleman to so twist history to the mangled form of some personal vapour.

Therefore Sir, I urge you one last time to make right these poorly formed and badly grounded accusations in light of the more substantive facts to hand as i have outlined them for you. You may verify them all merely by consulting the history of the thing. Failing such enlightened responsiveness on your part, I shall have no alternative but to post you, yourself sir, as the most miserable of two-faced braggodocios, a meretricious granfaloon, a cesspit of spineless and odoriferous leavings, a mere Pagliacci of life, a clown among better men.

With kindest regards,

Sir A
First Vowel and Protector of the Alphabet


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 09:50 AM

AHA
That's more like it !

DING DING

ROUND . . . . . . .

the houses and back again


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 09:43 AM

My Dear Mr. Amos,

Wilson's American Code Duello states at the outset the duties of the aggrieved:

The Person Insulted, Before Challenge Sent

1. Whenever you believe that you are insulted, if the insult be in
public and by words or behavior, never resent it there, if you have
self-command enough to avoid noticing it. If resented there, you offer
an indignity to the company, which you should not.

2. If the insult be by blows or any personal indignity, it may be
resented at the moment, for the insult to the company did not
originate with you. But although resented at the moment, you are bound
still to have satisfaction, and must therefore make the demand.

3. When you believe yourself aggrieved, be silent on the subject,
speak to no one about the matter, and see your friend, who is to act
for you, as soon as possible.

4. Never send a challenge in the first instance, for that precludes
all negotiation. Let your note be in the language of a gentleman, and
let the subject matter of complaint be truly and fairly set forth,
cautiously avoiding attributing to the adverse party any improper
motive.

5. When your second is in full possession of the facts, leave the
whole matter to his judgment, and avoid any consultation with him
unless he seeks it. He has the custody of your honor, and by obeying
him you cannot be compromitted.

6. Let the time of demand upon your adversary after the insult, be as
short as possible, for he has the right to double that time in
replying to you, unless you give him some good reason for your delay.
Each party is entitled to reasonable time, to make the necessary
domestic arrangements, by will or otherwise, before fighting.

7. To a written communication you are entitled to a written reply, and
it is the business of your friend to require it.


I can find no evidence that either you or Mr. Little Hawk (who, although Canadian, comes from a country in North American well known for its duellists) complied with any of these.   

Asked to be your Second, as Mr. Chongo was for Mr. Little Hawk, you both took matters precipitiously into your own hands.

That, of course, is inexcusable in gentlemen.

Therefore, Mr. Chongo and myself post you both as poltroons and boors, hot-tempered savages who have run amok instead of following the Path Of Honor (or, in Mr. Little Hawk's case, the Path of Honour).

Your protestations mean nothing.

Very sincerely yours,
Mr. Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 06:16 AM

ello umanci, here ave ou een ll his ime?

o ollering nd o quabbling? oy o ou ave ome atching p o o!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 05:42 AM

Hang on
('i enny, ong ime o ee !')
They DON'T have haystacks in Alice Springs ?
Dang it all ! another illusion just shattered
and none of you care
you lot are getting so *****ing cosy all of a sudden
you'll be turning into a delightful Jerry thread soon
Where's the fire, where's the hollerin' from the hillsides,
where's the squabbling apart from a few hundred words - hey he's slipping ! - from sun strewdled A
Tea and cucumber sandwiches on the lawn Vicar ?
BAH !
oh, and before I forget.........
Hey LH
"My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure."
ten WHAT exactly ?
Hmmmm ?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 05:08 AM

Oops, sorry Janie. What can I say? I didn't realise you were still there in the Outback, and neither did MOM. She was sleeping it off after Happy Hour, and I wasn't much better. Getting MOM back was bad enough. She was quite a handful, I can tell you! Glad the stockmen looked after you. Did they give you billy tea and damper?   



Now I'm wondering how MOM managed to be seized and absconded with by savage indigenous conservative as well as sleeping it off in a haystack. It must have been a very brief episode ;-) Still I suppose anything's possible in virtual Alice Springs (I didn't want to mention this before, but they don't have haystacks in the real Alice Springs).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 02:04 AM

Well, Janie, I'm sure it was something I drank. I was over at the Mudcat Tavern for a while (lurking, not posting, and NOT sitting on that poor stinky squid).

Those posts you didn't go back to read described how we each made our way back individually (and all sore from those vintage dresses and riding horses WAY too long) and staggered onto Mom's porch or into the tavern. I did wonder where you'd gotten to, but hoped you were hanging out in your flowers there in SC. Sorry to hear you were stuck in the Outback so long.

I rigged a showerhead on a garden hose on the back porch at the Tavern (the others were spilling ice cream and fruit syrup all down themselves) and I think you'll find it feels marvelous. Nothing better than getting naked in your own back yard under the stars when there's no one around to see and you can stand under the warm water and enjoy the sensation of fresh air on your skin. And maybe the dogs sitting at the edge of the patio watching, thinking you've gone nuts. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 12:26 AM

Here that thread a-pullin'!
Mama, must we wait?
Just anther twenty posts to
Eighteen thousand eight
We've all been writing hard, Lord,
I know we've written plenty.
But with eighteen grand behind us,
Mama, what's another twenty?


(Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo)
(Slide steel guitar with steam chuff filling in)

Mama, it's a comin'!
Driving 'cross the land!
Mudcat Mamas bringing her through
To the great big nineteen grand,
It won't be here in a minute
Maybe even not in ninety-nine,
But I'll bet before next Christmas
Nineteen grand gonna slide across that line.

(Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo)

Some of 'em blows the whistle,
Some of 'em just talk,
Some of 'em make those numbers roll,
Including Little Hawk,
Rapaire and Jen and Stilly,
And Janie lends a hand.
Just watch them MOAB mudders,
Bring that baby home to Nineteen Grand.


(Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo)


...

...

(Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo)


.........


.........


(Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo)

(Fade steel guitar)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 12:07 AM

Rapaire:

The history of the disagreement between gentlemen, at least on my part, is clearly avalable in written history, and is not as you have portrayed it.

The challenged failed to appear at the appointed time, and made obsequious excuses for it.

Pray review the time line before casting aspersions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 11:41 PM

It was simply a brawl, a common street fight. Amos asked me to be his Second and LH nominated Chongo, but we Seconds never got a chance to decide upon doing this properly before they lit into each other.

I therefore post them as Poltroons and anything except Gentlefolk, and Chongo agrees with me in this posting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 10:36 PM

Oh good. They may be able to work out for themselves.

Mom will be pleased. They're growing up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 10:25 PM

Why, thank you Amos. Umhhh, that cold lemonade is good. It's been dark 2 hours, and the temp. is still 100 F out on the back porch.

Jenny, these scones are delicious. What a wonderful, cozy, welcoming space you have created. Maggie, honey, I love you dearly. I hope you don't mind me asking, but why does the aroma of wintergreen seem to emminate from your pores?

Do you think we better get Mom down here to settle the boys down a bit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 10:23 PM

"re-initioate"?

Never mind.

Just agree that it was a draw and we can get back to the vitally important business of, you know, what we usually do around here...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 10:01 PM

Dear Sir:

The decimation was a bit of an exaggeration. But you yourself failed to appear for a challenge duly made, and then complained that you were away when you were not, and then pretended to have been engaged on business, when you then said was actually posting on other threads. It has been a long exhausting discussion with you, and only yourmental fragility has saved you from a more vigorous drubbing. Let us not now re-initioate the entire waste of time!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 09:29 PM

Quit pretending you won anything, Amos. I am completely intact and have not suffered any such reverses as you fantasize. You are living, sir, in a dream world of your own making.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 09:21 PM

Hey, long-lost sistah!! Welcome home!!

Relentless? Nah, usually I am as affable as a daffodil. Monsieur Hawk, however, caused my ire to bristle by insulting our Mom. So I lit into him and left him scattered about the south forty. But all is now peaceable and he seems to be recovering, after having worried us with some paranoidal aphasic syndrome behaviours which he then blamed on Chongo, his imaginary simian playmate..

IF you ever DO go back and peruse the last eighteen thousand posts, you'll find lots of great epic ballads about Mom's heroic struggles to reach various Grands. We are just getting close enough to warm up for the Nineteenth of Grand, which will be sump'n, you betcha.

Nice to have you hear. Mom made a nice bedroom up for you on the third floor with a southern window with a nice tree just outside perfect for shinnying down should the impulse take you.

She felt really bad when she heard you thought she had abandoned you -- it was not her fault. She herself had been held up on a coach on the edge of the desert and was seized and absconded with by savage indigenous conservative.

Feel free to make yourself right to home, and I'll getcher some lemonade.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 09:10 PM

Hey, how come you all left me out there in the bush, all by myself? I like to never found my way back! (I don't know what you call cowboys here on the other side of the world, but they is sumthin'!)

Still, she ain't much of Mom to leave a youngin' out on her own like that.

I'm still wondering what I have walked into. Body parts and biscuits strewn all over the rug, while a perfectly lovely tea goes on in it's midst.

It's awkard, ya know? Mom gave me up for adoption. (Not true, the Nuns found me out by the dumpster, but Mom will never admit to that, and why confront her at this stage.) So anyways....it took me years to trace y'all, my blood family, and even longer to decide to make contact. I could tell right off we were kin, you know? Only I don't have the history together that all y'all have, ya know? And I don't give enough of a hoot to go back and read the last 50 posts, much less all 18,000.

So tell me, is LH's affliction genetic?   Is bro' Amos always so relentless? Will Jenny and SRS love me like a sister or treat me like Cinderella? What heinous act did Rapaire commit to be sentenced to two weeks in Canada, locked in his room with nothing but a laptop and a wireless card? And where is brother Mmario when I need him?

Can some one point me to the loo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 08:56 PM

"My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 08:40 PM

I've been virtually virtuous from time to time. It beats being really virtuous, which can be boring - really!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 07:31 PM

Rapaire often stakes out reality which exists only in a virtual sense, including his sense of virtue itself. It's virtual virtue, leading to a virtually virtuous code of virtual conduct. Leaves ordinary reality in the dust, I'm telling ya!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 06:38 PM

I remember that now. He said he'd be gone for a couple of weeks. He has turned up so often I wondered if he was home because otherwise he is missing his vacation. I guess he's hovering over the computer in his hotel room. Maybe this is as much excitement as he expected to get out of this two weeks of vacation. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 12:46 PM

Ah - only here in a virtual sense. Rapaire was posting so much lately I somehow got the impression he was back. At least his post was in English this time - well, apart from the Latin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 12:21 PM

My family motto is "Sine virtus, sine laus." That's Latin. It translates, roughly, as "No guts, no glory."

Rapaire is currently writing this in a hotel room in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Rapaire won't be back in Idaho until late on the 14th, mostly because Rapaire has to be back at work on the 15th.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 11:41 AM

He's back, but he seems to have picked up some kind of bug from Little Hawk.

Boy did I get that translation wrong! I thought Noxtecous ganta flid was some kind of poisonous sea-monster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 11:32 AM

Sorry I wasn't here sooner, Mom. I've been cleaning out the computer. I went to defrag last night and received the message that there wasn't enough room left on the disk to defrag. Wow! Must be all of those recorded books and movies I listened to and watched that I never got rid of. So I bailed out a bunch and now I'm attacking the duplicate files. I may not come up for air again for a while--I also have to list a bunch of stuff on eBay. Gotta clear out the house a little, as well as the computer. (Good indoor activity on this hot summer day. Summer did finally arrive.)

So did Rapaire get back home finally, or is he still on the road? Mom wonders if he's going to bring any of his fancy biscuits and jam over one of these days for breakfast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 11:26 AM

Actually, although he is not sayin' nuffin' 'bout it, Rapaire's family crest has the ancient Ukrainian motto in silver letters on it, Noxtecous ganta flid.

It translates roughly as "Do (shit) unto others before they would do unto you." There is no word to directly translate the imperative "Noxtecous" of the verb "noxticir", which most closely in actual usage resembles the American phrase "to lay some bad shit on".

"Ganta" is derived from "g-anty", which has cognate relationships with various meta-cyrillic forms relating to "before", "ahead of", and "by a nose".

"Flid" is of course the subjunctive form of the third-person plural "flis", meaning 'they do', from "flir", to do, although in colloquial terms probably better rendered as "to, like, do, ya know?".


A



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 09:33 AM

And so say all of us!

Nice one Amos. Makes me feel all misty, sorta (sniff).


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