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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 30 Apr 06 - 01:16 AM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 11:36 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM
Little Hawk 29 Apr 06 - 08:39 PM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM
Acme 29 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 10:03 AM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 11:19 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 09:18 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 09:09 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 01:13 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 01:03 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,Wilmer 28 Apr 06 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 12:03 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 11:37 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 12:58 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 11:59 PM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 11:54 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 11:32 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 03:11 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 02:45 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 01:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 01:16 AM

Mom, while Rap has been out stealing balls from the local golfers I've been out working on the home turf and putting in a few shrubs. Not enough rain yesterday to soak down more than a couple of inches, but every little bit helps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM

There's help at the WSSBA for most types of common dementia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:36 PM

Littkle Hawk:

Whatsamadda you? I was talking to Mom. You blind? I know where THAT comes from.

Rapaire: you know, there's no need for these wild mood swings, pal. There are sources of help out there...somewhere. Manila, maybe.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:02 PM

Ah, well. I shall post the lyrics to my song.

MOAB dear! MOAB dear!
In far off Idaho I heard your call
MOAB dear! MOAB dear!!
And here am I to give my all
I know in my soul what you expect of me
And all that and more I shall be!
A MOABite should be quite BSible
Succeed where a less fantastic man would fail
Climb to the heights no else can climb
Cleave a GUEST in record time
Post BS tho' he is without e-mail!
No matter the pun he ought to be unwinceable
Impossible tales should be his daily fare
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so extraordinaire?

C'est moi! C'est moi!
I'm forced to admit
'Tis I, I humbly reply
That mortal who
These marvels can do
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I
I've never lost
In battle or game
I'm simply the best by far
When words are cross'd
'Tis always the same
One pun and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi!
So admir'bly fit
A Idahoer of Rabelasian cheer
And here I stand with BS untold
Exception'lly brave, amazingly bold
To serve our MOAB dear!

The soul of a MOABite should be so sparkable
Yet my heart and my mind are pure as morning dew
With a will and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
I could easily work a miracle or two
In love and desire I ought to be remarkable
Tho' ways of the flesh doth offer no allure
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so untouch'd and pure?

[spoken] C'est moi

C'est moi! C'est moi!
I blush to disclose, I'm far too noble to lie
That person in whom these qualities bloom
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I

I've never stray'd from all I believe
I'm bless'd with an iron gut
Had I been made the partner of Eve
We'd all be in still in rut!
C'est moi! C'est moi
The angels have chose to post their postings below
And here I stand as pure as a pray'r
Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare
The MOABitest man I know!
C'est moi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM

If you cannot make sense of Rapaire, you can't make sense out of anyone or anything.

Just consider poor Rapaire, sitting alone in his mountain fastness, working to keep the flames of Knowledge, Literacy, Art, yea, even Reason itself! burning brightly for all people everywhere. But what reward does he reap? Only to be scorned, insulted, driven from pillar to post, by the minions of the Forces of Ignorance, Gluttony, Lust, Pride, Greed, Envy, Famine, Death, Plague, War, and Perineal Pruritus.

None the less, he soldiers on, his Duty clear, his Sword of Enlightenment blazing white-hot against the encroaching Darkness. And for what? Only a pittance, a moldy crust and a flagon of stagnant water on even-numbered days, and then he must endure the slights of those who should be supporting poor Rapaire's work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 08:39 PM

Talking to yourself again, Amos? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM

Well, Mom, I see you're having a dizzy spell. I suppose you've been listening to that Rapaire again, and trying to make sense of it, huh? I know, I know....it is tempting, I understand, but Mom, if you indulge him, he'll just do it more!!

Here ya go, now, back up...

I love you too, Mom!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM

Glad you're not being lambasted Mag. Your story makes one moral clear: Being an airhead has its advantages.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM

Our neighborhood received a nice rain, half-inch to an inch, so I'm going to go work in the garden this morning. I went to bed with the weather radio nearby and a full set of clothes and shoes on the foot of the bed in case I had to exit in a hurry. A purist in bad weather probably would have gone to bed wearing those clothes, but I find it uncomfortable to sleep with my keys in my pants pocket.

It's beginning to rumble out there now, but it might be a car up the street. I'm going to work outside for a little while (it has been drizzling, then sunshining, then drizzling again, a nice morning that makes the neighborhood, with all of its tender spring leaves and green lawns look like someplace OTHER than a place that will be as hot as hell and turn brown if we have another drought this year).

Say, MOM, a guy stopped me on my walk with the dogs yesterday and asked if I had papers for the pitbull, like maybe I'd like to breed my dog. I'm glad she is so beautiful he'd think such a thing, but I told him she had been a stray and I'd had her spayed. He clearly was sorry to hear that, but MOM, the prospect of this sweetheart having puppies would mean I'd fall in love with all of them and have a yard FULL of dogs! I couldn't give them away or sell them. And considering the price for keeping a dog (for me) was to have one spayed, I think was worth it, because if I'd turned her over to the dog pound folks injured as she was, they'd have euthanized her. Anyway, two is plenty (and Poppy noticed he didn't ask about breeding her, but she's an airhead Catahoula, and forgot the slight about 17 seconds later).

My spell-check just suggested "carthweel" instead of "catahoula." Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 10:03 AM

Hmmm...no word from DEep In The Heart Of. Guess she blew away. Hope the dogs are okay.

Uncle Caleb started out as a lancer on a whaling vessel. Being a tad nearsighted (and too proud to wear specs) his boat had to get really, really close before Unky made his throw. In fact, before he'd throw the crew would paint "This dead whale is the property of the whaling ship 'Buttercup'out of the port of New Bedford" on the side of the whale. Then Unky would make his throw and miss. The crew would back-paddle so fast that they burned the paint off the stern of their whaleboat and Unky would turn around and asked where the whale went.

His navigation stunk, too, but he was hell on wheels as a scrimshander (I think that's the first time that word has been used in MOAB).

I really don't know how the old man mannatee threatened Unky. I guess I always assumed it was with a shotgun or some other traditional way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM

Just had a look on the Net, Stilly. Yeah, there seems to be bad weather all around your area of Texas, and a tornado warning just east of Fort Worth. Well, ride it out and we'll check in tomorrow and see how you made out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:19 PM

My father was the keeper of the Eddystone Light
And he slept with a mermaid one fine night.
From this union there came three,
Two little fishes and the third was me.

(or "A porpoise and a porgy and the third was me.")


Tornado siren went off a few minutes ago, and upon checking the weather, I think it might be a rough one here in North Texas. For those who follow such things, I'm on the south side of Fort Worth. If you look at the maps there is a circle around the city that is Interstate Loop 820. I'm about three blocks south of that and about a half mile west of I-35 (that intersects 820 just north and east of me), in case you're reading the radar. I'll set up a room if I have to bring in the dogs (that is a last resort!) and may have to sleep in the hallway. I have a futon pad I can pull in there and be comfortable (as long as the cats don't sleep right on top of me).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 10:43 PM

The manatee's daddy? What did he do -- threaten to flop him with a flipper?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:18 PM

My four times great uncle Caleb put his arm around a manatee one time and got right friendly with her. But her daddy caught 'em and made Uncle Caleb marry her.

Unk Caleb was pretty danged nearsighted, and he'd heard about mermaids, and well, you kin figger out the rest. We don't think there was any kids, which is good, 'cause we've always been sort of conservative about cross-species dating. My family's always pritty much stuck to other human beans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:09 PM

Sea cows, or manatee, also have been known to get in the way of outboard motors, but they almost always lose. The outboard and its owners are in fact the manatee's only natural enemies! They are extraordinarily docile creatures who spend their days schmooing along the riverbottoms looking for water lilies to eat.

I once put my arm around one and he gave me a ride along the river bottom. I asked him who he was, and he reckoned he was just Joe Manatee, an ordinary kind of person.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM

GIves a whole new look at the word "motivation", huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM

"marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors"

No kidding! Man they must really move at a good clip that way. ;-D There are some pretty smart animals out there, I must say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM

Croc 1, chainsaw 0.

The news says that the chainsaw probably won't be repairable.

They think that the noise bothered the croc, because marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors. This being the case I'm surprised these crocs are still extant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM

Who won -- the croc, or the chainsaw?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM

He's a busy man, Wilmer. He has a life. Keep checking in, though, don't give up. Hope springs eternal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

I had this sign posted in my computer room. It was true then and it's true now:

"The is no problem with computers that cannont be solved by the calculation and placement of the correct amount of high explosive."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM

Rap, you really ought to start quoting the original source for your wonders of literature, and give us their Childish numbers.

As for tech support, you don't need any of that fancy stuff. Try a hammer, some kicking, and alot of cursing. It worked on the tractor today, and it almost got water to the pigs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM

Dear MOM;

Just a quick note to let you know the workplace is sending me to training all next week. I don't know if I'll be home for supper or not.

Love,

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:11 PM

*grin* Wouldn't I love to? then there are the users who install a mail client we *know* doesn't work and complain because we tell them not to use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM

Here's something I learned that may well help: shut it all down and the problem goes away.

Aren't you glad that you mentioned the problem and I was here to help you solve it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:13 PM

unfortunately we've already had 4 internal techs and 2 techs onsite from time-warner plus several tech off-site from time-Warner (they provide our trunk lines) working on it for 4 days and they still don't know what is happening or why. *AND* it's an intermittant problem. a real bugger to track down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM

Just tell them they are a special case and their situation is being elevated to the top scientists for analysis. At least, it makes them feel important. Tell them they may have to sign an NDA and a profit-sharing agreement if its what you think it is.

LOL!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:03 PM

"Thirty-five minutes" is the correct answer. It's just in the margin of time people will wait, and they are less likely to notice when an hour has passed as they wait. Try that next time. (It worked great at the cave where I worked years ago. If there weren't enough people to run a tour and this was the first query, we had them wait at least 35 minutes hoping someone else would come along.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:09 PM

sorry - I had a bad case of help desk overload yesterday. lemmee tell you, people prefer *any* line of BS rather then the truth when the truth is something they don't like.

The trouble is, it is extremely hard to come up with anything other then "we don't know what the problem is, we are working on it, and no, we cannot estimate a time for the problem to be resolved as we don't know what the problem is yet" when that is the situation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wilmer
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:04 PM

Where's Shatner today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:03 PM

Actually, a guy was cutting up a fallen tree when the croc attacked the chainsaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:38 AM

I would have to assume the chainsaw was not running?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:37 AM

What's up Down Under? I just read a news report that a crocodile attacked at chainsaw at Corroboree Park Tavern near Darwin. Thing chewed on the saw for about 90 minutes; pretty much ruined it, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM

You can keep any golf balls you find...and I found TWO yesterday. What better inducement can I offer than that? Cut the lawn, find golf balls and keep them. What a deal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:58 AM

No, but I'll send my dogs up to chew on it a little. They are like a couple of goats out in the back yard, always munching away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:59 PM

It's supposed to be nice up here -- wanna come cut my grass?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:54 PM

Tomorrow's Friday! Yess! I'm ready for the weekend. . . too bad it's supposed to rain. Mom, make it not rain until after I finish mowing the lawn, please.

(I'll go do something else now while the boys keep beating up on MMario)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:32 PM

Heck, you jist wanna see iffen I kin out-cuss you. Well, I kin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM

The answer is that it is not in fact preferable to many people, who can handle the honesty and a bit of spark without crumpling. However those who are badly overburdened, emotionally, go bozo at the slightest provocation. So a little politesse goes a long way to making the wheels of social interaction turn more smoothly. Any jabberwock knows that, MM. What the fuck is the matter with you? Keee-rist man! Get a grip!

A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM

ah! I see. "brownnose" triggered my reaction, but I'd still rather see the profanities right out then wonder what the ^&(*^%*^$*^() stands for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM

The first is my way of being polite and obsequious and fawning and nice. The second is my usual attitude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM

The former. true or untrue. that is if you mean true "brown-nosing", rather then indifferent politeness or habitual politeness, or the type that occurs to prevent harm to a third party.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:11 PM

Would you rather be called a whey-faced, fistulous, stealing, gutter-crawling, shallow, thoughtless, lickspittle or a @#$!!ing $(#@(!@#%%!! of a !!!@#!$#^&!ing !<@!#%! brownnoser?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

good thing I've got a dentist appointment this month then! And I see what you mean about the taste.

On a serious note - why is it that hypocritical politeness is more acceptable (in general) then brash-faced but honest venom? Even if the latter does not include scatology or blasphemy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

Well, if yer being sickly sweet on the outside, and not feeling thet way on the inside, the dissonance can wreak havoc with yer immune system or your ductless glands.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

No, it cannot make you diabetic but it CAN rot your teeth. And it takes like forever to get that taste out of your mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

shucks, golly gee, SRS - I'm not looking for approval. I figure I'll get smacked down if I do wrong - and my Daddy always said - no need to thank a person for what you should do in the first place. (come to think of it, that *is* one of the things about the way I was raised that rankled.)

and they were seperate incidents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:45 PM

Looks like little Leo has been out running around Mudcatland, then come back to MOM to see if she approves. What have you been up to, dear? Sweetness AND getting attacked by the nasty MG?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM

hey MOM! or fellow MOABites.

I gotta question.


Can being sickeningly sweet and polite make you contract diebetes? Or can it effect the blood sugar levels of diabetics reading such?

Just wanna make sure I'm not causing any medical emergencies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:31 PM

Now yer comin' oyut in style, Rap!! I always knew you had a creative genius lurking behind them bookish looks.

A


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