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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,The Supremacy of Eddore 18 Aug 04 - 02:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Aug 04 - 02:28 PM
Tweed 18 Aug 04 - 02:01 PM
GUEST 18 Aug 04 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,The Supremacy of Eddore 18 Aug 04 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 04 - 11:16 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM
Amos 18 Aug 04 - 10:52 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 04 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 18 Aug 04 - 10:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Aug 04 - 08:43 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 04 - 10:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 04 - 06:41 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 17 Aug 04 - 06:12 PM
Acme 17 Aug 04 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 04 - 04:52 PM
Amos 17 Aug 04 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 04 - 01:26 PM
GUEST 17 Aug 04 - 01:24 PM
Acme 17 Aug 04 - 01:21 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Aug 04 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 17 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM
Amos 17 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 04 - 10:14 AM
GUEST,MMario 17 Aug 04 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 04 - 09:25 AM
Rapparee 16 Aug 04 - 10:24 PM
Acme 16 Aug 04 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 16 Aug 04 - 10:03 AM
Rapparee 16 Aug 04 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 16 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM
GUEST,Crocky Dile 15 Aug 04 - 11:37 PM
Amos 15 Aug 04 - 11:24 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 04 - 10:34 PM
Amos 15 Aug 04 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 04 - 06:34 PM
Amos 15 Aug 04 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM
Acme 15 Aug 04 - 11:54 AM
Acme 15 Aug 04 - 11:53 AM
Amos 14 Aug 04 - 02:21 PM
Acme 14 Aug 04 - 01:45 PM
beardedbruce 13 Aug 04 - 06:47 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM
GUEST 13 Aug 04 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM
Amos 13 Aug 04 - 04:39 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Aug 04 - 04:37 PM
GUEST,Meeting Rapaire 13 Aug 04 - 04:33 PM
GUEST,The Supremacy Of Eddore 13 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Supremacy of Eddore
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 02:40 PM

Our action has begun. You cannot escape.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 02:28 PM

NEWSFLASH!!!!!

GEORGIA SWAMPED BY STRAY ANIMALS!!!!!


Animal control officers throughout southern Georgia have been inundated with reports of massive numbers of stray dogs, cats, parakeets and even a few exotic wild animals migrating northward from the Florida peninsula. At first, it was assumed that the animal exodus was due to the effects of Hurricane Charlie, but it now appears that the root cause is the impending arrival in the southern Florida region of a "piano accordion". It appears that, much like animals are said to be able to sense impending earthquakes, the "dumb animals" of Florida have sensed the vibrations of said "piano accordion" in a southbound UPS truck and are hauling ass to anyplace north ot the St. Mary's River before the aforementioned accordion arrives at its destination, alledgedly the domicile of a Mr. R. Shaw of West Palm Beach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 02:01 PM

...OBV SPECIAL INTERST TO BEEDUBZ AND QUEEN CAROLC....



I have the happy opputunity to annunce thet my piano-accordeen iz even now enroute to the Great Sandbar of Florida. It iz being imported from the Great State of Indiana (home obv the Savant-extraordinaire, J.Danforth Quayle) via a fine Tweedizen gal who works in a thrift store and made the mistake obv axing if ennyone waz interested in it. I hope to soon habv a homebilt cd to ship up to Beedubz whom I habv reason to believe iz a closet accordiophile and feel sure thet he would appreciate habving a collection ob my first efforts at playing this wonderful insterment.

No, don't thank me Beedzerzz az the credit iz all due to being in Mudcat proximity to the Squeeze Box Queen CarolC, who habz insparred me to take this turn in my musical road. My gratutide to that High Priestess obv MOAB knows no bounds. Thank you Carol and permit me to thank you on behalf obv the old Pot Thrower too!

Yores mos' truly,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 01:37 PM

Be silent, laughable one! Or we shall ask the Arasians to grant a lens to Cleigh O'Possum - and then you shall learn true humiliation and defeat.

Better yet - maybe we should ask for a lens for the little pissant. Why make Cleigh exert himself when so little will be needed to teach the "Supremacy" its proper place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Supremacy of Eddore
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 01:28 PM

You fools actually believe that because five puling infants worked against us that we were defeated? Know then that one of them was working for us and those of Eddore who were worthy escaped that puny attempt to crush us.

Bodhrans will consume you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 11:16 AM

I had a grade school teacher who said almost the same thing about me.

Sister Mary Ann Mania it was, the kindly old nun who taught me during my stint in third grade. She believed in postive reinforcement as the key to learning and it was awful. Tommy begged and pleaded with her to hit him, to skin him alive, to send him to the principle's office, to send a note home to his parents, but no. She would smile and say things like, "Now, Tommy, I'm certain that you can do better, can't you? You're a smart boy and I'm sure that you can." And Tommy would be forced to go back and try and, too often for his psyche to bear, he'd succeed. We pitied him and would beat him up every recess, but he eventually drifted away from the pathways opened for him during his youth and while the rest of us became extortionists, politicians, and pursued similar professions, Tommy skidded downwards, ever downwards, and eventually became a pharmacist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM

Indeed. That's just what I was thinking. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 10:52 AM

Sometimes wisdom surfaces in the most unexpected places, LH....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 10:33 AM

You're ignoring him, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 10:12 AM

Well, I suppose you could visit Jville if you either really wanted to do so or were slightly mad. No, I was thinking of the Belleterra, upstream from the Jville area and nearly in Ohio.

Madison is an interesting town, with lots of historic buildings and things. Farmer's Retreat and Dillville are somewhat smaller than Chicago, but you can usually buy gas there at prices that are only moderately inflated.

I thnk my favorite road in Indiana is the Cheap White Guys Trail, renamed by my brother from its official name of the Chief White Eyes Trail. When you've finished driving it you have to back up at least a hundred yards to unscrew yourself from the ground.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Aug 04 - 08:43 AM

you can gamble on a boat on the Indiana side of the Ohio River now...

Which would mean that one would have to actually stop the car and visit Jeffersonville, Indiana? I think not. Definitely on my list of "drive-through-as-quickly-as-possible-and-try-to-forget-you-were-ever-there" places.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 10:35 PM

Oh contrear, Bee Dubya.

Both the Elkhart and the St. Joseph flow nearby. In fact, the Elkhart flows into the St. Joe, merging at -- you guessed, Elkhart! And there are the Wabash and the Tippecanoe and the Yellow and the Red and the White and the Blue rivers, but they're not near where you were, but further south. There are also creeks, cricks, brooks, runs, and other mini-riverine features nearly too numerous to mention and so, not to bore you with such place names as Laughery Creek and Little Laughery Creek and Cedar Creek and so on I won't name them. I'd mention the Ohio River as well, but it doesn't flow through the state of Indiana.*















*The northern boundary of Kentucky is defined as the high water mark on the northern bank of the Ohio River. Thus the Ohio doesn't flow through Indiana. This was brought to Indiana's attention when Indiana first proposed riverboat gambling on the Ohio, and the governor of Kentucky threatened to confiscate what would be illegal gambling boats. The best that Indiana could do, under the law, was gambling canoes. This has since been changed and you can gamble on a boat on the Indiana side of the Ohio River now, if you want to bother to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 06:41 PM

OF SPECIAL INTEREST TO CAROL C !!!!

(But the rest of you may read it too.)

Portable toilets at the art festival in northern Indiana in which I exhibited over the weekend were provided by CRIPE'S SEPTIC SERVICE. Just drop a single diphthong and it would be CRAP'S SEPTIC SERVICE. I'm sure that none of those nice Indiana and Michigan people call them "CRIPE'S CRAPPERS" or any variation thereof. Nope. They're far too civilized for that type of stuff.

Nice toilets too. They use a disinfectant that smells like Lemon Pledge. And nobody mistook one for a canoe and tried to paddle it down the river, though the fact that there was no river nearby may have been a contributing factor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 06:12 PM

Well, you know what they say in entertainment...as long as you can still stir a strong reaction from the public, then you've still got what it takes. I'm going to go out and barbecue some steaks and think about how much you are all going to miss me until the next time I decide to drop in. Chin up, folks! I'll be thinking of you all as the steaks sizzle over the hot coals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 05:58 PM

No, that was a typo. He's the MARINATED one. Turn him over, he's done on that side.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:52 PM

He's...not...the AROINTED One, is he????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:42 PM

The quintessential paradigmatic embodiment of archetypal STUNODITY!!

AROINT!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:26 PM

Stun? You can't stun the stunned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:24 PM

Then phaser him on 'STUN'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:21 PM

Beam him up, Scottie!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:15 PM

NO!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM

I've been busy, but thought I would drop in for a second or two. Have you missed me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM

Y aknow you guys are gems for bringing up profound but overlooked myszztries of life like that there waiter thing. We say we're waitin' on someone when we're waiting for them, and the people who are really waiting on others don't wait at all once you've made up yore damned mind to have the same thing you had the last 321 times you came into this diner....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 10:14 AM

Hi folk. I have returned from the 50º coolness of the Indiana/Michigan border to the 95º swampiness of Floribama.

Yes, Rap, the show (all 4 days of it) was at Amish Acres. It was fun and profitable. Did not see any Klingons or Vogons this trip. Just a few Amish.

I'm all up for the Mighty Mudcat Tour thingie. Only problem is it would be dificult to produce that much pottery in advance so I'd have to work on the road. If someone has access to a truck large enough to carry my entire studio and equipped with a generator capable of firing two 50 Amp 240 Volt kilns....

I am not surprised to learn that khandu and Tweed are, in fact, the same person. That explains a lot of things. I'm not sure exactly what things it explains, but there are a lot of them.

However it does not explain why the person who takes one's order in a restaurant is called the "waiter" when, in fact, it's the customer who does the waiting. The "waiter" is usually busier than a cat coverin' up shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 09:46 AM

sigh...I miss 1585


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 09:25 AM

There wasn't any bottom. Fionula was there, of course, waiting. She was always waiting. Waiting was her life. She had been a waitress, once, but was now a waiter. She'd been a waitress for Weight Watchers, watching those who watched their weight while she waited tables. But that was all in the past. Her brother, Wattie, had also once waited but he was impatient and no longer did so. Wattie was a disappointment to the family, being a hermaphrodidic eunuch, but he was still her brother and sister and she was proud of his work as a harem guard to the Sultan of Oswish. Fionula often wished that she'd someday see Wattie again, but she knew that unless she went to work in Oswish that wasn't very likely. She remembered how when they were children they'd often talk about Life and Love and Music and Ask Great Questions About Things, none of which meant a thing or were ever answered. That was why she'd become a atheistic animist. It wasn't much of a religion, believed in the god or goddess that didn't exist in everything around you, but it was her own. All her own in fact, and sometimes at services she'd get lonely, preaching the sermon and then running out to to sit in the pews so that when the words arrived there'd be a congregation to listen. Wearing, it was. She was also the Sexton, the Vicar, the Choir and the Music Director, the bell-ringer, the janitor, and the archbishop. Yes indeed, it was wearing, and she was not only tired of the silly cassocks and albs and chasubles that she had to wear, the berreta was wearing a hole in her silk teddie where the hammer snagged the fabric. She often wondered if her sister, the nun, had the same problem. Probably not, since the Sisters of Divine Retribution wore tight leather habits and carried a quart of quirts. The quirts weren't painful, being devoid of quarks, but they were intimidating. Her sister, Sister Merry Bottom, sister with the laughing blue ears and the giggling lips, sister with the long fuscia hair. It was real fuscia, too, due to a childish prank she'd played on her when she was a baby.

But there was still no bottom, and so Fionula waited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:24 PM

Mother shall not fall tonight!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:10 AM

Rapaire and Amos, it isn't "rope" theory you should investigate, but "Knot Theory and it's Ramifications." (Don't ask me how I came across this site--it was a serendipitious discovery and looked so interesting I make a bookmark).

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:03 AM

Hey, I snagged a palindromic number! Good for me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 09:58 AM

Crocky, I do hope that you didn't feel that oral sex wasn't a sexual act. 'Cause if you did and if you did, you won't anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM

Yves Klein once said that "we can only conquer Space by impregnating it." Immediately thereafter he dove out a window.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Crocky Dile
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:37 PM

In a weak moment I had sex with an alligator yesterday. I am so ashamed! I never thought I was capable of that sort of cross-species miscegenation, but it just happened in the heat of the moment. It may have been a reaction to Hurricane Charley. At the time it seemed so perfect, but in retrospect I am tortured with regret. How can I face my family and friends? What should I do? Will this blot on my soul haunt me for all my remaining days? The storm winds outside are lessening now, but the storm inside my fevered conscience rages on!

C.Dile, Devils Garden, Florida


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:24 PM

If you want to know the kind of stuff Rapaire has to do all day for real, here is an examp[e.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 10:34 PM

Why, shucks and durn, I'm jist a-doin' what I was trained ta do: answer questions that folks might ask, provide the information they might seek, and never, ever to say "Gee, that's the stupidest thing I've heard all week -- your brains on vacation or what?!" (For a glimpse at the actual life of librarian, visit here for an intimate look.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 07:12 PM

MOAB men and women all, this Rapaire is wondrous kind, a scholar and a gentlemen!! Here I went in my typically sloppy fashion and posted full of typos one of the most obscure and tantalizing questions ever to torment a human being, one which has haunted the race of men since the earliest days of civilization in all its several cradles...and what does this Rapaire do? I will tell you, brethren under the Sign of the MOAB -- he ANSWERS it!!!!!!

This guy is too much, I tell you. Wherever you in his travels should him meet, do you, I charge you, serve him one dark stout for me, in recognition of his deep-bred excellence!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 06:34 PM

Perhaps an extension of string theory. Rope Theory -- intergalactic ropes of "stuff" that we could use to pull ourselves along from place to place. Ropes of gravitons, maybe, all strung out along interstellar and intergalactic paths between stars and galaxies, the ropes caused by the distortions that mass produces (see "rubber sheet" examples of the Relativity Theory) and similar to what happens to the bedsheets when you toss and turn all night (as mass does -- planets and suns rotating, etc.).

Or just punch through the fabric of those "wrinkled sheets" to get to where you want to go.

You can get to Pluto in about a week if you continuosly boost at 1G for half the distance -- you can figger it out, it's like that old "how long will it take to go x miles if you're going y mph?" problem, only a little more complex. As for the power source for such a boost, well, 'tain't no reason not to shoot off a-bombs behind our ship and ride the shock wave -- nuclear explosions aren't anything new in space. Or better yet, let's get crackin' on controlled fusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 03:29 PM

What it really take to break these surly bonds and achieve the kind of speeds necessary for trans-galactice relocation?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM

4326. The atomic weight of thionite, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:54 AM

Oops. NOW it's 4325.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:53 AM

Are we going for tiny increments now? Okay, whatever it takes to boost this Mother back up to the top. The cat's been a little slow today, blinking in and out. 4325


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Aug 04 - 02:21 PM

I have learned always to answer that question with "Yes". It seems to stop 'em dead in their tracks.

4324...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Aug 04 - 01:45 PM

Are we there yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 06:47 PM

Blastoff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

It's a Valerian word meaning "scary."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:44 PM

firghtening?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM

besides - with Gharlane dead (and it is dead) you haven't a chance even WITHOUT the Children of the Lens.

you might as well be the Galactic Overlord - you are so laughable.

Bubba-bubba is more firghtening. (especialy when s/he/it has the labrador with her/him/it)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:39 PM

I have been a Gray Lensman (Hon., Ret.) for a number of lifetimes, and I am glad to inform you that the Eddorian post is fraudulent.

Grimace Haldebear
Gray Lensman


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:37 PM

hahahahahahahaha!



considering that a quintet of CHILDREN can whup your ass - if you had a gender I'd say you had brass cojones threatening us - (but you don't - so I won't.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Meeting Rapaire
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:33 PM

Wenatchee is much warmer than Pocatello has been, and the air is smoky from the fires.

Thionite? Won't the Lensmen want to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Supremacy Of Eddore
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM

We find you worms have continued to frustrate us in out quest. Haldive, even thionite, haven't corrupted you to our need. Therefore, we must use the ultimate weapon to destroy your civilization. It is encompassed in a mere three of your words. You are powerless, even with the help of your Arisian friends, to stop us now that The Plan is accomplished. And here are the three words that will strike terror into your hearts and, now that the time has been fulfilled, explain to you the doom that approaches:

Four More Years!!


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