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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 15 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM
Pete Jennings 15 Oct 13 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 13 - 10:17 AM
Amos 15 Oct 13 - 09:44 AM
Amos 15 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 07:14 PM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 01:01 PM
Acme 14 Oct 13 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 13 - 09:46 AM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 08:00 AM
Acme 14 Oct 13 - 12:16 AM
Amos 13 Oct 13 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 13 - 10:34 PM
Acme 13 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM
GUEST 13 Oct 13 - 07:04 PM
Amos 13 Oct 13 - 03:57 PM
gnu 13 Oct 13 - 07:07 AM
Amos 13 Oct 13 - 12:29 AM
Rapparee 12 Oct 13 - 10:39 PM
gnu 12 Oct 13 - 07:00 AM
Acme 12 Oct 13 - 12:53 AM
Rapparee 11 Oct 13 - 10:25 PM
gnu 11 Oct 13 - 07:54 PM
Amos 11 Oct 13 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 11 Oct 13 - 10:38 AM
Amos 11 Oct 13 - 09:51 AM
Amos 11 Oct 13 - 09:49 AM
Amos 11 Oct 13 - 09:49 AM
gnu 11 Oct 13 - 07:00 AM
Rapparee 10 Oct 13 - 11:25 PM
GUEST,lapttopgnu 10 Oct 13 - 05:13 PM
Amos 10 Oct 13 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 13 - 10:19 AM
MMario 10 Oct 13 - 09:58 AM
gnu 10 Oct 13 - 06:27 AM
Acme 09 Oct 13 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 13 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 13 - 12:10 PM
gnu 09 Oct 13 - 07:10 AM
Acme 09 Oct 13 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 09 Oct 13 - 12:05 AM
gnu 08 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM
Acme 08 Oct 13 - 05:30 PM
gnu 08 Oct 13 - 06:30 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 13 - 11:19 AM
gnu 07 Oct 13 - 05:16 AM
GUEST 07 Oct 13 - 01:53 AM
Acme 07 Oct 13 - 01:13 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 13 - 05:32 PM
Acme 06 Oct 13 - 04:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM

What a fine contribution to our thread! Thank you, Pete!

Seems someone coming along behind to kick the bread into the water is in order. Or perhaps someone armed with a golf club, would it be a wood or an iron that you would use to lift and propel something so lightweight?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 11:09 AM

Hey, gnu, you're needed over here in lil'ol' England, Penkridge in Staffordshire to be precisional.

Yep, we got oursells a PHANTOM BREAD SPREADER!

Walks along the canal early every morning from Otherton Lock to Princefield Bridge spreading loadsa bread - about two slices every few steps. For the ducks apparently, but the shithead don't realise that the ducks are smart enough not to eat anything that ain't in the water so the bread lies there goin' mouldy and attractin' rats and gettin' ate by dogs (canal's a fave place for doggie walkin'). Trouble is, pooches ain't born to eat bread an' causes them all sortsa problems - ours has seborrhoea, another has diarrhoea - an' they're right miserable cos of it an' them vets ain't cheap.

Git your gun an' get over here pronto!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 10:17 AM

Sheep? Cows? Horses? Octopi? Wolves? Bears? Panthers? Eastern Wood Buffalo? Skunks? Oxen? Cats? Dogs? Mackerel? Codfish? Coyotes? Raccoons? Beaver? Otters? Marten? Squirrels? Rabbits? Wood rats? Ticks? Hornets? Spiders? Bees? Eagles? Robins? Red-tailed hawks?

Specificity is needed here, Amos. Although I'm fairly certain I've met the offspring of a human/skunk relationship, "getting it on" with a moose would be interesting, to say the least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 09:44 AM

"You've heard of the witch hunts in Salem, but I'm guessing you're not as familiar with the pig-man hunts of New Haven. The most troubling sex fiends of those days weren't pedophiles (the age of consent in the colonies was ten, if that tells you anything) but men secretly in league with the Devil to impregnate barnyard animals. The fear was that the resulting malevolent offspring (called 'prodigies' -- my, how the meaning of that word has changed over time) would silently infiltrate the fledgling America and muck it all up with evil for the God-fearing folk. The settlers had gotten this strange idea from the teachings of the violently prudish medieval scholar Thomas Aquinas, who coined the term 'prodigy' to refer to any hybrid creature sprung from the loins of another species but borne of human seed. According to him, prodigies could also be conceived through sex with atheists, but it seems there were far fewer of those milling about the colonies than solicitous swine."

From Delancey Place book review.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM

Eat that fire, sling that lead
Billow gunsmoke 'round yo' head
Practice power, 'nuff to slay
And live to
Try communicating
Another day...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 07:14 PM

BTW... here is a pic of my two shots (why waste shells?) at 100m with the top barrel (full choke 12) of my 28" vent rib o/u Baikal made by Izhevsky Mechanichesky Zavod. My baby has a cracked stock and a worn bead sight (both long stories and one involves a harrowing incident traversing a beaver dam on a 3-wheeler). 1 ounce rifled Winchester slugs.

.

Not bad, eh?

Took over 2000 ruffed grouse with that gun over about 25 years. Over 600 after I taped up the crack in the stock with duct tape. I was gonna leave it to cousin Jim with the will video sayin somethin like "Since you can't hunt or shoot worth shit, this might help." but I think I'll leave it to cousin Charley on accounta he learned what I taught him because he was not an arrogant little snot.

BTW... that there Russian gun? It beat the shit out of a Browning that would cost you around $40,000 today and a world champion skeet shooter (I was there). I paid $300, cash, no tax.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 01:01 PM

I didn't even attempt a guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 12:30 PM

I did the secret math and figured it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 09:46 AM

No, I never thought that. I thought it was a mean ol' troll who lived under the bridge and was now starting to infect MOAB the Pure and that I'd have to get the Idaho Legion to unlimber its limbered Ribauldequin and remove the infenestration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 08:00 AM

Guest was laptopgnu but youse probably guessed that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 12:16 AM

Definitely not rose-colored glass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 11:59 PM

It strikes me you are seeing through a leaded glass darkly, my fire-eating friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 10:34 PM

The cowboys I shoot at are steeled to it. In fact, they get a bang out of it. Sure, they sound off about it sometimes but I figure they're just clamoring for attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM

MOM, I cleared space for the onion seed and garlic buds that were on the cloves I dug earlier this year. You're going to have to stop pulling the car off of the concrete driveway now so you don't smash the garden.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 07:04 PM

Well. apparently, The Glebe is must for just such a thing, according to my old buddies in Uppiity Canada.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 03:57 PM

I have no idea, old pal. I never have gone shopping in Ottowa. I rarely go shopping at all, to tell the truth, although I love glancing over the fruits of human creativity in markets and stores.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 07:07 AM

Rap... don't the cowboys shoot back?

A... why would you want to go shopping in Ottawa? Too close to Orillia?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 12:29 AM

THe list of people to call and things to do has finally whittled down into something reselmbling order,.

It is wearisome, manning the battlements, when I could be skipping from glebe to glebe, peregrinating like a mad young thing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 13 - 10:39 PM

HEY MOM!!! I went cowboy shooting and my shooting for the first scenario was FLAWLESS!!!! No misses!!! Not one!!! Not even a near miss!!!! 24 shots (10 pistol, 10 rifle, 4 shotgun) and 24 hits!!!! And in 93.4 seconds, which included moving from one place to another!!!








Of course when I finished I had to be reminded to take the guns to unloading table to be cleared....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Oct 13 - 07:00 AM

Rap, your sense of humour is indeed warped. I like that. Stan's voice and spirit grace my house every so often. Must put one of his CDs in the truck as I love to sing along whilst not paying attention to the road. I am thinking of dumping the truck and just using Mum's car as the truck is a rather expensive toy when the only, at present, real justification for such a beast is being able to plow through a snowstorm in an emergency but THAT would require me to drive more carefully. Donchya hate runalong sentences?

SRS, if it is my Air Canada comments that confuse, I conclude you have never flown the unfriendly skies of Air Canada, whose reputation for obnoxious flight crews is quite common knowledge the world over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 13 - 12:53 AM

I'm confused. (Nothing new about that. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 10:25 PM

STAN ROGERS is going to visit with YOU??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 07:54 PM

I do that all the time but I always thought is was called Budification. Urp.

BTW, A, your empty pack of Camels adorns my mantle next to mementos of past gracers of my humble abode. I even stuffed one of those four drag stubs in the lip of it to attest to my skills as a host. One may search one's mind all eve for the meaning of that but never find a suitable answer unless they spend an eve in the presence of such momentos.

Odd that I cling to the memories of that eve so. Or, perhaps, not so odd. I guess ya had ta be there to unnerstand why it was "special" for me. I hope for another next weelend. A Canuck of HIGH note, known and acclaimed far and wide, surely heard by youse on popular media, will be in da house barring unforeseen circumsandwiches like what happened last time he was supposed ta show up. Twas not his fault but that of the dreaded Air Canada. "Excuse me, sir. How may I help you enjoy your Air Canada flight today?" "I am on Air Canada? Ohhhhh fuuuuuck. Wait, did you ask me how you could HELP?" "Just shittin! HAHAHAHAA! Sit down, put yer fuckin tray up yer ass and shut the fuck up. Yer lucky we let you on the plane."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 02:56 PM

Damn! Busted!!

Never mind, Rapparree. Bilocationalism is just Nature's way of telling us that One Location is Never Enough.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 10:38 AM

Amos, your last posts, obviously made from two different locations at the same time, belies your premise of your lack of bilocative abilities.

Why haven't you told us about this ability? You could play a duet with yourself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 09:51 AM

WTF? Strangest mechanism I've seen here yet! SRS?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 09:49 AM

Rapparree:

You got no call for all that bletherskiting around. I have had PLENTY of thoughts on all those things. But unlike your Noble Self, I am only operating one body, this lifetime, and am constrained by time therefore. Furthermore, I --unlike you--am not blessed with Unlimited REsources.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 09:49 AM

Rapparree:

You got no call for all that bletherskiting around. I have had PLENTY of thoughts on all those things. But unlike your Noble Self, I am only operating one body, this lifetime, and am constrained by time therefore. Furthermore, I --unlike you--am not blessed with Unlimited REsources.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Oct 13 - 07:00 AM

Sandy Ego... heheheee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 11:25 PM

So, he's finally back home where he belongs in Sandy Ego.

Poor wife. Poor doggy. And never a thought to visiting elsewhere than the far East. Visit Amergin? Visit Deckman or Don Firth? Visit me or Eiseley? Noooooooooooooooooooo. Well, I hope your doggy mictruates on the leg of your pants for she remembers who you are if you leave in the future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,lapttopgnu
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 05:13 PM

Well, A, you are always welcome here as is Gabe. It was an eve I shall not soon forget.

Translation: Yeeees buddy! I was sure glad ye stopped an shared a drop, a wag and a sing. I had a grand time me zon, me zon. Yer good as a soft log ye n ye can share me moss any day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 03:33 PM

WHat a wonderful tale, so vivid and nerve-wracking in plot, so dynamic in tension, so colorful in detail!

I am pleased, although also sorry, to report that I have found my way back to the balmy clear blue skies of San Diego, where the sunlight dapples the trees and the chill is always gone by breakfast. Dani was kind enough to drop my weeping corpse at the airport, and the security guys moved me through the line in spite of my wailing, because by that time she was gone and they didn't know what else to do with me, so they sent me along to the airplane. Eventually the sniffles died down to a muted whimper, and I passed into the sleep of the Post-Getaway Recovery Traveler.

The magic of these ten weeks is unspeakable and is still cascading through my old bones sparking memories for the polishing and sorting, and I have no idea how long it will take me to process it all. But I do know this much--it was a wonderful journey, from the Straits of Northumberland to the Lowlands of Wingate, North Carolina, and back. I feel swamped with gratitude and pleasure and affection for the many fine souls who made it possible. I should do it again, I think. Just rest up a little, and then let's see....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 10:19 AM

In the Swamp, of course. There was a bonanza of them that grew there, a literal plethora. But then, we only used 5 gallon buckets so there would be some left for anyone else foolish enough to venture in looking for them. Big, fat, sweet ones they were, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 09:58 AM

Where the heck did you find enough dewberries to fill buckets (plural) not once, but TWICE!!!!!??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Oct 13 - 06:27 AM

Good, cause all I got for spray is windex, Vim, Safer's Soap, silicone lubricant, setra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 10:13 PM

No need to spray anything before freezing - and when they thaw you can pop the insides out of the skins very easily.

Now to go back and read Rap's story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 09:18 PM

You'd see them sometimes when you'd go fishing, usually in the Spring but, sometimes, in mid-Fall. Thousands of them in the river, fighting to find the mouth of the creek at the headwaters of which they were born.

        Their colors ? bright gray and brilliant red and deep green and what even looked like a flash of blue ? would dazzle you on a sunny day as they leapt from the water, trying to get to their spawning grounds.

        Most wouldn't make it. They'd be eaten by the bears which gathered along the creek banks or be taken by eagles or, for many, exhaust themselves trying to make the spawning grounds and die in the attempt.

        Those that did make it would spawn and then try to run the gauntlet again to make it to open water -- some few made it, but most didn't. They left their egg stalks cemented to stones on the bottom of the creeks, and one person said that these deposits of eggs looked like gardens of flowers.

        Eventually the eggs would hatch and the squid larva would fight their way to the river, only to repeat the cycle some years later. It had been going on for thousands of years, this spawning of Architeuthis Mississipiensis gigans, the giant squid of the Mississippi, which everyone simply called "big squid."

        Boaters didn't like them. During spawning season or when a school of squid would appear on the surface there would be so many squid that boats couldn't run their motors without damaging the propellers. Fisherfolk didn't like them because they couldn't be eaten ? it was said that they tasted like ammonia ? although a few were used for bait. Barge operators didn't like them because it was said that REALLY big ones attacked barges at night, which really scared the crews even though no one was ever hurt.

        Gradually the numbers of squid declined. Some people said it was because of pollution, but most said that it was because the squid migrated elsewhere. Dam workers reported giant schools of squid moving downstream, and the New Orleans newspapers said that "immense numbers of squid" had passed the city on the way to the Gulf of Mexico.

        So the next year they were missing from Cedar Creek, just as they were missing from all of the creeks around town. And we missed seeing them. Like nearly everyone in town, we liked watching the squid as they made their journey upstream. Even people like boaters liked to watch the shoals of squid, their bodies turning pretty colors and their tentacles waving in the air.

        And of course that was the year the Walt Disney released the movie 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, which had a great scene in it about a fight with a giant squid. The same sort of squid that used to be around town in such great numbers was in a movie. A squid was a movie star, and all of them had left. Like all of the kids in town we were really disappointed that they were gone, but we thought that maybe the squid in the movie could have been one of ours.

        Then the movie came out and we found out that the squid was a bad guy that tried to sink the submarine. Nobody liked that. We knew that squid were pretty fish which didn't hurt anything except maybe barges at night, and even that wasn't proven. So after the first couple of days the movie closed because nobody went to see it.

        We hiked out to the Swamp the weekend after the movie closed. We were hoping to get some early dewberries so that Mom could make a dewberry pie for Sunday dinner. Naturally, we talked about the movie as we walked, our dewberry buckets in our hands. We each had two buckets, and in one of them was our lunch. Of course, we'd made jokes about which one was to be our "lunch bucket" before we'd left, and finally Mom had had enough and told us to go get the dewberries and, because we'd forgotten them, had tossed our lunches to us.

        But we talked about the movie and the submarine in it and about things under the sea and about the squid and how it had attacked the submarine and about how there weren't any squid around any more. Tony agreed with those who thought that the squid had left because of pollution and Ted thought that they had left because it was time for them to migrate and Martha thought that they'd left because they were angry about being made a bad guy in the movie and I thought that it might have been because of all of these reasons or maybe just because they wanted to move somewhere else for a while..

        Eventually we reached the Swamp. It was pretty much as we'd left it the weekend before: quicksand pools, dead trees, live trees, bushes, shrubs, logs, illigators, Spanish moss, muck, mud, dry land, flowers, lizards, musk ox, and all. Swamps don't change much if you leave them alone, and we liked that.

        Remembering the old saying that you should never ever pick dewberries on an empty stomach, we ate lunch and then set out for the dewberry patches. There were lots and lots of early dewberries, but you had to be careful because they grew next to quicksand pools and you could slip in pretty easily. Falling in a deep pool of quicksand -- and all of them were really, really deep -- could be a major annoyance.

        All of our left-hand buckets were filled and we'd just started on the right-hand buckets when Martha said, "What's that?" and pointed to the quicksand pool.

        "It's a big blue eye watching us," I replied. "Nothing to be alarmed about. Probably happens all the time, only you don't notice it."

        "Why would it be watching us?" asked Ted.

        "Maybe it's part of Santa Claus's surveillance system," opined Tony.

        "Maybe it's the Eye of the Swamp, watching to make sure we don't do anything bad," opine Ted.

        "Maybe it's a really, really big squid and it's going to try to capture and eat us," opined Martha.
        
        "Don't be silly," I replied. "All of the squid have left. And besides, there aren't any squid in quicksand poo....aaaawk!" And a great big tentacle wrapped itself around me and started slowly dragging me towards the quicksand.
        
        Quick as half a wink, Martha and Tony grabbed my feet and stopped my slide towards the quicksand.

        "What's a 'quicksand poo...aaawk'?" asked Ted.

        "You stupid stupid!" I exclaimed. "Help Tony and Martha hold me!"

        "Stupid! You called me stupid!" exclaimed Ted. "I've got the highest reading level in my class! So there!"

        "If you don't help us, he'll be dragged into that mouth," said Tony. And I looked and sure enough, there was a beak-like mouth in the quicksand, opening and closing with really nasty sounding clicks.

        "Maybe I'll tickle you, instead," said Ted. "That'd show him for calling me stupid."

        And he sat down on the ground with a thump.

        And another tentacle flashed out of the water and started to drag him to the quicksand!

        As he passed me, I grabbed his legs. Now I was holding onto Ted's legs while Martha and Tony were holding onto my legs, and all the while tentacles were drawing Ted and I toward Our Fate (if Tony or Martha let go).

        Just then, there was a great big jerk towards the quicksand and my legs were pulled from Tony and Martha's grips! Ted and I flew towards the Horror In The Quicksand!

        And just before Ted's head touched the quicksand, I managed to hook my right leg around a nice, big tree trunk! With another jerk, we stopped.

        Did you ever wonder what the rope feels like during a tug-of-war? Ted and I know from first-hand experience.

        For what seemed like hours we were pulled and jerked and tossed toward the quicksand. And for what seemed like centuries I hung onto that tree with my right leg.

        Tony and Martha got up and got some big sticks and started beating on the tentacles which held Ted and me.   They were forced back when other tentacles came out of the water and nearly caught them.

        "Oh no!" cried Tony. "Whatever shall we do?"

        "Oh no!" cried Martha. "Our brothers who just ate lunch with us are going to be lunch!"

        "I could let go of Ted's ankles," I said.

        "Oh no! Don't do that! I don't want to be et!" cried Ted.

        "I'm getting a cramp in the ankle that's holding us to the tree," I said.

        With that bit of news Tony and Martha jumped up and ran into the brush. They were back in just a couple of seconds, dragging a long length of grapevine. With that they proceeded to lash my leg to the tree, which let me relax my ankle just a little bit.

        Still, the thing was pulling and jerking us, trying to pull us free of the tree, and all of us knew that it might succeed. The grapevines would snap, I wouldn't be able to snag the tree again with my ankle, and then -- sluuuuuurrrrpppp! Chomp, chomp, chomp!

        "It seems to be awfully hungry," Ted panted. "I wish it could find something else to eat."

        And with that, Martha reached into one of the buckets, pulled out a handful of dewberries, and flung them right into the mouth in the quicksand! A couple sort of spattered to the side of the mouth, but a big, ugly tongue came out and licked them inside.

        With that, Tony too started throwing dewberries at the mouth. Both he and Martha missed much of the time, but that tongue would lick up the splattered dewberries. In fact, the tongue got to catching the dewberries while they were still in the air!

        All of this would have been as interesting as heck if Ted and I weren't still being pulled mouthward.

        And then, just as Martha and Tony were throwing the last of the dewberries into the mouth, the tentacles let us go!

        Ted and I flew backwards towards the tree I was tied to. I hit the tree first and then he landed on me.

        The eye and the mouth and the tentacles disappeared into the quicksand. A minute later there was a big bubble that came to the surface and broke with an "UUURPPP!" sound. Then smaller bubbles trailed off towards the other side of the quicksand pool and finally disappeared.

        "Well, that settled the left hand dewberries," I observed. "And we're going to have to pick quick if we're going to take home any at all."

        Ted got up and walked over to the buckets. I got up to follow him and fell down. Tony came over and untied the grapevine that had still tied my foot to the tree.

        "Wow! That was exciting!" I said.

        "Falling down often is," replied Tony.

        "No, no. The fight with whatever that was," I replied to his reply. "I think that must have been a big Big Squid. And I thought that they were all gone, too."

        "Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. And I don't think that I want to go over to the other side of the quicksand pool. But, maybe, hmmmm....I bet that there's a tunnel or something that connects this quicksand pool to another one and so on until you get to the river. I bet that's where whatever it was went, too. To the river," said Tony, in his longest statement thus far that day.

        "Here," said Ted. "I filled your buckets with dewberries because you saved me from being et." And he handed me two buckets full of dewberries!

        We quickly filled all of the buckets with dewberries again, and then we walked home. I had to walk with one foot in the gutter for quite a ways, but eventually my right leg returned to the same length as my left leg. Ted's legs never did return to the same length, and we had to sew strips of cloth around the bottom of his pants legs so that they'd be long enough to cover the tops of his socks (and no matter what he says, we didn't use lace ruffles).

        Mom was happy to see all of the dewberries we picked, and the next day we had dewberry pie. She also made a bunch of dewberry jam and jelly for the Winter. But that night we had carrots and caviar and croutons and crackers for dinner, and when Mom brought the calamari to the table Ted yelled, "PAYBACK!" and ate it all. Mom just looked at him and sighed, and got the cake for dessert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 12:10 PM

Oh, yeah. If yer gonna use 'em in cooking, spray the waxed paper with AND the tomatoes with a light coat of cooking oil (or put some on the waxed paper and roll 'em around in it). Prevent 'em from sticking to the wax paper and each other.

And freeze 'em in a single layer, not in a clump. You'll thank me for this insight later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 07:10 AM

I suppose I could freeze em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 12:20 AM

I already told him to do that once, I guess he forgot. I just had a bowl of my braised beef short ribs that were cooked with onion, carrot, potato, and a bag of my frozen cherry tomatoes. Mmmmm!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 13 - 12:05 AM

Wash 'em, let 'em dry, and put them on waxed paper on a cookie sheet and freeze them. When they're friz, put 'em in Ziploc bags and use 'em in cooking when the snow is eleven feet deep.

Sheesh, I gotta do ALL the thinkin' around here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM

No. Want a tomatoe? They are small. Cheery. Take a dozen... please. Take two dozen. Someone! Take a damn tomatoe! I can't stand to see em become compost. Poor little things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 13 - 05:30 PM

Monday night football - never watched it. Did I miss anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Oct 13 - 06:30 AM

The Last Little Post O' Mine (The Weepy Ballad)

From Alaska to Texas
And from all points in between

Scrap that, scrap that. Tea... much more tea.......... Monday night football is a killer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 13 - 11:19 AM

I have no idea why the last little post o' mine had me as GUEST.

"The Last Little Post O' Mine" would make a good title for one of those weepy ballads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Oct 13 - 05:16 AM

Congrats to Mrs. Rap for not putting Roundup in your salad for 40 years!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Oct 13 - 01:53 AM

Well, I don't think that a Roundup is a very good salad dressing. But I did meet the two dogs the new neighbors have. Not the people, just the dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 13 - 01:13 AM

Congratulations, and enjoy that salad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 13 - 05:32 PM

I am celebrating the 40th anniversary of my wedding day. Forty years. With my first and only wife. I shall go out later and commit herbicide on some weeds to celebrate in a REALLY big way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 13 - 04:48 PM

It's the weekend so you guys are all out playing. I, on the other hand, mowed the lawn and trimmed the shrub that is taking over the driveway. I think I will have that Shiner Bock cerveza, with some tomato juice as my reward.


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