Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134] [1135] [1136] [1137]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 08 Apr 05 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Apr 05 - 09:25 AM
Acme 07 Apr 05 - 10:07 PM
Amos 07 Apr 05 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 06:15 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 07 Apr 05 - 06:00 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM
Acme 07 Apr 05 - 05:28 PM
Amos 07 Apr 05 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 04:03 PM
Amos 07 Apr 05 - 02:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Apr 05 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM
Acme 07 Apr 05 - 12:15 PM
GUEST,MMario 07 Apr 05 - 11:08 AM
Amos 07 Apr 05 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,MMario 07 Apr 05 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 05 - 10:49 AM
GUEST,John Paul II, Ex-Pope 06 Apr 05 - 05:40 PM
GUEST,X.M. Pell 06 Apr 05 - 03:15 PM
Amos 06 Apr 05 - 03:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 05 - 03:03 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 06 Apr 05 - 02:02 PM
GUEST,Amos 06 Apr 05 - 12:29 PM
GUEST,MMario 06 Apr 05 - 11:05 AM
GUEST,MMario 06 Apr 05 - 10:53 AM
GUEST,MMario 06 Apr 05 - 10:46 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 06 Apr 05 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 06 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM
GUEST,MMario 06 Apr 05 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 06 Apr 05 - 09:35 AM
GUEST,MMario 06 Apr 05 - 09:28 AM
Paco Rabanne 06 Apr 05 - 04:01 AM
Paco Rabanne 06 Apr 05 - 04:00 AM
Paco Rabanne 06 Apr 05 - 03:59 AM
Little Hawk 06 Apr 05 - 02:29 AM
GUEST,Bryant Fish 06 Apr 05 - 01:23 AM
Acme 06 Apr 05 - 12:02 AM
Rustic Rebel 05 Apr 05 - 11:50 PM
Acme 05 Apr 05 - 11:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Apr 05 - 11:40 PM
GUEST,Delbert Naseer 05 Apr 05 - 11:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 Apr 05 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 05 - 09:38 PM
Amos 05 Apr 05 - 08:36 PM
rumanci 05 Apr 05 - 08:15 PM
Bunnahabhain 05 Apr 05 - 08:08 PM
Amos 05 Apr 05 - 06:37 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 05 - 06:26 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:28 AM

Mom would also disapprove if I were to forget to close an HTML bolding. She told me so.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:25 AM

Did I say I wrote 'em? Huh? Did I? I bloody well assume that any MOABite, even the lowest and most maladroit one-time visitor frightened by the intelligence herein demonstrated, their clawed fingers, hunched over a keyboard and drooling particles of their latest swill (mixed with the juice of some Red Man or Skoal) onto the keys, a miasma of the perfume of stale beer, a long unwashed body, the ancient smoke of cheap cigars, and the eldritch odors of a long-ago dish of cabbage and limburger cheese mingling with the anterior eruptions of their more than ample stomach surrounding them like a gas cloud hovering over the rotting dead on some long-forgotten battlefield, one last yellowed tooth dangling by a thread of blackened tissue over their lip, their hair growing in disappointed tufts upon a boil-covered, pus-oozing pate, would know how to find works by Dryden and Pope (if not immediately recognize the work from the quotation itself).

Do I presume too much of those who dwell here, or of those who, attracted by the brillance shown by MOABites (the ne plus ultra of the Mudcat) like moths around a flame, flicker in and flicker out?

I think not.

For one thing, Mom would disapprove were I to denigrate other people.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 10:07 PM

Ah! Good ol' Jack Lynch. A name from my early Internet explorations in the name of Literature.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:49 PM

The latter by Dryden, "Mac Fleckno".

The former, An Epistle to Arbuthnot, by Alexander Pope.

Oh, thou false lifter who nameth no names! May thy valves leak and all thy rings be false and break on bad roads!!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:15 PM

Nah, Bee-dubya, metrical poetry is pretty good fer bein' nasty. Like this:

Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings,
This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings;
Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys,
Yet Wit ne'er tastes, and Beauty ne'er enjoys,
So well-bred Spaniels civilly delight
In mumbling of the Game they dare not bite.
Eternal Smiles his Emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.
Whether in florid Impotence he speaks,
And, as the Prompter breathes, the Puppet squeaks;
Or at the Ear of Eve, familiar Toad,
Half Froth, half Venom, spits himself abroad,
In Puns, or Politicks, or Tales, or Lyes,
Or Spite, or Smut, or Rymes, or Blasphemies.
His Wit all see-saw between that and this,
Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss,
And he himself one vile Antithesis.
Amphibious Thing! that acting either Part,
The trifling Head, or the corrupted Heart!
Fop at the Toilet, Flatt'rer at the Board,
Now trips a Lady, and now struts a Lord.
Eve's Tempter thus the Rabbins have exprest,
A Cherub's face, a Reptile all the rest;
Beauty that shocks you, Parts that none will trust,
Wit that can creep, and Pride that licks the dust.


Or even

Now Empress Fame had published the renown
Of Shadwell's coronation through the town.
Roused by report of Fame, the nations meet,
From near Bunhill, and distant Watling Street.
No Persian carpets spread the imperial way,
But scattered limbs of mangled poets lay;
From dusty shops neglected authors come,
Martyrs of pies, and relics of the bum.
Much Heywood, Shirley, Ogilby there lay,                         Top
But loads of Sh-- almost choked the way.
Bilked stationers for yeomen stood prepared,
And Herringman was captain of the guard.
The hoary prince in majesty appeared,
High on a throne of his own labours reared.
At his right hand our young Ascanius sate,
Rome's other hope, and pillar of the State.
His brows thick fogs, instead of glories, grace,
And lambent dullness played around his face.
As Hannibal did to the altars come,
Sworn by his sire a mortal foe to Rome;
So Shadwell swore, nor should his vow be vain,
That he till death true dullness would maintain;
And, in this father's right, and realm's defence,
Ne'er to have peace with wit, nor truce with sense.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:00 PM

The only metric poems of use
Are those composed by Doctor Seuss
And some of corresponding kind
Written by Mister Silverstein


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM

Palindrome!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM

6


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:28 PM

Well, you know what they say--"APRIL is the cruellest month" for getting those authoritative citations.

SRS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 04:16 PM

No authoritative citations there, Good Rapaire. Art lifting again? Thou art a saucy rogue.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 04:03 PM

And indeed there will be time        
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"        
Time to turn back and descend the stair,        
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair?              
[They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"]        
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,        
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin?        
[They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"]        
Do I dare              
Disturb the universe?        
In a minute there is time        
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.        

For I have known them all already, known them all:?        
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,              
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;        
I know the voices dying with a dying fall        
Beneath the music from a farther room.        
So how should I presume?        

And I have known the eyes already, known them all?              
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,        
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,        
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,        
Then how should I begin        
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?              
And how should I presume?        

And I have known the arms already, known them all?        
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare        
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]        
It is perfume from a dress              
That makes me so digress?        
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.        
And should I then presume?        
And how should I begin?
      .      .      .      .      .        
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets              
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes        
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows??        

I should have been a pair of ragged claws        
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 02:09 PM

BWL:

Yes, I see the similarity!! Remarkable!!


ROFL You are a prime scalawag and a banderlog, sir!! LOL!!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 01:46 PM

With which we prance in maddn'ing cacophony
Calling out lines, avowing grand intention
And filling the air with spurious invention. Nay,


Gotta hand it to ya, Amos. Had to come up with rhymes for "cacophony" and "intention" and killed 'em both with the same stick.

Sorta like the story about the jealous husband who hired a hitman to shoot his cheating wife and her lover. When he told the hitman he wanted the lover shot in the head and the wife shot in the butt, the hitman looked through his telescopic scope and said, "No problem. I can do that with one shot."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM

I had an authoratative citation once, but with adequate rest, plenty of liquids and nourishing foods I got over it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:15 PM

Good to have those authoritative citations, guys! Keep up the good work!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 11:08 AM

not to quibble, Amos - but I thought that the publishers of The Mother's Timely Grace were:

D'Evil, D'Espaire, De Pression et Fils?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 11:01 AM

Should we not help a mother great in age?
Who shall forbear, when all her love is ours?
Who brought us, every one, onto her stage
And taught us lines, and gave the very hours
With which we prance in maddn'ing cacophony
Calling out lines, avowing grand intention
And filling the air with spurious invention. Nay,
To let such such an honored mother fall is fell,
And fallen, all ignominy to tell; Thus let us haste,
Her standing to assure, unfalling
And thus in pride report, we have fulfilled our calling
And saved dear mother's gracious face.

Warwick Saddlebones Chardonnay
The Mother's Timely Grace
Elevil, Buspar, Depression and Sons, Ltd.
Paris, 1813


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 10:54 AM

Maybe we should get MOM a med-alert bracelet? In case she falls and can't get up?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 10:49 AM

Oh, Mom! You're only five away from falling away completely! Here, I'll help you up YET AGAIN.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,John Paul II, Ex-Pope
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 05:40 PM

Well, dang! The word was celebrate!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,X.M. Pell
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 03:15 PM

Mr. Doyle's Creation Mythos - as taught to several decades of middle school students in a country far far away.

?Once upon a time before the world began the Universe was nothing but an enormous pit of nothing. ONe day a crow flew into the pit and laid an egg. that egg hatched the world."

Th TRUTH behind the Doyle Mythos:

"laid an egg" was an euphamism. The crow was male. What he did to create the world was shit. Therefore underscoring the concept that the basis of all knowledge (and the universe) is shit.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 03:09 PM

Whoo---EEE, Brother Dub, Get It Saaiiiidd!!

Yo' neck is right on out there now!! Onnn the BLOCK!! LOL!! Watchout some ole redneck down the road fum yew doan look this thread up an' come 'roun with a double bitter to take it right off!! LOL!


You da man, no doubt.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 03:03 PM

WARNING!!!

Be extremely careful when creating myths, tall-tales and other lies having to do with The Origin Of Things! Remember that a bunch of bored sheep and camel herders once had nothing better to do than sit around campfires making up lies which they convinced their children were truth, thus spawning hundreds of generations of morons who would rather accept what's written in a book of folk-tales as the source of Absolute Truth than to believe what they can plainly see with their own eyes. We are still paying for those tale creators' audacity to this day.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 02:02 PM

NO!!!! This is how it happened!!!!!

Mushpie
The first world to exist was Mushpie, a place of light and heat whose flames are so hot that those who are not native to that land cannot endure it.

Poopsie sits at Mushpie's border, guarding the land with a flaming sword. At the end of the world he will vanquish all the gods and burn the whole world with fire.

Ginnygap and Sandyegg
Beyond Mushpie lay the great and yawning void named Ginnygap, and beyond Ginnygap lay the dark, cold realm of Sandyegg.

Ice, frost, wind, rain and heavy cold emanated from Sandyegg, meeting in Ginnygap the soft air, heat, light, and soft air from Idyholm.

Ymmgood
Where heat and cold met appeared thawing drops, and this running fluid grew into a giant frost ogre named Ymmgood.

Frost ogres
Ymmgood slept, falling into a sweat. Under his left arm there grew a man and a woman. And one of his legs begot a son with the other. This was the beginning of the frost ogres.

Eepyta
Thawing frost then became a cow called Eepyta. Four rivers of milk ran from her teats, and she fed Ymmgood.

Protorap, Bore, and Bestlala
The cow licked salty ice blocks. After one day of licking, she freed a man's hair from the ice. After two days, his head appeared. On the third day the whole man was there. His name was Protorap, and he was tall, strong, and handsome.

Protorap begot a son named Bore, and Bor married Bestlala, the daughter of a giant.

Oddity, Vility, and Feh
Bore and Bestlala had three sons: Oddity was the first, Vility the second, and Feh the third.

It is believed that Oddity, in association with his brothers, is the ruler of heaven and earth. He is the greatest and most famous of all men.

The death of Protorap
Oddity, Vility, and Feh killed the giant Protorap.

When Protorap fell, there issued from his wounds such a flood of blood, that all the frost ogres were drowned, except for the giant Spoki who escaped with his wife by climbing onto a lur [a hollowed-out tree trunk that could serve either as a boat or a coffin]. From them spring the families of frost ogres.

Earth, trees, and mountains
The sons of Bore then carried Protorap to the middle of Ginnygap and made the world from him. From his blood they made the sea and the lakes; from his flesh the earth; from his hair the trees; and from his bones the mountains. They made rocks and pebbles from his teeth and jaws and those bones that were broken.

Sky, clouds, and stars
From Protorap's skull the sons of Bore made the sky and set it over the earth with its four sides. Under each corner they put a dwarf, whose names are East, West, North, and South.

The sons of Bore flung Protorap's brains into the air, and they became the clouds.

Then they took the sparks and burning embers that were flying about after they had been blown out of Mushpie, and placed them in the midst of Ginnygap to give light to heaven above and earth beneath. To the stars they gave appointed places and paths.

The earth was surrounded by a deep sea. The sons of Bore gave lands near the sea to the families of giants for their settlements.

Ritegard
To protect themselves from the hostile giants, the sons of Bore built for themselves an inland stonghold, using Protorap's eyebrows. This stonghold they named Ritegard.

Ask and Dontask
While walking along the sea shore the sons of Bore found two trees, and from them they created a man and a woman.

Oddity gave the man and the woman spirit and life. Vility gave them understanding and the power of movement. Feh gave them clothing and names. The man was named Ask and the woman Dontask. From Ask and Dontask have sprung the races of men who lived in Ritegard.

Assgard
In the middle of the world the sons of Bore built for themselves a stronghold named Assgard, called Deecee by later generations. The gods and their kindred lived in Assgard, and many memorable events have happened there.

In Assgard was a great hall named Hwythaus. Oddity sat there on a high seat. From there he could look out over the whole world and see what everyone was doing. He understood everything that he saw.

Defröst
As all informed people know, the gods built a bridge from earth to heaven called Defröst. It has a whole bunch of colors and is very strong, made with more skill and cunning than other structures. But strong as it is, it will break when the sons of Mushpie ride out over it. The gods are not to blame that this structure will then break. Defröst is a good bridge, but there is nothing in this world that can be relied on when the sons of Mushpie are on the warpath.

Clearasil
The chief sanctuary of the gods is Clearasil. There they hold their daily court. Clearasil is the best and greatest; it rocks! and covers up the blemishes of the gods.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 12:29 PM

Your excerpt from Conundrum, sir, is the most brilliant piece of theological venturing yet to grace these foul pages. I applaud, I applaud. Huzzah to MM the Archivist of the Divine of All Things MOAB.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 11:05 AM

1:11        AndMOAB said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And MOAB was pleased for she did not like wet feet.

1:12    AndMOAB said, Let the posting below the line and the postings above the line be gatherd each according to its ilk and let the postings above the line be serious and the postings below the line be not as serious;

1:13    And let the most important postings be gathered in a thread below the line which shall be unto you the most important even as a mother is to her children.

1:14        AndMOAB called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called she Seas: and the postings above the line she called Music:; And the postings below the line she called BS:; but the most important postings which were gathered into a thread she called MOAB after HERSELF: andMOAB saw that it was good.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 10:53 AM

1:4        AndMOAB said, Let there be posting on the thread and light in the void: and there was light, and there were postings and the postings shed much light upon all things and the light in the void was akin to flameing gas.

1:5        AndMOAB saw the light, and the postings, that it was good: andMOAB divided the light from the darkness and the flames from the knowledge of light.

1:6        AndMOAB called the light Day, and the darkness she called Night. and the flames she called the work of trolls. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

1:7        AndMOAB said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

1:8        AndMOAB made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

1:9        And MOAB said "This is silly - No one knows what a "firmament" is ; and MOAB drew a line saying - "this is the line that must not be crossed - not even on a double dog dare" and the line she placed between the postings on the thread.

1:10    AndMOAB called the line Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 10:46 AM

AHA! knew it was around somewhere.

I believe this is from the KKV - (King Khandu Version)

1:1        In the beginningMOAB created the heaven and the earth and the thread

1:2        And the thread was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the bowels of the deep. And the Spirit ofMOAB made movement upon the face of the waters.

1:3    And the word was MOAB and MOAB was the WORD and the WORD was:

BRRRRR-WAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!



and MOAB felt much relieved.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 10:17 AM

Well, Shit. I see I should have stayed up later just to head off our numerically obsessed (but non-contributing) gadfly.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM

I've got a cap from Ship Island.

Really.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 09:37 AM

of course I did also find this (from one of the Mudcat cooperative writing threads)

In the beginning was the WALT, and the WALT was the WORD, and the Spirit of the MOUSE moved across the world. And WALT said, "Let there be light shining, to display the moving pictures that I have wrought" and the Spirit of the MOUSE moved across the world and there was light. And WALT looked upon what he had wrought as it moved in the light and saw that it was profitable. And the Matinee and the Evening Premiere were the first day.

And Walt said, "Let there be screens upon which the light may shine, the greater to rule the public places, and the lesser to rule the homes." And the Spirit of the MOUSE created screens, the greater in the public places, even to MULTI-CINIMAS and the lesser in the homes, whereupon TEEVEE and VEECEEARES displayed the light of the mouse. And WALT looked upon what he had wrought and saw that it was profitable. and the AFTERNOON SPECIAL and the PRIME TIME SPECIAL were the second day.

...

And the SPIRIT of the MOUSE which was the voice of WALT descended upon Eisner, and Eisner spoke unto the people, saying "There shall be among us false prophets, who shall try to speak against the WALT, and you shall not permit them to sing, you shall not permit them to perform unless it be the word of WALT, and profitable unto the MOUSE


scary, isn't it?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 09:35 AM

I nominate Flaming Ted as Poopal Non-CIO.

Can I be the Poopal Supremo of the Sacra Congregatio de Propaganda Fide?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 09:28 AM

I could have sworn that somewhere in this thread was posted the forst Chapter of the Book of MOAB also known as Genitals

but all I could find was discussion of the sacred ilk and this:

A recent issue of "Conundrum" magazine contained an article that I found quite interesting, which I believe is apropos for inclusion in MOAB.

Here is an excerpt from the article:

Ship Island, a few miles off the Mississippi Gulf Coast, has recently proven itself to be an archaeologist's dream.
   Kevin Whitehead and his partner, Bea Dubrielle, who have been doing freelance archaeological digs on the island, discovered a heavily constructed wooden box that contained a parchment scroll.
   Tests have shown the scroll to be from the late 1500s.
   The scroll contains a message written in an "Old English dialect" which speaks of a "land of Moab" and its inhabitants.
   Professor Jess P Amos of the Shay-Patterson Institute in Jackson Mississippi commented on the message:
   "It appears that this is a cryptic tale of the creation of a tribe of Moabites, which I believe is not the 'Biblical' Moabites. "
   Conundrum has been granted exclusive rights to print the entire text of the message, which appears below. . . .


It came to pass in the fifty-second winter, the king didst arise from the midst of Atalla in the deep. And the king didst look upon the void, and he didst behold the multitude; the rovers and their ilk, the ramblers and their ilk, the misbegotten and their ilk, also the bewildered and their ilk.

The king was moved with compassion upon them because they were without a land for themselves. He spake unto himself, "These art the outcasts. They hath no land for   themselves. Let there be a place fitting for these strange sort."

Three times he spake these words then he falleth silent for a half century.

In the second year of the new day, the king didst stir and he spake unto himself, "I will make unto these a land of fertile soil, a vast land that floweth with wonder and mirth; and they shalt come from all the earth to dwell in their land."

And the king didst mull and ponder for a short while.

In the fifth month of the third year of the new day, the king spake unto the multitude, "Let there be a land in which to dwell the rovers, the ramblers, the
Misbegotten and the bewildered, and all their ilk, and let them frolic and let them romp securely in the land in which they dwelleth."

And the king didst create the land and he calleth it the land of MOAB, and the inhabitants calleth he them Moabites. And he saw that it was good.

And the land did flourish and become great...yea, even greater than the king.

And the king rejoiced greatly and he didst calleth himself a Moabite.

And the king giveth stern warning, "Troubleth not the Moabites, lest I smite thee with a plague of slimy worms that shalt invade thine gonads till thine eyes buggeth out"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 04:01 AM

7200. Happy birthday NOT! Delete delete.....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 04:00 AM

No?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 03:59 AM

Are you up yet Terry? I challenge you
to a duel!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 02:29 AM

The One-Car Blimp one is great! ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bryant Fish
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 01:23 AM

And it comes of age on the day of the UK Election...

Could this be an omen?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 12:02 AM

That sounds like an old saw.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 11:50 PM

That 'poops' me out just thinking about a miter box on my head. Not carrying it on my head but trying to get those precision cuts from up there would be tough.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 11:43 PM

I want dibs on the first post that goes on the day 03 May 05. Then it will be the perfect reversal of the first MOAB post on 05 May 03. Which always momentarily confuses me when I see that "05" because I have to think whether the list is coming or going, so to speak.

Heck with these century marks. (Besides, I probably can't stay up late enough to fool with the next one. I want to catch up on a little sleep. Darned CDT isn't as pleasant as CST.

SRS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 11:40 PM

Well, if MOAB is gonna be a religion, it should definitely have a supreme prelate. And that supreme prelate should be called "The Poop". The Poop gets to issue Poopal Bulls, which is not the same as spreading bull poop, though it is similar in many respects. The Poop gets elected by the members The College of Dickiebirds. After he/she/it gets elected, he/she/it gets to wear a miter box on his/her/its head and carry the Poopal Spatula.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Delbert Naseer
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 11:29 PM

Seven thousand, one hundred and ninety, incidentally.

Have a nice day


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 10:58 PM

I find in these irreligious posts an island of metaphysical strength and a transcendental quality to my perception of an expanding awareness of any precogitive imagery I may have obtained through the kinetic interface that is a direct consequence of an internal calm created from the Moabites.


Amos, I knew Ulysses, I was talking about the other ones. The other ones from the past of your glorious untoothed soul to the infinite wisdom of your babbling brook of words.


Rapaire, I have some comfrey to heal those wounds! (Ha!)


Little Hawk- William Shatner-La'MOAB Prince. (another Ha!)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 09:38 PM

Well, whatever you decide I refuse the position of the god who dies and rises again! I did that the last time a couple thousand years ago and I said, "Never Again! This shit ain't worth it!" I mean, for the longest time I couldn't even wash my hands without the water leaking out through the holes.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 08:36 PM

It's apostle ability....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 08:15 PM

it sounds like a prophetable option tome    hmmmmmmm


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 08:08 PM

MOAB now has almost 8000 verses, by many prophets all claiming to be the true voice of MOM. Dou you think we can publish the book of MOAB as a holy book, and start our own religion, to be eligable for miracles/charitable status/nubile yet naive young blondes?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 06:37 PM

Start lickin' 'em quick, Rapaire!! QUICK!! Otherwise you might hafta join 'em. It's a little metaphysical trick I picked up from Swami Rami Swantsbanane-Alors. An old guru of mine. Ascended long ago.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 06:26 PM

I...I see it all now, so very, very clearly, Bee-dubya. I took your advice and re-read MOAB from the beginning and now everything is so clear and so, so lucid. In fact, brilliant white light pervades everything, and there is an absolutely fiercely clear light burning ahead of me like a star. It...it is calling my name. I see dead relatives....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 14 December 9:58 AM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.