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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 18 Jan 04 - 08:47 PM
khandu 18 Jan 04 - 08:41 PM
CarolC 18 Jan 04 - 07:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 04 - 07:18 PM
Acme 18 Jan 04 - 06:13 PM
CarolC 18 Jan 04 - 06:06 PM
Rustic Rebel 18 Jan 04 - 05:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 04 - 11:03 AM
Amos 18 Jan 04 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 18 Jan 04 - 10:04 AM
Amos 18 Jan 04 - 12:15 AM
Tweed 17 Jan 04 - 07:51 PM
khandu 17 Jan 04 - 05:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 04 - 04:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 04 - 04:11 PM
Amos 17 Jan 04 - 03:54 PM
khandu 17 Jan 04 - 09:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 04 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 04 - 08:36 AM
Rustic Rebel 17 Jan 04 - 02:54 AM
Acme 17 Jan 04 - 12:16 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 04 - 11:55 PM
khandu 16 Jan 04 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 04 - 08:10 AM
GUEST,Boab D 16 Jan 04 - 05:45 AM
Rustic Rebel 16 Jan 04 - 04:15 AM
Rapparee 15 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 06:49 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jan 04 - 06:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM
Rustic Rebel 15 Jan 04 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 04 - 03:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM
Amos 15 Jan 04 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 14 Jan 04 - 04:10 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jan 04 - 04:09 PM
Rustic Rebel 14 Jan 04 - 03:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 04 - 11:53 PM
khandu 13 Jan 04 - 10:48 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jan 04 - 07:45 PM
Rustic Rebel 13 Jan 04 - 04:35 PM
CarolC 13 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM
Amos 12 Jan 04 - 11:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM
Tweed 12 Jan 04 - 12:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 04 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 04 - 09:09 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 08:47 PM

One-two-three-Tweed, one-two-tree-Tweed. If you et half as good on the Zydeco Squeeze as you are on the Electric Blues thanhy, Mayor Tweed, you'll be fending off the pretty girtls with a stick, I rackon!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 08:41 PM

iarrrrgggggghhhhhh!! I can't get that noise outta me head!! Somebody shoot me!! IAiaiaiaiack!! polkacircuspolkaciruspolkacircusover&over&overagain!! ggghhhhheeerrrr! NOT THAT!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 07:42 PM

Well, how about that!

Hey Bee-dubya-ell. How do you embed an image in a post over there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 07:18 PM

CarolC,

You will doubtlessly be thrilled to hear that Tweed has joined the polka circus! Yes, that's right! Tweed has done bought hisself a squeezin'box fer th' sum total of $8.50 plus shippin'. Just click here and see fer yerself. A sad state of affairs indeed.

I, fer one, will play accordion when they pry my cold dead fingers from th' guitar strings and weld 'em onto th' accordion keys. I'll back 'em up, but I don' touch 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 06:13 PM

Bee-Dubya-Ell you have done this Mudcatter and others a great service with your expurgated version of the thread. Too bad I didn't come back in time to snatch the 1954'th post for my year.

Instead of starting another thread, Amos, just bribe Joe to insert an entry at that point in the conversation. I bet he can do it. As to the ethics of it (and the effect of bumping everyone else one place off of their years) that is a matter too weighty to discuss here.

To join the spirit of the thread I will take a hint from your list of highlights and offer this photo.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 06:06 PM

khandu... you know what the solution is to your fiddle woes. I'm sure I don't have to tell you.

khaaanduuuuu... the polka circus is calling you... learn... to... play... the... accordion....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:35 PM

Well I'm right on, on 1958. Thank you for saving this one for my year because it would be a long wait until the next thread that comes to 1958.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 11:03 AM

Well, you old fart, it's your own fault for not being insightful enough to realize that the post number corresponding to your birthyear was coming up. It was no accident that I made post #1951. It was a planned. You should have planned ahead and snagged #1945 while it was available. Now somebody will have to start another never-ending thread so you can have a second chance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:29 AM

That was a year number, not a post number,Rap...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:04 AM

Grumble, grumble, young knowitall punks, grumble, grumble, whippersnappers, mutter, grumble, mutter, mutter, wetbehindtheears, mutter, stole post 1,945 from me an' Amos, the juvenile blatherskites mutter, grumble, grumble....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:15 AM

Geeze you guys are Spring Chicken Triplets. No wonder you feel so affluent with time you can spend so much on this MOAB thread!!

A

(September 1945)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 07:51 PM

And so was I!! HAW,HAW,HAW....Thet makes us TRIPLETS. HAWWWW


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:01 PM

& I was born in '52!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 04:16 PM

This is post #1951, which just happens to be the year in which I was born. I claim it as my own! Hah!

(Less than 50 posts 'til M2K!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 04:11 PM

Corrections to MOAB Cliff's Notes:

Amos posted a buncha stuff nobody can understand.
should read
Amos posted a buncha stuff nobody except Amos can understand.

The freds known as "Bubba Bubba" accused BWL, khandu and an unnamed Labrador retriever of being the sires of hisherits latest brood of little himherits. Debbie Earl metamorphasized into a stinkhorn fungus before the issue was resolved to everyone's satisfaction.
should read
The freds known as "Bubba Bubba" accused BWL, khandu and an unnamed Labrador retriever of being the sires of hisherits latest brood of little himherits. Bubba Bubba metamorphasized into a stinkhorn fungus before the issue was resolved to everyone's satisfaction.

Gonna fire my proofreader.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:54 PM

Amos posted a buncha stuff nobody can understand.


I resemble your insertion, BWL!! My cacophony has always been congruent and perfectly transcipient to the nth degree, providing only that a recipient on any frequency be willing to following a few elementary Herzian shifts. And I assure you, I have never posted anything I didn't, myself, understand.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:52 AM

When ever I speak of me learning the fiddle, it aint got nuttin to do with music!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 08:57 AM

For Stilly River Sage

MOAB - The Cliff's Notes

King khandu started this thread.
A buncha people thought he was crazy.
A buncha other people posted to it anyway because they like to do crazy things.
One thing led to another thing.
Another thing led to yet another thing.
(Most of the people who post to it regularly can safely be classified as "other things".)
MOAB became a pseudo-religion.


Plot-wise, these important events have taken place, though not necessarilly in this order:

Tweed was afflicted by buzzards roosting in his backyard.
CarolC posted lotsa pictures of porta-potties.
Amos posted a buncha stuff nobody can understand.
The alien life forms known as "freds" tried to eat khandu and Tweed but got sick.
Slim Piggins (BWL's pet pig) tried to oust khandu from the Throne of Mississippi but got eaten at a Memorial Day barbecue in Ocean Springs, Mississippi.
The Martian invasion was successfully repelled, but at great cost. The freds known as "Debbie Earl" was kilt.
The freds known as "Bubba Bubba" accused BWL, khandu and an unnamed Labrador retriever of being the sires of hisherits latest brood of little himherits. Debbie Earl metamorphasized into a stinkhorn fungus before the issue was resolved to everyone's satisfaction.
King khandu returned after a three-month absence. At first, some MOABites thought he had been cloned because he was being to nice. He has, since, pretty much returned to being his crotchety old self.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 08:36 AM

Yeah, I once tried to learn french horn. Thought it was something it wasn't, and all the young ladies played it. Thought it would would cool to play in treble AND alto clefs, but then I learned that they meant I had to learn to do it all at once. The final straw came when I found I had to stick my left hand UP THERE.

I went back to trumpet, when all you've got to worry about is emptying the spit valves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:54 AM

Rapaire-Now you feel completly at peace with yourself and your surroundings. You don't have a care in the world. You are an enlightened being with a purpose. OR NOT.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:16 AM

This Mother has gone all of this time and now is the first time I've opened it. Is there a Cliff Notes to this thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 11:55 PM

Yer a braver man than I, King khandu. My wife divorced her first husband while he was in the midst of learning to play the fiddle. She did allow me to learn the banjo a few years ago without serving any papers, but I ain't pushin' my luck.

Wait a damned minute! This is not BS! This is music! Ohmigod! We're talkin' music on the MOAB!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 10:11 PM

Drinking myself drunk while trying to learn how to play a fiddle. A damned impossible instrument!! What devilish mind conjured the idea to create an instrument (of music or torture?) without frets that must be bowed to make a sound?? & held in such a way that it is difficult to see where to place the fingers, while tiring out the arms & neck?

& the terrible sounds one makes while trying to figure this maniacal device out!

Oh, the horror, the horror. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:10 AM

Okay, RR, I did that. Now what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:45 AM

I am at my work and really bored with it. 12 hours a day and all I can do is sit at the computer, smoke fags (cigarettes) and wait for meal times to come along so I can eat rotten food then train and get rid of my gut that I have attained through laziness and boredom. So there you go oh aye and I cant go home at night as I need to stay here on the rig till Monday before I go on a helicopter for 40 minutes a plain for 40 minutes a train for 4 hours another train for an hour before I actually get my nasties. What's all that about. But hey it all may change in March as I am going to Namibia to do a course, which should seriously improve my job. What else oh aye still finding it quite hard to get over my ex fiancée and I have just moved out of my wee house with the new girlfriend so she is a little upset too. Sometimes it would be easier to be celibate but hey you can only have so much fun on your own cant you, as sex is definitely a sharing game. So what else is there to tell all of you oh aye I seen a guy who had uvulitis so bad that he had to sit forward and eat his ice cream to stop him from choking on it (ice cream to reduce the swelling) it were huge.
Just thought that I would pass on some wee thoughts of the day and happy New Year from me

Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 04:15 AM

The Game

We all sit naked at our computers at the same time and memorize the alphabet backwards,while fondling our favorite fruit, visualizing our greatest achievment pertaining to a Tweed and Penelope Rutledge union on the 63rd day of his birth and chanting the mantra...
Oh wha ta goo siam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM

LH, that's why, like my brothers, I don't "play" paintball. If you're going to point a gun at someone...well, don't point guns at other people unless you mean it. 'Tain't a game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 06:49 PM

I hate "kick ass" too. That was the little purple-talkin' sumbitches that said it, not me! I'm innocent. I would never use the term "kick some ass". Nope.

Kick some ass! Kick some ass! Har-har-har! You can't keep away from us forever you old fart! Just wait 'til next time!

Yeah, right. Whatever you say, you purple-talkin' pipsqueak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 06:03 PM

Har! Har! Well, we got some mileage out of that one, didn't we? I still hate that friggin' expression, and I hate "kick ass" too! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Rapaire, you are so right. I used to play some Vietnam scenarios on the computer (in Steel Panthers II) and they had VC ambushes set up just like you describe. A vicious and miserable business for all involved. God help people who find themselves in such places. I never want to be in the infantry...or in any war.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM

I understand Little Hawk's point. But "...get his ass shot off..." was the appropriate thing to say because it provided Little Hawk with a "straight line" to use in creating another post to push us closer to M2K. In other words, it gave Little Hawk an opportunity to be a smart ass. And I don't mean that in a negative way at all. On some level, isn't that what the MOAB actually is? A smart-ass convention? In fact, isn't that what most BS is? Aren't we all guilty of picking apart each other's posts looking for fodder for our own posts? Don't we revel in misplaced modifiers, spelling errors and omissions? Don't we love to cruelly subject the makers of mistakes to public humiliation until they squirm like earthworms on hot sidewalks? Are we not, in a sense, the biggest assholes in the known friggin' Universe?

Dammit, boys, there he goes again! Fucker's really goin' off the deep end this time. Who's got the tranquilizer gun? Whattaya mean ya left it at the clinic? Jesus H. Christ! Well then get the nets and straightjackets. We'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Aw, shit! Hurry he's gettin' away! Down there! By the creek. Aw, nevermind! He's outfoxed us again. I swear I'm gonna kick some ass!

Heeyuck! Heeyuck! You little purple-talkin' bastards'll never catch me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 04:38 PM

It's like saying, " I worked my ass off". I know I didn't work my 'ass' off, the smartasses that have to look, know I didn't work my ass off, but everybody still knows what I mean when I say "I worked my ass off".
Literal, literal, literal. Habitually interperating a matter-of-fact statement, smartasses.


Could get into that point also. How smart is an ass? Is it any more intellectual or any less intellectual than it's nucleus to the nerve cell?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 03:59 PM

The pointman would be at the forefront. I myself would be at the rearback.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Well, then what the hell's a "forefront"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM

Nah, that's called "walking point" and the "pointman" is there no matter if you're in a line or wedge formation -- or even walking down both sides of the road in a double column.

But take a squad of ten. The first guy, the pointman, is a rifleman. He's maybe 10-15 meters ahead and responsible for checking things out. A decent ambush won't be triggered until he's past, and maybe the next couple of guys too. Pointmen are often taken out by boobytraps or mines, not right away by gunfire.

So if you have an L-shaped ambush -- the long side parallel to the road or trail, the short across it -- the ambushers on the short side fire parallel to the long side, where the ambushers fire across. This traps you in a crossfire.

But wait! It's more exciting! A good ambush would also have a rear contingent that would gun you down as you retreated down the road, and maybe even a bunch above the short side of the L in case you broke through there!

So ambush doctrine says to charge at the guys shooting at you and break through their rank, then take them from the rear where they are more vulnerable. Great, except that a REALLY good ambush would have some folks whose guns pointed away from the ambush and whose job was to shoot you if you broke through! (Are we having fun yet, kids?)

Not to mention punji sticks smeared with human feces, directional mines, top-popper mines, castrator mines, bouncing betty mines, fougasse, and the thousand and one other ills designed to puncture, hack, burn, and otherwise damage flesh and bone.

I don't WANNA go back to the Infantry! I don't WANNA!! I don't WANNA!! (It's dangerous out there.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:04 PM

Getting your ass shot off is perfectly possdible no matter hwere you are, because of the varying nature of munitions. An RPG round shot from directly in front of you can lift you up and tear your ass off and hand it to you on a plate no matter what a Theorizing Canadian Pacifist Philosopher says. When it comes to weapons of war, remember, "it is no longer a semantic issue!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM

Actually, if you want to kill an approaching enemy soldier, Bee-dub, you don't shoot at his ass (which will not be visible anyway), but at his chest, stomach or head. Ass shots are generally received only by soldiers who are in full retreat...or by pilots in airplanes. Therefore, I object to your use of the phrase "get his ass shot off". It is unrealistic. So there.

(I hate these stupid modern American phrases...)

Being "on point" is definitely the most dangerous place to be, no doubt about that, but it will not get your ass shot off, it will just get you killed. Of course, once you're dead, does it really matter whether your ass is still attached or not?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 11:43 AM

ZOUNDS! I just had to rescue the MOAB from the bottom of the page! Well, it actually had about five hours to go before it fell off the page, but it was on the very bottom!

As we approach the M2K point (MOAB's 2000th post) we must double and redouble and even tripledouble-with-a-twist our efforts to keep the MOAB alive, healthy and in the forefront of everyone's consciousness.

By the way, what other kind of front could there be besides a "forefront"? Don't "fore" and "front" mean basically the same thing? Something's either at the front or it's not, right? Second in line is not at the front. So, why this need to concoct a word that means "the front of the front"? There are no degrees of frontness!

No! Wait! I've got it! If advancing troops march forward in a straight line like this "|", everbody's at the front. But, if they march forward in something shaped like this ">", everybody's still at the front, but the guy out there on the point is more in the front than everybody else. He's in the "forefront"! He's also the one most likely to get his ass shot off. Screw being in the forefront.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:10 PM

Okay, and you can write about them so that no one will be disappointed! Here's a new list; I don't remember these being MOABed:

Abalone
Bitterns
Collards
Dum-dums
Extractions
Fuca, Straits of Juan de
Grimaldi
Henri of Navarre
Iodine
Jumper cables
Krakatoa
Lima, Illinois
Manitoba
Northern Harlot, Infamous
Oaths
Preludes
Quarantine
Raunch
Sierra Priatas
Tin glazes
Unser Fritz
Vancouver Island
Whiskey...no, wait...Waifs
Xerxes
Youngstown, Ohio
Zounds


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:09 PM

Which brings us to today's subject...anchovies!

Yes, anchovies. "A" is for anchovie. An anchovie is a detestably salty disgusting little fish that is offered everywhere as a pizza topping, but nobody ever wants them. They want cheese, tomatoes, double cheese, mushrooms, pepperoni, green peppers, dessicated mouse droppings, olives, eggplant...but NO ANCHOVIES PLEASE!!! If you've ever tasted one, you know why. Despite this, the anchovie industry continues to supply every pizza place in North America with at least 15 billion anchovies per year. It's mysterious. Where do they all go? Who eats them? I hope the Weekly World News takes a look at this soon, because I think it's a front for some kind of hideous plot intended to destroy the World as we know it!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:09 PM

Well I thank you Bee-Dubya from the bottom of my heart, for all of your thought provoking bullshit these past 20 days. In all sincerity I will miss your daily provoking. You are the the main provoker man, I love ya'.
Hawk- your story about Haggis McCracken was also thought provoking. It's a shame to hear about a good sporran go up in fire though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:53 PM

Yeah, I know it's my own damned fault, but I'm gettin' sorta tired of this BS LIST FROM HELL so, without further ado, I'm gonna kill the last five items on it and if anybody doesn't like it they can kiss my ass and make up their own damned list!

Vericose veins

They're ugly. I got 'em. I'm fuckin' old. Whaddaya expect?

Water buffalo

I'd rather have a tractor.

Xavier Cougat

Latin band leader. Better than Desi Arnez, but wasn't smart enough to marry Lucile Ball.

Yoda

A friggin' Muppet who learned English by reading translated Japanese instruction manuals.

Zoroastrianism

A really old religion. All I remember about it is that the god that personified Evil made Satan look like a creampuff.

HOORAAAY!!! YIPPEEE!!! YAHOOO!!! IT'S FINISHED!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:48 PM

While on my knees this morning, lifting this thread in prayer, a loud thunderous voice thundered loudly from the heavens! It said. . .

"ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE!!"

I am awed!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 07:45 PM

And that brings tae mind the dreadful tale of Haggis McCracken, a great strapping lad frae Iniskerin, wha wis minding some sheep ane cauld nicth oot in the craggy heather. Twas bit'erly cauld that nicht. Haggis couldnae find shelter frae the howling wind. Nae a nook or a cranny could he find whit would provide room enow fer a Highland Scot tae shelter in. Then Haggis had a wee idea. He thocht maybe tae start a fire wi' a bit of dry heather, and in it tae put a goodly supply of sheep fat whit wis saved frae the last slaughtering. Well, the fire started up strong and bright but unfortunately Haggis moved a lit'le wee bit tae close and his sporran caught fire! I need nae tell ye whit happened next. (But I'll tell ye anyway.) He tried tae beat oot the fire and it rapidly spread tae his kilt! He ran frantically aboot in the heather beating at the flaming kilt and sporran wi' both hands, and in doing so severely bruised his willie, whit wis badly burnt in any case! Then he had tae face the crowning shame of limping home wi'oot his sheep, which had all stood aroond and laughed at him and then run off. It seems they had had experiences wi' Haggis's willie in the past, and bore him nae sympathy whitsoever...

Not only wis Haggis shamed before his sheep and the whole community...he had tae spend the next 3 months recovering in a Glasgow sanitorium wi' 15 clinically depressed nuns frae a nearby convent. The poor lad wis never quite the same again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 04:35 PM

Ha! A sporran to cover the haggis. Unless haggis is another word for penis, I think the haggis is better off in one of those shit disposable units! ( No offense intended to those who love the gut meal)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM

Wow. Looks like I really lost track of this thread. Rustic Rebel, we don't need to be in competition, really. There's enough BS in the world to accomodate all manner of shit disposal units.

Loincloths are just a waste of time, don't you think? I like a man with a big old hairy sporran to cover his haggis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:08 PM

Well, I useter be a real cowboy, but now I think I'm a thesbian, as the old joke goes....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM

Dammit, Tweed! Shatner is not an excellent thesbian. The Indigo Girls and Melissa Ethridge are excellent thesbians. There's lotsa thesbians out there, but Shatner ain't one of 'em. Now, the other two members of the Holy Trinity of BS, Barbara Streisand and Britney Spears certainly may have some thesbian tendencies but, hey, it ain't none of my business. They wanna yodel in the canyon every now and then, it ain't no concern of mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 12:00 PM

Now, please understand that the previous excerpt came from a post MOABite TWEED made a few hours ago to the "Do NOT Post to This Thread!" thread started by MOABite Bee-dubya-ell and addressed to MOABite CarolC.

First ob all I did not post to the "Do NOT Post to This Thread" non-thread.

Secondly Shatner is captain of nothing these days, as far az I can tell. He is an excellent thesbian who habz fell upon hard times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:14 AM

If I had balls on my truck they damned sure wouldn't be blue.

And that Sugar Booger standin' in line to use the Bumper Dumper is the spittin' image of Hortense C. Durp. You sure it's not her?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:09 AM

At 9 degrees F., everyone here who was wearing only a loincloth has now frozen Certain Parts solid, if they have not had them -- and their hopes and dreams -- completely shattered by the cold.

One guy, called hisself Loincloth Louey, used to swing from tree branch to tree branch and rock to rock and sagebrush to sagebrush, doing that Tarzan yell. You know the one. He now yells in a falsetto, sort of a "ooooooooooooooooooooooooo" thing. He has also taken to wearing hiking boots and five-buckle overshoes. Must have been rich once, because people here talk about his "former endowment."


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