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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 15 Feb 07 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 15 Feb 07 - 09:09 PM
MMario 16 Feb 07 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 16 Feb 07 - 08:42 AM
Acme 16 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM
Amos 16 Feb 07 - 10:48 AM
Acme 16 Feb 07 - 10:54 AM
Amos 16 Feb 07 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 16 Feb 07 - 12:00 PM
Acme 16 Feb 07 - 12:13 PM
Bunnahabhain 16 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM
Amos 16 Feb 07 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 07 - 09:13 PM
Amos 16 Feb 07 - 10:50 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 07 - 11:24 PM
Acme 16 Feb 07 - 11:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Feb 07 - 12:05 AM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 12:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 09:05 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 04:46 PM
Acme 17 Feb 07 - 04:58 PM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM
Acme 17 Feb 07 - 05:31 PM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 07 - 05:35 PM
JennyO 17 Feb 07 - 06:56 PM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 12:08 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Feb 07 - 12:24 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:35 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM
Acme 18 Feb 07 - 02:07 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 10:08 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Feb 07 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 01:45 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 07 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 03:22 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 04:12 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 04:13 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 07 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 05:03 PM
Acme 18 Feb 07 - 07:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Feb 07 - 09:05 PM

While she waits for the Warren Zevon video to load... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 07 - 09:09 PM

A quick update on the Legionaires and Legionettes in jail:

I went over to the bank and found that there was only US $1.97 in the Idaho Legion Bail Fund. This was not enough to get The Eleven out of durance vile, so they're still in the slammer. Seems like Murderin' Milquetoast, the Legion Toastmaster, "borrowed" pretty much all of the Bail Fund to finance his recent trip to Las Vegas. It wouldn't be that bad except he had to call home for some money because "Rat and Vinny are gonna break my knees otherwise." Something about a crooked card game and Murd gettin' caught dealing off the bottom or something.

Anyway, I think that ol' Murd had better make some tracks before The Eleven raise bail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 08:38 AM

Ever noticed that MOAB keeps coming back to the discussion of Ilk?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 08:42 AM

Yes, it's the original Ilks Club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM

Right now I'd tolerate this standing on my head stuff for a trip to the warmer hemisphere to warm up. Geez, what is with this weather? I brought the dogs in to sleep in the house last night because it was so cold in their stall in the garage.

These dogs are outside dogs, so when they do get to come inside they have to check everything out. I shut them in my room where I turned the covered cat box in my bathroom around (to keep inquiring noses out of it) and the cats slept in my son's room or wherever they wanted in the rest of the house. They have food and another box in the laundry room. I spread out a bunch of old towels on top of a thick rug so the dogs could sleep there, and the pit bull caught on right away. The catahoula made several attempts to convince me to let her sleep on the bed, but she was a bed hog the one time she did sleep there (she weighed 30 pounds). Now she's at least 55 pounds and it would be a miserable night's sleep.

The funny thing was that they were quiet the entire time before I went to bed, and calm, but as soon as I was in bed and turned off the light there were no vocalizations but they had to get up and smell everything. As they walked around in the dark all I could hear was the rapid and constant tinkling of their dog tags as they moved around giving everything a quick once-over. I was lying in bed laughing into my pillow trying not to attract their attention, and after about five minutes they settled down and not a peep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 10:48 AM

It is very salubrious to laugh heartily into your pillow -- at least, it is good for the pillow. Studies show that laughing into a pillow for at least five minutes once a week can extend the life expectancy of the pillow by about 23% compared to pillows owned and used by non-laughers. I have always belileved that bed is no place to be serious, and this proves it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 10:54 AM

I was actually astonished that they followed the rules. I half-expected to find them somewhere on the bed when I woke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 11:11 AM

I would appreciate it if any of you more intimately familiar with the grant process could spare some effort and get me a grant for a research project on the Ineluctability of Ilk as a Cognitive Strange Attractor in Non-Structured Communication Environments.

While most professional observers to non-structured cognitive-exchange environments consider the phenomenon ineffable and almost a secret talisman of the trade, this project will boldly bring forth and underscore the entire tawdry truth. It will set the academic world back on its heels, or its ears if it is standing on its head at the moment of comprehension.

Because of the many sites that need to be researched, the project grant should be on the order of 800K for the first year and 300K for each of two additional years.

This project will certainly forward the field of human knowledge both as regards the dynamics of non-structured cognitive exchange environments, and as regards Ilkdom in general.

Many thanks for your kind consideration,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 12:00 PM

I'll have the staff get right on it, after they get the other stuff done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 12:13 PM

This project will certainly forward the field of human knowledge both as regards the dynamics of non-structured cognitive exchange environments, and as regards Ilkdom in general.


Meaning, how did I actually manage to communicate in a non-structured way to the dogs to stay off of the bed. Right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM

Nothingness is very useful sometimes, especially in a bowling ball. We were playing skittles this evening, ie bowling on not all that even lanes, with targets volunteers resetting the pins by hand, and no holes in the ball. And good beer. Saftey precautions were well timed shouts of 'move', and the fact we're all dancers, and should be able to dodge....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 09:06 PM

Right. I was thinking of asking if you'd like to be a coauthor, for a reasonable fee, of course.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 09:13 PM

Don't forget the licensing fees that you'll have to send me as Licensing Fee Overlord And Collector. You can go to jail if you don't send the appropriate fees to me, the government agent who's in charge of the Licensing Fees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 10:50 PM

Well, I was gonna ask Stilly to co-author because she was demonstrating knowledge of the innate principles, you see. I will send you licensing fees as soon as you "get the staff right on it" and I get the first year's grant money. I look forward to a brilliant and timely performance on the part of "the staff".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 11:24 PM

They are working on it right now. But the licensing fees are completely seperate from what the staff is doing. It's a Federal thing: you can't apply for a grant or do any scientific or quasi- or pseudo- scientific research for publication (in any form, including skywriting, smoke signals, and heliograph) unless you pay the licensing fees.

If you'll give me an estimate of the wordage, I'll give you an estimate of the fees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 07 - 11:53 PM

Amos, you were offering to send the fee to ME, correct? Don't mention it to You-Know-Who and he'll never be the wiser.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:05 AM

Might not be a good idea to try to hide that transaction from You-Know-Who. I heard You-Know-Who is omniscient, clairvoyant, and infinitely wise. Then again, the same fellow who told me that tried to sell me a Rolex for $39.95.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:18 AM

Well, I will get back to you as soon as I can estimate the wordage; it depends, you see, on the quick and affluent results of the staff getting their part done. If I don't know how much and how soon, there is no way to estimate how many and how good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM

Found a picture of the staff. I wouldn't be too worried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 09:05 AM

Rapaire likes to claim he bosses a large staff, but the fact is, every morning he slips into a phonebooth and comes out in his alternate identity which allows him to single-hand the show with strength of ten men.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM

Actually, that's one of the members of the staff who will be working on the problem. She is so good that she can work at several libraries at the same time since she can travel faster than light and therefore back and forth through time. In fact, she'd have your grant data yesterday except that she's off this weekend and we're closed Monday for President's Day. So this coming Tuesday she might have the data on a grant that you asked for yesterday by last Wednesday.

That's not a lot of money for a grant. Are you sure you wouldn't want more?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 04:46 PM

Thanks for the suggestion. Tell her to charge all the traffic will bear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 04:58 PM

That's the idea! It's how Bush conducts business (and then some), why shouldn't librarians?

Hey MOM it finally warmed up some, but it's so windy that it still seems cold. [sigh] But we're headed in the right direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM

I still have not found any picture on the Internet that really looks like Shane. Darn it. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to find something like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:31 PM

Maybe this will work?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:35 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Looks like Shane on the back porch...late Saturday night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 06:56 PM

Could this be Shane in disguise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM

How can a nonexistent entity assume a disguise? This is like trying to find a picture of Yaweh, or get a place-mat with an autographed photo of Jesus and the 12 disciples on it. It lacks a certain, um, evidentiary substance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM

What is existence? What defines something's or someone's existence? What causes something to exist in the first place? If Amos steals my wallet (again) and uses my American Express card, does that mean that "I" exist twice whenever he uses it?

Sartre, Kant, Socrates, Aquinas, and many others wrestled with this question. Descartes' "Cogito ergo sum" can hardly apply in an era when a cheap computer can "outhink" many national leaders, but the entire quotation, ""Dubito ergo cogito; cogito ergo sum" is just as applicable now as it was when it was first uttered.

Bergson wrote, "To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly." Camus wrote, "For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it , it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers...This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable to me."

Is Shane McBridge (whoever it is) more "real" and have more "existence" than Amos Jessup?

Of course, it all begs the question since I created everything out of nothing in the first place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:06 AM

I'd like to turn in this everything please; it doesn't work properly. No credit -- just give me back my nothing and I'll leave happy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:08 AM

Too late. There was a 30 day trial period and you missed it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:11 AM

I don't think so, If the process of becoming everything from nothing took seven notional days, as indeed the irrefutable Old Testament affirms, then my thirty is not up until roughly 13,105, on June 8.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:24 AM

Rapaire's right, Amos. You forgot to factor in the gradual slowing of the earth's orbit around the sun and the consequential gradual lengthening of the year. You should always read the fine print in contracts with supreme beings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:35 AM

Fine, I'll take a ten percent reduction as a restocking fee. Just take this damned everything off my hands and give me back my nothing.

Otherwise, there will be a major uproar, and the Better Cosmic Conduct Bureau will be all over this two-bit pasteboard universe like stink on a skunk...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM

Dear Amos,

Do your worst.

Sincerely yours,

Rapaire
Chair and Supreme Overlord Extraordinary,
Better Cosmic Business Conduct Bureau


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:07 AM

Shoulda seen that one coming. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 10:08 AM

I shall go, I shall go
When the morning is over
To the land of Salt Lake
Where I'll pick up my wife
And we'll come back tomorrer
I shall go, I shall go.

       -- Old and anonymous Scottish song, ca. 1746?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM

By pulling a few strings I have managed to have the librarian-who-believes-he -is-cosmic condemned to a few cycles of ordinary mortality, as a sort of political wrst-slap on charges of Cosmic Arrogance and Occasional Plagiarism. What really tipped the scales was when he tried to steal an ancient traditional Scots song.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM

Yes, but not this one, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next cycle.

I'm booked pretty solid for the next few epochs, eons, and lives of universes.

Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:25 PM

Oh, yeah? Well, Rapaire, if you're such a Big Cheese, let's see you go over to your "OBIT: Shane McBride" thread and tell all those people who are giving you shit about using the "OBIT" heading in jest to go piss up a bunch of ropes! Go on! I double-dog dare ya!

And if anyone gets offended by being told to go piss up a rope, just tell them that I double-dog dared you. Everyone knows that one is not really responsible for one's actions if those actions are pursuant to a double-dog dare. There's legal precedent, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 01:45 PM

I've already done that, Bee-Dubya, in PMs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM

I double-dog dare you to make a fuss on the "Meredith Grey" obit thread!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM

Hmmm... The Cosmic Cheese is sounding a tad strident. You don't suppose his Unfathomable Certainty is being, um, eroded a bit? All in sport, of course. Perfection gets to be SUCH a bore after a while, especially in someone not me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:31 PM

That just goes to show how imperfect you are. The perfect are not subject to boredom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 03:22 PM

On the contrary, LH. Being perfect means being perfect in all things, includding boredome, stupidity, boorishness, mental aridity, and, indeed in imperfection itself.

John Donne wrote about this in Macflecknoe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:12 PM

Which, of course, completely ruins the use of the word perfect to describe anything except as itself, the only standard -- including flaws -- that can be used to define perfection by this tortured, definitely counter-neo-platonistic worldview. To be precise, oxymoronically enough, it is anti-post-neo-platonic nihilistic nepotistic monotheistic solipcism of the worst kind.

Leave it to a librarian, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:13 PM

Odd that you should know my job title, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:38 PM

Interesting concept, Rapaire. You may be right. What am I saying?! Of course, you're right. You are the Supreme Being!

Shane McBride has attained perfection in such things as gormless stupidity, slothfullness, aimless lust, alcoholism, and lack of personal hygeine. As such, he is a proud reflection of a number of your divine characteristics at their most perfect. Cool, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 05:03 PM

And now, farewell! I go to the Land of the Temple! Yes, I am off to Salt Lake City! I shall return tomorrow.

After all, if one is Perfect In All Things one must be both perfectly sinless AND perfectly sinful.











Peace is war, freedom is slavery....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 07:04 PM

I wonder if he likes raspberry jam?


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