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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 11 Dec 09 - 11:53 AM
GUEST,freds 11 Dec 09 - 11:36 AM
Amos 11 Dec 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 11 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 09 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 09 - 09:52 AM
Acme 10 Dec 09 - 11:29 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 11:02 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 10:48 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 10:44 PM
Acme 10 Dec 09 - 10:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 09:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 08:58 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 08:38 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 08:34 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 07:57 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 07:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 06:47 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 06:43 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 06:26 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 06:22 PM
Acme 10 Dec 09 - 06:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 05:41 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 05:26 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 05:26 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 05:11 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 04:52 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 04:48 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 04:44 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 03:12 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 03:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 02:59 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 02:29 PM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 02:12 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 09 - 01:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 09 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 11:34 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM
Acme 10 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 11:05 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 10:24 AM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 06:11 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 11:53 AM

freds, check out the water off La Jolla, California. Find it on a Google map. And you'll find him in the form of a sleek furry sea creature. He's either a California seal or a California seal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 11:36 AM

We are often described by those whose DNA we sample as "talking goldfish with beards." We have not yet sampled the DNA of this creature you call "Amos" or "A Muss." Please provide his location so that we may do so. As you might know, we do not like the unsampled to recognize us and we must deal with this "A Mess."

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:38 AM

"I've got a mind that can't say "No"
I'm in a turrible jam!
I always say it must be so,
That's just the way that I am!
When most fellers dream up creatures weird
They let it go and blamer it on the beer!
But when I see a talking goldfish with a beard
I tell the world it's real and it is here!
I caaaan't saaaaay nooooooo!"

Exit Little Hawk doing a double shuffle stage left.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM

Wow...that's very...creative, like, ya know what I mean? You're really one of them artist type people, ain'tcha, Rapaire?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:25 AM

Oh, great! Now instead of just a "Poetry About Mudcat" thread, we can have a "Poetry About Little Hawk's Alter Egos" thread as well....

♫♫

Oh, stand up, Eddie Whatnoll!
Stand up on your own!
It's damned well disgusting
How fat you have grown!
Your girth is so wide
It won't fit through the door!
And if you stand up
You might fall through the floor!

Etc.... Etc....

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 09:52 AM

The Ballad of Shame McBride
Allegro con vivo, with slack-string uke.

He was a handsome, lusty lad
His parents pride and joy
And when he was born his parents sobbed
For he was barely a boy.

CHORUS:

Sing flippity floppity flail,
Shame is barely a male.

He failed at school, he failed at home
He could not write nor read
And he was eighteen years of age
Before he was weaned to solid feed.

CHORUS

Tim Horton's and Budweiser
Was what finally made him grow
From a tiny little nubbin
To what we all too well know.

CHORUS

He has spent his time in durance vile
He knows each cop by name
His record file is twelve meters long
His manhood is...not quite the same.

CHORUS

And that's why he dribbles down his legs
For he can't get it out his pants
It's about a long as his thumbnail
And may disappear by chance.

CHORUS

Someday, when he's dead and gone,
Folks will gather 'round and say
"It's really pretty awful out,
How're the Habs doin' today?"

CHORUS

"And do you remember what's his name?
That kid with the worldest smallest...you know?"
And everyone will shake their heads
And reply, "No...who are you on about?"

CHORUS, coda, growing softer on repeat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:29 PM

Shane likes F major. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:02 PM

Blue clickies, following thee
Nothing but
Blue clicklies amosly


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:54 PM

Well, according to some specilaists you can C sharp or B flat.

I was being funny. Sorry you missed it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:48 PM

B sharp is C, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:44 PM

I know it seems like I replicated some past work in later tomes, but I swear it wa spurely incidental and accidental and a result of not B sharp.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:04 PM

BWL, it was clear that Theodore Geisel was the muse.

Amos, you outdid yourself with those links. But maybe you keep a compendium of links to draw from as needed? That would be smart.

Tomorrow's Friday. Good thing.

MOM, have some of the stew I made this evening. It'll be even better tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 09:07 PM

PS: Ive already posted that pome to the Mudcat Poetry thread so don't duplicate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:58 PM

"Mudcat Café, it is the place
to come when you have time to waste.
Just post some nonsense to a thread
and you'll be happy that you did!"

"Nah! Mudcat is a waste of time!
Just poppycock and lame-assed rhyme
from people overly pretentious.
I would much rather do the dishes!"

"Oh no, my friend, you miss the point.
It's really an amazing joint!
Where even idiots like me
are welcome. Try it, you will see!"

"Horsefeathers, nuts, and balderdash!
A cesspool full of vapid trash!
I've no use for Mudcat Café!
Now won't you please just go away?"

"No, I won't go until you try it!
I'm not asking you to buy it!
Just post some lines and you will see
how wonderful this place can be."

"Okay, all right, if you insist!
Look, I'm typing! How 'bout this:
'Mudcat Café is full of shit!'
How's that, obnoxious little twit?"

"Oh no! That's not the way it goes!
By making posts you are supposed
to see how great this place can be!
It didn't work! Oh, woe is me!"

"What'd you expect, you silly goose?
You aren't exactly Doctor Seuss!
"Green Eggs and Ham" this poem is not!
Get a life, you stupid twat!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:38 PM

Have you gone completely mad??? Who the hell would spend that much time on blue clickies? (other than you, I mean...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:34 PM

&page&desc
Les Chansons de Geste Et Autres Chansons de Notre Mere de Touts BS

The Ballad of Thirty Three

The Dramatic Epic of Thirty Two

A Short-Haul Shanty

The Rising of the Mom



The Ballad of Olde Twenty Nine -- Part the Foiste


The Ballad of Olde Twenty Nine -- Part the Seconde


The Ballad of Olde Twenty Nine -- Part the Third

The Ballad of Olde Twenty Nine -- Part the Fourth

The Incredible Tale of Olde Maw an' The Gale

...And Follow to a Better Land

Some Say the World Will End...

Prelude to the Quest for Eighteen Grand

The Quest for Eighteen Grand

Pull Not My Leg, Dear Lamb...

Oh, Great Delight!

The Dramatic Ballad of The Seventeen of Grand

Oh, Mom, The Hour Is Growing Late

Only a Poor Ne'er-Do-Well

Moving Out For Seventeen Grand

The Instructional and Dramatic Tale of John Faustus, Rapaire, and the Devylle

The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache

Turning and turning in the widening thunder...

The MOABite ran like a wolf to the fold...

A tayle of Wyves and Kayes

ODE TO THE MOAB UPON ITS 2000TH POST, by BWL

The Ballad of Bolde Rapparree

The Mystery of BWL

Ruminations on Transcendent Truth Amongst Friends

I love that Gluon is or is not there

You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom

M is for the million things she gave me by Rapaire

Celebrating Mom's sixteen thousandth post

It Will Be Fourteen Grand

A Library Without a Roof

That Thirteen Thousandth Post

Poetry from Hector Bluebawlz edited by Rapaire

Anne Shalespeare Steal Her Husband's Stuff Edited by Rapaire

Rustic Rebel loves to pome

Mystic Rustic Memes

Rapaire's Song of Himself

The Mudcat Maxie Ballad

John Hardly's Et Al Mudcat Talkin' Blues

Please MOAB dear MOAB come home by Rapaire

This Message Doesn't Bounce by BWL

Oh faded memory of the great MOAB by Rustic

In the Shadowy Tendrils of Bullshit

No Business like MOAB Business by Rapaire

C'est moi! C'est moi! by Rapaire

I am a young man who has gone wrong by Rapaire

I'm an old MOABite poster by Rapaire

The Unreconstructed MOABite

As I rambled out on the posts of the MOAB by Rapaire

The Icons of Mudcat

The Sad Ballad of the Plagiarist

To Find the Bold Rapaire

Hymns to The Mother

B is for the beauty (Edited by Stilly)

"M" is for the "M" by BWL

Bullshitters Bible by Rustic Rebel

Praise to Our MOAB by Rapaire

The Core Aphorism of the MOAB (BWL, reposted by Rapaire)

The MOAB Maid by Rapaire

Ballad of a Poor Folkie

ODE TO THE MOAB UPON ITS 1000TH POST by BWL

Pore King Khandu has khum undone by BWL--First Poem of the MOAB

The Ballad of the Ole Twelve Grand Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Post Twelve Kay in the Morning by Rapaire

Gather ye BS while ye may by Rapaire

The Wreck of the Old MOAB by Rapaire   

"When twelve thousand postings shall besiege thy brow" by Rapaire from W.S.(page down)

On the Yrain to the Big Twelve Grand by BWL

Way up high in the Mudcat peaks by Rapaire

My Last DuckDog by Rapaire

I Really Want the Last Word by ranger1

I can't stop now by Rustic Rebel

How high's the BS, Mama? by BWL

Editor's Note: Some partial pieces and lines of lesser note, untranslated insertions in other tongues and other extreme pieces have been omitted for the sake of clarity)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 07:57 PM

Next time you see dogs sniffing each other....well....maybe they are checking each other out for signs of disease?:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,528121,00.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM

Well, I guess they aren't beset by the conflicted guilt and "sin" associations that have got the Christian civilizations so confused when it comes to matters involving sex.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 07:51 PM

ADT beware, new home protection business in the making....but, will it catch on?:

http://www.stanford.edu/~siegelr/bhutan/penispage.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:47 PM

Speakin' of liquid bodywash...

My neighbor Bubba accidentally got his bodywash an' a bottle of "Doe in Heat" deer attractor mixed up. He was gettin' ready to mow down a field of picked cotton stalks the other mornin' when a eight-point buck comes runnin' outta the woods headin' straight for him. Well, he didn't have no gun with him, so he clumb up into the cab of that big ol' John Deere of his an' got the door shut just before that buck got to him. That deer was so pissed off that he throwed back his head and bellowed for three or four minutes, butted the tractor in the grill a couple of times, and then started humpin' that tractor's left rear tire just like Gluon goin' after Rapaire's leg. That went on for a couple of minutes until the buck seemed to have finished his business, after which he snorted, pissed on the ground, and walked back into the woods.

I asked Bubba how come he didn't just crank up the tractor an' run over the thing, an' he said he was just too dumbfounded to think of it. Well, I don't have too much trouble with that explanation bein' as how dumbfoundin' Bubba ain't much harder than fishin' with dynamite....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:43 PM

The Seal of Approval is only to be found in Canadian waters, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:28 PM

Actually, only the part about kayaking is true, although of late the weather's been too rough for so light a craft. I have often sought, but never found, the seal of Approval I used to hear about watching TV as a child. I suppose he lives on the East Coast somewhere.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:26 PM

I understand that Amos kayaks so even the seals can admire a sleek, well-muscled, body. He picks up a lady seal, you see...never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:22 PM

Rampant narcissism indeed! I suppose, Amos, that you are not about to own up to the full length mirror you have mounted on your own bedroom ceiling so you can admire your oiled supine body in it, and the pet Mynah bird whom you have taught to repeat "Amos is a genius!" over and over again while you compose MOABS verses at the computer... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:03 PM

Would it be auto-erotic if it smelled like one of those pine tree shaped air fresheners?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:41 PM

I use body shampoo while camping, but I don't use it at home. A bottle of liquid is easier to take back and forth to the bath house at a festival than a wet bar of regular soap. It doesn't seem to have any auto-erotic effect, but it's the the cheapest brand out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:26 PM

How to tell if your not Mom's favourite:
http://www.bp-photo.co.cc/2009/10/how-to-tell-youre-not-moms-favourite.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:26 PM

I don't believe you did resist it, Ed. You are an outrageous auto-flirt. But it's a harmless hobby compared to the rampant narcissism exhibited by some of our rampant members...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:11 PM

Hi, Mom! Your favorite is back!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:52 PM

After I got out of the shower, my skin felt so soft and smooth that I had to resist the temptation to flirt with myself. But, resist it I did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:48 PM

I admit, I thought a bit before making the confession. Would it shock the MAOB macho community? Will it forever be mistaken as a giant leap toward confused mankind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:44 PM

Confession:
I've used a body shampoo once and It felt good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 03:18 PM

I admit it. I am a pansy-stomper from way back.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 03:12 PM

You trample upon my pansies, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 03:11 PM

Ah, Little Hawk, if only they were not yet another imaginary perspective, but instead were actually merited, how much better a world this would be.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:59 PM

I think you misinterpeted my post, Amos. Your posts certainly were BS oh the highest degree and, ergo, a reminder that BS is our goal, our aim, our raison d'etre. Carry on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:29 PM

I positively lust for these little opportunities to condescend, Amos. I experience a frisson of delight when they come along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:12 PM

BWL:

Hey, hold on!! Just because I have had one two too many irony tablets, doesn't mean it ain't BS!! Besides, it got LH to reveal his condescending snarky side. How cool is that??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM

LOL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM

British comedy anyone?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdSaWW9vuow


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 01:24 PM

Ah! It is good to see Amos showing a little humility and self-criticism. This means we will not have to give him a good slapping at the next sissy boy slap party. Ed, that was probably the most bizarre short film I have seen yet. In fact, I may now be able to say that "I've seen everything".

I didn't see Shane anywhere among the participants. He would be horrified and disgusted by that film. He has a deep hatred for that sort of sissy boy stuff. He calls such people "winky-twisters" and/or "corkpullers".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 12:58 PM

Every now and then, we need a reminder that this is The Mother of All BS Threads, not just The Mother of All Threads.

The last few posts have provided such a reminder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:34 AM

The noble and forgiving Rapaire has forgiven you. Noblesse oblige, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM

No, not at all. As with all things MOAB (including applause for chansons de geste) it is merely an option. The trick is in who chooses which options.

SOmetimes we make the wrong choices. I for example, have repeatedly chosen to lampoon the various eccentricities of Rapaire and Little Hawk in these pages. This, I think, was morally an error. I need to learn the True Power Of Forgiving Everything.





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM

Class? Is that a requirement here? Why didn't you say so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:05 AM

It gives a great frisson, Ed, to see you use so rare an expression as "chanson de geste" in a MOAB thread. I have always maintained you added class to this joint, and Gawd knows after the moral terpitude being condoned by LH and Raspaire around here, we can use it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:24 AM

Ed:

It is bizarre enough to fit into LH's repertory of overheated imaginings. Why are you even looking at it? Is there something you need to be telling us, now?

Rapaire's list has inspired me so I am going to take a day off work and try each of these techniques.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM

I reviewed this again....is that Shane in the background?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHc3pKsUIas


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men -- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women -- she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,


Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares - get on it right away."

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Harvey W. Pringlegast
Attorney at Law
Wal-Mart


I think there's some really good ideas in here....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:11 AM

Maybe not a "chanson de geste" but those are already taken.


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