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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 01 Dec 08 - 08:14 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 08 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 08 - 09:14 PM
Acme 01 Dec 08 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 09:22 AM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM
MMario 02 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 10:55 AM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 11:27 AM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 12:10 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 12:17 PM
Little Hawk 02 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 01:05 PM
Acme 02 Dec 08 - 03:45 PM
MMario 02 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 04:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM
Little Hawk 02 Dec 08 - 06:22 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 08:31 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 09:52 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 10:05 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 11:02 PM
Acme 02 Dec 08 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 08:49 AM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 09:03 AM
Acme 03 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 02:50 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 03:48 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 04:55 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 09:54 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 11:22 PM
Acme 03 Dec 08 - 11:25 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 11:53 PM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 12:07 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:14 PM

"With stupidity the gods themselves are doomed to wrestle."

"Points show forward".


I guess the former, which I have Anglicized, is self-explanatory. The latter must be the German equivalent of "tits up" I suppose.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:03 PM

No, the second is the motto of our Library target pistol team. It was adopted to remind them that when they load the pistol magazines the pointy end of the bullet goes to the front.

Kinda like that sign on your bedroom wall, Amos: "Toes Go In First."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:14 PM

And by the way...the translation was provided by one of our staff, who holds a BA in German and advanced work in German Literature with a Fellowship at Cambridge. (Yeah, the one in England...punting on the River Cam...Isaac Newton...King's College...Steven Hawking? That Cambridge? The English university that's not Oxford?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 10:47 PM

There must be some story there, from Cambridge to Pocatello. Probably took a couple of missteps in between the two, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:22 AM

Well, she got married, opened a bakery, had three sons, put up with a shit of a husband until he tried an armed robbery and then divorced him. Now she works at the Library and I (and her parents) and trying to get her to go get her MLS (her father is retired from the UU library and is a former trustee of the Salt Lake City PL).

By the way (he said modestly), I was once an invited speaker at at Cambridge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM

Casmbridge Auto Body, on FIfth Street? Or the Cambridge Fish and Chips?

You did not say it modestly. There's no sense pretending to modesty you do not have.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM

26462 (minus 1)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:54 AM

26462 +0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:55 AM

I was an invited speaker at a Conference held at Girton College, Cambridge. And I have spoken at other Conferences too and I've even published professional articles. And I've dined with R. Buckminster Fuller, in private. So there, Mr. Smarty-Warty-Pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:27 AM

"A budding new paradigm is that black holes?in a dance of mutual self-regulation?may influence almost everything about galactic origins, growth, form and ultimate fates. They are not just the overstuffed kernels in the middle of galaxies. For reasons not fully understood, it appears that the sizes of central black holes and the masses of their galaxies, especially the central bulges, are almost perfectly in step.

The relation has become clear only since the late 1990s. Even the halo mass of dark matter?the mysterious invisible stuff that seems to make up more than 80 percent of all matter?around galaxies seems correlated with the size of supermassive black holes in galactic centers. That is a surprise. And when the black holes stop growing, galaxies themselves appear to stop evolving. "Now, we think we cannot understand galaxies without understanding black holes," says Abraham "Avi" Loeb, director of the Institute for Theory and Computation at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics in Cambridge, Mass."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:28 AM

I am awestruck by your intellectual tokens of accomplishment, sir. Even though modesty is not one of them.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:10 PM

Normally I don't mention them, as such is simply accepted in my circles. But you asked: would you like more information on my misspent life?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:17 PM

I am sorry, but I already have as much information on your "circles" as I can tolerate, including the ones under your eyes, the ones in which you run, and the ones governing various biological processes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

I once dined with R. Fuckminster Buller, Rapaire. We went to Tim Hortons, had a sandwich, coffee, and a donut each, and discussed Las Vegas showgirls. The wisdom that poured out of that man in a half hour of discourse was profound, let me tell you. I will forever treasure the memory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 01:05 PM

I knew there was a reason for posting that bit about black holes...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 03:45 PM

You mean the universe is a donut?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM

I've seen theories postulating a torus shape for the universe...

My question is, if the universe is a doughnut, is it plain, sugared or glazed?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 04:29 PM

Judging from the inhabitants, I would say glazed.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM

I think it's cream-filled, with chocolate and sprinkles on top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:22 PM

Fuckminster Buller. God, I love the sound of that. Fuckminster Buller. It has a certain ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:38 PM

Don't twist your own arm too hard patting self on back, amigo. You have competition--the silliest threadmongers in Alle Englande are particularly fond of that silly "swop characters" trick.

Now if you REALLY want to do something noteworthy, swop characters with Rapaire. It might be an improvement for both of you.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

SIR!

That is an insult which cannot be borne by anyone who wishes to continue to be considered a gentleman, nor is it given by one who considers himself to be a gentleman. Only a lout, a coward, or a poltroon would make such a remark. Please apologize at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:20 PM

I am no coward, sirrah. So I will choose poltroon, and recommend the two of you make the swop twice daily for a week.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:31 PM

Sir,

Do you or do you not apologize for your remarks about myself?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM

Sir,

I demand to know if you intended your characterization of me as "Little Hawk" as an insult or not. There can be few more mortal insults; indeed, it even surpasses in all respects a blow. If it were not so intended I ask that you say so at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

Sir:

I recommend Q-tips to improve your hearing. I did not characterize you as Little Hawk. I merely suggested it would improve both of you to swop characters once in a while.

You are under no obligation to act on my suggestion, although I personally think it would be an enlightening experiment for both of you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:52 PM

Thank you for the clarification. I am certain that you agree that to call someone..that...would be an deadly insult which could only be washed out with third blood. Whoever would or could swallow such an insult...it bends the mind to think of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:56 PM

And yet, what strange an appetite you hold for such hard words, finding them where none were put.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:05 PM

In this harsh, desolate, godforsaken land where I live honor is all I or any other man has. Once that is compromised you are branded as a coward and/or a Legionnaire, irrevocably and finally, and no one wants a fate like that!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:52 PM

I suppose it would look odd on your resume, or as you literate types like to call them, your CV. I withdraw my objection. Have an hors d'oeuvre.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:02 PM

No, I call it a resume. Only the academic types have a CV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:33 PM

Well, they do if they got around to writing it. Mine is still a bunch of notes in a file.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:49 AM

So you need to resume your CV, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:53 AM

By the way, the word for stupidity in German is spelled "Dummheit ".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:03 AM

Danke Usted, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM

Looks like rain today, but it still isn't nasty enough for it really to be "let's put up the xmas lights" weather yet. MOM wouldn't want them up when it's still warm and balmy out--what kind of holiday lighting scheme is that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:50 PM

EIne Dummheit Schkieemen, ja?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:48 PM

My CV is bien resumé.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM

Nicht wahr.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

Wee Gates? (That's Bill and Melinda's kid.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:55 PM

Here ya go. (Maybe this should have its own thread.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:10 PM

404--not untypical of Idahoan insights....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM

www.divorce360.com, use the "Marriage Calculator" in the middle of the page.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

Well, Red Rivers did a no-no at the Legion this evening. Seems like the talk was gettin' around to "What I did in The War" when ol' Red made a big mistake. A real downer for everyone.

He told the truth. He said, "Hell, I sat on my ass at Ft. Leonard Wood as a Chaplain's Assistant. Spent two an' a haff years diggin' splinters outa my butt all day and drinkin' 3.2 in the PX beer garden at night."

Well, as you can imagine the Hovel was in an immediate uproar. Not since the Beer Tank Car ran dry has there been such a mess. Grown men and woman, some of whom could toss a Brammer Bull a hundred feet without breakin' a sweat, were down on their knees pleading with Red to tell the truth. "Say it warn't so, Red!" pleaded Bronco Phillips, who works lining railroad cars by hand all day. "No, no, not that! That's horrible, a War Crime!" screamed Daisy Mae Kolodjizki, a former Marine who landed on Iwo Jima in the first wave, the only woman Marine to serve there.

But Red was adamant. He would not admit to wiping out an entire Viet Cong battalion with his bare hands and a pocket knife with a broken blade. No, he was never in combat. No, he never called artillery fire down on his own position to prevent being overrun. No, his only medals were the National Defense Service Medal and the Good Conduct Ribbon, and he admitted he was lucky to get those.

Strong men wept and stronger women wailed their laments to the mountains. But finally it had to be admitted that Red Rivers, voted just last month "Legionnaire Most Likely", never had and probably never would.

When I left he was sitting there alone, mumbling about DD Forms and mimeographing hymns, never again to find himself a hale fellow well-met, never again to be a real part of the Idaho Legion. Sitting there stripped of his Legion honors and worse, he had actually Told The Truth.

A strong man, humbled by his own words.

I took my hat and quietly closed the door behind me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:54 PM

He should have used the Legionnaire's Bust-Up Calculator. He would have been able to predict how badly truth-telling would lower his chances of survival in such a morass of half-witted mendicant prevaricators.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM

Now may we ll be glad to thrive
At 26 of K and Five
And onward, forward, upward strive
From 26 of K and Five.
Let not this century's brief thrill
Seduce into standing still
But vow to further make our way
On to the 27 of the Kay;
Ah hat will be a merry day!
And what will then the doubters say?

Tom T. Tompititom
Rhythm for Mongoloids
Tasteless Publications New World Division
Schenectady, 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:22 PM

I wondered who would be crass enough to snatch 26,500. It is a cursed number, which is why I did not do it. There were exactly 26,500 deaths from the Sweating Disease in 1154. There were 26,500 soldiers killed at the Battle of Theistis. 26,500 peasants were burned in the Rape of Thuringa by Merle of Gant. Jesse and Frank James took exactly US $26,500 when they held up the bank in West, Iowa. On his 26,500th time at the wicket Babe Ruth failed to hit. Anyone who gets 26,500 will be cursed for all eternity and then some, said Mag, the Witch of the North-North-East Country.

26,501, on the other hand, is a wonderful, lucky, fantastic number which presages nothing but good luck for the holder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:25 PM

These century marks hardly make a blip on the radar any more, do they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:53 PM

At the Devil's booth are all things sold
Each ounce of dross costs its ounce of gold;
   For a cap and bells our lives we pay,
Bubbles we earn with a whole soul's tasking:
   'T is heaven alone that is given away,
'T is only God may be had for the asking;
There is no price set on the lavish summer,
And June may be had by the poorest comer.

And what is so rare as a day in June?
   Then, if ever, come perfect days;
Then Heaven tries the earth if it be in tune,
   And over it softly her warm ear lays:
Whether we look, or whether we listen,
We hear life murmur, or see it glisten;
Every clod feels a stir of might,
   An instinct within it that reaches and towers,
And, grasping blindly above it for light,
   Climbs to a soul in grass and flowers;
The flush of life may well be seen
   Thrilling back over hills and valleys;
The cowslip startles in meadows green,
   The buttercup catches the sun in its chalice,
And there 's never a leaf or a blade too mean
   To be some happy creature's palace;
The little bird sits at his door in the sun,
   Atilt like a blossom among the leaves,
And lets his illumined being o'errun
   With the deluge of summer it receives;
His mate feels the eggs beneath her wings,
And the heart in her dumb breast flutters and sings;
He sings to the wide world, and she to her nest,--
In the nice ear of Nature which song is the best?

(James Russell Lowell)

Fie on your fallacious fugues of idle fancy, you Rapirescallion. Baubles of froth and wind most noisome, cast before the lowing clots of the readers of Gethsemane.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:07 AM

Lancelot lay before the shrine;
    (The apple tree's in the wood)
There was set Christ's very sign,
The bread unknown and the unknown wine
That the soul's life for a livelihood
    Craves from his wheat and vine.

(D. G. Rossetti)

Thus are we confounded by
The windy yearnings of a century gone by;
Thus is the mind of all our kind revealed,
Laden with untrue images, thick as blood
In every unexamined tissue of the soul.


AHJ


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