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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 31 Mar 09 - 04:38 PM
Amos 31 Mar 09 - 04:44 PM
Janie 31 Mar 09 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 09 - 04:58 PM
Amos 31 Mar 09 - 05:08 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 09 - 05:50 PM
Janie 31 Mar 09 - 07:38 PM
Amos 31 Mar 09 - 08:23 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 09 - 09:28 PM
Amos 31 Mar 09 - 11:16 PM
Donuel 31 Mar 09 - 11:42 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 09:48 AM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 01:01 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 04:23 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 06:17 PM
Janie 01 Apr 09 - 07:21 PM
Janie 01 Apr 09 - 07:24 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 08:54 PM
Janie 01 Apr 09 - 09:07 PM
Janie 01 Apr 09 - 09:27 PM
Janie 01 Apr 09 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 09:44 PM
Acme 01 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 10:24 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 09:33 AM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 11:07 AM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 01:54 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 02:52 PM
Janie 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM
Acme 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM
MMario 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 04:38 PM

Rapire's brazen efforts to be impressive, while not successful, are amusing. Here's whatone inept translator makes of his polyglot mishmash:

"Company not round Amos. Subsequent pensandum if doctrine commoditas he is upon book how easy , how sacred secret! How defender book kindness ignorantia beggardry without feeling of shame denudamus! THESE are loyal to the king are instructor quae we versed in without a green twig and fennel , without he who was born of the word and cholera , without tattered and money. If you wish to approach , not dormiunt ; if you wish to ask interrogation , not hidden ; not remurmurant if you wish oberres ; cachinnos to be ignorant , if you wish to be ignorant of. But , when Latine to be ignorant , nolle hand meas upon you stain."

Well, you get the idea. Back from his travels to and fro in the world, he finds himself under-amused, and time lies heavy on his sceptered head, and so he boggles his companions in arms with rampant obfuscation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 04:44 PM

I love it!! Imagine that!! The modern-day mummers pulleda similar stunt in New York's GCT, I believe. This is the culmination of a grand Tradition of Happenings!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 04:51 PM

Oh, the number!!! I thought you were greedily grabbing the Dodge/Fiat. I was thinking there was no need to rush. Not a lot of folks standing in line for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 04:58 PM

Why, Amos. I thought for certain that you would recognize this very famous quote from Richard Du Bary's "Philobiblion"!

And finally, one must consider how great the ease of learning
there is in books, how yielding, how trusty !
How safely we reveal, without shyness, in the face of our books
the poverty of our human ignorance !
They are teachers who instruct us without switches or rods,
without slaps or anger, without notice of rags or riches.
If you approach them , they are not asleep;
If you ask a question, they do not hide;
They do not mutter at you if you make a mistake;
When you are ignorant, they do not know how to laugh at you.


But no, I suppose that modern education has no place for The Classics. How very sad. Ah well -- antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem, as we say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 05:08 PM

I would have, had it been in the original. We have a word for people who corrupt communication by putting on rococo airs and fripperies, just to look important. We call 'em SNobs. It is one of the worst cuss words ever coined, all the more so because it cusses by stealth.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 05:50 PM

Amos, the original WAS in Latin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 07:38 PM

Bfd. I got 28411!


...hello?............... Yoohoo.................... Hey, why is everybody shaking their heads and walking away? What'd I doooo???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 08:23 PM

Ooooo! Bookman catches Amos off-base!!! Ring dat bell!!!!

Latin, sir, or no-Latin, or Pig-Latin, it is onay assic-clay.

Hey MOM!!!!!

I'm leaving for Belize in a month!! I'm gonna dive with the manatee and tickle the sharks and teach BBW to sail, and drink them mojitas until the moon turns blue!!! Yeeeehaw!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 09:28 PM

How very nice for you. For how long will you be among the missing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 11:16 PM

Oh, not at all. I expect shall be more present than ever as a result of the reduction in stress once we get there.

Our trip is for a week. Don't you DARE let me find Mom fallen on my return.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 11:42 PM

thanxs Stilly, that was the first lol I got from the mudcat all day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:48 AM

God had often and long, by a host of angels, encamped round about Jerusalem for protection and deliverance; but now he fought against it. Proud looks and proud language shall be brought down by humbling providences.

So saith Matthew Henry's commentaries on Isaiah. OF course, Rapaire knows these off by heart, so no need to mention them, but a little emphasis on the important parts is always helpful,.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM

Where are spatulas when you really NEED them?

Did I mention I am going to Belize to dive the Barrier Reef there?

Do you think I am excited?

Do you know how bloody long it has been since I wenton a vacation, other than my beloved Getaway sojourns?

I breathe relief just thinking on it!!!

Free kayaks! Free Hobie cats!! SNorkeling!! SCUBA diving. Mojitae!! Margaritas!! Strumming my six string on the front porch swing. Ah, Paradise enow....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:01 PM

Playing your six-string while surfing in on it...spending time in a Belize jail for "obscenely overdone drunkeness"...being used as a human offering on an altar atop a pyramid...getting jungle rot, yellow fever, malaria, Chagras' Disease, leprosy, black syph, dengue fever, and measles....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:42 PM

Why, Rapaire!! I didn't think you cared. Is it the lighting or is that a tinge of green around your gills?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 03:07 PM

It's the lighting. Besides, I don't speak a word of Belizish or Belizian.

It might also be a touch of mal de mer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 04:23 PM

Are the people who live there called Beelzebubbas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 06:17 PM

Residents of Belize are called true Belizers. Or should be.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 07:21 PM

Don't ever try to sort through piles of personal papers and records while sitting cross-legged on the floor in spite of a bulging lumbar disc and while loose as a goose on flexeril.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 07:24 PM

I'm not going to comment on Amos' Belize trip. I'm too jealous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 08:54 PM

How did your lumbar disk become Bulgaian?

I am sorry to say it will be very expensive to use my iPhone in Belize because international raming rates; but if I am lucky enough to find an open WiFi network I wil still be able to send of abbreviated jibes, pokes, and semantic challenges to my dear friends while I am away. It is only a week. I am hatching a scheme not to come back, though.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:07 PM

Gotta watch those rates for raming. I understanding the ecotourism opportunities for tracking the elusive ramie in the Western Hemisphere are quite rare, thus, extravagantly expensive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:27 PM

I inherited a Bulgaian tendency.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:43 PM

Easter weekend we are making a trek to the ancestral hallowed hollers of eastern Kentucky to meet distant cousins for the 1st time and visit the homesteads and graveyards of my esteemed paternal ancestors - at least, those cemeteries that have not been rendered inaccessible except by mule due to "high wall" strip mines. The laws the protected the cemeteries, but didn't require that access remain.

Belize and Ireland may be exotic, but this journey will be down right esoteric!

And besides, it is within my budget.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:44 PM

I don't have an iPhone, although my wife does have a Nokia E71 -- she says it's superior to an iPhone and a Blackberry in every way.

I make due with smoke signals and heliograph, as God intended.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM

Sorry I haven't been here to help out. It may only be Wednesday but it feels like a whole week has passed so far. I guess that means that I have an extra long week. Mom, do you have a glass of Cabernet you can spare? And someplace where I can put up my feet (still attached to my legs of course, and no unsightly lumbar bulges required.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:05 PM

Here ya go, Still. No charge if you teach me a song.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:24 PM

Okay, here goes:

He was dirty and hairy and covered with fleas
But he had his women by twos and threes,
All hail the Bastard King of ING-go-land!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM

NEver mind. You've begun to sound like Rapaire!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:33 AM

Don't you want me to teach you a song?

Well, if you don't like that one, how about this one? My old buddy Joe Hill wrote it:


The Workers on the S. P. line to strike sent out a call;
But Casey Jones, the engineer, he wouldn't strike at all;
His boiler it was leaking, and its drivers on the bum,
And his engine and its bearings, they were all out of plumb.

Casey Jones kept his junk pile running;
Casey Jones was working double time;
Cagey Jones got a wooden medal,
For being good and faithful on the S.P. line.

The workers said to Casey: "Won't you help us win this strike ? "
But Casey said: "Let me alone, you'd better take a hike."
Then Casey's wheezy engine ran right off the worn-out track,
And Casey hit the river with an awful crack.

Casey Jones hit the river bottom;
Casey Jones broke his blooming spine;
Casey Jones was an Angeleno,
He took a trip to heaven on the S. P. line.

When Casey Jones got up to heaven to the Pearly Gate,
He said: "I'm Casey Jones, the guy that pulled the S. P. freight."
"You're just the man," said Peter, "our musicians went on strike;
You can get a job a-scabbing any time you like."

Casey Jones got a job in heaven;
Casey Jones was doing mighty fine;
Casey Jones went scabbing on the angels,
Just like he did to workers on the S. P. line.

They got together and they said it wasn't fair
For Casey Jones to go around a-scabbing everywhere.
The Angel Union No. 23 they sure were there,
And they promptly fired Casey down the Golden Stair.

Casey Jones went to Hell a-flying;
Casey Jones, the Devil said, "Oh fine;
Casey Jones, get busy shoveling sulfur
That's what you get for scabbing on the S.P. Line."


There's another one that starts

Casey Jones was a son-of-a-bitch
Parked his engine in a whorehouse ditch...

But you're not old enough to learn that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM

He opens the door with an axe · He seeks water in the sea.
He is teaching a pig to play on a flute. He chastises the dead.
He catches the wind with a net. He changes a fly into an elephant.
He sprinkles incense on a dunghill. He ploweth a rock and soweth upon the sand. He puts a rope to the eye of a needle.

Lo, he shows us the soul of supererogation and cosmic wind in the spaces of the mind. Bless him, for he condemns himself in folly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM

Funny--you're beginning to sound like Rapaire, too!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 11:07 AM

Yea, though my mind is large as the world, and my heart filled with adventures;

Though my hands are strong and mine eyes not yet dimmed with time;

Though my blood warms me and my breath still fires my soul;

Yea, though I love more than many, and have been loved, and have owned much and been much owned in turn;

Yea, though I have seen the soul, and the mind, and the body, and the things on the face of the world, and am much traveled;

Yet do I doubt the forms of knowledge, and doubt the names given to the world by men. For verily, though you bring me ten thousand to learn, there is not one who can truly teach; for none knows what the fuck. Though the waves of the ocean may be high, yet they will not ride them in; though they work in full sunlight, yet they are pale. Though their mouths have answers and wisdom, and sound as brass, yet do they see as through a breaker curling, and all their song shall be as whatever, or as a soul in the desert calling out "Hey, maaan! Wot da fuque?" and hearing not any answer thereunto.

Book of Amos 99:123, Californian Translation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM

I've always preffered the full Californinan Translation of the book of Amos to the "Teen Valley" transcription.

The same section in that version (published 1963) reads:

Oh, like, wow man! Mind blowing!
It's a trip, y'know?

I mean. like I love you, you love me, everybody loves everyone, cool?

But you gotta see, 'cause, Like, it's not everyone, that can, like understand how, y'know?

And they listen, but I dunno, they don't GET it, if you know what I mean; like the waves on the beach you see them,and you know how great it would be, but like, They see them and all they see is water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 01:54 PM

Man, like, in Sandy Ego, ya know, all I see is, like, oil slicks, sewage, and like, styrofoam cups and beer cans, ya know, like? It's like the man said, like, you know, "You can't step into, like, the same sewage twice, ya know?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM

Rapaire:

There's a fine line between the art of BS and the crime of vile and anti-social prevarication, calumny, and slander. In your most recent post, you have demonstrated a remarkable degree of deep insensitivity to that distinction. You imply, and overtly state, things that are not true.

San Diego is often called "America's Most Beautiful City".

We have miles of beautiful beaches, miles of beautiful mountains and miles of beautiful desert. None of which are experiencing problems with sewage, garbage, or rampant egoism as I write, unlike Pokeyfeller's most renowned citizen. Clean up thine own yard, scurrilous knave, ere casting remarks at thy neighbors.

Oh, by the way, did I mention I am going to Belize to dive the Blue Hole and the Barrier Reef? It's a fifty-meter wall dive, with sharks, groupers, rays and millions of brightly colored fish, fan coral, rock coral, sponges, and mosquitos.


And by the way, Spring has definitely come. It's shorts and golf-shirts and Birkenstocks at work. Life could be a helluva lot worse. For example, I understand there are parts of the country where the temperature goes below 60 degrees F.!! Fancy that, and be grateful for small blessings, I says to meself. Maybe we should rename this town TOasty-Ego??


A


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:52 PM

Tasty-Ego? What an odd, yet somehow fitting, name for a town in Southern California.

As for clean, sandy beaches -- with Global Warming I expect to have a beach outside of town any day now. My home will be close to the oceanfront and right on a golf course. Surfing, swimming, kayaking, golfing -- what more could you ask for?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM

I'm convinced the only reason Rapaire is in Idaho is because of the sheep.

Of course, it could be that Amos is so at home in San Diego because of the zoo.

Normal people live in places like Texas, Florida, Canada, North Carolina and New York.








Or maybe Saturn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM

Amos - MOM is very nervous about you diving with those reef mosquitos. She hears that the saltwater mosquitos are worse then barracudas. She says she just saw a FOX news special where a person skindiving in Belize scratched himself on a piece of coral and the reef mosquitos swarmed down on him and sucked every last bit of blood out of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM

Fer shure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM

Yes. He returned home just a dried husk of his former self: a cold, pallid, bloodless, type similar to Scrooge before the Ghosts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM

Which is why MOM is worried about Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM

I thunk he was already a dried up husk, living in the middle of all that California sun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM

Dried up? You really did have a lost weekend when you visited. You've forgotten all that cheap red vino we use down here to offset the Mediterranean lifestyle.

I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time, Lord, Lord.
I ain't a-gonne be treated this a-way.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM

Oh, THAT'S what that was.

Best wine I ever drank, best food I ever ate.

Yes, I've met Amos and even been in his abode or dwelling (as the case may be). He is by no means a shriveled, dried up husk. In fact, he is very well rounded indeed, probably weighing well over 25 stone and all of it well-toned muscle. He is about 2.5 meters tall and he showed me how he could break a logging chain wrapped loosely around his chest simply by taking a deep breath. He carefully and gently lifted the corner of his house to tuck his car in the garage, explaining that doing so saves the energy his garage door opener would use. His guitar (a Martin Gibson Dreadnought) is strung with half-inch steel cable and instead of pegs he tunes each string with a winch. I enjoyed my repast and watched as he ate about 3 stone of raw beef, the blood still squirting with every bite he took. We shared some wine, as I mentioned earlier; I had a couple of glasses and Amos drank the tun from the tun.

No, he's not a dried up husk. I was just funnin' him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM

I thought cheap red vino was the basis of a Mediterranean lifestyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM

Yes, but it's not usually made of food coloring, Sterno, and antifreeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM

Which explains the lost weekend. Mind you, that's not what I fed him. It's what he polished off in his hotel room afterwards. It was part of the military tradition--trench cocktails.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM

They're lots better than trench kissing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM

No trash down here in Dallas, though. Send a PM and let me know your schedule and when you think you'll be free for dinner.


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