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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 28 Oct 13 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 13 - 10:06 PM
Amos 28 Oct 13 - 10:56 PM
Ebbie 29 Oct 13 - 02:00 AM
gnu 29 Oct 13 - 07:19 AM
Rapparee 29 Oct 13 - 10:26 AM
Amos 29 Oct 13 - 03:06 PM
gnu 29 Oct 13 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 13 - 09:23 PM
Acme 30 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM
Amos 30 Oct 13 - 02:25 AM
gnu 30 Oct 13 - 05:12 AM
MMario 30 Oct 13 - 05:34 AM
Rapparee 30 Oct 13 - 10:29 AM
Amos 30 Oct 13 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 30 Oct 13 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 30 Oct 13 - 09:49 PM
Amos 30 Oct 13 - 11:39 PM
gnu 31 Oct 13 - 06:09 AM
Rapparee 31 Oct 13 - 09:25 AM
gnu 31 Oct 13 - 11:50 AM
gnu 31 Oct 13 - 12:34 PM
Acme 31 Oct 13 - 01:58 PM
Amos 31 Oct 13 - 02:05 PM
Rapparee 31 Oct 13 - 03:39 PM
Amos 31 Oct 13 - 04:02 PM
Rapparee 31 Oct 13 - 10:22 PM
Amos 31 Oct 13 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 31 Oct 13 - 11:46 PM
Amos 01 Nov 13 - 05:45 AM
Rapparee 01 Nov 13 - 09:52 AM
gnu 01 Nov 13 - 02:48 PM
Amos 01 Nov 13 - 05:25 PM
Rapparee 01 Nov 13 - 11:49 PM
gnu 02 Nov 13 - 08:05 AM
Rapparee 02 Nov 13 - 10:39 AM
gnu 02 Nov 13 - 03:20 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 13 - 09:43 PM
Acme 03 Nov 13 - 01:37 AM
Acme 03 Nov 13 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,lapgnu 03 Nov 13 - 01:52 PM
gnu 03 Nov 13 - 03:59 PM
Amos 03 Nov 13 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,lapgnu (watchin football GO PATS) 03 Nov 13 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 03 Nov 13 - 09:46 PM
gnu 04 Nov 13 - 08:16 AM
Rapparee 04 Nov 13 - 09:40 AM
Amos 04 Nov 13 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 13 - 01:23 PM
Acme 04 Nov 13 - 08:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 13 - 09:39 PM

The 50,000th MOAB post belongs to GUEST Katlaughing.

But what I wanted to tell you all is that I've been going through old letters (WW2) of my father to my mother and contrary to what many people think, not only was I a desired child but I was also conceived AFTER my parents marriage! So that should scotch all those nasty rumors Amos has been spreading.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 13 - 10:06 PM

"Tis a cryin' shame LH hasn't been 'round lately, for tomorrow is Winona Ryder's birthday. Do you suppose he's celebrating with her?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 13 - 10:56 PM

The rumors concerning Rapparree's legitimacy are completely true; his protestations be what they may, the Community will not be fooled.

SOmeone remind me what they were.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 02:00 AM

"I breed millions of fireflies" Rapparee
"That must keep you busy." gnu

You don't know the half of it, guh (May I call you 'guh'?). Rap, being a cowboy country kind of guy, knows all about cattle breeding habits. He breeds every one of those firebugs by artificial insemination. By hand, so to speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 07:19 AM

Course ya can, Eb.

By hand, eh? He's pretty good at artifical insiuation, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 10:26 AM

Ya oughta try ta rope 'em, cut 'em, and brand 'em. And keepin' 'em headed ta the home range after roundup ain't no piece a cake either. Last winter I lost prit near 2000 tails ta the weather. Damned near had ta git a loan til the next batch larvaed. Ain't easy being a firefly rancher, lemme tell ya. And if you think that arty facial insemination stuff is hard, you ever try ta get the OB chains on a egg?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 03:06 PM

The vision of Rapparree roping fireflies using tiny #10 thread and taking the dally round his pinky just tickles the hell out of me. Not REAL tickles, you understand. Just test tickles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 07:27 PM

That's quite a reach around, A, eh?

Why is LH shirking his duties? Mom must be upset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 09:23 PM

WINONA RYDER FOUND IN CANADIAN LOVE NEST!

Orilla, ON, October 29: Winona Ryder was found by the OPP today cuddling with Little Hawk, a notorious sex maniac living in Orilla. "It's my birthday and I'll do what I wanna," the sexy starlet pouted, "And I just wanna be with Li'l Hawky."

The OPP discovered the tryst while answering a call screams coming from a house owned by Hawk. They discovered that these were screams of passion.

No charges were filed as no crime was committed. Mr. Hawk and Ms. Ryder were politely asked to "keep it down."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM

LH will certainly be pleased to read that.

Gnu, why don't you log on with your laptop like your desktop? I'm logged on by three computers, one doesn't knock off the cookies on the other two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 02:25 AM

On the subject of portcullises, drawbridges and moats, what state are yours usually in? Portcullis down or up? Drawbridge raised or lowered? Moat staffed with elves or dragons? What other devices do you keep in place around the Ramparts of Being? High-speed Rationalizers? Balanced Justification Generators? Category Analyzers? Wrongness Deflection Screens? Triple-gauge Denial-flingers? What?


And perhaps even more important, why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 05:12 AM

SRS... why didn't you tell me that before? I just figured I couldn't log in as gnu on more than one PC at the same time. I shall do just that. If I remember, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 05:34 AM

you can log in as gnu (assuming you are gnu, or gnu is you) on as many computers as you desire. But you can't login as multiple people on a single computer at the same time. (Well, you *CAN*, but I'm not telling how because that is just plain wrong and requires cheating and MOM says we shouldn't cheat.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 10:29 AM

Amos, Amos, Amos. I do wish that you would "get with it." NOBODY depends on those old-fashioned things anymore.

I have a simple minefield, nothing fancy, just AP mines that will only blow your leg off up to the knee. This is backed with several rows of 175mm howitzer shells rigged to blow up vehicles, and this is backed by interlocked fire zones of various weapons up to and including Mark VII disintegrators. Of course, there is a force field of spherical shape completely surrounding the property so you can't even tunnel under. Should you actually make it into the house, DNA analyzers determine if you actually should be allowed there and if not you will disappear down my shredder/oubliette.

Why, you ask? Because I can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 05:33 PM

Your answer, dear sir, surpriseth me not; it strikes me that those who have been early overwhelmed by the machinery of brute force will tend to decorate their spiritual and mental centers with those mechanisms.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 06:44 PM

I did not, intentionally, mention the more spiritual traps
in which you silently and softly vanish away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 09:49 PM

I have a pet boojum, you see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 13 - 11:39 PM

See, that's what makes the differences between thee and me. I would never stoop to using a spiritual trap, having seen the brutality and harm they can bring about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 06:09 AM

Warming up here. It's -3C this hour and that's half yesterday's low. I used my remote start yesterday morn. Not me... the truck. Arthritis precludes me from scraping THICK frost off the windows. The high for today will continue to increase overnight and soar to 17 tomorrow. Of course, it will be a great day for flying kites on the marshes if you have a full rain suit and gum bubber boots and weigh at least 100kg or are yourself tethered in some manner. I expect the roofers will have a busy weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 09:25 AM

ALL "spirituality" is a trap, Amos. The trick is to choose the right path through the morass...and each person has a unique path.

My pet boojum, Snuffles, is a pretty good pathfinder for me. Snuffles is pretty friendly too, as long as I say "Friend, Snuffles! Friend!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 11:50 AM

Snuffles likes to defriend people?

I could use a bit of morass meself. I love the bog country of Kent County, nb.ca.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 12:34 PM

MOAB. The only thread ya don't hafta trace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 01:58 PM

You might have a pet ocotillo, but I doubt it is a pet boojam. (Looking for a good illustration I landed on this, which begs the question why the buckets on the top of the cactii?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 02:05 PM

Oh, no, Senor. All spirituality is not a trap. The labels and artifacts attached to it, for sure, are a form of entrapment, just as any map can ensnare he who wots not the territory. But the raw landscape itself is a field of joy and infinite discovery.

Even boojums can be un-ensnared, given a little of the right kind of communication; but there is an art and skill that force will never approach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 03:39 PM

Stilly, you put weights on the bucket bottoms and the cacti stop growing.

Of course, Amos, but you must sort your way amongst the snares of verbiage and false paths.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 04:02 PM

Indeed; the pathfinder's art is one I have studied long, and practiced, and always hope tog et better at.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 10:22 PM

If you but ask I can be your guide, your compass, your pole star. Just follow me...I'm not sure of the way, but if I get lost I'll have someone to talk to.

This morning, from 8:30 am to 12 noon, I was in the chair at the dentist's office have six (6) implants implanted. Well, actually two and a four-tooth bridge so there were only four screws. He also filled in two tiny spots of decay and repaired the nicks needed for my (now extinct!) partial plate. In January I will go back to the oral surgeon and have the foundations for another bridge installed and then back to the dentist for the bridge. You didn't ask, but my youngest brother grabbed my bicycle handlebars back in 1959 and sent me teeth-first onto the new blacktop of 16th Street -- and I've been missed permanent front teeth until today! By the way, I do not suggest that you give your mother your front teeth the Saturday before you're to start high school.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 10:51 PM

Thank you so much for the kind over; although I know I am missing a great opportunity, after a fashion, or at least some sort of adventure, I fear I must pass. My mother (having just read Death in Venice ) cautioned me never to trust a man with bad teeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 13 - 11:46 PM

At least I had MY dental implants done in US of A...I didn't slink over the border to Mexico or someplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 13 - 05:45 AM

The only slinking in the whole affair is the long shuffle to get back in the US. It is a pathetic process. But I don't slink. I just stride very slowly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 13 - 09:52 AM

...catching a ride on train in a tunnel under the border, crouching hidden under a load of manure, shuffling along like a paisano, hidden the wheel wells of an 18-wheeler truck or inside the door moldings of an SUV filled with drugs....

No, my money stays in the good ol' US of A and provides jobs for Real Americans like those who live in Real American states like Idaho. None of that border slinking for US!

By the way, if you ever drop around you can have a drop of the rum I brought back last time I was in Canada....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Nov 13 - 02:48 PM

I must ask my nephew... my bro died a while back. He was given a bottle of Rommel's Rum by the Allied Supreme Commander in Europe, a US general, back in the 60s. We were to drink it upon the first time he took a moose but the cancer took him before that happened. I hope my nephew didn't sell it, as he has done with other family heirlooms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 13 - 05:25 PM

I'd go a good ways for love or rum, or both, but POcatello? Really???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 13 - 11:49 PM

Lambs, 151 proof. Or I could pop down to the liquor store and get some Pussers...or would you rather have Bacardi?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 13 - 08:05 AM

Bacardi? Surely you jest. Lamb's Navy. I've chatted at length with Alfred on a number of occasions but it's been years ago. Amber Alfred. Also Old Sam at London Dock. But never Bacardi unless twas else buying.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 13 - 10:39 AM

Well, I'm only thinking of poor old Amos. Maybe some Captain Morgan....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 13 - 03:20 PM

AHA! I just figured it out! Aunt Annabelle's real name was Jessie Isabel Little and the false name is actually Anna Belle Owens and her mother was Dianah Agnes Paschall (Pascal is the "proper" spelling but the census taker didn't get it right). I always knew... "which one of these is not like the others"... but never had the tools to research what I heard from my old man and uncle just before they died. She was crazy as a bag a yer hammers. Not at all like her sisters. I liked her the bestest. Lillian was cool but Annabelle was off the charts. She'd say stuff that NONE of the snooty Owens sisters would even think. I'll never forget my two week stay in Dartmouth when I was 14. The moon landing, the yappy little dog, the cherry tree, the little plastic telescopic rig with the pic of the naked lady with the BIG tits. She produced it and said, "Someone left this at the grocery store checkout where I work. I don't know what it is but it looks a toy." and handed it to me. I looked and I IMMEDIATELY RACED to my room in the back of the garage. When I finally emerged, she asked "What do ya think of the milk jugs on that?" I blushed profusely and stared at the ground in shame. She said, "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Just don't wear out your pecker until you get your hands on some real jugs. Now, go pick berries for dessert." and she went to the kitchen to cook. I was dumbfounded. I was as awestruck by her as I was by my new toy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 13 - 09:43 PM

Was she related to Blaise Pascal or St. Pascal Baylon? Probably not the latter because he was a friar who was born in 1540, but who knows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 01:37 AM

Whew! Some of the stories one reads here - you can't make up this kind of stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 12:47 PM

Did all of you who need to change your clocks get it taken care of? MOM always has a few that are wrong about six months of the year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,lapgnu
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 01:52 PM

Forgot to log in as gnu. >;-)

SRS... thanks. The real ones are the best. I have a relative that is HUGE. Years ago, we had a fete for a marriage anniversary. Annabelle was introduced and she asked, "What have you been eating? Everything?" Nobody laughed but Annabelle and small children. She would say anything. Some thought she was truly just not right in the head but I have never met anyone happier.

I was dating a lass living in Lunenburg, NS while working airport construction in Atlantic Canada. I had a job in Halifax for a few weeks. She came and stayed with me at the Airport Hotel on weekends. I called Annabelle and arranged a visit with her. Peggy he was a tall lass, built like a brick shithouse but quite slim. Annabelle looked her up and down when I introduced them... "Kinda skinny but I'm sure Gary can fatten you up. Just make sure he gives you a big diamond first. You know the Irish." and she laughed that laugh. I laughed. Peggy was mortified for a few seconds but realized just who Annabelle was and laughed as well. Annabelle then said, "I'm glad you are here. There's something up in the cherry tree. It's scaring the birds. Climb up and get it down for me." Seriously... no shit... lacy pink panties. Brand new lacy pink panties with the price tag still attached. She says, "Oh my. Now how did those get in my cherry tree? Here, Peggy, you might have a use for these. My husband Bill died last year. They wouldn't fit anyway." and, yes, she laughed. Told ya... bag a hammers crazy. I miss her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 03:59 PM

Ahyup. I even changed the clock in Mum's car. The Ford? Why bother? Probably mess up the damn computer that keeps telling me my tire pressure is wrong... idiot truck.

Here's a pic of Annabelle. . You'll figure out which one she is immediately.

BTW, Esther married a very rich man whose family had three auto parts manufacturing plants and some hotels in Europe and one parts plant in the US. Mary married a very successful man who had a number of successful retail businesses in the US. Lillian Married a very successful man who eventually owned one of the most successful jewellry companies in Canada (she was the one who built that company and got screwed in the divorce but she did divorce the ignorant prick bastard motherfuker (my old man beat the shit out of him once after he ran his mouth about the Acadians not being real Frenchmen... good story)) and Rose married a very successful man who owned plastics manufacturing plants in Toronto and South America. Annabelle married a pensioned WW1 vet who could not work after he was shellshocked in France. She lived with him in a small house in Dartmouth, NS with a yappy little dog that I absolutely despised (great story about sleeping Uncle Bill farting after supper with the yappy curled up in the crack of his ass). Annabelle and Bul MacKenzie were, relative to her sisters' millionaire families, as poor as turkey turd beer. Did I mention that she was one of the happiest people I ever met and that I liked her the bestest? Well... there ya go eh? Money don't buy happieness they say. Annabelle never "got paid" to be happy and she was one of the richest people I ever met.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 04:44 PM

Hell, reading those stories, Gnuzer, _I_ even miss her!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,lapgnu (watchin football GO PATS)
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 06:22 PM

Thanks to you as well, A. Bul MacKenzie... Bill, altho he was a bull of a man. 6' and a bunch. Took me salmon fishin on that visit to Dartmouth when I was 14. Terrible thing to do to a redheaded, blue eyed Irish/French boy... stand him up in reeds taller than he and tell him to watch for game wardens while he used worms for bait rather than only using a fly as required by law. I had to jump up to see over the reeds for three hours. I did so because my old man taught me to respect my elders and to "Fuck, Fight and Hold the Light*". If I had been older, I would have went back to the car and got out of the sun. I mean, wouldn't that have been a better plan? I mean, if the car horn worked, eh? He didn't catch any fish but I spent the night in pain, actually throwing up and I peeled for a couple of days.

* "Hold the Light" = Hunting at night with the aid of a light = "Jacking" Virginia White-Tailed Deer. Farmers don't have time to hunt so they harvest deer at night. Okay by me as long as they are farmers that live on the land they take the deer on. Poaching salmon by using the aid of a small sun burn susceptible little pale Irish boy? Not so much, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 09:46 PM

My great-uncle Hank took us fishing once on a creek ("crick") I later got to know quite well. I stepped on a rusty nail and knew I was going to die because lockjaw sets in immediately and red streaks start running up your leg and then your leg turns black and they cut it off and you die anyway. Or so I knew when I was about eight or ten. Uncle Hank looked at me as I yelled but he had a fish on the line and simply told me to be quiet until he landed it.

It was hard for a dying kid who had a hole in the sole of his tennis shoe to keep quiet while he was dying, but I did. He landed a good-sized fish and then looked at my foot. He pulled a bottle tincture merthiolate out of his jacket pocket and put some on the hole, which caused me to yell again. He gathered up the fish and my two brothers and took me home. My mother took me to the doctor, where I got a tetanus booster shot AND a shot of penicillin. If I knew that I would have to get two shots and be treated with TM I think I would have rather died. I wore the tennis shoes the rest of the summer as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 08:16 AM

But, did ya catch any fish? Steppin on a nail is nasty stuff, specially if ya don't catch anything... fish, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 09:40 AM

I didn't even get a line wet. And none of the medicine worked -- I died, but a miracle happened and I came back to life. That's true; you can ask anyone I was in school with at the time. Or just ask my brother; he only speaks The Truth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 01:16 PM

Well, ya weren't a dying teenager long enough, obviously. You quit while your dying was still in play. Not manly. But overall, I am kinda glad you did.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 01:23 PM

Of course it wasn't manly! I was only about 10 years old -- it was childlike (or childish, if you prefer).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 08:15 PM

I had a few tetanus shots over the years myself. I'm probably due again, since I can't remember the last time I had one.


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