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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 03 Feb 12 - 05:43 PM
Acme 03 Feb 12 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 12 - 03:41 PM
Acme 03 Feb 12 - 01:53 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 12 - 01:26 PM
Amos 03 Feb 12 - 11:51 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 12 - 10:57 AM
Amos 03 Feb 12 - 08:48 AM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 12 - 12:48 AM
Acme 02 Feb 12 - 09:15 PM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 12 - 08:54 PM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 12 - 05:39 PM
gnu 02 Feb 12 - 04:24 PM
Little Hawk 02 Feb 12 - 04:15 PM
gnu 02 Feb 12 - 04:01 PM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 03:54 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 12 - 02:02 PM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 11:19 AM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 11:13 AM
Acme 02 Feb 12 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 02 Feb 12 - 10:21 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Feb 12 - 10:20 AM
Amos 02 Feb 12 - 09:47 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 02 Feb 12 - 12:24 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 02 Feb 12 - 12:22 AM
Amos 01 Feb 12 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 12 - 10:56 PM
Little Hawk 01 Feb 12 - 10:50 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 12 - 10:00 PM
Amos 01 Feb 12 - 06:38 PM
Little Hawk 01 Feb 12 - 06:03 PM
Amos 01 Feb 12 - 02:26 PM
gnu 01 Feb 12 - 01:19 PM
gnu 01 Feb 12 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,freds 01 Feb 12 - 01:00 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 01 Feb 12 - 12:15 PM
gnu 01 Feb 12 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 12 - 10:22 AM
Amos 01 Feb 12 - 09:50 AM
Little Hawk 01 Feb 12 - 04:35 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 12 - 11:13 PM
Amos 31 Jan 12 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 12 - 09:45 PM
Acme 31 Jan 12 - 08:32 PM
gnu 31 Jan 12 - 04:33 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 12 - 03:18 PM
gnu 31 Jan 12 - 02:44 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 05:43 PM

Okay, this just in: Amos and Rapparee have violated standing ordinances regarding the number of posts allowed by any one person on any single thread during a period of 1-5 years. They both reached and surpassed their limit about 12 hours ago.

This means, Amos and Rap, that you guys have to stop posting here for a cooling off period of 6 months! You also have to pay a $5 per extra post fee to Microsoft and issue a public apology.

Sorry about that. I know it'll be tough doing without your daily fix. I suggest substituting copious amounts of acohol and casual sex during the intervening period, but stay away from using snuff! That way lies madness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 05:19 PM

Do it like publishers are doing now - print money on demand. :) Easy Peasy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 03:41 PM

Libraries don't need no more steenkin' books! Libraries need lots of steenkin' money!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 01:53 PM

Spreading this around a bit. MOM might like it (and might finally return some of the overdue books that fell behind the sofa - it would give the library a few more books to circulate!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 01:26 PM

I love your feigned outrage and wounded sense of dignity, Amos. ;-) That should put him in his place!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 11:51 AM

SOurces, sirrah?

When I sign something, it is because I have created it myself.

Sometimes I even create the signer and have them take the credit.

I never pretend to have written something I did not. Well, hardly ever. (Gilbert and Sullivan). Just so you know. (Catcher in the Rye). Can you dig it? (On the Road).

A, First Vowel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 10:57 AM

Hey, give your sources!

"Do I wake or sleep?" C'mon, if I gotta you gotta!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 08:48 AM

An imaginary crittur
Eats imaginary fruit
Gets imaginary bellyaches
ANd lets imaginary toots

Tell me how long
Do I have to sleep?
Oh, can I wake up now?
Or will it have tokeep?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 12:48 AM

You should hire Chongo, Rap. He is capable of standing off almost any form of attack on Eisley's residence, and his rates are quite reasonable. He'll take cash or bananas, providing they're fresh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 09:15 PM

I hope Eiseley drops in here soon - we haven't seen her sunny face for a while!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 09:12 PM

Gnu:

"Dinna fasch thysel'" is Scots colloquial for "Don't get your knickers in a twist...".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 08:54 PM

Geez, I'm getting old. I plumb went and forgot to credit Ginsberg's "Howl" and Al Pope's "First Satire."

I did drop by and visit with Eiseley this afternoon. She's okay, except for the after-effects of the vomiting gas and you can hardly see any bullet holes in her house now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 08:40 PM

Ah, no, good sir; I know you for a true firebrand, a man of inner steel only slightly disguised by your velveteen foolscap!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 05:39 PM

Because I forgot, Amos.

Do you seriously think I'd like credit for that??? Do you think I wanted you to think that it was me who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty incantations which in the yellow morning were stanzas of gibberish? No, I am arm'd for Virtue when I point the pen, to brand the bold front of shameless, guilty men, to dash the proud gamester in his gilded car, and bare the mean heart that lurks beneath a star.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 04:24 PM

You actually took the time to do that instead of delagating that to those weeny dogs? Not a very good use of resources. That will go on your annual performance appraisal.

Unless, of course, the weeny dogs assigned that task to you. If so, yer a good boy yesyouare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 04:15 PM

I did a statistical analysis of MacGonagall's writings awhile back and discovered that he has rhymed the words "dismay" and "without delay" at the end of various lines of verse no fewer than 11,712 times in his poetry! No one else has ever equalled that, and that is why MacGonagall stands head and codpiece above the rest!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 04:01 PM

"Do not fasch thyself on that acount..."

Huh? I do not get the inference.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 03:54 PM

I have read your recent post concerning The Bruce with great interest, dear Rapparree, and I am grateful to you for posting it. Reading it occasioned a delightful respite from the plebian travails of the day and provided a short and welcome excursion to a simpler time, when heroism and wits could be trusted to defeat arrogance and authoritarian meddling. Such a simple landscape, with such strong men roaming through it, revives my heart and brightens my eye, and I am the better for having encountered your post.

I do not understand why you provide no accreditation; did you fear that revealing your fan-boy relationship with McGonagall would make Mom think less of you? Do not fasch thyself on that acount, sir; it could not happen!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 02:02 PM

The Battle of Bannockburn

Sir Robert the Bruce at Bannockburn
Beat the English in every wheel and turn,
And made them fly in great dismay
From off the field without delay.

The English were a hundred thousand strong,
And King Edward passed through the Lowlands all along.
Determined to conquer Scotland, it was his desire,
And then to restore it to his own empire.

King Edward brought numerous waggons in his train,
Expecting that most of the Scottish army would be slain,
Hoping to make the rest prisoners, and carry them away
In waggon-loads to London without delay.

The Scottish army did not amount to more than thirty thousand strong;
But Bruce had confidence he'd conquer his foes ere long;
So, to protect his little army, he thought it was right
To have deep-dug pits made in the night;

And caused them to be overlaid with turf and brushwood
Expecting the plan would prove effectual where his little army stood,
Waiting patiently for the break of day,
All willing to join in the deadly fray.

Bruce stationed himself at the head of the reserve,
Determined to conquer, but never to swerve,
And by his side were brave Kirkpatrick and true De Longueville,
Both trusty warriors, firm and bold, who would never him beguile.

By daybreak the whole of the English army came in view;
Consisting of archers and horsemen, bold and true;
The main body was led on by King Edward himself,
An avaricious man, and fond of pelf.

The Abbot of Inchaffray celebrated mass,
And all along the Scottish lines barefoot he did pass,
With the crucifix in his hand, a most beautitul sight to see,
Exhorting them to trust in God, and He would set them free.

Then the Scottish army knelt down on the field,
And King Edward he thought they were going to yield,
And he felt o'erjoyed, and cried to Earl Percy
"See! See! the Scots are crying for mercy."

But Percy said, "Your Majesty need not make such a fuss,
They are crying for mercy from God, not from us;
For, depend upon it, they will fight to a man, and find their graves
Rather than yield to become your slaves."

Then King Edward ordered his horsemen to charge,
Thirty thousand in number, it was very large;
They thought to o'erwhelm them ere they could rise from their knees,
But they met a different destiny, which did them displease;
For the horsemen fell into the spik'd pits in the way,
And, with broken ranks and confusion, they all fled away,
But few of them escap'd death from the spik'd pits,
For the Scots with their swords hack'd them to bits;
De Valence was overthrown and carried off the field,
Then King Edward he thought it was time to yield.

And he uttered a fearful cry
To his gay archers near by,
Ho! archers! draw your arrows to the head,
And make sure to kill them dead;
Forward, without dread, and make them fly,
Saint George for England, be our cry!

Then the arrows from their bows swiftly did go,
And fell amongst them as thick as the flakes of snow;
Then Bruce he drew his trusty blade,
And in heroic language said,
Forward! my heroes, bold and true!
And break the archers' ranks through and through!
And charge them boldly with your swords in hand,
And chase these vultures from off our land,
And make King Edward mourn
The day he came to Bannockburn.

So proud Edward on his milk-white steed,
One of England's finest breed,
Coming here in grand array,
With horsemen bold and archers gay,
Thinking he will us dismay,
And sweep everything before him in his way;
But I swear by yon blessed sun
I'll make him and his army run
From off the field of Bannockburn.

By St. Andrew and our God most high,
We'll conquer these epicures or die!
And make them fly like chaff before the wind
Until they can no refuge find;
And beat them from the field without delay,
Like lions bold and heroes gay
Upon them! ? charge! ? follow me,
Scotland's rights and liberty!

Then the Scots charged them with sword in hand,
And made them fly from off their land;
And King Edward was amazed at the sight,
And he got wounded in the fight;
And he cried, Oh, heaven! England's lost, and I'm undone,
Alas ! alas! where shall I run?
Then he turned his horse, and rode on afar,
And never halted till he reached Dunbar

Then Bruce he shouted, Victory!
We have gained our rights and liberty;
And thanks be to God above
That we have conquered King Edward this day,
A usurper that does not us love.

Then the Scots did shout and sing
Long live Sir Robert Bruce our King'
That made King Edward mourn
The day he came to Bannockburn!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 11:19 AM

"Foreseeing, their decay each howre so fast came on,
Under the axes stroak, fetcht many a grievous grone,
When as the anviles weight, and hammers dreadfull sound,
Even rent the hollow Woods, and shook the queachy ground."

"Joves Oke, the warlike Ash, veyn'd Elme, the softer Beech,
Short Hazell, Maple plaine, light Aspe, the bending Wych,
Tough Holly, and smooth Birch, must altogether burne:What should the Builder serve, supplies the Forger's turne;
When under publike good, base private gaine takes holde,

And we poore woefull Woods, to ruine lastly solde."

Michael Drayton (1563-1631

A Chorographicall Description of Tracts, Rivers, Mountains, Forests and other Parts of the Renowned Isle of Greate Britaine with intermixture of the most Remarquable Stories, Antiquities, Wonders, Rarityes, Pleasures, and Commodities of the same: Digested in a Poem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 11:13 AM

Mom says she's gonna send Gluon down to Texas to help you out, Still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 10:24 AM

MOM musta been taking a nap instead of making faces at people because I have more work to do this week. Or maybe she was busy listening to all of these court cases.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 10:21 AM

It's okay, Mom. I'm alright, mostly. The cops didn't get my license plate number, either. Who would have thought that someone would care so much about a window made of pieces of colored glass? Or that old church? How was I to know it was full of old ledgers and documents? I mean, I didn't set it on fire intentionally, did I? And it's not my fault the sprinklers weren't working and the woodwork was tinder dry. I didn't ever see the sign about the National Register of Hysteric Places. They should put those where people who a re drinking in back of a place can see them, don't you think? "Oldest Church In the Pacific Northwest" -- phooey! I ask you, which is more important: some old church or me testing my new aluminum/magnesium rocket casing and my new lox/kerosene fuel mixture? It could happen to anyone! Sure, sure, I should have put steering fins on the rocket but I can't think of everything, can I? And I didn't mean to burn down all of those other buildings, either -- especially the explosives magazine for the mine.

Thank God Almighty the Legion Hovel was spared is all I've got to say!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 10:20 AM

If I had found that sucker who sat in the garage for 8 days sittin' in MY garage, he'd have had a whole lot more anguish to complain about...assumin' he was still capable of speech after I was through with him. Same goes for the idiot who shot pellets at the dog. I don't like dogs much myself, but I do respect property rights.

Have you seen the "trunk monkey" ads, GfS? Do a search on Youtube. It ain't a monkey, it's a chimp, but they are pretty funny ads anyway.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 09:47 AM

THat last one has been floating around for years. I have a friend who swears it actually happened to some foreign engineers who came over here to study software applicaitons. Go figger.

Have you talked to your friend Ms. Snopes about these?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:24 AM

..and 43,700!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:22 AM

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know the kind of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy

      


    Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2011

    *SEVENTH PLACE*

    Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
    Start scratching!
    * SIXTH PLACE *
    Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
    Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
    Scratch some more...
    * FIFTH PLACE *
    Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.
    Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case
    of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's
    insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

    Double hand scratching after this one..

    *FOURTH PLACE*
    Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the
    Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

    Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

    * THIRD PLACE *
    Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

    Only two more so ease up on the scratching...

    *SECOND PLACE*
    Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

    Ok. Here we go!! Drum roll ...
    * FIRST PLACE *

    This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv
    Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.
    On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owners manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Regards,
GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 11:01 PM

It was Geoff, not Maria, I was thinking off.

I think the town might have been Dongle, just north of USB Port on the coast of Hard Drive.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:56 PM

Probably Dingleberry, England.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:50 PM

Hmmm. Do you think Shane could have been lying????? (hard as that is to believe...)

Maybe they are from Dangle, not Dingle.

Amos - Great! I wasn't aware of the Maria Muldaur song, but I've got something really good happening with those lyrics of yours. It's maybe half done now, and I'll finish it hopefully tomorrow sometime.

I'm thinking we might make a good songwriting team, you and I.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:00 PM

There ain't no McBrides in Dingle. Haven't been since 1367, when they were exterminated for being vermin unbecoming to the Irish. I know this for a fact as my wife's relatives are all from there and they helped in the Glanadh Mor (as it is still known to those whose roots in An Daingean go deep).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 06:38 PM

Little Hawk:

GO ahead and use them. Give me a half a byline if you like. It is modeled--in my head--on the Hesitation Blues as Muldaur used to do them.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 06:03 PM

Ah-Hah!Hah!Hah! Wonderful! I wonder if they are related to the McBrides of Dingle, Ireland? Or is that Dangle, Ireland? If only one of them had had a greasy, shoulder-length mullet and a droopy mustache and a baseball cap on backwards with the legend "<----I'm with the IDIOT---->" printed on it in red block letters, I'd have said Shane McBride was in that video.

That is definitely something Shane would do. Don probably wouldn't, cos he is not totally brainless, eh?

Wonderful lyric writing, people!

Amos, can I use those "imaginary" lyrics you just wrote in a song of my own? I have an idea that I think could work well for it. You want co-writing credit for it? No problem. That's a serious request.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 02:26 PM

Shane's Great Escape foiled.

It bears rewatching.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:19 PM

Shoulda tried You Tube before!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FYfB8K84tk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:17 PM

A... can you send the vid to SRS, LH, whoever? I only have your and Rap's eaddies and it's not to be missed by anyone who knows Shane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:00 PM

You will be pleased to know that we have found succulent DNA, the very best we have ever found. It is as if it were soaked in a fine sauce. We assume that you want to keep this for yourselves as it is found in a pen. If your planet were sectioned horizontally from your pivot points and horizontally from the widest point this pen would be found at 80° 58' 0" "left" of a line drawn through an obscure island we picked by random to be the zero line for verticality and 46° 30' 0" "up" from the midline.

We will be taking this delicious DNA very soon, although we wonder why to put it in a pen with other DNA which is to say the very least quite foul. If you were attempting to sweeten the foul DNA that is not the way to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 12:15 PM

Glad to have been of some assistance................BTW, the more you feed it the bigger it grows.

Regards to All,

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:26 AM

LH... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-WBKah3uwg&feature=related


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:22 AM

I woke up this mornin'
To a glass of warm milk
I woke up this mornin'
To plain ol' oatmeal
And a dish of prunes
Yeah Mamma I'm doin' hard time
Hard time in the Sudbury Jail.

Ain't got no weed
Ain't got no beer
Just a dish of prunes
A-standin' there
Yeah Momma I'm doin' hard time
Hard time in the Sudbury Jail.

Big Jello done tol' me
I belong to him
Yeah Big Jello done tol' me
I was his fresh meat
An' lemme tell 'bout hard times
Hard times in the Sudbury Jail.

Ain't got no teevee, ain't got no pants
Jist a bright orange jumpsuit
With a flap in the back
And Big Jello likes me, likes me a lot
Momma I got hard times
Hard times in the Sudbury Jail.

If I ever git outa here, I'll go straight
Sweet momma, I'll go straight to your arms
Smoke a little herb, git some donuts from Tim's
Don't like it here not one little bit
Yeah it's hard time, Momma
Hard times in the Sudbury Jail.

         --Myopic Vanilla Pudding, "Sudbury Jail Blues"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 09:50 AM

He's an imaginary felon
IN imaginary jail
No-one wants to go
His imaginary bail
He's imaginary stuck
Serving imaginary time
Nailed by imaginary cops
For an imaginary crime,

Tell me how long
Do I have to wait?
Can I wake up now?
Or must I hesitate?

Bodhisatva Singers in their new album "Dharma Momma Lay Me Down", 2011, Chicago


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 04:35 AM

Now yer gettin' the idea, eh? ;-D It's gonna be brutal! I betcha he gets no dirty magazines either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM

I understand. Bland food, no television, impolite guards, only five cigarettes a day, only milk to drink -- Canadian "hard time".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 11:13 PM

I don't think he'll die in there, Rap...but I think he's going to enjoy it a little less than usual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 10:35 PM

That video was a crack up.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 09:45 PM

Them cops gonna use the rubber truncheons and electric shock and waterboarding and sleep deprivation and dentist drills and stuff on Shame?

Boy, I'd sure hate to annoy cops, especially when I was in jail. You don't think Shame will die in there of "natural causes" do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:32 PM

Todays only Tuesday, right? MOM, I may need you to come give me a hand at work the rest of the week. There's just too much to do in the time available. If you'll just glower at anyone who approaches me with any other little jobs they need help with, that would be a great help!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 04:33 PM

If anyone wants to see a "Shane" escape attempt from the police vid, send me yer eaddy. It's priceless. Shane might even be one of them (3 guys chained together at the wrists) as it was in Durham, ONT.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 03:18 PM

You don't understand how the Sudbury cops feel about Shane. Specially after this last episode! It would take a full brigade of US Marines and Special Forces armed with tanks and Blackhawk helicopters to get him out this time. Trust me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 02:44 PM

You got a mean streak.


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