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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 09 May 12 - 11:17 AM
Amos 09 May 12 - 10:44 AM
Rapparee 09 May 12 - 10:04 AM
Rapparee 08 May 12 - 01:08 PM
Amos 08 May 12 - 12:52 PM
Amos 08 May 12 - 10:42 AM
Acme 08 May 12 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 08 May 12 - 08:44 AM
Rapparee 07 May 12 - 07:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 May 12 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 07 May 12 - 06:44 PM
Amos 07 May 12 - 04:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 May 12 - 03:12 PM
Rapparee 07 May 12 - 02:57 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 May 12 - 02:52 PM
Amos 07 May 12 - 02:15 PM
Amos 07 May 12 - 11:08 AM
Acme 07 May 12 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 07 May 12 - 10:03 AM
gnu 06 May 12 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 06 May 12 - 10:02 PM
gnu 06 May 12 - 09:02 PM
gnu 06 May 12 - 05:09 PM
Rapparee 06 May 12 - 04:59 PM
Acme 06 May 12 - 12:47 PM
Rapparee 06 May 12 - 08:22 AM
Rapparee 06 May 12 - 08:21 AM
Amos 06 May 12 - 01:41 AM
Rapparee 05 May 12 - 10:04 PM
gnu 05 May 12 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 05 May 12 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 05 May 12 - 07:19 PM
gnu 05 May 12 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 05 May 12 - 05:12 PM
gnu 05 May 12 - 01:44 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 May 12 - 01:16 PM
Amos 05 May 12 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 May 12 - 01:39 AM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 02:48 PM
gnu 04 May 12 - 02:26 PM
Amos 04 May 12 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 May 12 - 12:42 PM
MMario 04 May 12 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 10:16 AM
Amos 04 May 12 - 09:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 May 12 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 03 May 12 - 10:48 PM
Amos 03 May 12 - 10:32 PM
Amos 03 May 12 - 05:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 12 - 11:17 AM

What you found out there, Rap, was a big version of the "Flat Stanley" idea - a "Flat MOAB MOM" that someone wanted to leave by the roadside to see who would pick it up and leave it somewhere else. Alas, it was too large to fit in most passenger cars and last I heard it had been shoved into some kind of door support on a slow-moving west-bound freight train. It blew off and you have now located it. Maybe you can take it down to the Legion Hovel and put it behind the bar to glare at customers.

MOM is here in the Sonoran desert and is just fine, thank you very much! She's going to "supervise" while I help my friend clear out her storage room and take stuff to donate to a local thrift store.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 12 - 10:44 AM

How very nice for YOU, Michael!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 12 - 10:04 AM

SO!!!

I find poor Mom fourth from the bottom, consorting with "BS: Did dinos' farts cause their extinction?" and something about an illicit meeting with someone named "Jill"!!!

Drunk again, of course, even though Stilly said Mom was finally drying out, a soggy old cigar butt in her lips, covered with trash and bits of styrofoam packing pellets, her clothing ripped and wet -- don't you people care???? I can't do it all and you know she slips away because she's a cunning old broad gal.

Well, she's back home now. I guess we'll have to go back to the leg irons and wall chains.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 12 - 01:08 PM

How very nice for you, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 12 - 12:52 PM

Ha!

Ha!


Ha!


Ha!! 44721!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 12 - 10:42 AM

Nice to hear she's staying dry!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 12 - 09:58 AM

We wrote yesterday but it didn't stick. MOM is having a great time, and I think "drying out" is frankly doing her some good. No shakes or anything like that. Clearing the brain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 12 - 08:44 AM

Chongo has put on a few pounds, you'll notice. Not exactly in shape for the election OR chasing after anything. His belly unbalances him if he stands up and drags on the ground if he walks. Perhaps liposuction?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 12 - 07:09 PM

Well, Chongo, I gotta admit you do look better than W did. And I'll bet your ethics and stuff are better than Nixon's. Otherwise, I'd rate you right up there with, oh, Millard Filmore or Chester A. Arthur or Warren Harding or maybe Taft as presidential material. Especially Taft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 May 12 - 06:54 PM

Lissen, bozos, I been on tour extensively for the APP in the last coupla election campaigns and the present one too, and I have passed the tourin' test with flyin' colors. I get a big response everywhere I go. People are hungry for REAL change, and that is my main sellin' point, aside from my good looks, wit, and suave style.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 12 - 06:44 PM

For everything, Turing, Turing
There is an answer, Turing, Turing....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 12 - 04:48 PM

Well, jeeze, you flea-bit half-assed hant, you ain't gonna pass a Turing test either. Howja like DEM apples?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 May 12 - 03:12 PM

Yeah, sure I'd believe in you if ya did that. But you haven't. And you ain't gonna.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 12 - 02:57 PM

Will you believe in me if I plug you with 255-grain soft lead .45 Colt bullet? Or will I have to use 4-oh buckshot? Or you can sit around and close your eyes real tight and say, "I DO believe in Rapparee! I DO believe in Rapparee!" I suggest doing this in public.

Besides, Chongo fails the Turing Test.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 May 12 - 02:52 PM

If any of youse people want me to take you at all seriously, you gotta prove to me that yer real first. For all I know, you could be nothin' but a digital illusion created by some pimply-faced soda jerk with too much time on his hands.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 12 - 02:15 PM

Stilly, you better not stay in Tucson any longer than ya hafta. It'll dry you all up, not a good thing, and certainly not deserved. Come out to the Pacific coast for a bit, splash in the surf, talk to some seals (the pinnipeds, not the US Navy variety) and get a free lunch!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 12 - 11:08 AM

hI, mAW! Has Stilly dragged you into California or something?

We are decided that we will take a week in the Fall and visit YEllowstone and environs. But we will not drive all the way to the Badlands.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 12 - 10:15 AM

Good job, Gary. And Rap, I just waved that cartoon in front of Moonglow. I suspect she already knows the truth of it.

Bright and warm here in the Land of the Lotus Eaters (a bit east of LaLa land). MOM's having a good time but said the sun comes up awfully early here (she refused to reset her watch).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 12 - 10:03 AM

Truth....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 May 12 - 10:26 PM

I will share. I am gonna give my papergirl a shitload. She gave Mum and I a note about leaving her route as of yesterday because she got a part time job. She won $250 partly because I praised her up to her boss when I called to get a meassage to her to knock on my door so I could give her Xmas cards (with tips) from Mum and me. After we got the note, I put a note in the mailbox asking her to knock on my door... wanted to give her one last card of thanks.

She did. The card contained a sum of money and a serious thank you. What she gave us was FAR MORE... she said that because of us, she had the confidence to apply for a part time job and got it!

I know that doesn't sound like much but it's a big deal to me and to Mum as well as her. 6AM and slogging through snow and rain and wind for little pay with bad arthritis. If there is a better reason for me to win the lotto, I'd like to hear it.

Of course, I'll send Chongo a large cheque too. Too bad he won't be able to cash it because he doesn't exist either.

The fookin moon still can't be seen and I can't sleep. Ain't that a bitch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 12 - 10:02 PM

If you win you gotta share and share alike.

Mom said so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 May 12 - 09:02 PM

Well, it's 22:00 and I still can't see the moon because of the big apartment buildings next to my house so fuck it. I am going Oggies soon. I have shit to do early in the morn. I have to buy a lotto ticket for the next draw on Wednesday. I KNOW I am gonna win THIS time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 May 12 - 05:09 PM

Only cloud here last night but I shall attempt to stay awake until about 21:30 to view Luna tonight. Since I was nine years old, I've had a special fondness for the moon and stars. My old man taught me many things about reading the night sky as it relates to farming and hunting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 12 - 04:59 PM

I'm surprised they didn't take her suggestion.

Again, I've donated the number to PETOBEN.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 May 12 - 12:47 PM

That's a mighty fine looking large number, Rap. Do you have room on the shelf for it?

Warm, lovely weather here. MOM enjoyed the ride but you should have heard her at the rest stop yesterday when a family rolled up and parked next to us, got out and proceeded to cough, spit, blow noses (onto the ground, no tissues or anything) and smoke. She said out loud that all that was missing was taking a dump right there on the concrete. They left suddenly. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 12 - 08:22 AM

another hundred.

44700.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 12 - 08:21 AM

Ah, well. Another day


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 12 - 01:41 AM

Back from a great sushi dinner with the Physicist.

Say, the old moon is in apogee tonight and looks bigger than Chicago. I can practically see the footprints on her with the naked eye, except I never let my eyes wander around naked.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 12 - 10:04 PM

You can buy them over the WWW. Now you can have your very own, right in your own home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 12 - 08:53 PM

I'd like to super soak Jamie Lee. I'll bet she looks even better in a wet t-shirt. Sorry, but I am a MALE when it comes to titties.

I just like titties. Show me a man what don't like titties. Ain't none.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 12 - 08:40 PM

Rip-roarin' gunfight downtown this afternoon. Puke Williams shot it out with Skillethead Taylor. Skillethead drew first, but Puke got the first shot on target.

Both left the street soaked. Man, these new super-soakers are something!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 12 - 07:19 PM

Oh, okay. I didn't know who she was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 12 - 05:40 PM

Jamie Lee... Sexy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 12 - 05:12 PM

Who is Jamie Lee Curtis and does she or he owe you Big Buck$ or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:44 PM

I am screening all calls... except when Mum calls, of course. And anyone who owes me money, naturally... goes without saying, I suppose. And calls from relatives that seldom call because I figure there must be bad news and it's better to get it over with right away. And then there's the doctors' offices and ya gotta take them on accounta if ya try ta call back ya get a busy signal like forever, eh? I suppose I'd take a call from most 'Catters... but only if they had a Mudcat membership.

Oh... yeah... and Jamie Lee Curtis fer sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:16 PM

The truth is, Amos, you left the Episcopalian church cos they drummed you out for yer outrageous sinfullness and yer total lack of repentance, see? You had become an embarrassment to the congregation and you had to go. It was the secret trips down to Mexico and the incident with the poodle that finally put the last rusty nail in yer metaphorical coffin as far as they was concerned. You had gone too far. Beyond the pale. So you was cast out into the outer darkness, driven to seek solace in late night psuedo-intellectual conversations with yer lawyer buddies over at Starbucks and clandestine meetings with proskirts on Sunset Boulevard.

Yers is a sad case. I would shed a tear for yer sufferin' and irredeemably lost soul...if I wasn't too busy right now filin' down this ragged fingernail here.

Maybe later. ;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 12 - 12:58 PM

I knew, if I were to be a Christian, that it would have to be Protestant. No question. But the 'Piskies were just too much sturm und drang and furbelows for my taste, and their metaphysics never did quite add up. So I turned in my altar boy costume and my choir scores and bid a quiet Adieu to all that.

I noticed LH refuses to let Chongo be nettled by my acerbic remarks concerning brains being animated by imaginary characters. Too bad, it was a pretty good line.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:39 AM

You could be right, Rap! It would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Man, this could be the start of a major investigation that would rock the political system to its foundations!

I'm bettin' it's either old Mayor Daly's brain, havin' outlived Daley himself...or it's Jimmy Hoffa's brain...same basic scenario. I'm gonna look further into this.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:37 PM

Come to think of it, I'll betcha that they have a whole big collection of politicians' brains. An international collection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:48 PM

Sorry, Charlier Chongo. You can't do that because that brain-in-a-jar belongs to the Mayor of Chicago or one of the aldermen. See, when you go into Chicago politics you gotta leave your brain someplace and just do what you're told. Now we know where all them brains are kept.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:26 PM

Couldn't decide if you were a protestant or a Cat'lic?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:15 PM

I think you should go for it, Chongo. I haven't seen a living brain be animated by an an imaginary character since I left the Episcopalian Church.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 May 12 - 12:42 PM

Now look here, guys. I was down at the medical labs yesterday checkin' out a stiff for a case I'm workin' on. It was a druggist who got killed by someone shovin' an icepick up his nose. A nasty sight. I gotta find out who did it. And why.

But that's another matter. The point is, they had a livin' brain there in a glass container...a fully functionin' brain that is bein' kept alive on life support inside a saline solution. This brain works. It can add 2 plus 2 and get four. It knows when to scratch an itch...but can't...because it's got no arms, see?

That brain needs a home. It needs a fresh and agreeable host that ain't got nothin' between the ears right now, see?

I am thinkin' that youse people here could all apply to BE that host! You all got the basic credentials: livin' body, no functionin' brains.

So, here's the deal. You all put yer names in the hat, so to speak. You all write in and volunteer to host the bodiless brain in Chicago. Either one of you wins big and gets the brain fulltime...or you could all share it on an equal but part time basis.

There's only about 4 or 5 of you bozos here who are dumb enough to merit this...with Amos and Rap definitely headin' up the line, needless to say, but I think you should look into it pronto. I will help make arrangements.

Move fast on this. Somebody else might get the same idea if you don't. This is yer chance to master some basic things like...knowin' when to talk and when to shut up...comin' in out of the rain...not buggin' people who might decide to kill you...peelin' the right end of the banana...tiein' yer shoelaces...wipin' yer nose...feedin' yerself when ya get hungry...the basics.

- Chongo

p.s. I don't want any money. I am doin' this outta the kindness of my heart, see?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:58 AM

bee-dubya:

- I'll be right down....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:16 AM

Weren't the Chanterelles a motown group back in the early '60s? How did your woods get full of them? Are the reproducing down in Florida?

Amos, they did show up. They won't show up anywhere ever again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 12 - 09:29 AM

One of the differentating aspects of sane laughter as distinguished from the glee of absolute insanity is the consciousness of place; the madman will conflate locations in his mind without rhyme or reason and find the results very droll, but does not fundamentally know where he, himself, is located.

THere is a Chinese-Mongolian custom, for example, the violation of which assures a sentence of ostracism or death, and which Rapparree has recently violated publically. As he does not even know what the custom is, he will have little defense when the enforcers arrive at his yurt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:59 PM

My woods are full of chanterelles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:48 PM

Tee hee. Amos took dibs on 66,666 and didn't know that he was marking the decimal point European fashion. So he really has dibs on 66.666 (US fashion) and that's long past.

I can hardly restrain myself from laughing long and loud at such hijinks!

I would have posted all this earlier but I was too busy trying to restrain my mirth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:32 PM

Oh, woe for Mom, and for her town
And the kidlets in her mansion,
For she has dwindled half-way down
For lack of wit and scansion.
Her chilluns off in far-off lands
Too busy are to tend her,
And none of all her salty hands
Will turn out now to mend her!
And I alone, of all her young
Have come back home to raise her.
Oh,, pity Mom, who all alone
Has no-one left to praise her!!

Barnaby Catholic Tiddly
Chief Prognosticator
Tennessee Council on Expanded Rhetorical Devices
Nashville, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 05:27 PM

Yep. ANd so did you!! :D

A


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