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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 23 Apr 09 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 09 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 09 - 08:57 AM
Amos 23 Apr 09 - 08:55 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 09 - 08:49 AM
Acme 23 Apr 09 - 01:13 AM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 11:25 PM
Acme 22 Apr 09 - 11:11 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 08:46 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 08:43 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 08:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 07:37 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 06:43 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 05:53 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 04:06 PM
MMario 22 Apr 09 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 03:53 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 03:47 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 01:43 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 01:36 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Apr 09 - 12:48 PM
MMario 22 Apr 09 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 12:12 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 12:00 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 11:37 AM
Acme 22 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM
MMario 22 Apr 09 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 AM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 01:30 AM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM
Janie 21 Apr 09 - 10:56 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 10:52 PM
Acme 21 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 07:32 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:46 PM
gnu 21 Apr 09 - 06:36 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:20 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 06:11 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:05 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 05:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 11:01 AM

Sometimes I wish I were Richard Branson....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 08:59 AM

Amos, you're quite right. My dear old silver-haired mother used to say, "Don't speak ill of the dead, whether they're physically dead or only mentally dead. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

And so, regarding Shame McBride, "the rest is silence."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 08:57 AM

The following poem is very touching. Although the names have been changed for poetical and legal reasons you can take my word for it that it is about Shame McBride:

There was a young man named Van Horn
Who wished that he'd never been born,
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.


Kinda tugs on the old heart strings, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 08:55 AM

Rapaire, Rapaire. Speaking ill of the dead makes you look like that kind of person.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 08:49 AM

Shame McBride was once a pleasant young chap, quite brilliant, well-mannered, and the Hope Of His Family.

Then he was conceived.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 09 - 01:13 AM

MOM knows snark when she hears it. I see her laughing up her sleeve over there in the kitchen doorway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:25 PM

NAh,they were just executing Shane, who crapped himself and had to run home. He needed a change he could believe in...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:11 PM

MOM wants to know what all of that shouting and shooting was about. Are you boys playing sheriff and bad guys again? Wipe up the blood so no one slips on the steps. The mail carrier wouldn't leave the post here for over six weeks the last time you guys tripped her up with rope and hoses and blood and gawd knows what else. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 10:26 PM

Not that I know of, thanks. Do let me know if you hear anything--if you still can.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:36 PM

Amos, are you having a hip replaced? I know some jokes about that, but they sort of limp along -- not the sort that socket to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 PM

And we all know what the punishment is for waste of bandwidth, don't we! A sentence of 30 days hard labor (or labour) in the dreaded bandwidth mines of West Dakota! Yes, 30 days with a shovel digging bandwidth ore from the fetid mosquito-infested caverns deep beneath the perpetually frozen Bandwidth Mountains. It's a fate worse than having Shane McBride for a neighbor (or neighbour).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 08:46 PM

That was sort of my point. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 08:43 PM

Please don't make me repeat myself, Little hawk; it is an awful waste of bandwidth.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM

z-z-z-z-z-z-...uh...what? Huh? Were you saying something, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 08:24 PM

There are three bones of the os coxae (hip bone) that come together to form the acetabulum. Contributing a little more than two-fifths of the structure is the ischium, which provides lower and side boundaries to the acetabulum. The ilium forms the upper boundary, providing a little less than two-fifths of the structure of the acetabulum. The rest is formed by the pubis, near the midline.

It is bounded by a prominent uneven rim, which is thick and strong above, and serves for the attachment of the acetabular labrum, which reduces its opening, and deepens the surface for formation of the hip joint. At the lower part of the acetabulum is the acetabular notch, which is continuous with a circular depression, the acetabular fossa, at the bottom of the cavity of the acetabulum. The rest of the acetabulum is formed by a curved, crescent-moon shaped surface, the lunate surface, where the joint is made with the head of the femur. Its counterpart in the pectoral girdle is the glenoid fossa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 07:37 PM

He claims it's extremely long...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 06:43 PM

Well, it won't be long....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 05:53 PM

Ah-ha! ha! ha!

Lovely description of Shane's "execution", Rapaire. Sounds about right to me.

Just think what the women of North Ontario would be losing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 04:06 PM

Ibuprofen, don't forget ibuprofen....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 04:04 PM

Ilium, Ischium, Acetabulum


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM

As for that sniveling, snotty-nosed, drooling, gap-toothed, nit-ridden, maggot-tongued, pimple on the fair face of the human race, Shame McBride -- without the crutch of cheap beer he can barely face his image in a mirror much less a firing squad. I can picture it:

Shame is dragged into the yard screaming and crying by six sunken-chested, anemic guards. He is tied to a post so that he can remain upright instead of sliding down into the pile of human mucus he is. Not only does he accept a blindfold, he is the only person ever granted the privilege of a full body covering after he smokes his last cigarette and begs for more.

Still whimpering and cringing from the inevitable, he hears the commands:

"Reeeeeady!"

"Present!"

And Shame screams, "NO! NO! I'm too pretty!"

"FIRE!"

And fingers squeeze the triggers and the rifles fire. The body hood is ripped from Shame and blinking in the sunlight he sees a flag reading "BANG!" sticking out of the barrel of each plastic toy gun.

The OC of the Firing Party throws back his head and laughs, until a slight change of wind brings him the odor which betokens Shame's response....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 03:53 PM

That Rapaire, always trying to act hip. Et tibia, Brutus?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 03:47 PM

Indeed, looking at my shoulder bones on the fluoroscope caused me to mention to the doctor how humerus they looked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:43 PM

True solypsism never yields, not even in the face of death!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:36 PM

I am not surprised that his last thoughts were ones of self-directed admiration. It seems so...how to say..in character, does it not?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:48 PM

ABOUT FLIPPIN' TIME!!! That mother-flippin', corkpullin' son of a flippin' dead dog mother-flippin' LOOSER has finelly come to the flippin' end he DERSERVED!

That bolthole has been a flippin' thorne in my side every since I can flippin' rembbmeber and I hope they throw his flippin' body in the nesarest dubmpster! He is a flippin' goof. No ones gonna miss him. No sir. There will probally be some ginormus celibrashuns all over when news gets out that he is gone forever. I bet it will be made a new nahsunal holiday.

Boy, this is good news. I waited years for it.

Goodbye, you FLIPhead! No flippin' regrets here.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:16 PM

OH MY GOD!

RAPAIRE'S BEEN SHOT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:12 PM

The guards came for me as I sat in my dimly lit cell, the stinking water from the leaking toilet above dripping down the walls. I stood as they came in, smiling at them, knowing that they were only doing their unpleasant duty.

The priest came in with them and offered me the Last Rites, but never having sinned I gently thanked him and refused. We walked out in that long, long hallway.

As I passed the other cells the prisoners would call out "Be strong!" and "God bless you!" Finally, we arrived and after the preliminaries I boldly removed my upper garments and bare-chested faced the shooting party.

There was no reprieve. The fluoroscope was positioned over my left shoulder and the needle injected not once, but twice, penetrating into the ligament capsule surrounding the rotator cuff, spraying out its contents of lidocaine and cortisone.

Then it was over and I was free to go, the shooting being executed according to orders.

Mom, my last thought was of how really neat it was to see my shoulder bones on the x-ray machine. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:00 PM

Alas, we have seen the end of Rapaire! What a tragedy! What a loss! Who is going to quarrel with Amos now on a daily basis here? Will I have to step into the breech and take over Rapaire's role in that respect? Do I have the fortitude? Am I silly enough to carry it off in proper style? Tune in at regular intervals to follow this astounding story!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:37 AM

Knowing our Man of Bookes, he is being shot by large expensive digital cameras, in order to promulgate his features to swooning housewives all over Pocatello in some glossy magazine like "Whodaho Today" or "The Pocatello Feller Weekly".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM

Your question seems to have come a few minutes too late, Man of Emms. More than an hour has passed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 10:49 AM

What are they shooting you FOR? Was it worth it?

Do you regret having but one life to give for MOM?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM

Mom, in a little over an hour they're going to shoot me. I'm going to refuse the blindfold and a last cigarette (since I gave up smoking years ago). I'll try to say something insightful and yet witty and remember, Mom -- you were in my thoughts to the last.

I hope someone writes a tear-jerking song about it, like they have about Padraig Pearse and James Connelly and all those guys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 AM

Guy sent me an email with the wording of a bumpersticker he saw:

Politicians and diapers
Must be changed for the reason


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:30 AM

I'll see your swan and raise you 2 ducks and an emu. ;-)

Yeah, those girls were simply marvelous!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:21 AM

Oh, gwan witchoo--you don't mean he was really that pasty gray color?? I swan!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM

Back when Will was ropin' they didn't have no tekneekolor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:56 PM

Those girls realy were something else!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:52 PM

Wal, that Will is one helluva rope-twirler, for sure; but somehow those girls were more inspiring.

Maybe its because they were in technicolor?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM

I was in a hurry earlier so didn't give more information. William Macy does a marvelous job reading this poem:

'The Drunken Driver Has the Right Of Way'
by Ethan Coen

The loudest have the final say,
The wanton win, the rash hold sway,
The realist's rules of order say
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The Kubla Khan can butt in line;
The biggest brute can take what's mine;
When heavyweights break wind, that's fine;
No matter what a judge might say,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The guiltiest feel free of guilt;
Who care not, bloom; who worry, wilt;
Plans better laid are rarely built
For forethought seldom wins the day;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The most attentive and unfailing
Carefulness is unavailing
Wheresoever fools are flailing;
Wisdom there is held at bay;,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

De jure is de facto's slave;
The most foolhardy beat the brave;
Brass routs restraint; low lies high's grave;
When conscience leads you, it's astray;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

It's only the naivest who'll
Deny this, that the reckless rule;
When facing an oncoming fool
The practiced and sagacious say
Watch out ? one side ? look sharp ? gang way.

However much you plan and pray,
Alas, alack, tant pis, oy vey,
Now ? heretofore ? til Judgment Day,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

Excerpted from 'The Drunken Driver Has The Right Of Way' by Ethan Coen. Excerpted by permission of Crown Publishing Group/Random House.

This interview and the poem were on April 16, 2009 on NPR's All Things Considered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM

Shucks, Amos. Them girls ain't got nothin' on some of them old-time cowboys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 07:39 PM

This rappary
Is frippery.
The slope you slide
On's slippery!
I'd rather run
A frappery
Than buy this use
Of Rapparee.


Oh--by the way--HEre's some folks who use their time to much better benefit than we. Worth cheering for.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 07:32 PM

Ya wanna hear me read them Angle-Sexy pomes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:46 PM

Ummm...yeah...

Far out, man. Good stuff, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:36 PM

Pass it over here man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:20 PM

And that's because I am informed
Not cleaving to the witless norm
Because I know that Rapaire
Is meant to rhyme with cannery
It does not rhyme with solitaire
It does not sound like fox and hare
It sounds a note most stridently
By which we call it "Rap-a-REE"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:11 PM

Gee, Little Hawk,
For all your talk
It seems to scare
You to write "Rapaire"
Or else, you find
It cannot rhyme
When pronounced in glee
As "Rapparee".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:05 PM

Your words are just a mockery
When next' the glorious Rapaire
So go ahead, you varlet, flame us!
We're unimpressed by Ignor-Amos

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:58 PM

This idle frippery will not
Explain the folly you have wrought
Or justify your loud complaint
By claiming things are so which ain't.

Come closer to the present, there
To learn the lesson, rich and rare
Of how to spell words like "Rapaire".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:57 PM

Gif mon biž on węteręlfadle, žonne beož him ža hand-
    nęglas wonne and ža eagan tearige and wile locian nižer.
    Do him žis to lęcedome: eoforžrote, cassuc, fone niožo-
    weard, eowberge, elehtre, eolone, merscmealwan crop,

    fenminte, dile, lilie, attorlaže, polleie, marubie, docce, ellen,
    felterre, wermod, streawbergean leaf, consolde; ofgeot mid
    ealaž, do hęligwęter to, sing žis gealdor ofer žriwa:
    Ic benne awrat      betest beadowręda,
    swa benne ne burnon,      ne burston,

    ne fundian,      ne feologan,
    ne hoppettan,      ne wund waxsian,
    ne dolh diopian;      ac him self healde halewęge,
    ne ace že žon ma,      že eoržan on eare ace.
    Sing žis manegum sižum: Eorže že onbere eallum hire

    mihtum and męgenum. žas galdor mon męg singan on
    wunde.


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