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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 20 Jun 04 - 10:19 PM
GUEST,The Omnipotent Krill 20 Jun 04 - 09:28 PM
GUEST,Harald Bearshirt 20 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM
Acme 20 Jun 04 - 11:17 AM
GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley 19 Jun 04 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 05:31 PM
Little Hawk 19 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:14 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 10:52 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Jun 04 - 03:32 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Jun 04 - 03:26 AM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 01:33 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 12:09 AM
CarolC 18 Jun 04 - 12:05 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jun 04 - 07:27 AM
42 18 Jun 04 - 07:17 AM
Ironmule 18 Jun 04 - 12:46 AM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 11:47 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 09:31 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 08:55 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 07:14 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 06:58 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 06:31 PM
Tweed 17 Jun 04 - 05:16 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 04:33 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 04:26 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 02:01 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 02:00 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 01:36 PM
MMario 17 Jun 04 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 01:27 PM
Amos 16 Jun 04 - 11:54 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jun 04 - 10:04 PM
Amos 16 Jun 04 - 02:52 PM
Rapparee 16 Jun 04 - 02:42 PM
MMario 16 Jun 04 - 12:37 PM
Acme 16 Jun 04 - 12:29 PM
MMario 16 Jun 04 - 11:21 AM
Acme 16 Jun 04 - 11:10 AM
42 16 Jun 04 - 07:00 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 10:19 PM

Dear M&O Dill,

I read your message to the Idaho Legion, those who were sober enough to understand it anyway. They had a coupla questions, though.

First off, Troutsucker said that he thought that krill were li'l ole microscopic shrimp that baleen whales and such fed on. Leastways, he'd been brought up that way, so he wants ta know what the heck you loock like and if yer bigger than a li'l ole microscopic shrimp. So please be good enough to make this here statement into a question and answer it, thanks.

Next off, Pinkytoes ask if you had a, a, well, a rectum. 'Cause she suggested that you stick a finger or tenykel or whatever it is you use for digitizin up there and keep stickin' it up there 'til you hear a great big sucking sound and you disappear up your own arsehole.

This last one was greeted with great applause and catcalls and whoops. One of the older fellers, who was at Bastogne with McAuliffe, said that we should give you the same answer McAuliffe REALLY gave to the Germans. So, here's an answer from the Idaho Legion. I cleaned it up some.

"Go perform a headstand and stick your elbows up your fundament."

It's kinda like Pinkytoes idea, only more acrobatic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Omnipotent Krill
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 09:28 PM

I am The Omnipotent Krill! You have no power that can stand against me. I command the legions of Arcturus and the planetary hordes of Thoth. I hereby announce the imminent takeover of the Internet, which includes this pathetic forum. Since this thread is clearly the lynchpin of Mudcat Cafe, we are now commandeering it for the purpose of terrorizing you all into cringing obedience. Prepare to be dominated utterly and used for our inscrutable purposes.

We shall allow you a little time to assimilate this information, panic, and discuss it among yourselves hysterically, before submitting to our absolute rule.

The Omnipotent Krill has spoken!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harald Bearshirt
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM

(From Joe Odin: This, like the rest of this Guest's postings, was originally posted in Old Norse and has been translated into English by the Mudcat Translator, which also makes good mead and terrific coffee. Problems with meter, scansion, and poetic technique are the faults of the Translator, whch still had old coffee grounds in it, not the poet.)

Hrald am I, bravest berserker,
My shirt-name given me ages ago
When as a young man slew I a serpent,
Slew I a fjord-troll, took many men's heads.
I, son of Eyvind, thrice son of the One-Eyed,
Was given my Longtooth in fiery Muspell,
Handed my Longtooth by Tyr himself,
Pledged to him my bloodtroth, my life to his service,
E'en though he told me a boy would end mine.
Then served I jarls, kings and great chieftains,
A-viking I went, gaining much gold
Killing brave warriors, the battle-lust on me,
Longtooth gore dripping, bearded with blood.
At last I came, a battle-wise berserk,
Pledged to the King, Frodhi of Halfdan,
Son of the son of Frodhi the Peace God,
Hand-trothed to Frodhi, who his own brother killed.
One Yule we kept not at Leidhra, this Yule to Haven
And northward we went. Frodhi the Good, Frodhi the Peace-God,
Father of Halfdan he had raised this small hall
And there Frodhi of Halfdan went to celebrate Yule.
Came there close jarls, warriors and chieftains,
Hand-pledged, but Frodhi, at ease but untrusting,
All weapons he garnered, filling the forehall,
And his death and mine thereby assuring.
After the feasting came Heidh the witch-wife
Frodhi had brought her, wise-woman she was.
Saw she the doom that was e'en then approaching,
Helgi and Hroar, true sons of Halfdan.
Hroar and Helgi, called Hrani and Ham,
Feeders of swine, yet sons of the king,
Sons of Frodhi's brother, who was by Frodhi slain.
With help from their kinsmen, Saevil and Regin,
They fired the hall and there many did burn.
I, Harald, handpledged to Frodhi of Leidhra,
Was therein unarmed, my Longtooth in Fore-hall and stolen away.
Yellow-red flames ate at the timbers,
Armed men blocked the low doors, many they speared.
'Til I with a bench and a post from the highseat
The battle-lust on me, broke through the wall!
Many I beat down, the post brain-bespattered,
And then a young man before me appeared.
Wearing a helm that nearly fit him, a shield in his left
And Tyr-Gift firmly held in his right!
I howled, my blood boiling, my hair all up-standing,
For the blood of this stripling my own blood was lusting,
And I swung the throne-post to break in his skull.
Had the blow landed he would have been splattered
But he caught it on shield-edge and it shattered the shield.
Leaping he thrust over the bench that I carried,
And Longtooth bit deep into my neck. I fell then.
My blood, hot and a-boiling, spilt by Helgi, I his first man.
Darker my vision, thought the fire leapt higher,
Knew I that Frodhi was lost in the flames.
They called out the women, children and servants,
All these came out, but never the queen.
Sigridh the mother of Hroar and Helgi,
Forced into marriage with Frodhi Hafdan,
Sigridh appeared to her sons in the doorway
Then true to her marriage, returned to the flames.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 11:17 AM

List of things to do on Sunday:

water yard
buy cat food
hardware store, numerous items on list
send MOAB back up to the top


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 10:32 PM

Having a natural predisposition to brilliance, I have had a keen interest in this thread since the day of its creation. MOAB has at various times displayed such brilliance that one could hardly look upon it lest one be permanently blinded. Even its darkest moments have outshown the brightest moments of every other thread.

To the future, I look with great anticipation. I perceive a MOAB that has evolved beyond the cyber world of its present confines unto a living organism. Even further, I see a MOAB that evolves beyond the physical into the eternal. . . what? . . . Did I hear MOAB whisper "let there be light"?. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM

I have just finished Hans Askenasy's book Cannibalism: from sacrifice to survival and found it fascinating. Some forms of cannibalism -- especially those wherein a relative is eaten -- would seem to be simply a mark of familial respect, whereas those in which an honored companion is consumed as a mark of respect seem downright eat-a-pal.





No, damnit, I'm not sorry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 05:31 PM

Aw, LH, that's not what I meant. Go run that on your ex-wannabe friend Shathead, or whatever his name is -- he could use the exercise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM

Does anyone else want to practice "tiny face" and "silent scream"?

It's great for the facial muscles. Try it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM

Awright you MOABers. You have been slacking off seriously, and you know it. No excuses.

I want a return to the glory days of REAL bullshit, IMPORTANT bullshit, I want BULLSHIT THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

To do less is to do disservice to the Mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:14 AM

3550!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM

..49


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM

counting down (or up?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 10:52 AM

Welcome back, RR! Off the wall as usual, and refreshingly different!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 03:32 AM

P.S. I forgot to mention....
Stay tuned for next week-ends edition of... viewing the face.... eyebrows first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 03:26 AM

Ironmule-Welcome and please feel free to participate in our week-end- "Get to see your body in a different view" week-end.
This week-end, we will view the feet.
Everyone , remove your shoes and stockings.
Bring your feet up together, (this is not only a good strech practice, but it will also air you out)
Now, look at your heels.
Imagine an ass.
An ass that can move cheek to cheek.
An ass that is supple and vibrant.
Let your heels be the ass.
Go with the flow.

This ends our session for the week-end of June 19-21, 2004.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 01:33 AM

Flash! Mother De-vaporizes!!


Completely Out of Steam



The Mother of All BS thread barely missed catastrophic fall-off late today, a fate it has not suffered through all its hundreds of incarnations. It ran completely out of steam, and was flaccid and dull for a half-dozen posts, during which time it nearly fell off the days' lists. Fortunately a stout-hearted regular, though bored and exhausted, managed to pull it back up with her last wrist-fillip before crawling off to an exhausted and mortified sleep.

Film at 11.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 12:09 AM

what a day. Best I can do is a neutral boost back up to the top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 12:05 PM

Couldn't think of anything funny to say, Ironmule? Ah well. Keep trying. You'll come up with something eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 07:27 AM

Okay, but why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 07:17 AM

yes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ironmule
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 12:46 AM

So, if a tree falls in the forest, and no woman is there to hear it, is it still the husband's fault?

Jeff Smith ;^)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 11:57 PM

Why don't you excuse yourself until you can breath normally?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 11:47 PM

Farradh gach fíor, is fuíoll níor fágadh,        
Dearbhadh díble ar Bhíobla an lá san        
Cúis dar ndóigh ná geobhaidh tú saor tríd,?        
Cnú na hóige dá feo le faolras        
Is easnamh daoine suite ar Éire?        
Do mheath led chuimhne an síolrach daonna;        
Is folamh is is tráite fágadh tíortha,        
An cogadh is an bás gan spás dá ndíogadh,        
Uabhar na ríthe is ar imigh thar sáile        
Nuair ná deineann sibh tuilleadh ina n-áit díobh.        
Is náir d'bhur n-iomad gan siorrach gan síolrach        
Is mná ina muirear ar muir is ar tíortha,        
Connsaí chorpartha is borracaí óga,        
Is bonsaí bhrothallach fola agus feola,
Lóistigh liosta agus leigithí shásta        
Is mórgaigh shioscaithe d'imigh i bhásta;        
Is trua gan toircheas stollairí den tsort seo,        
Is trua gan tórmach brollaigh is bóta iad,        
Is minic iad ullamh an focal dá bhfaighidís        
Ag titim dá mogaill is molaimse a bhfoighne.        

                                     --Merriman


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 10:52 PM

Ach, Rapaire....I really appreciate the chance to review this classic bit of humor. It reminds me of some really great times past, swapping jokes with you. Musta been...what....five months ago??   :>))

How time flies when you are having fun. Since I reused the Navy Goat it is only fair, I suppose.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM

Damn, and here I wanted to see a couple of guys standing better than fifty meters apart, swinging great big chain saws.

Oh well.

Here's something else, instead:

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the
Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a
number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to
examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa' yer
sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak
your place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as
lang's my arm."
    The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient,
and immediately the patient launches into: "Some hae meat, and canna
eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit."
    This continues with the next patient: "Wee sleekit cow'rin
tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start
awa sae hasty, Wi bickering brattle I wad be laith to run and chase
thee, Wi murdering prattle!"
    "Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see
you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."
    "Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the
Serious Burns unit."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 09:31 PM

I am pleased to observe, however, that I have finally gotten Little Hawk's goat, which he most richly deserves.

Nice to see they are letting Canadians use familiars from the armed forces over here. A good exercise in diplomacy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 08:55 PM

I am so tempted to fall into this lizard brained chest thumping hairy-chested glare-fight. But I am of a higher order, and I don't resort to violence to resolve issues of verbal behavior. Sorry.

LH, if you find the plane of Agreed-Upon Reality, do let me know. We can use it as a starting point and evolve a wonderful understanding about something or other. I look forward to that point in your evolutionary advance.

Very best regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 07:43 PM

Ha! Amos is no doubt shaking in his little booties. I am ready for the challenge, yes, chafing at the bit. I will atomize his California oranges and defoliate his peach groves and leave him totally fruitless!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 07:14 PM

No, no! It is a duel au signal. One of the seconds, chosen by lot, will clap once and both will raise arms. Three seconds later, s/he will clap again and aim will be taken. Upon the third clap, three seconds after the second, both parties will fire at the same time.

If anyone is standing after the first fire, the seconds will determine if the principals (Amos and LH) are equal by having the principals "whip it out and prove it." If the principals do not agree to this, a second fire will be performed, and so on and so on and so on and so on, etc. ad nauseum.

Should both still be standing after the forty-third fire and no reconciliation is yet possible, the principals will have at it with chain saws having blades at least thirty-six inches in length, from the same distance from which the fires were done. This will continue until the principals are pooped.

Note: no provision is made for powder, shot, or gasoline (petrol).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 06:58 PM

Well, of course we will fire "at the same time". Isn't that what is usually done? I would not want to fire, say, 30 seconds after the other guy. Not unless he missed. Hmmm. Gotta think about this. If he missed, I could take my time, aim really carefully, and...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 06:31 PM

Gentlemen! Let's not have this degenerate into a common "Mine's bigger than yours" argument. I suggest that you settle this like the gentlemen you are: by the duel.

As it cannot at this time be determined who gave the first offense, you will fire at the same time. Weapons will be hande gonnes of .69 caliber or larger, fired at a distance of not less than 50 meters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 05:16 PM

Cocka-Doodle-Doo!!!


Wheedawgs
and Yowzah!!


Ahhh...I'm off for a few days and had to let that loose somewhere. Thank you MOAB.

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM

I have it on the very best authority that your authority is under investigation for fraudulent projection of illusions of grandeur.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 04:33 PM

I assert that my "good authority" is inherently superior to yours. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 04:26 PM

I have it on good authority that LH is being used as the definitive paradigm case in a studio of pathological obsessive fantasy management.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 02:14 PM

I have it on good authority that Bill will be sitting happily on his spacious deck this weekend, barbecuing steaks and reading fan mail, while his beautiful daughter will be managing his website. He will bask in the comfort of his well-earned golden years, surrounded by the fruits of a glorious career. He may deign to stop in and post to this pitiable thread. You never know. I've got my fingers crossed.

Chongo says "thanks!" for the compliment, Mario. He says you are "top banana" as far as he's concerned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 02:01 PM

Okay, I see. Shatner is a poor, withered, old man, his skin sere and blotched and white from imprisonment in a moldy damp dungeon, one rotten tooth left in his blackened, scurvied gums with which he attempts to consume the swill he is allowed. And LH parades the name around like a will-o'-the-wisp, deceiving and misleading those who might follow.

Got it.

Perhaps a "Free Shatner" movement is needed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 02:00 PM

Are you implying that I couldn't survive without your puny attention?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 01:36 PM

There is a real Shatner, whimpering and withered in the corner somewhere. The image that LH keeps trotting out is purely a figment and nothing to do witht he actuality. It is this will o'the wisp that LH uses to lure people into paying attention to him.

Do not be fooled.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 01:29 PM

nah - couldn't be. BS is obviously older the LH. And LH come up with much better characters (and more believable ones) as witness 'chongo'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 01:27 PM

Amos -- are you implying that William Shatner was created by LH, like the "Wizard" was created by the dude behind the curtain in the Emerald Palace? That Shatner is Little Hawk (and, of course, vice-versa)?

Oh, my.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 11:54 PM

I see right through you, Little Hawk. I am not going to chase your puffed-up straw tiger. YOU are the very little man behind the curtain, creating this meretricious and pusillanimous fantasy-icon in the hopes that others will confuse it with reality. You fool no-one with your overblown hyperbole. You should get an honest job as a journalist for Fox news. Perhaps your friend Shatner will offer to give you a reference as a good PR-smoke-and-mirrors man.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 10:04 PM

You could hire William Shatner as a consultant on practically anything. He has a chameleon-like ability to match the terrain perfectly and yet remain inimitably and unforgettably Shatnerian at all times. He is like a force of Nature...ineffable, unstoppable, indescribable, irresistible.








Heh! (I can see Amos going slowly mad as he reads the above...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 02:52 PM

Reg'lar humbucker!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 02:42 PM

Blow job????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 12:37 PM

in Miss Congeniality I was hoping BS would catch the bomb and get blown up...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 12:29 PM

No, this movie came out a year or two ago, with Sandra Bullock. I don't remember what the cop show was, but you can look it up in the IMDB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 11:21 AM

What was the stupid cop movie that BS played himself in? (cop and actor doing a tv show; BS hired as a consultant (god knows why))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 11:10 AM

So that means you watched the movie Miss Congeniality, right? Funny thing about that, Shatner was probably playing himself straight and Candy Bergen was hamming it up for her role. :) Michael Caine was pretty good.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 07:00 AM

finally saw our friend W.S. in his perfect role...smarmy beauty pageant host...he was perfect! almost as fine a performance as the "Rant"

J


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