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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Aug 10 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 10 - 06:02 PM
Amos 09 Aug 10 - 02:52 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM
Amos 09 Aug 10 - 12:08 PM
MMario 09 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM
Amos 09 Aug 10 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 10 - 10:59 AM
Amos 09 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM
Eiseley 09 Aug 10 - 08:32 AM
Eiseley 09 Aug 10 - 01:10 AM
Acme 09 Aug 10 - 12:20 AM
Janie 08 Aug 10 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 10:39 PM
Janie 08 Aug 10 - 10:28 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 08:56 PM
gnu 08 Aug 10 - 02:41 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 02:20 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 10 - 02:05 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM
gnu 08 Aug 10 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM
GUEST,Little Miss Echo 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 06:51 PM

Honor is, as honor does, good fellow; so get thee to a nunnery and leave off trafficking with songstuff of which thou wottest but little.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 06:02 PM

Sir, are you once again impugning my honor? ANY woman of ANY age would be as safe with me as she would be cradled in her mother's arms. My middle name isn't Parsifal without good reason, you know! I am the one who is sans peur et sans reproche! I protect and respect the old, the weak, the defenseless (unless they are in a country that spells funny, in which case I protect the defenceless).

I am the embodiment of a Good Knight, and could well say, with Wilfred of Ivanhoe, "I am a good knight and noble, come hither to sustain with lance and sword the just and lawful quarrel of this damsel, Rebecca, daughter of Isaac of York; to uphold the doom pronounced against her to be false and truthless, and to defy Sir Brian de Bois-Guilbert, as a traitor, murderer, and liar; as I will prove in this field with my body against his, by the aid of God, of our Lady, and of Monseigneur St. George, the good knight."

I trust my honor (or, in Those Other Countries, my honour) has been made clear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 02:52 PM

I have a keener and more discriminating eye than thou, is why.   I can spot the difference bvetween Kipling and camp-meeting from two hundred yards away. The scansion, the emphasies, the rhyme schemes, the cultural resonances are all entirely different. I am surprised at your tin ear (or eyes, as the case may be). PErhaps you are like the Tin Woodman in need of help from a Great Wizard to replace them with the human sort. On the other hand, offering to escort under-age farm girls into the great forests is probably also a risk...sigh...so many hard choices!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM

CHORUS:

Gimme that Old-Time religion
Gimme that Old-Time religion
Gimme that Old-Time religion
It's good enough for me.


Gee, Amos. I'm surprised you didn't include the chorus.

I am not fond of all poetry, but there's something in Kipling that appeals to me. I guess he's just about my level.
                                  - Mark Twain, a Biography


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 12:08 PM

I do not look for holy saints to guide me on my way,
Or male and female devilkins to lead my feet astray.
If these are added, I rejoice---if not, I shall not mind,
So long as I have leave and choice to meet my fellow-kind.
For as we come and as we go (and deadly-soon go we!)
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

Thus I will honour pious men whose virtue shines so bright
(Though none are more amazed than I when I by chance do right),
And I will pity foolish men for woe their sins have bred
(Though ninety-nine per cent. of mine I brought on my own head).
And, Amorite or Eremite, or General Averagee,
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

And when they bore me overmuch, I will not shake mine ears,
Recalling many thousand such whom I have bored to tears.
And when they labour to impress, I will not doubt nor scoff;
Since I myself have done no less and---sometimes pulled it off.
Yea, as we are and we are not, and we pretend to be,
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

And when they work me random wrong, as oftentimes hath been,
I will not cherish hate too long (my hands are none too clean).
And when they do me random good I will not feign surprise.
No more than those whom I have cheered with wayside charities.
But, as we give and as we take---whate'er our takings be---
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

But when I meet with frantic folk who sinfully declare
There is no pardon for their sin, the same I will not spare
Till I have proved that Heaven and Hell which in our hearts we have
Show nothing irredeemable on either side of the grave.
For as we live and as we die---if utter Death there be---
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

Deliver me from every pride---the Middle, High, and Low---
That bars me from a brother's side, whatever pride he show.
And purge me from all heresies of thought and speech and pen
That bid me judge him otherwise than I am judged. Amen!
That I may sing of Crowd or King or road-borne company,
That I may labour in my day, vocation and degree,
To prove the same in deed and name, and hold unshakenly
(Where'er I go, whate'er I know, whoe'er my neighbor be)
This single faith in Life and Death and to Eternity:
``The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!''


Rudyard Kipling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM

23)Two teaspoons and a bent fork.

Rap 0 I thaought you were famous for restraints, not restraint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:04 AM

17. A plowshare
18. 1000 feet of 3/4" polypropelene rope
19. Six dual-pully blocks.
20. Twenty-eight wheels.
21. A bicycle pump.
22. Eleven cases of plastic pellets suitable for molding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:03 AM

And again, Mom, I shall exercise the restraint for which I am famous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 10:59 AM

A city on a hill, Amos. A better life. A new beginning.

13. A case of C-4.
14. A Pulaski.
15. A hammer.
16. A sickle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM

and 12. Dogeared copy of Roget's/


Wait, what are we building?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 08:32 AM

Oh, and
11. Mackintosh squares


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 01:10 AM

10. Baling wire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 12:20 AM

7. WD 40
8. Hardware cloth
9. Chlorine bleach


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 11:02 PM

5. Roll of at least 3mil plastic
6. bit of sheet metal


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:39 PM

Do you know that if you microwave raw in-the-shell eggs they'll explode and make quite a mess?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:28 PM

1. Duct Tape
2. Tie-wire
3. Bic lighter
4. Swiss Army Knife


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:21 PM

See, Stilly, that's what I mean about the eggs....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 08:56 PM

Oh how could Mother sink so low
When she has weathered every blow?
Tho' freds might come and freds might go
Mom had sunk so very low!
Down near the bottom she did go
Down amidst the piles of snow
Down where the drunks and Shame do go
So very, very, very low.

But then I came and rescued her!
Saved her from the slime and burr!
Put her on the swing with far
Enough iced tea and a candy bar
Back where she belongs is her,
Because one of her kids cared for her.

       --Aimee M. Simple, "Simple Delights for Simple Folks"
          (San Diego: Ano Press, 1849)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:41 PM

LH... great stuff! Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:20 PM

I like that idea but I don't take newspapers.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:05 PM

Use the Bean painting technique


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM

Your buddy found your front window on the road the day you moved into your last house? And you saved it all this time! How thrifty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:50 PM

Amos... I painted the place before I moved in 9 years ago... everything white semi-gloss kid's room paint. I have a pic on the living room wall facing the front window (my buddy found it on the road the day I moved into my last house) and a small pic of a ruffed grouse above the fireplace. Every five years, I "bee-mop" the works.

The white paint and lack of pics and such on the walls makes every room look bigger and brighter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM

...the new pain will make it all look young again.

Will giving your house a pain pill help? I have some 500 mg hydrocodone I could send, if it's bad enough. But you might try acetaminophen or ibuprofen first. Or are you saying that new pain makes houses look young? I had shoulder surgery a year ago but I don't look any younger for it; of course, I'm not a house. Whenever I've painted them my houses have never seemed in pain, although I did get some stiff muscles and backaches myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM

That sounds a lot like Shane's approach to bathing. And job-hunting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM

I have spent two days taking down every painting, etching, screen, bulletin board, map, photograph and gew-gaw that hung on our walls, in preparation for painters. The garage is transformed into a swollen intestine full of odd boxes and wrapped frames. Soon we will have to disconnect all the computers and such and move things away from the walls. What a dispossession of spaces! But it will be worth it because the new pain will make it all look young again.

I never go in for facelifts personally, but I don't mind giving the house one every twenty years or so.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM

It must not be very hot where the rest of you are. You have way too much energy for this time of year. Follow MOM's example and get yourselves each a cold glass of lemonade and go lounge on the porch swing in the shade. Just don't let the dog up on the swing with you or it'll make you sweat too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM

Oh what a source of ire and woe
When Mom's allowed to drift so low!
How callous are the indifferent souls
Who watch her fall into that hole!
The loud, the arrogant, the unwise
Deny the scales upon their eyes
And turn their faces, cold, away
So that they will not have to say,
I\'I watched tumble, saw her fall
And did not act, ignored her call,
And posted not! Oh, woe and fie,
SUch apathy I now decry!
And now dishonor I declaim
Upon those cold, or dead, or lame
Who will not raise her honored name
But let he drift to silent shame.

Doxy Proofwrinkle
First Voyeur
American Legion of Psychics and Seers
from The Twenty-third Annual Report, ALPS Publications
Okeefenokee, FL, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM

Oh, and you forgot t make us deluded, also...I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM

Amos, I will continue to permit you to bask in the reflections of the reflections of my glory. Anything more and you would wither like a styrofoam cup in the flame of a welding torch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM

There's a lot to be said for insufferable narcissism, Amos. It has feuled many a great career...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM

Well, that one hell of a failed experiment, I'd say.

You forgot to make us all insufferable narcissists.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM

I passed whatever faults I may have had on to all of you when I created you so that you would appreciate my perfection more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM

Most decent and kindly of you, my good sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

Aw, I understand. Actually, installing your faults in others is very therapeutic, and it does no harm to them. It just makes them observable, a good thing.

Also I hope I was not one of the forces that undermined your pleasure in the forum, to which you are generally a highly valued contributor, as I think you know. Why, Guest from Sanity is absolutely in love with your depth and wit and your dry, aloof analytical turn of phrase.

Of course, here in Mom's house, it is understood that ll bets are off, but I thought I would try and make your re-entry into Mudcat society a bit less painful.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM

Well, it's a kind of bizarre ass-backward humour I like to engage in, Amos...particularly in your case. I enjoy accusing you of various flaws and weaknesses that are not yours at all, but in fact are mine. It appeals to my sense of the ridiculous to do that. ;-)

Hence, I will upbraid you for your laziness, your lack of discipline, and your sleeping in in the morning as if it was your problem and not mine. The sheer, blatant hypocrisy of me bugging you over such matters is what strikes me as funny. It's like Shane accusing you of drunkeness and lack of hygeine!

But, really...I haven't been up to much of anything for the last while. Seriously. I just decided not to post on Mudcat for awhile, that's all. I hit a stretch where I simply didn't want to. I wasn't enjoying it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM

Well, there, there, buddy. No-one can go up against the bragadoccio of Bookman. Although his sea-miles were probably passenger-mode. But that's not important.

You shouldn't go casting aspersions about discipline, you see?

The truth is you are every bit as big a man as Rapaire or me or anyone else, and you know that.

But what have you been doing?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM

Holy shit. This is like drowning in testosterone. I feel soooo terribly inadequate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM

Number of years steadily employed? Since 1959: 51 then.

Number of years happily married? Since 06 October 1973.

Academic credits earned? 210 undergraduate hours, about 90 graduate, as well as certifications in various areas from various universities, etc.

Sea miles successfully transited? More than a few! And I'm talking blue water! I also have transited more than a few miles of inland waterways, including the Great Lakes and the St. Lawrence Seaway.

Shipboard fires extinguished? None, thank goodness. I not to let one start.

Underwater miles traverses successfully? Swimming or aboard an underwater craft? Does shipping on a ship but having the cabin belong the waterline count as above or under water?

Technical documents produced? Sorry, but I lost count a long time ago.
---------
Now, let's see:

Number of presidencies of national organizations held?

Number of time you were an invited speaker at a major European university?

Number of rounds fired in anger?

Number of rounds fired in practice?

Awards and decorations held (US or foreign)?

Number of bridges blown up?

Proficiency (scale of 0 to 10) with a) foil b) epee c) saber d) longsword e) quarterstaff f) rapier g) rapier and dagger or cloak h) a case of rapiers?

Typing or keyboarding speed?

Number of native Unix systems maintained?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM

Oh! I am crushed sir. Crushed. I shall crawl off to my corner and ponder my many shortcomings, having been totally chastened and discombobulated by your stilleto-like and incisive remarks which have laid my soul bare and reduced me to emotional penury.

My recent adventures? Naw....you wouldn't find them that interesting. Today, for example, I plan to mow the lawn.

See? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM

Oh, you frivolous braggart!! Own up to your faults and flaws and make amends for your offenses against Our Mom, and then we'll see.

As for discipline, let me just cite a few comparable statistics between us, shall I?

Number of years steadily employed?

Number of years happily married?

Academic credits earned?

Sea miles successfully transited?

Shipboard fires extinguished?

Underwater miles traverses successfully?

Technical documents produced?

Well, enough. I think the issue of discipline and self-control is quite well documented.

But say, George, you know full well we have, in spite of our many bouts of banter, always considered you a friend, and hoped you reciprocated in that esteem. Wherefore then have you not shared your recent adventures? Enquiring minds and all that...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Ha! I knew you couldn't do it. ;-) I knew you'd wiggle out of it somehow. You just don't have the self-control to resist posting here for 24 hours, do you? You lack that kind of fiber, that kind of grit, that degree of character. It's okay, I understand. I'll let you off this time. I'm willing to make allowances for that sort of thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM

LIttle Hawk:

There's a protocol to these things, see. For on thing, you may notice if you review it really really carefully, that my remark and offer was addressed to yon Rapaire, who has been constant throughout all the many vicissitudes through which we have striven together to bring our Mom successfully.

Meanwhile, you have gone off gallivanting, and have not even bothered to offer a description of your interim adventures and discoveries. Why, therefore should I offer you, in the face of such profound disrespect, a similar power? Do you take me for a purblind infant in such matters? For fie.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM

Ah...what an opportunity!

Amos, I would like to take this occasion to ask you, very politely and with nothing but the greatest respect and admiration, to please cease your internet chatter and remain silent for the next 24 hours.

Please and thank you.

That should do it. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM

Jeeze, Rapaire, here I thunk you waz one of them Super Users (ain't saying of whut, but it can be super according to Bobert). Annyhoo, if yew can't get these guys to even change yore name for you maybe you better join Hairy Crutchrot down in Jalisco somewhere...

But I ain't trying to play hardball, amigo. Yew want me to shut up, all you gotta do is ask nicely and I will just be as silent as Chongo when Little hawk is being himself...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM

Well, Amos, just to shut you up I just now tried changing the spelling and login from "Rapaire" to "Rapparee" and the system threw up. The Mudcat Cafe will not permit me to change and I am absolutely certain that Mother MOAB wouldn't like it either. In fact, the error message was from Mom and said that the name she gave me was good enough all these years and should be good enough in the future. Unlike yourself, who am I to argue with Mother??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM

Well, Rapaire, you have choies in all this. One, you could learn to spell Raparee, or even Rappereeeee.

Alternatively you could learn to accept with grace when someone bothers to create a beautiful work of literate art in your worthless name.

Third, you could insist on your misbegotten abuse of all rules of English pronunciation and go ahead and recite the poem using "Rapppparheeee!" at the end of each line. It would murder the aesthetics, but that should be no barrier to a man of your experience.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Little Miss Echo
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM

"What a waste of good dudgeon!! I swan."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM

To rhyme my nom du claviers with "there" is quite...quite...I just don't know. You've been told often enough in the past, and Mom is really quite put out with your obstinacy, so much so that I am to tell you that you will NOT have cookies and milk when you return home nor will you have dessert after supper AND that you should consider yourself lucky to get any supper at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM

Certainly! For you, any time. It is very nice to see you back, all rested up and ready to stir the shit continue the dialogue.

If you're going to Vietnam let me know. I'd love to tag along now that we aren't killing people over there.


A


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