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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 29 Nov 11 - 12:13 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 10:49 PM
Acme 28 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM
gnu 28 Nov 11 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 09:47 PM
Amos 28 Nov 11 - 07:19 PM
GUEST,A Concerned Dachshund 28 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM
gnu 28 Nov 11 - 04:07 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 03:13 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 02:06 PM
Amos 28 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM
Acme 28 Nov 11 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 09:45 AM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 01:22 AM
Amos 27 Nov 11 - 10:53 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 11 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM
Amos 27 Nov 11 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 11 - 04:41 PM
Amos 27 Nov 11 - 03:08 PM
Acme 27 Nov 11 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 11 - 11:18 AM
Amos 27 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM
Acme 27 Nov 11 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 27 Nov 11 - 09:32 AM
Acme 27 Nov 11 - 01:12 AM
Amos 26 Nov 11 - 11:14 PM
gnu 26 Nov 11 - 10:59 PM
GUEST,Hermann "Willi" Dackeldorf 26 Nov 11 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 11 - 10:19 PM
gnu 26 Nov 11 - 07:50 PM
GUEST,Angelique Forget 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM
Acme 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM
Amos 26 Nov 11 - 07:20 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 26 Nov 11 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 11 - 07:36 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 26 Nov 11 - 12:33 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Nov 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM
gnu 25 Nov 11 - 05:25 PM
Amos 25 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM
gnu 25 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 01:53 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 11:44 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM
Acme 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 12:13 AM

Don't be silly, Amos. You can't give God a hard time. Or the Angels either. You might think you can, but you most definitely cannot. And you may strain yourself attempting to.

Trust me on this, okay? :-D The Angels can take you in their stride without a single bead of sweat appearing on a single Angelic brow. And they like you too. They're on your side, brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM

My new toy.

Apple fans, eat your heart out!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:49 PM

Well, it would certainly keep ME out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM

To Do List: police the property (i.e., scoop the poop).

It goes in the compost, and if I'm going to empty the kitchen compost bin (I let it stew for a little while and then pour it into the middle of the big pile out back) I always make a big bucket of dog-droppings tea and pour that on the pile after the decayed food stuff to keep the dogs out of it. It works quite well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:04 PM

"... a needless and dangerous extravagance..."

Dear "concerned" : Don't shit on my lawn. The Volfies will eat you and then shit you out on your master's lawn.

Shit for shat eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 09:47 PM

Amos, you claim to have waterboarded Cherubim and Seraphim. What about
Angels, Archangels, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Dominations, and Thrones? You really shouldn't leave anyone out. They might get jealous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 07:19 PM

MWahahahaha!! No, Doggie-Boy, I have no wish to torture the dachshunds. I was suggesting that YOU do so. I have better things to torture. I have been giving God Himself a hard time for over fifty years now and have waterboarded the very archangels. Seraphim and cherubim I have broken down to frenzied babbles of semi-divine gobbledygook, and the confessions I have wrung from the handmaidens of Hera would simply shock you. All this is much better entertainment than harassing walking frankfurters, I do assure you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,A Concerned Dachshund
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM

That is one of the things we Dachshunds worry about in those long idle hours spent between meals, sounding the alarm, and searching for decaying carrion to roll in.

It is our policy always to crap on the neighbours' lawns if at all possible. We do this out of the generosity of our hearts. Shit is good stuff! One's own shit, however, is not nearly so good to roll in as someone else's, simply because familiarity breeds contempt. Thus we are providing benefit to the neighbors by spreading our own shit around to other territories.

As for peeing, the important thing is to mark, first of all, the boundaries of one's own domain. Absolutely essential! Then one branches out from there in order to extend one's domain as far as possible in all directions.

I regard the purchase of Irish Wolfhounds as a needless and dangerous extravagance. Only a fool would consent to have those long-legged beasts on his property.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 04:07 PM

I may get a dog in the coming years. Always wanted a spaniel. Springer. Welsh, of course, given my heritage. Although, if it's to be a city dog, perhaps Irish Wolfhound... a mated pair... as I always wanted to bellow "Loose the HOUNDS!" especially if any weeny dogs piss on my maple tree and crap on my lawn. Like that rat that lives next door to Mum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 03:23 PM

Yes, that's exactly what they do. They get tremendously excited when one returns home. ROUND and ROUND and ROUND they GO! It's great fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 03:13 PM

Or you can just let sleeping dogs sleep. Then awaken them by coming home or knocking a book to the floor or breathing. They will go into frenzies of excitement, so much so that you'll have to use a tranquilizer dart to calm them back down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 02:06 PM

Aha! Spoken like the blackguard and scoundrel you are, sirrah! So you wish to torture little dogs, do you? Fie! For shame! May you be banished to the Infernal Regions, there to contemplate your many sins and omissions, and to beg for mercy and forgiveness from a glowering tribunal of long-nosed, short-legged, beady-eyed canine judges who will lift their legs and pee contemptuously in your general direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM

Try introducing him to the business end of a taser, or industrial grade pepper spray. He will consider it very educational.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM

So true. ;-) That's a brilliant idea, Rap.

Bored Dachshunds crave entertainment...and food.

Here are some good ways of entertaining a Dachshund:

1. Offer him treats.

2. Tell him about the chipmunk or squirrel or cat outside the patio door.

3. Play the harmonica. He will sing along with great gusto.

4. Throw the ball for him if he's the athletic type.

5. Shower him with praise. They love that.

6. Introduce him to a new toy, such as a teddy bear. He'll attack it joyfully and spend an hour or two mauling it until it's completely wrecked. If the toy SQUEAKS when bitten, so much the better!

7. Rub his belly and scratch him behind the ears.

8. Take him out for a walk.

9. Play recording of other dogs barking on the computer. He will be quite interested.

10. Fly an Air Swimmer around the house. He will pursue it in a barking frenzy.

Anyone got any more ideas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:24 AM

Little Hawk - Dachshund Jerry doesn't get bored a lot - he seems to enjoy a mindless task.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 09:45 AM

...with a reckless disregard for the consequences.

Except for his or her food source. THAT is sacred ground. Try flying the balloons around, but equip them with a "treats" dispenser.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 01:22 AM

One thing about the Dachshund and the Air Swimmer: It will be vital to keep the Air Swimmer at medium to high altitudes at all times, otherwise the Dachshund is very likely to leap up, fangs bared, and puncture the fish fatally. Any Dachshund worth his salt will defend the home territory with a reckless disregard for the consequences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 10:53 PM

THey are already a huge hit. Very droll.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 09:40 PM

I've heard some interesting stuff about the Moon being inhabited (by technologically advanced aliens), and the Astronauts discovering in no uncertain terms that it was when they got there.

You have to wonder why they haven't been going back since the Lunar Program terminated in the early 70s.

Now, I have no final opinion about the above, I don't have any basis for forming a final opinion, but I do think it's an interesting subject. And if it is so...yes, our governments are keeping silent about it for their own reasons (which could be various).

*****

Stilly - I was joking about the Dachshund. Anyway, Dachshunds get bored a lot, and they love an excuse to get excited and raise hell, so I think introducing an air-floating fish in the house would in the end prove as much fun for the dogs as for the humans.

I predict that these Air Swimmers are going to become a huge marketing success, even in these financially uncertain times. It's just too good an idea not to succeed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM

As we know, the moon is uninhabited. BUT!! A recently declassified NASA photograph shows unequivocally the shooting-down of a US rocket immediately after launch by a mysterious ray originating from our moon!!!

Naturally, the governments of the world know about this and are keeping it secret because of the wide-spread panic which would ensue.

The Idaho Legion, however, is preparing to defend Earth from this interplanetary (intergalactic?) threat. Even as I type this brave men and women are donning protective suits and preparing the Bofors gun to repel the attackers. They have located the ammunition for the old French 75 and will be readying it for battle as soon as they can clean the birds' nests out of the barrel.

Aux armes!! Aux armes!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 07:39 PM

Who is Rapparre? Who is he?
That Legionaires abhor him?
That drunkards swoon and lose their tunes
When any man speaks for him?
Who walks the night by candle-light
With bomb and rapier ready?
Who knows each lines of Catallus' time,
But finds the MOAB heady??
Come out from heaven or from hell
Ye ancient Gods of knowing
Come out, ye sprites, and kindly tell:
Who is he, and where going?
But silents tolls and only trolls
Disturb the night's digestion;
'T is clear that even Gods can't know
The answer to the question.
And though a subject bold, this man,
As topically ablative
Is doomed to count his days immersed
In mysteries qualitative.

Waldo Emerson Eliot, Jr.
The GRay Man's Chapbook
Strunk and Darker, New York, 1945


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 04:41 PM

I want one shaped like a dachshund so I can use it to tease my great white shark.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 03:08 PM

Well, if you buy them online, I think $75 will get you one with a tank of helium to fill it with.

It really demonstrates some of the subtleties of lighter-than-air flight, because the thrust it develops is very little, yet it can make iys way around corners, up and down air spaces, and build up a little speed just by flapping that flimsy tail array. It is assembled with double-sided tape and rubber bands! But it makes a great show.

The parakeets were dumbstruck watching it float over and sniff around their cage.

AS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 01:02 PM

What warped, ethically drained people we are that we see the teasing of cats and dogs as the fullest and best use for those wondrous new toys.

MOM read about companies that are getting around the "Do Not Call" list by having their potential customers contacted from offshore. A local guy was called by a local company through a representative in Islamabad, Pakistan. MOM says she's going to treat them like other crank callers and get herself a loud police whistle. I think she wants to start an international incident.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 11:18 AM

I wonder if he's ever been in Sufferable?

I recall the hotly contested mayoral campaign that occured in Competent, Alberta a few years back. The winning candidate, Al Sharpson, employed the old "I'm from around here and he's not" gambit to bamboozle voters into electing him instead of his opponent, thus ensuring themselves a thoroughly corrupt and moribund administration suitable to the traditions long established in Competent.

He was heard to say, "I was born in Competent, I was brought up in Competent, and I have remained in Competent all my life! I have brought up my children in Competent, and I intend to one day die in Competent! My worthy [sneering] opponent has only been in Competent for fifteen years!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen...the choice is clear!"

He was elected with a crushing majority, and has done little since except line his pockets and party with his backroom cronies.

*****

Amos, those flying fish are simply marvelous! Man, would that ever give the Dachshund fits! I have gotta get one. How much do they cost?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM

OR even a whole Vasivectomy.

Rapparee has often been in Firm, but he forgets about it. One time he was accused of being in Constant but he proved it couldn't be so by showing he was in Firm while the prosecutor was in nearby Tolerant.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 09:56 AM

You never want to stray in Vasive, that usually hurts and requires a prescription for pain pills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 09:32 AM

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

But I have never been in Continent, Shame's home town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 11 - 01:12 AM

I love the cat's reaction at the end! So what keeps it up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 11:14 PM

HE is confessing to being a Swedish automobile.


Mom, guess what I just finished doing!! Putting together a flying Great White Shark that operates by remote control and swims through the airspaces in our home like a nightmare made manifest. It is the weirdest thing!! It responds to tiny little waggles of its tail and dives and climbs as though swimming through the air. I had it chasing my wife around the house which she really did not like.

Watch the demo video!! This guy is wild!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 10:59 PM

Bing translation says bite me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hermann "Willi" Dackeldorf
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 10:37 PM

Sie müssen geisteskrank sein. Ich habe nie solches dumme Gespräch in meinem gesamten Leben gehört. Sie sollten beschämt sein! Gehen Sie zu Ihrem Raum und seien Sie leise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 10:19 PM

Haud, haud. Ego operor ignoro quis venio, tamen viaticus ero posteri haud res quis. Ut est uno voveo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:50 PM

Yeah right, A. I ain't holdin my breath.

Le meme chose? We'll see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Angelique Forget
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM

Vous parlez comme un Italien ivre, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM

Charming little poem, Amos, I shared it on facebook. It will make some smile and confuse the heck out of most of them.

I'm grateful that I got a lot of my lawn work finished before this cold weather got here. Now I'll give you all a warning - I'm sticking tiles down this evening and if you walk on them in the dark and rearrange them you're just going to have to live with them crooked. So if you have to go near the halls, please levitate and don't disturb the floor. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:20 PM

Il fais plein des promets, mais l'argent n'arrive point!! Quel sort de blaggard est-il. cet pedas d'un homme des livres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 10:20 AM

Flip me! Now the Bolthole from Boise is talkin' in French, eh? Don't go sayin' any obseen words, man.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:36 AM

Au revoir, Mom. Moi, je retourne au Pocatello cette jour-la. Et au gnu, je dit, "Desolee, tres desolee. Je la fait juste."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 12:33 AM

It's the day after Thanksgiving, but I haven't stopped being grateful. Thanks, folks.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:55 PM

What the flip are youse guys on about? Was it a book about pickin' up girls or what?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM

I sent it quite some time ago. I thought you'd gotten it. Never mind; I'll check on it when I get home. That'll be Monday, because the PO isn't open on Sunday and I'll be flying all day tomorrow. In any case, I'll send it again. You may assume that many cuss words are flying; pick out the ones you deem most appropriate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 05:25 PM

Sorry... that was outta line. I should have sent you another PM ya deadbeat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM

Thank you for Rapparree, clever and glib,
Thank you for Stilly, who never will fib.
Thank for Gnuser, the steadfast and steady
Thank you for Little Hawk, never unready.
Thanks you for those who post sometimes (quite wisely)
And thank you for MMario, and thank you for Eiseley
Thanks for the flak and the banter and chaffing
Thanks for the posts that reduce me to laughing
Thanks for the fantasies, mad and insane
For Chongo and Corridus, and perhaps also Shane.
Thanks for the MOAB, the house of all knowing
Where welcome awaits when there's nothing else going.
Thanks for the MOABites wit and aplomb,
Thank you for Mudcat, and thank you for Mom.
Thanks for the worn-out seat in my slacks,
Thank you for Big Mick and thank you for Max!
Thanks for the database, the lyrics and threads,
ANd the wonderful music that fills all our heads.
Thanks to the follkies who frolic and ball,
And a happy Thanksgiving to one and to all!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM

You EVER gonna send me my money ya owe me? Did ya think that was a fuckin joke? Ha Ha fuckin HA. I TOLD ya I was gonna be out the money for the book and I didn't mind that but I wanted ya ta pony up for the shipping. You were cool. Now yer shittin on me. Where's my fuckin money?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 01:53 PM

And he IS living a dream...one in his own head. Perhaps hospitalization and medications, or even electro-convulsive therapy, is in order. Then again, a frontal lobotomy might better serve, assuming there was anything in his frontal lobes to start with. But then, assuming that Shame WAS lobotomized, how would anyone know the difference?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:44 AM

I'm ESPECIALLY thankful for the last!!

Lordy. Can you imagine being Shame? Drinking the dregs out of beer cans discarded in the dumpsters or in the gutter, smoking fag ends cadged from coughing consumptives, being slighted by Sudbury sluts because of your stink, denying the evidence in your sliver of mirror about your syphilitic sphincter sores and the dental decay rotting your jaws away, all the while knowing full well that you'll be buried in an unmarked grave, forgotten by everyone except those to whom you were in debt at your death?

Be thankful!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM

If you WAS me, man, you would reelize how flippin' great it is to be ME. You would turn yer back on the flippin' idiotick life you are livin' now, move to North Ontario, and start growin' dope, datin' hot chicks, and bein' a majerly cool dude fer a change instead of, like, bein' the flippin' looser you are now, eh?

But none of that is gonna happen! You are doomed, man. Doomed. There ain't no hope that you are gonna change yer boltheaded way of life and become a cool dude, eh? Not a flippin' chance!

Meenwhiles, I am walkin' down the street in alls my glory, a flippin' legend in my own flippin' time. All the women want me. All the men (except maybe Don) wish they was me. I am livin' the dream, man! The dream that most guys can only flippin' dream of....I am livin' it EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM

That's a pretty good list, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the US. I have many things to be thankful for:

1. Having had a brother from 1948 to 2011.
2. A good marriage.
3. Being mostly healthy.
4. Being able to pay make ends meet and a tiny bit left over.
5. For having had a long and satisfying career.
6. For good friends.
7. For Mom.
8. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT SHAME MCBRIDE, THE PRINCE, NAY, THE ULTIMATE, OF LOSERS!


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