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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 09:51 AM
MMario 18 May 10 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 09:44 AM
Acme 18 May 10 - 12:33 AM
Amos 17 May 10 - 11:40 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 09:05 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 07:49 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 17 May 10 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 06:50 PM
Little Hawk 17 May 10 - 05:17 PM
gnu 17 May 10 - 05:12 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 17 May 10 - 04:20 PM
Acme 17 May 10 - 03:06 PM
MMario 17 May 10 - 03:01 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 02:39 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 01:09 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 11:33 AM
MMario 17 May 10 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 09:37 AM
Acme 16 May 10 - 11:43 PM
Janie 16 May 10 - 10:59 PM
Amos 16 May 10 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 16 May 10 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 16 May 10 - 06:36 PM
Amos 16 May 10 - 05:53 PM
Rapparee 16 May 10 - 03:15 PM
Amos 16 May 10 - 01:07 PM
Rapparee 16 May 10 - 11:53 AM
Amos 16 May 10 - 10:37 AM
Eiseley 16 May 10 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 16 May 10 - 07:59 AM
Amos 16 May 10 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 09:47 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 08:57 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 08:42 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 08:19 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 08:05 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 07:21 PM
Janie 15 May 10 - 06:29 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 01:52 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 01:14 PM
Acme 15 May 10 - 01:07 PM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 12:20 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 11:41 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM

Finagling Singer Loses Signaling Finger To Fungal Snaggler!!! Film at Eleven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:51 AM

Geez, and that was my signaling finger, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:48 AM

Serbves you right for teasing her....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:44 AM

Yes indeed. Good girl. Gooooooooood girl. Now sit. Goooooood girl. Have a dog biscuit and this time, watch the fing...OW!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:33 AM

Good girl on the grades! And lucky you, also, because my kid and her boyfriend are still waiting for their grades. Finals are this week. Grad school is on a little different trajectory than undergrad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:40 PM

M., my apogeelees. I was uzzerwhyse engahged.

'Owever I am sure you 'ave my email address wiz whish to address anny undeleeverd commoonicashionez, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:05 PM

Hey, Mom! I tried calling Amos on Skype but he didn't answer so pooey on him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 07:49 PM

Congratulations. Here I thought you were a 10, but now I find you are also a 4.0!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 17 May 10 - 07:20 PM

Well, at least MOM knows how to read invisible writing.

KLP


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 06:50 PM

Or delighted. Are you going to let Mom know what they are?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:17 PM

Or indicted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:12 PM

You all should be cited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 17 May 10 - 04:20 PM

Hot Dog!

I just received my grades for this semester!!!

They were all A's!


Whew!

Yes, Rapaire, I noticed the reference on your last citation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:06 PM

I cry vowel!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:01 PM

I I understood my teachers correctly - wouldn't the emporer have written:

Trgnt sx qnq qd qqgnt cm
Spr nstrm stps nms.
Spnnr tnc ls srsm ftr trs sx,
Qq sx qd trs. Vlnts d ns nmrs st nn
Scrs ntrprtr. Tmn spnnrs s a smplx frt
Ut frzzl qspm crnm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:54 PM

Rapaire:

You should be awarded some kind of recognition for discovering a previously unknown Latin noun: spinner, spinneris, n., masc.: someone who runs around in circles, derived from the name of the lesser Roman deity Spinnacherius the god of hot air...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:46 PM

Memor puteus nostrum Matris vota
Locus super calx nostri mens
Operor non alieno nostrum
Matris Absentis Alius vos ero relictus.

    Augustus Calix, Imperator et Rex de Terrae
    Thoughts On My Late Mother, Messalina
    ca. 120 CE, frag. 453A32, Luker Papers, U. of U.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:39 PM

Triginta six quinque quod quinquaginta coma
Super nostrum stipes nemus.
Spinner tunc lies sursum futura tres six,
Quinque six quod tres. Voluntas de unus numerus est non
Securus interpretor. Tamen spinners es a simplex furta
Ut frazzle quispiam cranium.


Amos, if you're going to quote the Emperor please do so in the words he orginally wrote. Confusion can otherwise result.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 01:09 PM

Thirty-six five and fifty leaves
Upon our posting tree.
The spinner next lies up ahead
Three Six, Five six and Three.
The meaning of a number is not
Easy to explain.
But spinners are a simple trick
To frazzle someone's brain.

Ideus Tormetitus, Emperor of All Rome and Gaul
Lettere relativo alla madre di tutte le stronzate
(From a Parchment found in the ruins of the Roman Gates shortly after the Fall of Rome)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:33 AM

Leave it to Rapaire to create a mystery to which he is the solution. Sigh. These authoritarian gimmicks don't work in Mom's house, Rapaire. We don't do priestly secrets, nor raise up Popes, nor fall before the towering mystery of wiseguys for our soul's sake.

You'll have to find something else. Maybe merit?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 10 - 10:26 AM

To wipe our feet before entering the house?

To leave the dripping umbrella's on the porch?

To close the door to the 'fridge?

Which one thing?

Oh ! 'prolly the one about "don't drink from the milk bottle"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:37 AM

Remember our Mission, the One Thing Mom asked us to do for her. I'm afraid that some of you have drifted from The Mission. Please, take a moment of silent thought and remind yourselves of The Mission again. Amos, I know that silent thought doesn't come easily to you, but please try to keep it down, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:43 PM

Hey, MOM, please keep the dogs in the house for a while. They're trying to "help" me weed the garden. I've gotten enough slobbery dog kisses to last me for a while.

(I tried to send this ages ago, about the same time Max posted on Facebook that he was working on bandwidth. But I'm sending it now because even though it is now past tense, next time I work on the garden, you might again be helpful by keeping the dogs in the house.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:59 PM

groan............while disguising her chuckles behind a hand, as if covering a cough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 09:21 PM

At least your out of denial, as Cleopatra said to the amorous croc.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 10 - 09:12 PM

Omagawd!

It just came back to me! I was the one who was scorned and cast out of the Sisters of the Divine Figure! Eiseley saved me from being a Woman Scorned, even though I have XY chromosones. I was thinking that I saved her, when it was really the other way around! I was the one with The Opium Habit, which I picked up visiting the Opium Dens in the tunnels under the streets of Old Town Pocatello (and which, let it be said here but not repeated because it's so secret, also connect to the Legion Hovel, although some of those tunnels are above ground).

Now I'll need still more Still Therapy, following the principles established by Dr. Johnny Walker and Dr. Jack Black.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 10 - 06:36 PM

Didja hear about the laundryman who called at the convent and asked the nun who answered, "Sister, do you have any dirty habits?"

(That was a real killer when I was in fifth grad, lemme tell ya.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 05:53 PM

There are nuns so blind, as those who will not see.
And nuns so bad, they wear it like a bad habit.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 10 - 03:15 PM

I knew it! Eiseley was kicked out of the nunhood! Probably the Sisters of Holy Smokes...tossed out just because she's not Catholic and doesn't smoke until her boys do something like, well, nevermind. Those nuns, boy....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 01:07 PM

Nuns that wear opium habits shouldn't throw stones, I allus say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:53 AM

Well, that's the results of The Opium Habit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:37 AM

It is most unseemly, sir, to create false tales vaunting your self at the expense of an innocent lass. Most unseemly. Not fit, nor meet, nor "U".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:08 AM

Hmmm. That's news to me. I do remember American Falls Reservoir, but I recall finding Rap at the bank, a wild gleam in his eye, tossing round after round of live ammunition into the glittering depths and chanting "Away, away with guns by gum, it's the song of the Pacifist Army."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 10 - 07:59 AM

She was a woman scorned and ready to fling herself into American Falls Reservoir when I pulled her back and remade her into what she is today. I taught her to speak correctly, to play the piano, and cured her of The Opium Habit by the use of Dr. Stith's Herbal Cure-All, a mixture good for nearly everything and compounded at the Doctor's manufactory in Oswego, Idaho from an receipt given him by Awah-Go-See, a Pawnee medicine man, in gratitude for saving the life of the Pawnee's daughter, who was caught in the tentacles of The Opium Habit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 12:20 AM

I believe I would take any instruction Eiseley cared to offer, sir. She is gracious, full of wit, care and good cheer. Unlike some people we know.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 09:47 PM

According to my figgerin', that's just 79.8 mph winds. Shucks, out here we consider that a mild breeze. Over in Wyoming when the wind speed drops to that everything and everybody falls over.


(I have been out in a small boat in 55 mph winds -- it ain't no picnic, especially when you're fighting an offshore wind, you want to land, and you're doing it without power.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 09:00 PM

Glad to know you are a gent of such courage. By all means go forth into a few and let us know how it seems. Perhaps you can do as well as a sixteen year old girl.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:57 PM

A puny little 70-knot gale...HA! I remember one time on the Mississippi our rowboat was picked up by a 350 mph tornado, upended, and as we hung onto the stern the bow drilled a hole so deep that you could here Chinese being spoken at the other end (we let go before we were more than a few feet down). And standing on the open bridge of an old three-stack destroyer as the waves of the frigid North Atlantic poured over the binnacle as we searched for U-boats -- this being 1967 the Germans were somewhat put out when we depth-charged one and sank it -- but the point is the puny little 70-know gale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:42 PM

A 34-foot ketch, I think...she nearly got knocked over by a 70-knot gale in the midAtlantic but seems she was ready enough to deal with it....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:19 PM

...but she single-handed around the world...

In a sailboat? Swimming? Rowing? Bicycling? Flying? Ballooning? Walking? All of the above?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:08 PM

Here's a toast and a hale to Jessica Watson of AUstralia. She has not yet gotten her driver's permit; but she single-handed around the world and got back safe to Sydney. She says she's not a hero, but I think she's a rare bird of the first order.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:07 PM

Amos, Eiseley can do a better job. And she's cheap. I mean, you'd get a good deal from her. For shooting instruction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 08:05 PM

If they're regular Baptists just bring a six-pack with you. With that many Baptists around you'll be the only one drinking it -- the others will have their tongues hanging out and drooling, but your beer will be safe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:21 PM

Oh, tell them you've taken up Scientology!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 May 10 - 06:29 PM

No. He has an armory in the house.

Trying to imagine meeting 300+ cousins, all descendants of of my paternal great grandparents, at a Williams family reunion in June. Hope most of them are not still Old Regular Baptists.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:52 PM

Rapaire:

Thanks, I am well instructed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:14 PM

I don't have one single gun in the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:07 PM

Are you out of the shooting business, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 12:20 PM

Well, Amos, it was his real name. He shuffled off this mortal coil a few decades back, but his work lives on.

And by the way, you noted that last weekend you went to a local range and did some shooting. I told you at the time that it was dangerous; I should have noted that it's only dangerous if you haven't been competently instructed. I suggest you contact Eiseley about teaching you to shoot. I'm sure she would make you a deal on the tuition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 11:41 AM

Oh sing a song of soaring...

...wait...no, I am not going to do a parody of Walt Kelly using Rapaire's soaring sore...it would not be right. I revere Walt Kelly. If that's his real name.



A


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