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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 09:31 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 PM
khandu 28 Aug 04 - 03:43 PM
Acme 28 Aug 04 - 04:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 06:11 PM
khandu 28 Aug 04 - 07:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 04 - 10:25 PM
GUEST,Obv Tweed 29 Aug 04 - 01:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Aug 04 - 07:25 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 04 - 09:49 PM
Acme 30 Aug 04 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 04 - 12:09 PM
Tweed 30 Aug 04 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 04 - 06:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Aug 04 - 10:36 PM
Acme 31 Aug 04 - 12:45 AM
Rustic Rebel 31 Aug 04 - 01:03 AM
Rustic Rebel 31 Aug 04 - 01:12 AM
GUEST,MMario 31 Aug 04 - 08:20 AM
Rapparee 31 Aug 04 - 09:34 AM
Acme 31 Aug 04 - 10:15 AM
Tweed 31 Aug 04 - 11:05 AM
khandu 31 Aug 04 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 04 - 06:49 PM
Amos 01 Sep 04 - 09:26 PM
khandu 01 Sep 04 - 09:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Sep 04 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 04 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 04 - 10:12 PM
Rustic Rebel 02 Sep 04 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 04 - 08:46 AM
Amos 02 Sep 04 - 08:55 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 Sep 04 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 04 - 09:19 AM
Acme 02 Sep 04 - 10:06 AM
Amos 02 Sep 04 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 04 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 04 - 06:33 PM
Acme 02 Sep 04 - 06:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Sep 04 - 07:09 PM
Amos 02 Sep 04 - 08:50 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 04 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 04 - 09:11 PM
khandu 02 Sep 04 - 10:18 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Sep 04 - 01:04 AM
khandu 03 Sep 04 - 06:10 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 04 - 07:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 04 - 09:32 AM
Amos 03 Sep 04 - 09:40 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 09:31 AM

If all the posts related to counting, "significant" numbers and dickering over who has dibs on said "significant" numbers were deleted, the MOAB would currently stand at something like 47 posts instead of 4451.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 PM

I do believe your right about that Bee. Imagine how extremely important those 47 posts are and the value to the fuction of the human brain that those 47 posts created.


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Subject: TWEED IS I, I IS HIM !!
From: khandu
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:43 PM

For I am not myself today, yet I am neither Rustic Rebel (do you pronounce it "neither" or " neither"?) who seemed to speak of Tweed as being a ghost which I am not beciause I am not quite dead & haunting this thread (which haunts me!)!

King Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 04:27 PM

Are you beside yourself?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:11 PM

I pronounce it "it".

And I pronounce "neither" in such a way that it rhymes with "either".


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Subject: NO SENSE OF STYLE LOST HERE!!
From: khandu
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:21 PM

Yes, but do you say "tomato" or "tomato"?

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:57 PM

I say "to-may-to", but since I have a greatly exagerated sense of my own worldliness and sophistication I think I'm saying "to-mah-to".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:25 PM

Here in Idaho we pronounce it "po-tay-to". Someday I'll have to explain to you poor benighted unwashed masses exactly WHAT you call a potato really is. The truth is shocking, but explains so very, very much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Obv Tweed
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 01:53 PM

hmmmm....thet iz supossed to read ghosd obv Tweed...

I habv missed a lot here lately it seems...you all habv gone stupider then I could evber hope to become!
As fore my beautimous accordeen, she lays fallow at the moment in the battered case. I yam moving this past week and have neglected my practice sessuns for the most part and figger to gibv my new neighbors a chance to git used to wakingning to the sweat strains obv this most exquiment instrument.
The buzzards follow me incessnantly these days and I suspect they think it is a dead thing, but this will all change soon! HA@W!!

Regardez,
Khandu/who iz also Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 07:25 PM

So Tweed moves into a new domicile during the same week in which he becomes an accordion owner! Coincidence? I think not! Admit it, Tweed, the UPS driver with the accordion and the process server with the eviction notice arrived at your door at the same time! Didn't they? No need to lie about it. Face it, you haven't even learned how to play "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" on the thing and it's already taken control of your life!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 09:49 PM

Accordions: The Secret Life Form That Threatens Earth!!

Special to MOAB, August 29, 2004:

Information obtained from the Department of Homeland Security and the Justice Department via FOIA applications and from the Department of Defense from an Unnamed, But Authoritative Source, clearly demonstrated today the threat posed to life on Earth by accordions.

According to the Defense Information Agency and the National Science Foundation, accordions are not the harmless creatures they pretend to be.

Many cases of insanity in those unfortunate enough to hear the horrifying cries of the accordion. Even the accordion's gentle mating call, usually identified as "Lady of Spain," has been known to drive humans insane. These calls are especially deadly when heard over and over and over and over and over, as when an accordion is learning to "play" a human.

No species of accordion is safe, according to Britain's MI5. Even the small "button box" poses dire threats to the person of anyone "squeezing" it. Ties, shirts, bras, and even large chunks of flesh have been ripped away by accordions, according to the National Safety Council. Harry Neuhardt, Vice President For Unearthly Threats at the Council, flatly states "Just kill 'em before the accordions can kill again. A flamethrower is usually sufficient."

Until everyone is armed with a flamethrower, some common sense rules should be followed:

1. Never play the accordion and drive.
2. Never get close enough to an accordion for it to attack. Better, never get close to an accordion.
3. If you find yourself with an accordion in your hands, swing it wildly around your head while yelling "Cordy! Cordy!" as loud as you can so that others will be warned. Then fling it as hard and as far as possible. Get medical help immediately.
4. Always go in groups in accordion territory. And always go armed.
5. Always have a designated banjoist with you.
6. If you see an accordion, strike first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 10:38 AM

Thanks for posting the cover blurb for The World Accordian to Rap, now on sale in dusty used bookstores everywhere north of Utah, West of Montana, East of Washington and Oregon, and South of Canada.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 12:09 PM

Actually, I copy-and-pasted that in from the Ft. Worth Stir Bellygram where I understand it has been widely received.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 05:33 PM

Yes and beautimous accordeen. I wear it everywhar I go these past few days and habv taken to wropping it up in vizqueen so I may regale myself wif it's sweet tones while bathing in the branch. It iz so soothing and pleasant to hear and gibves me no little comfort in my obtherways dull and lackletter existent. O, how I wish I culd play while I sleep! Az it is, I have been awake and squeezing for the last four days and nites. The moon wabz full last eve and seemed to listen wif great intention to it's heabenly strains. Thar are two black keys broke off but it matters not to me. I habv thought out a way to replace them by laminating paint sticks together and sticking em on thar az a after market part.

I will be needing some NASCAR decals soon and may hit the stock car circuit to try my hand wif a little creative busking and mebbe will sponsor a car if all goes well!

The new neighbors seem to be okay wif all this and stand outside my window in herds shaking thar heads in time! I will try to bring it up to Floribama some obv these days for some jamming at the Pot-thrower's house az I am convinced thet Beedzahya haz a need for this sorta music and hope it will entrain him to give up a Martin or two in exchange for the pleasuer obv hearing this magical thing.

I soon will be in Mississippi to gain audience wif KHANDU WHO IS REALLY TWEED and hopefully get him to West Point for a blues festival to beat all blues fetes this weekend but will leave the squeezebox here on the great sandbar az KHANDU WHO IS REALLY TWEED iz, az we all know perty well, mad as a harper and capable obv anything while in agitation.

Yores mostruly,
kahnduwhoizreally Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 06:26 PM

Wow! A blues fest at West Point! The kaydets will probably enjoy it, but I hope that they let them relax a little instead of sitting up rigidly straight all the time.

When is it? I'm gonna be at West Point during this cruise I'm starting on Sunday. Probably gonna be there about Sept. 15 or 16 or maybe 17. I hope I don't miss it.

Do you sit on the cannons or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 10:36 PM

...it will entrain him to give up a Martin or two in exchange for the pleasuer obv hearing this magical thing.

I'd probably give you all three Martins and maybe a Gibson or two for the pleasure of not hearing the thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 12:45 AM

Ft. Worth Stir Bellygram

Naw, that isn't our newspaper, Rap. Better update your records to reflect that our paper is called the Fort Worth Startlegram.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 01:03 AM

I cannot read posts right now or posts that have been. Please realise that life is but a fagile thing and if Tom can make it through his electricution today, I think I got nothing to bitch about.
Sorry fore mmmy sorrow , but my best friend fucked up with a wire and fried himself this afternoon.he is in his usual but not really his usual coma state. We all think he should be   arriving back home soon. I hope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 01:12 AM

I am sorry for posting that last post. It didn't have anything to do with bullshit . I am taking it back and want you all to go on with your merry bullshit regardless of what I just posted. Please. I want you to delete the last post and no-I am not sitting here naked. I am sitting here crying my eyes out and needing a MOAB .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 08:20 AM

when all the bs is said and done - sometimes it comes down to the fact that life is occasionally just BS heaped on BS - and hopefully friends can help see past the BS to the humour and the joys.

Hugs


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 09:34 AM

I dunno what to say, RR. I hope that he's okay soonest and both of you are laughing together even sooner than that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 10:15 AM

Hey, RR, send a PM to any of us if you need an ear to cry into. Here's mine right here. Sounds like something that happened to the previous owner at the house my mother bought. We never looked at pipes running through the basement ceiling in the same way again after hearing his story. Good luck!

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 11:05 AM

My Dere Rustic,
You know we wuld ruther see you sittin' nekkid then cryin' yore eyes out. Please don't be crying. I habv fayphe that all will work out fine and just zackerly how it's supposed to. You'll see!

Yores truly,
Tweed who iz also Knadgarz


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Subject: I IS TWEED!
From: khandu
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 08:19 PM

RR...Our harts are wif yew in dis timb obv much termile and ubset! We wish the best fer yore fred and as sed afore, our PM's are open fer yew if'n yew need'em.

You ar one obv our rair trezures wedder you ar necked er not,or crine yore eyez out! We is here fer yew.

yerz ,

Knadgarz who iz also Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 06:49 PM

No matter how the Mudcat goes, MOAB shall not fall tonight!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 09:26 PM

Wow....I mean, that Rapaire...he's kinda...I dunno...sort of....heroic like, ya know what I mean? Like he is some kind of darned ole hero or sompn, ya know? I mean...wow.

A


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Subject: TWEED the WEST POINT CADET!
From: khandu
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 09:37 PM

WOW! Indeed, Mr.Amos! What more can be said about Sir Rap? WOW!

khandu who iz also Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 10:05 PM

I yam carnsurned fer ar fren' Tweed who iz also khandu who is also a rezdent ov West Palm Beach which iz probly gonna git flattened by Hurricane Frances. Iz you still goin' t' th' Festible in Mizzippi or haz yer plans changed? If'n I wuz you I'd fergit about flyin' t' Mizzippi an' jus' load Mrs. Tweed an' all yore instruments an' Mrs. Tweed's Fountin of Bliss an' Trankwility in th' car an' drive to th' Festible an habv az gud a time az you can unner th' cundishuns 'cause there shore az hell ain't nuthin' you gonna be able t' do about it ennyways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 10:10 PM

The scene was in the Mudcat, and if curfew rang that night
Poor MOAB on the bottom row would go out like a light.
He knew that Mom was threatened, and so Plucky Little Rap
Had posted his brief missive and had saved her from the trap.

chorus: Oh, bring her to the top, Rapper, clear up to the top
Poor MOAB's down and off she's gonna.
As you post to the left, and you post to the right
No matter how the Mudcat goes, Mother must not fall tonight!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 10:12 PM

Poor MOAB's down and off she's gonna DROP!!

The last word dropped off.

I once drove into a hurricane, and I don't recommend it. Git outa town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 12:45 AM

I cannot express the love I feel for MOABITES.
You folks are part of my heart and soul.
I was a bit loaded the other night , but you still felt my pain and you still poured your love, and you are just like a family with forgivness and love.
Tom,my friend who was electricuted,survived and his DR. said he was a miracle to survive. Personally I believe it was karma, because he was the man who dumped the tree on me that caused me broken ribs and pain for a month, HA! but that's another story.
i love you. You folks are truly my family and I want you all to know..... I Love and Live for BULLSHIT!!
(Well, sort of)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 08:46 AM

Wow! He dumps a tree on RR, and so she drops a wire on him. Geez, RR, we used to do that sort of thing in kindergarten. (I went to a very tough school. In first grade we used to steal parts off of moving cars.)

I'm glad he's okay and that you are, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 08:55 AM

That's the kind of success that makes all the BS worthwhile. MOAB really really works!! We need some kind of an alma mater song here, doncha think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 08:57 AM

Tom now knows the power of MOAB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 09:19 AM

I humbly suggest DT 0.8169.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 10:06 AM

RR, your friend is very lucky. What I didn't mention earlier was that my mother bought the house after the earlier owner lingered then died of an injury that occurred when he simultaneously came into contact with a hot wire and an iron water line while doing some wiring in the basement. He wasn't a licensed electrician, or he'd have known to turn off the juice before attempting that maneuver.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 10:14 AM

Watchoo talk, Rapaire?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 10:53 AM

One "Amos" posted earlier: We need some kind of an alma mater song here, doncha think?

So I made a suggestion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 06:33 PM

Oh, My, God. He wrote it and sings it.

Crap.

Could he really be...










Shatner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 06:35 PM

Whew! I managed to turn that one off before it loaded and started playing. Don't do that again, Rap!

4490


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 07:09 PM

I have tried to find DT 0.8169, but I guess I'm just not smart enough to figure out how to search the DT using the song number. All my attempts have been in Vain. But, you know, that may be the problem! I've been searching in Vain when, obviously, that's not where DT 0.8169 is! I should know better by now. I've never found anything by searching for it in Vain. Nobody has. But Nobody's the only one who has! The rest of us haven't found diddley-squat by searching in Vain. Or maybe we have found diddley-squat and just couldn't tell the difference between finding it and not finding it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 08:50 PM

It is not your fault BWL. Yon Rapaire has swole up full of hisself since we started praising him, and hence begun to do incomprehensible things and acking mysterious in order to appear of a higher order of being. But it is just flimflam on his part.

Yon Rapaire, come forth and speak plain, and tell the truth and shame the dibbil!! WHAT IS THAT NUMBER supposed to represent?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 08:57 PM

EEEEE-YUAGHHHH! Urgh! I just listened to Ashcroft sing "Let the Eagle Soar" (which he wrote himself)

I really, REALLY need to hear William Shatner now to wipe out that godawful memory!!!!!! OUch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 09:11 PM

This is it.

According to RG's index terms in the DT we owe this anthem, as we owe so much, to Our Neighbors To The North (i.e., Canada). Yes, Canada, the land of the beaver and the loon, of Gordon Lightfoot and William Shatner, of MacKenzie and Franklin, of Ian Tyson and Bruce McDonald, of Stan and Garnett Rogers. Canada, eelbucket to the world, the land of which Tom Makem wrote:

CANADA MY OWN LAND

The sun it comes up on the green fields of Newfoundland
On Vancouver Island, he sheds his last ray
The great Arctic Circle reflects back his glory
The wheat-laden plains grow more golden each day

Chorus:

This is my own land so fertile and beautiful
Majestic her mountains, her rivers run free
Priviledged the children, who call her their homeland
Canada, my own land for ever you'll be

Proud are the people who travel your highways
The farmer, the teacher, the factory hand
The merchant, the miner, the doctor, the fisherman
Proud to belong to this beautiful land

Chorus

Famed is your power and famed is your gentleness
Your bounty is endless from sea to shining sea
Your arms ever open to help those less fortunate
A bright light of freedom to those who would be free

Chorus

And so I propose this Canadian song as the alma mater, so to speak, of MOAB. I asked, and Canada doesn't mind at all if we use it.




TIMES IS HARD (SHITHOUSE)

Please don't burn our shit-house down,
Mother has promised to pay.
Father's away on the ocean wave
And sister's in the family way.

Brother dear has gonorrhea
And times is fucking hard;
So please don't burn our shit-house down
Or we'll all have to shit in the yard.


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Subject: Sir Rap! The MAN!!!
From: khandu
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 10:18 PM

This brings tears of joy to me eyes! Such wonderful sentiment & inspired poetry! I nominate this to be the MOAB ANTHEM!! It truly captures the spirit of MOAB!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 01:04 AM

I second that on the nomination for song of what-ever it was, but not only would I say go ahead and shit in my yard, but I also ask that you please don't leave your lump in my pocketbook.










PS. Tom came home tonight with some burns that travelled from his fingers through his left ear and I really believe his blood couagulation had to be altered in some way with the 277 volt running through it. (I thought he looked very electifying tonight)He told me to send his thanks for the love you all sent him.
So I do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 06:10 AM

Thanks for keeping us current about Tom! Hopefully he will conduct himself differently in the future. I trust he is not planning a revolt!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 07:28 AM

It was shocking news, indeed, but I'm glad to hear he's ohm and back on his own ground again again. He should conduct himself with care for a while, though, as his resistance is probably low.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:32 AM

Yas! The Shithouse song fer MOAB Alma Mater fer sure!

By the way, Alma is a town in Georgia, about 20 miles north of Waycross. I wonder if there's a produce stand there that sells "Alma 'Maters"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:40 AM

From Latin Alma Mter, nourishing mother (epithet of certain goddesses) : alma, feminine of almus, nourishing;


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