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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 17 Sep 03 - 12:42 PM
Amos 16 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM
GUEST,fly on the wall 16 Sep 03 - 07:47 PM
GUEST,MMario 16 Sep 03 - 12:38 PM
GUEST 16 Sep 03 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 16 Sep 03 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 16 Sep 03 - 08:54 AM
Amos 15 Sep 03 - 11:52 PM
Rustic Rebel 15 Sep 03 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 03 - 07:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Sep 03 - 06:53 PM
Amos 15 Sep 03 - 06:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Sep 03 - 06:42 PM
GUEST,Florido Domingo 15 Sep 03 - 05:11 PM
GUEST,Kim Pak Lee 15 Sep 03 - 02:27 PM
Amos 15 Sep 03 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 03 - 01:22 PM
GUEST,Florido Domingo 15 Sep 03 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 03 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 03 - 10:17 PM
GUEST,Florido Domingo 14 Sep 03 - 09:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Sep 03 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 03 - 08:50 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 03 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 03 - 01:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Sep 03 - 01:39 PM
Rustic Rebel 12 Sep 03 - 09:30 AM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 12 Sep 03 - 12:27 AM
Amos 12 Sep 03 - 12:17 AM
Rustic Rebel 11 Sep 03 - 10:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 03 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 11 Sep 03 - 12:29 PM
GUEST 11 Sep 03 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 03 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 11 Sep 03 - 09:09 AM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 10 Sep 03 - 11:12 PM
GUEST,Tweed The GoldenOne 10 Sep 03 - 08:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Sep 03 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Terror, Inc. 10 Sep 03 - 06:58 PM
Amos 09 Sep 03 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 03 - 09:13 PM
Amos 09 Sep 03 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Sep 03 - 07:07 PM
Amos 09 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Sep 03 - 03:47 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 03 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 03 - 03:09 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 03 - 11:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Sep 03 - 11:09 AM
Amos 09 Sep 03 - 10:30 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:42 PM

Oh dear. The Great Mother is about to slip over the edge into obscurity. Can't have that! REFRESH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM

Oh, my -- that is SO handsome!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,fly on the wall
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:47 PM

This just in from Hull, U.K.! A mysterious person going under the alias "One who must remain nameless" posted this little poetic gem on the latest Punch the Horse thread:

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
I spied a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Said I, "Must be an angel that's
Descended from on high
To walk these fabled roads alone
Beneath the autumn sky."

I thought perchance to speak with her
And ask from where she came
And what could be her heritage
Her purpose and her name
Made bold, I ambled up to her
And did my hat remove
To show a gallant style of which
I hoped she would approve

"Young man," she said, "you'd best be off
lest you should catch a cold,
For damp's the heath in Chanterlands,
And stories have been told
Of lads who perished in the dew
While hunting bonny quail
Because their coats got soggy through
Which warmth could not avail."

"Oh, no," I cried, "For I am made
Of sterner stuff than that!"
"Indeed?" said she, "But list to me
And put back on your hat.
For on your pate I cannot help
But spy the shiny spot
Upon which is emblazoned
"Neath here stands a drunken sot!"

"What say you?" and I gasped in shock
She said, "It's plain to see
Some rascal's played a joke on you!
Here, look at this, prithee."
She held a pocket mirror up
And in its light I saw
The shiny spot that did declare
That message...'twas nae braw!

"My God!" I cried, "Some vile affront
This is, I'm sorely vexed!"
Said she, "You've kept bad company, I fear,
First drink and next,
A slow descent into depravity
And common vice
May soon deprive you of your health,
So take my good advice..."

"Eschew the company of scoundrels,
Scamps and libertines,
Peruse instead the classics
And subscribe to magazines
That honour art and culture
And the noble spirit's call
And most of all, avoid the poems
Of Malcolm Buggeroll!"

"That name!" I shrieked, "I might have known!
'Twas just on Friday last
When he and I did share a drink...or two...
And brief repast
That villain's had a joke on me
And shaved my head in jest!
And on it painted slanderous words
To rob me of my rest!"

So off I stumbled, red in face,
In shame I did retreat
But I shall find that Scottish swine
And mercillessly beat
Him to a pulp for causing me
Such sharp embarrassment
Before that splendid damsel
She is gone now, I lament!

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
There was a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Now nevermore her shall I see
And wretched is my fate
For Ms Penelope Rutledge has
Returned to Twillingsgate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:38 PM

doubt it - that story has been floating around forever. Almost as long as Amos has been alive. (hmmmmmmm.....wonder if there is a connection)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:52 AM

Darwin Awards,....BS or truth...who knows, but it ain't in spanish...yet.

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 09:22 AM

This just in:

Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India

Reuters International Release

Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, "the American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month.

However, the changes won't take effect immediatly, Bush said. "Members of congress could remain on the job an extra 30 days if they agree to train their replacements. If you think about it, this really frees congress up. They now have the opportunity to seek better jobs elsewhere in the economy. It really is a win-win for both countries," he went on to say.

The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift. Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers, those who chose not to train their replacements, were only given ten minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building.

"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't always give the President everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative to the President, which is what we all want."

Asked whether the outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted,
"That's up to the Supreme Court to decide, but as you know, they usually see things our way."

The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are
receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support
Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shekar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some Fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 08:54 AM

Where exactly is this party, RR? Alaska?

I didn't know that Reckless was going -- she lives here. Her and her twin sister, Gay, in the old Abandon house their family has lived in for a century, down in the Old Town section of the city. They're nice old ladies, always good for a cup of tea and a ladyfinger in the afternoon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:52 PM

Git down, RR!!~ Wild times been had by all, I guess!! :>))


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:25 PM

I see all this Spanish Lingo going on, and I don't know what the fuck you're all saying but...
Ha! What a party! Where were you all?
I have a story (or two)
I had the strippers for a couple getting married in two weeks, and they got out there dancing (a man and woman-the man wearing the roadkill loincloth forementioned) and the bride to be, got naked on stage before the strippers did!
It was due to reckless abandon I think.
another story...
My new stage now has a sqiggly rubber track on it from a harvest moon Harly Davidson wild man. It was about 5 guys holding the bike down and I think he found fourth gear. The stage was smokin'.
third story...
Erect Fossils played until dawn and we did exactly as weird as we knew we would.
Rustic
P.s. I am posting headache free because the party seems to be still going.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 07:10 PM

Actually, I'm very glad that the freds had a translator.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 06:53 PM

Courtesy of Babel Fish, I shall hereafter refer to "posts" as "starter shafts". I shall also refer to "Babel fishing" as "peach de Confusion".

Here's what my post said before Babel fish "translated" it into Italian:

Posts in foreign languages are funny - up to a point. That point comes between the fifth and sixth post. You guys can continue to post them, but I've had enough Babel fishing for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 06:47 PM

Ah, Florido pinche, tu eres un hombre mas terrifico que todo los autros!!

I love it when you talk dirty!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 06:42 PM

Gli alberini nelle lingue straniere sono divertenti - fino ad un punto. Quel punto viene in qualche luogo fra il quinto e sesto alberino. Tipi potete continuare a inviarli ma la I, per una, ha avuta abbastanza pesca de Babele per un istante.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Florido Domingo
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 05:11 PM

Amos, tu hijo de puta, si le cojo tu estará en apuro grande. Emasculate le con un cuchillo embotado. Donaré sus cojones al Instituto de Estudios Mexicanos en Guadalajara. ¡El tuyo será un sino más horrible!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Kim Pak Lee
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 02:27 PM

Amos 의 너는 외국인 혐오자, 미국 firster 의 첫번째 물, 다른 사람을 너에 이기적인 소위 " Americana Pax 밟아 달라고 하 고 않않는 누구의 anglophile 이다, " a jackbooted 미국의 수 풀과 Cheney's 시각의 stormtrooper을. 밴조가 너에 의하여 그 리고 논다 !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 01:41 PM

Sus madres!! Porque no pueden hablar in Ingles como los gentes educados? Eh?? Pinches cabrons!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 01:22 PM

¿Así pues, Florido, hay ésos en el mundo de habla hispana (y mí no excluya España sí mismo) que usted propondría como el rey o la reina de BS? Maravillas de un mundo que esperan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Florido Domingo
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 12:03 PM

¡Una qué noción impactante! Continúo siendo sorprendido en el extravagance vile de la cultura norteamericana. Pensaría que uno podría encontrar fácilmente una manera más atractiva de ofender a gente que combinando Shatner y Streisand en un espectáculo visual de tal naturaleza que horrorizaba. ¿Cuándo sucederá?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 10:31 PM

Por Florido:

Quizá podríamos obtener BS (masculinas) para llevar ese tanga y BS (hembra) negro pequeño para realizar a llevar sólo una correa negra pequeña. Ambos, en un sentido, llevando una banda negra del terciopelo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 10:17 PM

Maybe we could get BS (Male) to wear that little black g-string and BS (Female) to perform in wearing only a little black thong. Both of them, in a sense, wearing a black velvet band.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Florido Domingo
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 09:17 PM

¡Estoy trastornado porque esta discusión muy importante no ha incluido comentarios de los Americanos Latinos! ¡Esto es injusto! Es tiempo que el mundo de habla hispana consiguió contribuir algunos pensamientos aquí. Me prepongo hablar y hablar y hablar hasta que le consigo la gente escuchar. Me determinan para triunfar. No daré adentro y no me entregaré. ¡Soy Florido Domingo y me río de sus tentativas débiles de intimidar el valiente quiénes no lo hacen flinch del peligro!

p.s. ¡También, Shatner es un idiota!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 09:03 PM

My mind has been reeling in utter shock and dismay for the last seven hours.... ever since Rapaire made mention of the upcoming Shatner/Streisand concert. I can see the booking now!

STREISAND!!!!
SHATNER!!!!
NOT JUST BS!!!!
NOT JUST BS DOUBLED!!!!
IT'S BS SQUARED!!!!



The folks at Ticketmaster are seeing huge dollar signs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:50 PM

Hey, I'll kick in ten buck US for that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:45 PM

Bee-Dub, you are absolutely right!!!!!!! Barbra Streisand is the all-time no-holds-barred QUEEN of BS! And for totally opposite reasons to the ones which make Bill Shatner the KING of BS. I'd rather eat an old shoe than sit through one of her movies or listen to one of her albums. The sheer wonder of it all has me in a rare state of inspiration similar to what must have come over Sir Snidely Tillinghast when he realized that finches do not normally nest in Antarctica. I am hyperventilating and have an acute desire to snort cashews. In short, I am stunned!

Look, I can't afford to book Barbra, but I think for a mere couple of hundred bucks I could talk Shatner into attending your upcoming concert and popping out of a cake wearing a very small, black G-string. Maybe even get him to sing a song.

What say?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 01:52 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, with all due respect, and not wantin' to start any fights or nothin', you're nuts. But you might be partly right about the BS. After all, it might be that the Ultimata Thule, the ne plus ultra, the Absolute Zero (so to speak) of BS might be a concert with both Bill and Barbie appearing together?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 01:39 PM

I have returned from my pilgrimage to Eufaula, Alabama and have located a viable candidate for the HOLY BS! Actually, it wasn't in Eufaula, Alabama at all, but I found it while reflecting on the John Prine concert that I missed on Friday night due to the necessity of the Eufaula pilgrimage. Actually, had I not undertaken the pilgrimage, I wouldn't have gone to see J.P. anyway because Ticketmaster wanted around $40.00 (USD) per ticket. Sorry, John, but that's too damned much! Well, as my little mind pondered the issue of concert ticket prices, the identity of the HOLY BS appeared out of the mist like a stopped school bus!

Little Hawk was right about the "B.S." initials thing, but it wasn't Bill Shatner. The HOLY BS is none other than Barbara Sreisand! Yes, folks, that's it! Think about it: Do you know a single person who can stand the woman's music or acting? I don't. So how in the hell does she do sold-out concerts where tickets for good seats go for thousands of bucks? Because all her fans are gazillionares! That's why I don't know any Streisand fans. Because my friends thing it's a big deal to spend $2,000 on a guitar, not $2,000,000 on a friggin' yacht! If Shatner's undeserved prominence is due to cult admiration by the unwashed masses, Streisand's success is due to similar devotion on the part of the very rich. I rest my case and await your comments.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 09:30 AM

Well now Mrs. Bee,
I don't recall saying anything about them being women strippers! Hell, I've been busy all night making roadkill loinclothes for these guys. I'll tell you what Mrs. Bee, maybe you should come over while your husband is making his way south, you might be pleasantly surprised!
Off I go now, I get to custom fit every one of those loin cloths before the show starts.
Rustic (who will posting back in about 3 days, headache or not!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 12:27 AM

Dear Rustic Rebel,

Unless you live in Eufaula, Alabama Bee-dubya will not be makin it to yore party this weekend. He is regretful, especially since you say you are gonna have strippers there and he is mighty partial to nekkid wimmen. He says you are welcome to our next party as long as you bring the strippers with you.

Bee-dubya has decided that he is being called to Eufaula, Alabama because the HOLY BS just might be there. He's not real sure, but he thinks that "Eufaula" is the Creek Indian word for "bullshit" and that makes the area some sorta spiritual BS locus. Then again, maybe not.

Mrs. Bee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 12:17 AM

Woopee dang doodle, BW! That's an invitation not to be lightly considered -- I wouldn't turn it down, an' I were you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 10:57 PM

Well now I reckon if you are travelin' my way this week-end you'll find some holy BS. I'll let you sit in with the band Bee-dubya. Let me tell you about our new band.
We were sittin' around one night and got to playin' some crazy shit with a washtub bass, piano, washboard and guitar and the stranger we got the stranger the music got. It was like an aria with scenes and acts and it went on for about two hours (one song). During the song I came up with the name of our band, we are now known as, "Erect Fossils". So I decide it's time to throw our annual September party (Harvest Moon Gathering) and I telling people about this band Erect Fossils, that play one song, an hour and a half long, the song is called "Erection". I have people curious about the band, hell they never heard of that band before.
So I'm committed now, we built a stage in the front yard, close to the fire, close to the horseshoe pits, close to trails and the house. Pretty cool. So I started to talk to some other people to come and play and it's looking like we have 3 bands, a couple of solo acts, a comedy act, and some strippers all coming out this weekend for what looks like it's going to be one hell-of-a-party!
To make a long story longer, Erect Fossils (me and friends) are going to get on stage completely clueless to what we did the first time so we're going to just hope it comes to us like in a dream or something.
So you come on over Bee-Dub oh holy one and find yourself some down home, purer than mushroom, bullshit.
Rustic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:11 PM

Look, I can save him a whole lot of trouble. The Holy BS is none other than (drum roll)

* * * Bill Shatner * * *

Yes, the mighty Bill Shatner! Note that his informal initials ARE "B.S."!!! Note that his unique style of emoting has never been equalled. Imitated, yes, but never equaled!

HE is the Holy BS! It's indisputable, undeniable, and unavoidable.

Shatner rules!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 12:29 PM

Look, ya'll. That GUEST person was an obvious impostor. Yes, Bee-dubya is severely afflicted with Multiple Personality Disorder, but I know all of 'em and GUEST is a phony! Neither Bee-dub nor any of his imaginary mental minions post entirely in italics. Bold size #8 fuchsia, yes, but never all italics. Bee-dubya is off huntin' for the HOLY BS and he has asked me to tell you crazy damned fools that he is serious about not posting to the MOAB until he has found it. So, anybody pretendin' to be Bee-dubya-ell ain't him until such time as he reveals his candidate for the HOLY BS. Got it?

Mrs. Bee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 12:03 PM

I am I! Bee- Dubya - a lord of the Mudcat! My destiny calls and I go! and the the wild wind from spawdom may bellow out after - whither soever I go.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 11:49 AM

Why are we here? This is a question that needs answering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 09:09 AM

Mrs. Bee, I shore as heck hope y'all ain't got many windwills down yore way.

Another thing he's gonna need 'sides a sword is a pure heart. The only one of King Arthur's knights to find the Grail wuz Sir Galahad, and he was the purest an' most virginal of Art's boys. Ol' Bee-dubya might be that, cuz I ain't about to pry inta his life, but I sorta doubt it.

But then agin, he's lookin' for the Holy BS, so mebbe he's the one to find it.

Keep us informed now, ya hear? An' if I see him out this way I'll let ya know how he's doin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 11:12 PM

HELP! Bee-dubya's rollin' on th' floor holdin' his belly goin', "Tweed fonny! Tweed fonny!" What in th' heck have you crazy mofos done to th' pore boy this time.

Hell, I got home this evenin' an' Bee-dubya said he'd gone out to buy a horse to go on a quest to look fer somethin' called "The Holy BS". Said he went to our neighbors' to see if they had a horse for sale but all they were willin' to sell was one of those damned hee-hawing jackasses that they raise fer whatever damned reason anybody'd wanna raise jackasses. So he bought one of the damned things. And then he went lookin' fer a sword to take on this quest and the closest thing we had to a sword was a rusty ole prunin' saw.

Well, I guess he'll be ridin' off on his ass in th' mornin' wavin' his prunin' saw and lookin for whatever in the hell The Holy BS is. Hope he makes it home by Friday afternoon.

Listen, just between me and you, the boy ain't right.    He's a little tetched in th' head ya know. Anything ya'll can do to kinda point ole Bee's head in the general direction of reality would be appreciated.

Mrs. Bee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed The GoldenOne
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:02 PM

HAW!! Yore threats are obv no content BeeDubba, my Florida Brother. There is no need to go to the Mountain in search ob the Holiest ob Holy BS. Just look in the mirror! You will say, "Holy Shit! There it is!!! It wabaz me all along..." ;~)
Yerz,
GoldenBoy Tweedzzrzz


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:18 PM

I've been mulling the proposition so astutely stated by Rapaire that the potential for BS approaches infinity. While it is quite true that from a quanttitative standpoint there is probably a heaping portion of BS for every subatomic particle in the known Universe, BS from a qualitative standpoint is a different matter all together. We must ask ourselves, "Is the purpose of MOAB to compile as much BS as possible in one steaming pile, or to seek out the best BS?"

I believe that it is our responsibility to the Mudcat community, nay, to humanity at large, to find the one, the ultimate, the Grand Celestial Poobah of all BS. I believe each lunatic who posts here on a regular basis should immediately devote himself/herself/itself to

THE SEARCH FOR THE HOLY BS!


I, for one, will make no further pasts to this thread until I have found what I think is at least a worthy candidate for

THE HOLY BS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Terror, Inc.
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 06:58 PM

BWAH-HAHAHAHA!!

It's a MOAB of laughter, a MOAB of tears
It's a MOAB of hopes and a MOAB of fears
There's so much BS that we share
That it's time we were aware
It's a small MOAB after all
It's a small MOAB after all
It's a small MOAB after all
It's a small MOAB after all
It's a small, small MOAB
There is just one Khandu
And one golden Tweed
And BS means friendship and BS need
Though the freds divide
and the BS is wide
It's a small MOAB after all


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 09:46 PM

All righty then -- and we don't need no Cow Chip reewards because it is ALL cowchip!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 09:13 PM

(So sorry, Pete!)

It was back in two thousand an' three
I was part of a good-time group.
We were on the net in Idyhoo
One night by the light of the tube.
King Khandu told us to build a thread,
And that's how it all begun.
We were knee deep in the Big MOAB,
But the big fool said to move on.

Ol' Tweed said, "Khandu, are you sure,
This is the best way back to build this thread?"
"Tweed, go on; I once built a thread
Just a little bit of a place.
It'll be a little stinkin' but just keep thinkin'
We'll soon be outa BS."
We were waist deep in the Big MOAB
And the big fool said to push on.

Amos said, "Khandu, with all this BS
No one'll be able to breathe."
"Amos, don't be a party pooper,"
King Khandu said to him.
"All we need is a little bit more BS;
Amos, follow me, I'll lead on."
We were neck deep in the Big MOAB
And the big fool said to push on.

All of a sudden, the Mudcat crashed,
We heard a mournful sound.
A few seconds later, the King Khandu's mouse
Was found on the muddy ground.
Bee-dubya-ell said, "Turn it on, men,
And women, and freds, and Debbie Earl."
And we just made it out of the Big MOAB
With Khandu 'n' Bubba Bubba gone.

We never ever found his body
But then we didn't look.
I guess he didn't know that the BS was deeper
Than any place he'd ever been took.
So many posts had joined the Big MOAB
That the 'Cat just shook and shook.
We'd been lucky to escape from the Big MOAB
When the damn fool said to push on.

Waist deep in the Big MOAB
And Khandu says to push on
Waist deep in the Big MOAB
And Tweed, he says to push on
Waist deep! Neck deep!
Soon even a tall man'll be over his head
Waist deep in the BIG MOAB!
AND LITTLE HAWK SAYS TO PUSH ON!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 08:47 PM

Hey, BWL!! That was great!! Raises one question, though...if we're all so great how come we ain't wealthy??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 07:07 PM

FEEL LIKE I'M FIXIN' TO SPOUT BS RAG
(With apologies to Country Joe McDonald)

Come on you whacko women and men
MOAB, it needs your help again.
That's the Mother of BS Threads,
Where people are weird and outta their heads.
So put down your guitar and pick up a mouse,
Spreadin' BS all through the house.

And its l, 2, 3 what are we writin' for?
The reason is anyone's guess. Hell, I reckon we love BS!
And its 5, 6, 7 no need to speculate,
We're havin' a ball and it ain't no lie, just watchin' the BS fly.

Come on people, get with the plan,
There's BS fryin' in the fryin' pan.
Talkin' 'bout Ralphs and talkin' 'bout freds.
Talkin' BS till we're out of our heads.
It's BS tomorrow and it's BS today.
God! The BS won't go away.

And its l, 2, 3 what are we writin' for?
The reason is easy to guess. Good God! We just love BS!
And its 5, 6, 7 no need to speculate,
We're crazy as hell and it ain't no lie, just watchin' the BS fly.

Now when Country Joe first wrote this song,
It had four verses and that's too long,
To carry on like a brainless twit,
About how much we love bullshit.
So I guess I better stop right here,
Cause the BS is up to my ears.

And its l, 2, 3 what are we writin' for?
The reason is easy to guess. Yeehaw! God, we love BS!
And its 5, 6, 7 no need to speculate,
We're out of our minds and it ain't no lie, just watchin' the BS fly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM

Oh, my name it means nuthin'
And my posts, they mean less
And my personal best, it
Is in posting BS
I was raised to invent it,
I now will confess
And the best I can offer you
Is purely BS.

Now the lads of the MOAB
They are wild and untamed
And none there lie easy
There are none unashamed
For they roar like the warm wind
From the south and the west,
But all that they roar is,
Most purely BS

Now the BS is thick there
Down south of the salt
It will make your eyes water,
And your stomach will vault
So I'm telling you now, boys,
Turn away, and head West,
Or the rest of your lifetime
Will be purely BS....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 03:47 PM

I just snagged this from a posting over at Tweed's place, the notorious Tweed's Blues. It just had to be posted on the MOAB. I don't know who this guy is, but he is definitely a candidate for the BS Hall of Fame. Click here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 03:15 PM

Aw, get out, Rapaire! "Wise men" is simply a good rhyming partner for "once again", and that's why he used it, not because of chauvinism.

Great effort, though. I like it.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 03:09 PM

Oh the time will come up when the posts will stop
And the BS will cease to be BSin'
Like a stillness in the wind 'fore it really hits the fan
The hour when MOAB comes in.
Then the folks will split and the BS will hit
And the manure in the fields will be increasin'
Then the tide will sound and the waves will pound
And the BS dikes will be breakin'.

O the 'Catters will cry as they step into a "pie"
And waste treatment plants'll be a-pumpin'
And you won't see rocks or sand when it really hits the fan
The hour when MOAB comes in.
And the stuff that is used for to get MOAB confused
Will become another part of the problem
For the chains of BS will have busted in a mess,
And you'll be buried at the bottom of an "ocean."

The BS will lift as the MOAB shifts
And the stuff drifts into every threadline
And there will be respect for the smallest fleck
The hour when MOAB comes in.
Then the BS will spill down every brook and rill
That your weary toes will be a-touching
And MOAB's wise folks* will remind you once again
That the whole wide world is retching.


             *I refuse to be a party to Dylan's chauvistic original.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:29 AM

The idea of writing songs about the MOABS to gain it respectability on the forum is absolutely brilliant!!! I say we launch a song challenge thread on that very basis...

I predict that most of the membership will step gingerly around it as they would around a fresh, steaming piece of dog excrement on the sidewalk...but...you can never tell.

I think Amos can come up with a good song on the MOABS in no time flat.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:09 AM

Amos! Best in all the land
For BS you can't understand!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 10:30 AM

Rapaire rhymers with todee? IT's pronounced Rap-ai-ree? I don't think so. Stay off the thread until you learn how to pronounce your name properly, young man!

Hey, hey, ole Rapaire
Which post made you lose your hair?

Yo! Yo! Leedle Hawk!
BS is the way you talk!

Yay, hey! Bruce Da Man
He can BS like no-one can!!

Yip, yip! Master Tweed
Turns out BS by the screed!

A


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