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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 15 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM
Acme 15 Nov 05 - 01:39 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 02:12 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 03:25 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM
Acme 15 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 04:16 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 04:25 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 04:28 PM
beardedbruce 15 Nov 05 - 04:36 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 07:35 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 08:07 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 11:30 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM
Acme 16 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 06:17 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 07:41 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 08:39 AM
Acme 17 Nov 05 - 11:27 AM
Amos 17 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM
MMario 17 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM
Amos 17 Nov 05 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 06:11 PM
Acme 18 Nov 05 - 12:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 18 Nov 05 - 06:23 AM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 08:56 AM
Rapparee 18 Nov 05 - 09:16 AM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM
MMario 18 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 18 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM
MMario 18 Nov 05 - 12:23 PM
Acme 18 Nov 05 - 01:00 PM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Nov 05 - 03:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM

they are talking about mom over here! Over here? over there? in that thread!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 01:39 PM

An old fellow while dining at Crewe
Found quite a large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too."

Don't get all of those other folks started or who knows what kind of rabble the MOAB will attract! Good thing her sheer girth scares many away. I did give them a nice synopsis, though, I couldn't help myself. . .

No, Mom, don't feel bad, you DON'T steal bandwidth from the others! They're just jealous!.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 02:12 PM

Definition of Hambo.

Instructions on dancing the Hambo

Sourcebook on the Hambo and other delights can be found from this link.


Further description of the Hambo's steps.


Hambo also refers to a geeky sort of software and a style of birch Swedish furniture.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:07 PM

Of course Amos' erudite explanations ignore the fact that 'Hambo' also derives from the cockney pronunciation of the french 'jambon' or "ham" - from the period when french emigre's were living in london.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:13 PM

I thought it refered to a geeky kind of Swedish birching furniture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:25 PM

Do I claim post 74?? Yes, I think I do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM

trtifecta! one-oh-one-oh-one


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM

That was the one I was aiming at, but the 'Cat froze up for a while and I had to go do something since I'm at work today. Bugger.

:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM

Ten thousand, one hundred and four posts ago, our former selves and King brought forth upon this website a Great Thread conceived in liberty of thought and dedicated to the proposition that all topics are equally fair game.

Now we are engaged in a great civil dialogue, testing whether that thread -- or ANY thread, so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a page of that thread.

We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final posting place for those who write here, that the MOAB might live. This we may, in all propriety, do. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow, this thread. The brave souls, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what others say about the MOAB; while it can never forget what they wrote here.

It is rather for us the living, that we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored posters we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these souls shall not have posted in vain, that this web site shall have a new birth of free BS, and that BS of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:16 PM

Bravo! an inspired adaptation of a classic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:25 PM

Many thanks, good MM!!

In other news, SOuthern California seems to be having its degenerate ways with the local fisheries:

"Intersex fish discovered off Southern California coast

Associated Press


LOS ANGELES - Scientists have discovered sexually altered fish off the Southern California coast, raising concerns that treated sewage discharged into the ocean contains chemicals that can affect an animal's reproductive system.

Finding so-called intersex animals is not a new phenomenon, but most of the instances were in freshwater settings. Environmentalists say this is among the first studies to document the effects in a marine environment.

Last year, federal scientists reported finding egg-growing male fish in Maryland's Potomac River. They think the abnormality may be caused by pollutants from sewage plants, feedlots and factories.

In the latest studies presented at Monday's Society of Environmental Toxicology and Chemistry in Baltimore, scientists caught 82 male English sole and hornyhead turbot off Los Angeles and Orange counties.

Of those, 11 possessed ovary tissue in their testes, said Doris Vidal of the Southern California Coastal Water Research Project, who led one of the studies.

Scientists do not yet know how such sexual defects affect the overall fish population."

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:28 PM

fish are prone to that sort of thing though, aren't they? Anyone that has raised guppies knows that.

And isn't it the Angler fish that the male ends up as nothing but a parasitic organ totally dependent on the female?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:36 PM

"And isn't it the Angler fish that the male ends up as nothing but a parasitic organ totally dependent on the female? "

like humans, where....    never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 07:35 PM

LOL Bruce!! Whoever said you had no sense of humor was talking through his...hat.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 08:07 PM

Terrible, just terrible. It's awful, just awful. Horrible, oh so horrible. The horror! The horror!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:13 PM

The virile Raparee has just scare the bejeeezes outta his own self. Ain't that somp'n, though? Nuffin else in the world coulda dunnit, but he did...wotta guy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 PM

No, it's the homeless Aryan ex-USMC guy who is going to sue the library for $200,000 because his email to aryan-nations.org and the church of Jesus Christ christian bounced even though you can get sick ponrography and you can contact President Fidel Castro of Cuba. He's going to go see "the law firm next door" at 8 a.m. tomorrow and even though he did time in 1995 he's been clean for ten years. It's going to be cold tonight and no shelter from the elements and he can't contact Aryan Nations or "our" church in this emergency.

I'm sure the "law firm next door" will take his case. Yup, I just know they will, yessir. They just LOVE frivolous lawsuits, they do.

Besides, they don't open until 9.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 11:30 PM

Dear Gawd, the tribulations you submit our Rapaire to -- we beg you to let them cease. We pray you not to send him Your messages carried by flea-bitten shell-shocked alky fanatic street folks, and let him hear Your words from the many wise books and well-behaved people around him instead. Thank You.

Your Friends on the MOAB

PS And please make them lawyers next door come late to wurk tomorrow.

YFOTM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM

I was gonna say thare ain't no such thing as an "ex-USMC" - but decided that given the rest of the description of the guy - maybe there should be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM

I know these things because he left a two page note at the Reference Desk. I am so very frightened that I might consider quaking in my boots, if I wore boots to work today, which I probably won't.

Ranks right up there with the guy in Indiana who "knew" that we kept the Internet in the basement computer room and we'd better make it go faster. Yes, the whole thing was down there. We bought it, I guess, like we would a book or something.

Well, it was a full moon last night....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM

Aha!! Cat's outta the bag NOW, Rapaire!! You're the weapon of mass distraction, with that there Internet in yer basement. Dang thing kicking our electrick bill thru the ceiling, and sucking in all them innocent kids and porn people all over it, and 'publicans too. Why, it's a public nuisance you got down there!! Oughta be a damn law, is what.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM

Lawyers will take some pretty bizarre cases. I won't recite the details of my story of receiving a libelous letter from a family member for fear that family member is still looking for someone to sue. But it was such an absurd letter, clearly dictated by a mentally ill individual, making me wonder at the judgement of the attorney who could in good conscience send this specious piece of material through the mail. (This same letter-dictator was later issued a restraining order to keep him out of another attorney's office.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM

They never know, as he walks by,
The clerk or nurse or teller
But the man who wears the wire-rims
Has the Internet in his cellar!

He keeps it hush, he isn't vain,
A style of self-effacement
Disguises he who keeps the whole
Internet in his basement

Yes, every server, every node
And every porn-site bitchin'
Is in the nooks of this man's home
Just downstairs from the kitchen.

Each fiber-optic link and line
The laptops linked through air;
The mega-servers Google owns,
Are hidden there, downstairs.

He's kept it there since '89
Determined, lion-hearted;
It's grown to near a million times
The size when he first started

Back then, it all fit on one shelf
A shoe-box of connections,
An archie file, some FTP,
And FIDOnet directions.

But now, it really is not safe
Even with better lighting
To go down there -- those cellar stairs
Are risky, jammed, and fright'ning

There's just too many lines and nodes
They're wedged from floor to ceiling
The hum and heat of CPUs
Can leave a strong man reeling!

And as for pages, sites, and GIFs,
The biggest mind would founder!
It's all too much -- you could get lost
In meand'ring, awe-struck wonder!

And that was how we lost Rapaire!
Last Thursday, after sup.
He wandered down that cellar stair,
And never did come up!

The Wild Frontier Electric--Ballads of Cyberspace

Redd, Ruffin, Reddy, eds.

Bizarro Publications, New Haven, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM

Amos - the internet isn't in *his* basement, it's in the LIBRARY basement. The would most likely be technically correct if L-space is actual rather then theoretical, and all evidence *does* point towards the existance of L-space. Not that you will get a librarian to admit it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM

it's all in the patterns
one-oh!
one two oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM

Aw, MM, gimme a liddle poetic license, huh??? LOL!

Back in 1973, it looked very different -- this doggerely is from May-June of that year:

Network Working Group                                    R. Merryman (UCSD-CC)
Request for Comments: 527                                              6/22/73

                              ARPAWOCKY

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe,

                   Beware the ARPANET, my son;
                         The bits that byte, the heads that scratch;
                   Beware the NCP, and shun
                         the frumious system patch,

                   He took his coding pad in hand;
                         Long time the Echo-plex he sought.
                   When his HOST-to-IMP began to limp
                         he stood a while in thought,

                   And while he stood, in uffish thought,
                         The ARPANET, with IMPish bent,
                   Sent packets through conditioned lines,
                         And checked them as they went,

                   One-two, one-two, and through and through
                         The IMP-to-IMP went ACK and NACK,
                   When the RFNM came, he said "I'm game",
                         And sent the answer back,

                   Then hast thou joined the ARPANET?
                         Oh come to me, my bankrupt boy!
                   Quick, call the NIC! Send RFCs!
                         He chortled in his joy.

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe.

                                                            D.L. COVILL
                                                            May 1973


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM

Ah, the RFCs. The memories that brings back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM

You Gummy Bear!! Those teeth fell out of natch'l ole age!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 06:17 PM

Please do not forget the information carried in RFC 1149, 1 Apr 1990:

A Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers

Status of this Memo

This memo describes an experimental method for the encapsulation of IP datagrams in avian carriers. This specification is primarily useful in Metropolitan Area Networks. This is an experimental, not    recommended standard. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.

Overview and Rational

Avian carriers can provide high delay, low throughput, and low    altitude service. The connection topology is limited to a single    point-to-point path for each carrier, used with standard carriers, but many carriers can be used without significant interference with    each other, outside of early spring. This is because of the 3D ether    space available to the carriers, in contrast to the 1D ether used by    IEEE802.3. The carriers have an intrinsic collision avoidance system, which increases availability. Unlike some network    technologies, such as packet radio, communication is not limited to    line-of-sight distance. Connection oriented service is available in   some cities, usually based upon a central hub topology.

Frame Format

The IP datagram is printed, on a small scroll of paper, in hexadecimal, with each octet separated by whitestuff and blackstuff.    The scroll of paper is wrapped around one leg of the avian carrier.   A band of duct tape is used to secure the datagram's edges. The    bandwidth is limited to the leg length. The MTU is variable, and    paradoxically, generally increases with increased carrier age. A    typical MTU is 256 milligrams. Some datagram padding may be needed.
Upon receipt, the duct tape is removed and the paper copy of the
datagram is optically scanned into a electronically transmittable
form.

Discussion

Multiple types of service can be provided with a prioritized pecking
order. An additional property is built-in worm detection and
eradication. Because IP only guarantees best effort delivery, loss
of a carrier can be tolerated. With time, the carriers are self-
regenerating. While broadcasting is not specified, storms can cause
data loss. There is persistent delivery retry, until the carrier
drops. Audit trails are automatically generated, and can often be
found on logs and cable trays.

Security Considerations

Security is not generally a problem in normal operation, but special
measures must be taken (such as data encryption) when avian carriers
are used in a tactical environment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM

Nor should one EVER forget the truths in RFC 1925 (1 April 1996):

The Fundamental Truths

(1) It Has To Work.

(2) No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can't increase the speed of light.

    (2a) (corollary). No matter how hard you try, you can't make a
          baby in much less than 9 months. Trying to speed this up
          *might* make it slower, but it won't make it happen any
          quicker.

(3) With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead.

(4) Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network.

(5) It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems
into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.

(6) It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving
the problem to a different part of the overall network (architecture) than it is to solve it.

    (6a) (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
      indirection.

(7) It is always something.

    (7a) (corollary). Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can't                                                                                                   
    have all three).   

(8) It is more complicated than you think.

(9) For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.

    (9a) (corollary) Every networking problem always takes longer to
    solve than it seems like it should.

(10) One size never fits all.

(11) Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and
a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.

    (11a) (corollary). See rule 6a.

(12) In protocol design, perfection has been reached not when there
is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take         away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 07:41 PM

Great wisdom indeed, Sir Rap.

Meanwhile in the 21st century, things are heating up a tad:

A small CSIRO-developed hydrogen device the size of a domestic microwave oven may be all you need to fuel your car in the future.

A team at CSIRO Manufacturing and Infrastructure Technology has developed a small device that can extract enough hydrogen per day from water to power a family car for up to150kms.

This work is an important part of CSIRO's Energy Transformed Flagship research program into positioning Australia for a future hydrogen economy.

Currently, the hydrogen unit runs on main's power, but researchers are investigating how to power the unit with renewable energy, such as solar and wind power.

While the idea of fuelling your car with hydrogen generated from a solar panel might sound like science fiction, project leader Dr Sukhvinder Badwal says concepts such as the hydrogen economy are real possibilities.

"Every time we stop at the petrol station to fill up the car we are reminded that fuel prices are not getting any lower," Dr Badwal says.

At this stage, hydrogen cannot compete with fossil fuels, but rising oil prices could create a different scenario, Dr Badwal says. "We just need to look towards future oil import costs."

He says that hydrogen is the cleanest fuel nature has given us and its portability and flexibility makes it ideal for a range of applications, including transport.

"While Australia has abundant renewable energy sources, such as solar and wind power, they cannot directly provide the portable fuel required by the transport sector. Hydrogen can fulfil that demand but, because it is not a naturally occurring fuel, has to be generated using conventional fuels or renewable sources."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 07:56 PM

And getting back to those Californian preee-vert fishies:

"Ohio University scientists say they have determined that as female swordtail fish age, they change their mating habits.

Lead researcher Molly Morris, an associated professor of biological sciences at the Athens, Ohio, school, said as the females grow older and larger, they spend more time with asymmetrically striped males than with symmetrical males, when offered a choice.

The findings are the first to contradict previous studies indicating females tend to prefer males with symmetrical markings, which in this case are black bars on each side of the body. Scientists have suggested symmetrical markings are a sign of genetic fitness.

The study provides evidence that visual cues are not the only thing driving mate selection. The findings also suggest "females may not have the same mating preferences throughout their lives," Morris said.

Co-authors of the study were post-doctoral fellow Oscar Rios-Cardenas and undergraduate student Mary Scarlett Tudor.

Funded by the National Science Foundation and the Research Challenge Program at Ohio University, the paper has been published online in Biology Letters and will appear in next month's print edition. "

You swim, just like a woman
And you like stripes, just like a woman
And you bite, just like a woman;
But you age like a little molly.


(Bob Piscine, Singer-Songwriter)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 08:39 AM

Mom, Mom, Mom. It's not "Sweet Sixteen" any longer. It's "Sexy Seventeen." Now you get back up where you belong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:27 AM

Hey, Mom! Last night got cold enough to kill the tender plants in my yard! Fall is finally here!

There are fish in my creek and fossils in my yard, but I have no evidence about fish changing genders. I did, however, watch Jurassic Park.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM

I hope Jurassic didn't know you were watching her parking.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM

a href=http://www.sciencenews.org/pages/sn_edpik/ls_4.htm>fishy changes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM

Fish, believe it or not, can also change state. Like, from living to fresh to frozen to cooked. Kinda like proteans or auntymatter participles. This is the basis of fishing in the Yellowstone River inside Yellowstone Park -- if you catch a fish you can change its state from living to cooked simply dipping it into a nearby hot pot. If there is no state-changing hot pot handy, you can build a fire and do it the old fashioned way. I myself have undergone several state changes, having moved from Illinois to Ohio to Indiana to Kentucky to Idaho. I've also undergone some temporary state changes, in fact to every one excpet Oklahoma, Arkansas and Hawaii. I've also done several provincial changes up in Canada.

Aren't you glad you know about state changes now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 05:54 PM

This a nice play on words, but let's not use it to promote denial of the important state changes you yourself have been through....some of which should perhaps be best described by professionals. The question, of course, is, professional what?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 06:11 PM

My state changes have been investigated and approved by professionals of many kinds. Like banjoists, ukeleleers, mental healthers, librarians, accountants, physicists, mathematicians, law enforcementers, bagpipers, plumbers, bankers, orthodontists, fishers, whoopsidaisyists, programmers, etymologists, ichthyologists, politicians, and other ists, eers, and ians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:54 AM

How about the fifth e-state?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 06:23 AM

I'm back! I've just read the hundred posts or so since I was last about, and I now know everything. Or at least that bit of everything which explains why people are scared of joining us in the Moab continuiumumumum ( how do you stop spelling that word?) I propose radical changes round here to remedy this. Or radical changes at least.

To this end, we will carry on as before, and the radical change will just happen. We will do it ourselves without intention or realisation, except those things caused by Gluon, which just happen....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 08:56 AM

A fifth e-state would only obtain in A key.

A, C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between
them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp
enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and
exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar
tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a
nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking
sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a
rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the
diminuation of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even
accidentals, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenors for
patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble; he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:16 AM

Amos, is that there story sumpin' to do with music? We were talkin' about diminished fifths at the Legion Hovel just last night, an' Anne Dante said they was gettin' more diminished the longer we sat there. She's shackin' up with Al Legro right now, two Italians makin' some beautiful lasagna together. 'Course, Al's got quite a pasta to live down, but Anne's aware of it and forgives him as long as he's "con brio", which Stinky told us means "with cheese" in Italian. Anyway, Al got out of prison a year or so back, so he's really an ex-con brio, and I guess that they scrape the cheese off when they put ya in the slammer. So, I was wonderin' if that stuff had anything to do with music, because if it did it was pretty funny and if it didn't it was still pretty funny, but not as much as if it did, you know? Handsome Herb explained that some of it had to do with music, so that's why I'm askin', because Stinky and Herb have a bet about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM

Well, of course, if it weren't for music, man, that story woulda never been posted, I guess. So there's that. You might say the dominant theme is about music. Reading stuff like that, I find, is kind of a tonic.

Al Dente says hello, BTW...he's all up on that con brio stuff. And Al Lingue said he would drop in on you as he was going pasta there.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM

Huh! and here Jim wassisname was saying we never discuss music on the MOAB - Little does he know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM

Hot Damn, les' talk music!

Ahem.

The Enlightenment/Age of Reason stresses balance and clarity - thus melody and phrase structure became clearly defined. Harmonic style simplifies as the numerous chord changes of the polyphonic baroque crystallize into a clear homophonic I - V - I structure. Overlapping phrases are replaced by periodic (antecedent-consequence) structures and clear cadential breaks. The meandering melodies of the baroque are replaced by short, distinct, classical motives. Counterpoint becomes the mechanism for reworking thematic material in developmental sections. Which of these practices can be traced to vocal traditions? Homophony? New forms or derivatives? Italian opera reaches its peak and the German opera tradition begins (Mozart and others).

The formal scheme is dominated by the multi-movement sonata per the trio, church, and chamber sonata, and the dance suite. Sonata means "to sound" and relates to instrumental music like canzona relates to vocal music.


We must not, however, forget that

...it is between the years 1480 and 1520 that the motet as an art-form progressed, favoured by the nascent devices of the modern school, with Josquin Després as leader. The outstanding feature of time motets of this period is the extraordinary skill displayed in weaving melodious counterpoint around a short phrase of plainchant or secular melody. Josquin (Canon of St-Quentin) stands head and shoulders over his fellows, and his motets were among the earliest printed by Petrucci, in 1502-05. In all, one hundred and fifty of his motets have been printed, the best known being the beautiful one, founded on the plain-chant theme of "Requiem æternam", on the death of his master Okeghem, and the settings of the genealogies in the Gospels of St. Matthew and St. Luke. His fellow-pupil, Pierre de la Rue, also composed some charming motets, of which twenty-five have been printed. One of the best known is founded on a theme from the Lamentations of Jeremias. Another famous motet-writer of this period was Eleazar Genet, better known as Carpentras (from the place of his birth), a priest and papal nuncio. His "Motetti della corona" were published by Petrucci, in 1514 but he is best known for his "Lamentations", which continued to be sung by the pontifical choir at Rome until 1587. A third motet-writer was Jean Mouton, canon of St-Quentin, whose "Quam pulchra es" has often been ascribed to Josquin. A fourth is Jacques Clément (Clemens non Papa), who issued seven books of motets, published by Phalèse (Louvain, 1559) Three typical specimens have been reprinted by Proske in his "Musica divina". Jacob Vaett composed a motet on this French composers death in 1558. John Dygon, Prior of St. Augustines, Canterbury, was a composer of motets, one of which was printed by Hawkins. Other English composers who cultivated this art-form in the sixteenth century were: Fayrfax, Tallis (who wrote one in forty parts), Whyto, Redford, Taverner, and Shepherd. Many of the Latin motets by these musicians were subsequently adapted to English words. Arcadelt, a pontifical singer, composed an eight-part Pater Noster; his better known Ave Maria is of doubtful authenticity. Willaert, maestro di cappella at St. Mark's, Venice, and "father of the madrigal", published three collections of motets for four, five, and six voices not a few of which are extremely inventive and melodious though intricate.

I can talk music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:23 PM

godsteeth! you lost me somewhere right around "stresses balance and clarity"!

I find it interesting though that the Italians peaked before the Germans...but then again, Italian being a Romance language one should expect that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 01:00 PM

Who peeked?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM

Oh, damsel, damsel, come away,
As fades the glittering light of day
And in the shadows of the moon,
Come sing with me the ancient tune.

Ah, lady, lady do not fret,
Your father wots naughtt of us yet,
And in no stable shall we sing,
I know a clean but cheap motet.

So let my notes thine flesh anoint,
So let thy fearsome doubts aroint,
And let me sing my song to thee,
And sing you me thy counterpoint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 03:30 PM

After 174 fruitless attempts to open this thread since my last post I'm finally able to get in and don't have a damned thing to say.

So, I guess I'll just say the first thing that pops into my mand and that thing is....

"Muttonchops"


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