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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 02 Aug 16 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 16 - 08:57 AM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 16 - 08:09 AM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 16 - 08:04 AM
gnu 01 Aug 16 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 16 - 10:52 PM
Acme 01 Aug 16 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 16 - 09:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Aug 16 - 08:21 PM
Amos 01 Aug 16 - 06:02 PM
Acme 01 Aug 16 - 01:43 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 16 - 09:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jul 16 - 04:12 PM
gnu 31 Jul 16 - 03:22 PM
gnu 31 Jul 16 - 02:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jul 16 - 11:28 AM
Donuel 31 Jul 16 - 09:21 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jul 16 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 16 - 08:38 AM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 16 - 07:36 AM
Rapparee 30 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jul 16 - 04:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 16 - 03:48 PM
Acme 30 Jul 16 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jul 16 - 01:52 PM
Donuel 30 Jul 16 - 01:11 PM
Amos 30 Jul 16 - 12:48 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jul 16 - 12:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 16 - 05:48 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 16 - 09:14 PM
gnu 29 Jul 16 - 05:46 PM
Donuel 29 Jul 16 - 03:05 PM
gnu 29 Jul 16 - 02:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jul 16 - 12:43 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 16 - 09:35 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jul 16 - 09:12 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jul 16 - 08:05 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jul 16 - 07:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jul 16 - 07:00 AM
gnu 29 Jul 16 - 05:19 AM
Amos 28 Jul 16 - 08:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jul 16 - 08:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 16 - 08:21 PM
gnu 28 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jul 16 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 16 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 27 Jul 16 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM
gnu 27 Jul 16 - 07:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jul 16 - 06:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 16 - 10:42 PM

See, that's what I mean. You seemingly have no respect for either Chongo or Shane! This is soooo hard to believe.

Mind, you, in Shane's case....well, yes, I can see some justification for not entirely respecting him...

But in Chongo's case? Good lord, man, what could you be thinking? Chongo is a noble example of all that is good in primates. He leaves most humans in the dust. He wears cool clothing and always carries a gun. He drives a car with running boards, and can fire off a full clip from the driver side window while steering at breakneck speeds with the other hand.

He dates slinky women and works out at the local gym.

He has read all the Philip Marlowe tales.

He doesn't play video games.

What is not to like and admire about this remarkable ape???? Hmm? Tell me. You can't do it, can you? You're at a loss for words.

That's right, just slink off and admit you were wrong to ever diss Chongo Chimp. Just deal with it, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 16 - 08:57 AM

LH, it doesn't matter. I'm used to that word, "No." I've heard it all my life. "No, you can't have any more gruel! We're poor and you know you have to share your gruel with your brothers and sister!" "No, I'm afraid you don't deserve a better grade. I gave you an F because I can't go any lower." "No, you didn't make the team and never try out again!" "No, you didn't qualify on the rifle range and you're on KP for the rest of your time in the Army!" "NO! And get your hands off my knees!" "No, you drank the last of it last night." "No, you don't deserve a raise!" "NO! And get out of my office!" That's only some of it. Rejection is a natural to me as hermaphroditism is to Chongx or sleeping in a puddle he made is to Shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 16 - 08:09 AM

I agree, by the way, that Samuel Clemens was a superb writer, probably the best of his time.

I haven't read any of James Fenimore Cooper's prose yet (aside from Classics Illustrated comics versions of his books). I guess I've really missed out on something there, eh? :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 16 - 08:04 AM

I have an answer to one of several questions you asked way back there, Rap. The answer is...

No.

Now see if you can figure out which question it was. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 11:21 PM

I just read poetry that even the author of which may not realize is poetry. To me, at least, it was, as I say, poetry. I shan't explain. Even the author would balk at my claim, should I name, the author.

gnightgnu

I harvested a cherry tomatoe today! More are ripening! And, I have Roma 'maters coming!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 10:52 PM

I don't see a problem. Instead of a giant skating screen under-ice printers could print out new pages and gently slide them into position under the ice. If the paper ever filled up the ice rink the font size could be reduced; when it becomes too small to read even by hockey players with their face being ground into the ice the ice could either be ground to a magnifying lens or replaced with such a lens. Max would probably fork over the money to do this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 10:37 PM

I also think that's an excellent idea. I saw some obsolete technology in my workplace last week, micro-printing that is intended to be put under a magnifying glass to read. They wanted to save space, many documents in one box, but as large as MOAB is, I believe a regular 12 point font (Times New Roman) on standard margins and 8.5 x 11" paper would be perfect under the ice of a hockey rink.

Be sure it's an environmentally friendly printer cartridge, soy vs whatever ink. When the ice melts I don't want to hear about dead salmon in nearby creeks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 09:01 PM

I think that's an excellent idea! But perhaps it should be a giant screen so they could be kept up to date. Besides, hockey players need lots of big letters and small words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 08:21 PM

Do you think one of those Zamboni printers could print the entire contents of the MOAB on the floor of a hockey rink, and then cover it in ice so the hockey players could read it whenever they take a break from beating the shit out of each other?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 06:02 PM

I sing of bullshit, wide and deep
Whose warmest heart recoils at fear
Which sprang full-formed, (and wrapped in beer)
From proud young Taurus' steaming flank.
A bold relief, the pride of man
That on the heated soil now stands
Between the bovines massive feet,
While 'round it cherubs do repeat:
"There is some shit I will not eat."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 16 - 01:43 PM

Staples isn't a "real" printer. They print the most commonplace sizes and styles of documents. Go to a real printer - most of them have digital presses now that are the size of a zamboni and can do small runs on all sorts and sizes of paper at a reasonable price.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 09:38 PM

Now o'er one half the Mudcat bullshit seems dead
And wicked facts abuse that troubled sleep.
Too many celebrate pale Aletheia's offerings,
And the withered Pseudologoi,
Alarmed by their sentinel the bull
Whose feces are their watch,
With Dolos' ravishing strides,
Moves like a ghost!
Oh, thou sure and firm-set dungheap!
Hear not my facts which way they wend
For fear the very plops prate of my truthlessness!

(A loud flatulation is heard)

I go, and it is done -- the flatus invites me!
Hear it not, for it is a bell
That summons thee to heaven -- or to someplace else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 04:12 PM

The quality of bullshit is not strain'd,
It ploppeth as huge turds from a bull's anus
Upon the grass beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that shiteth and him that's shat upon....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 03:22 PM

Oh. Yeah. I was gonna post about the fact that I saw the movie "The Deer Slayer" and didn't care for it. Or was that "The Deer Hunter"? Anyway, even though Christopher Walken was in it, I still didn't like it. Then, someone started talking about bullshit and, of course, my inner bullshitter couldn't resist.

Who doesn't like Christopher Walken? De Niro is in it too and he's kinda a good actor but he ain't no Walken. You can act batshit crazy or you can be batshit crazy and still act... ya kno-oooow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 02:41 PM

Well, it stands also for brilliant shit. Not just common bullshit. The bullshit herein strives to be brilliant shit. Primo bullshit. Now, some may argue that common bullshit is true art by true bullshit artists. To each his own, says I. In this hallowed forum, the question "What is folk?" has oft been asked and discussed to no avail, to no conclusion. Such is the same for bullshit. Bullshit herein is in the eye and mind of the reader, and is in the mind and the keyboard of the bullshitter.

Staples Business Depot can only produce copies of documents up to 2' wide. What kinda bullshit is that? "For all your business needs"? Bullshit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 11:28 AM

Don, thanks for the compliment. But the secret to creating clear and meaningful* writing is simple: just imagine what James Fenimore Cooper would do, and then do the opposite.


* Bear in mind that "meaningful" within the context of The Mother of All BS Threads is not necessarily a meaningful term. After all, "BS" doesn't stand for "brilliant storytelling".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 09:21 AM

WOw Bee,
I easily get lost in the world of words but you open the canopy and show me where I am like a sunbeam.
Of all the trees in the woods of words&streams, you are in the top three.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 08:59 AM

Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses by Mark Twain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 08:38 AM

Reminds me of Natty Bumpo silently stalking through the forest primeval with a woman he's just rescued, at great peril, and he's lost. Yes! Leatherstocking is LOST! And then...then...a cannonball comes rolling along. Obviously it's at the end of its journey but! our hero follows its path back to the fort! Natty Bumpo is the only human being who could follow a track through rocks, mud, snow, slush, quicksand AND THROUGH THE AIR!!

As for Charles "Chuckles" Dickens, well, improbable is a good word. Come on! Dave Copperfield falls in with a school for thieves and doesn't want any part of it...and Fagin doesn't off the self-righteous little bugger to keep the school secret? Granted, Chuckles did at least visit the slums he wrote about.

Scrooge realizes that he's gonna croak one day and nobody will give a shit, so he reforms his greedy ways and all is sweetness and light? His heirs would have had him locked up as non compis mentes, and if not his heirs then society in general! Raving on about ghosts and all!

I shan't go into the details of "Silas Marner" (son of the Ancient Marner), Bulwer-Lytton's stuff (except that Snoopy made good use of it, "Heart of Darkness," "Jude the Obscure," and the rest of the 19th Century novelists (except Sam Clemens, probably the best writer of the 19th and 20th Centuries).

Let's face it: If it hadn't been required reading would you have read it at all, much less finished it? Don't you wish you'd read "Ulysses" or "Cien aos de soledad" or even (God help us!) "Tropic of Cancer"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 16 - 07:36 AM

It simply reflected (quite accurately, I think) the state of mind of people in that society at that time, Rap. That WAS the way they thought about single young men and women, and love, and marriage. Therefore, I think it makes an interesting look at an interesting time.

Now...if it were set in our present era, well...

"He's like, soooo you know...and then I'm like, whatever. Like, give me a break? I'm like, why don't you just...like..."

Now THAT's vacuity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM

The best version of That Novel I ever saw was when my friend Steve burned his copy.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve."

"A girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then.
It is something to think of"

"He is a gentleman, and I am a gentleman's daughter. So far we are equal."

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."

Gad! Vacuous indeed! Worse in some ways than Dickens! But then, there's always "Northanger Abbey." And the "Confessional of the Black Penitents"!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 04:36 PM

Wow. That must have been quite a sight.

Acme - I really liked the Keira Knightly version of "Pride and Prejudice", but I haven't seen the version with with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth, so I cannot compare the two. (I really like most of Keira Knightly's films.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 03:48 PM

I planted some flat stones earlier today, myself. Okay, they weren't really stones. They were ruined kiln shelves. One of my kilns didn't turn off automatically like it should have and went to some ridiculously high temperature, probably north of 2500F. Everything in the firing just sorta collapsed into a mishmash of blistered pots and warped and broken kiln furniture. First time I've ever used a hammer and crowbar to unload a kiln. The shelves found a new use as pothole repair agents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 03:36 PM

Been away for a while, MOM - it's a saga in and of itself, but one that probably shouldn't be told until after retirement.

BWL, everyone knows that the best screen version of Pride and Prejudice is with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth. The film you mentioned as Knightly smiling rather too vacuously too much of the time. And even if there are a couple of non-novel invented scenes in the Ehle/Firth version, it's still the best.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 01:52 PM

Thanks for reminding me of "Chinga's" sordid origins, Amos. It may be the single worst thing you have ever done in your life.   :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 01:11 PM

Brother gnu, indeed the Bible is indispensable. We would not eat if it were not for the benefits of the Bible. Our dining table is missing a ball and claw and our bible is the precise thickness needed. COINCIDENCE ? impossible.. Our Bible was created precisely to bless our table.


(the effect of window dirt on acoustic laser sound detectors)

a thicker book than 'famous trump charities'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 12:48 PM

I am going to plant flat stones in a pathway. That will make life bearable, for sure.

And just as a reminder for the record, while Chongo Chimp was indeniably brought forth by the revered Little Hack, his sister Chinga was my own contribution to our local zoo fo characters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 12:07 PM

What we need is a really comprehensive book on freebasing peanuts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 16 - 05:48 AM

Yes, "Theoretical Mathematics of the Dirt From Unclean Windows" is the definitive work in its field, much as "Spectro-Sonographic Analysis of the Sound of Distant Toilets" is in its own.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 09:14 PM

Not my foundation. That's probably why it's all cracked and sheared and fallen in. Only my foundation garments hold it together. That and glue.

We had our windows cleaned inside and out today. First time in the 13 years we've been here that all of them have been done at the same time. The guy doing it said something about dirt and how some of it was left in big piles on the ground. He's writing a book about it, something like "Theoretical Mathematics of the Dirt From Unclean Windows." It promises to be a dirty book.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 05:46 PM

"valuable reading". Indeed. Your very foundation depends on the The Bible. Those that do not follow The Bible are doomed to shear failure underneath their very footings. Why, even the very towers we eat Pizza in can slip shearly into a list which makes for great tourist pictures but which will eventually fail at a critical angle, beyond which only engineers with their grout and determination can shore up the bases and prevent a tragedy.

As for the water wars? Locked and load, baby. The Energy East Pipeline is gonna rock your socks. Try drilling after that fucks up. Water is connected. Fuck up the surface waters of the largest source of fresh water on earth and you fuck most of NA. Energy East also has the ability to fuck up the eastern coast of the US and beyond.

Keystone XL? Small potatoes when it comes to destroying the water in NA. I could go on for hours. Dilbit? Fracking? I haven't the time. We need solar, wind and geothermal... yesterday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 03:05 PM

gnu, Sounds like valuable reading.
You might know if

the books by Dr. Brown regarding the hazards of drilling and draining ground water globally, hold water?
He seems to portray very dire consequences.
Is he an oil industry target or pioneer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 02:13 PM

Pffft! Read a real book like "Theoretical Soil Mechanics" by Our Father Who Art in Dirt, Karl von Terzaghi, cw 1943, ISBN 0 471 85305 4. It is my "bible" and I have followed it's teachings faithfully since I saw the late night light as a young student of engineering those many years ago. What Mohr could a Christian Otto ask for than a book of mathematical relations and revelations? We all end up in the dirt. Geotechnical engineers just get dirtier than others. And they write masterpieces. Peck that apart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 12:43 PM

Well, I have an excuse for not reading Pride and Prejudice. I was taking too many lit classes and the reading load was rather overpowering. I needed to have two Shakespeare plays, three Canterbury Tales, Moby Dick, The Brothers Karamazov, and Pride and Prejudice all read by the end of the week and there was no way it was going to happen. So, I wrote the titles on slips of paper, put them all in a hat, and picked the loser.

I have seen the 2005 film version of Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet. In the event Winona Ryder is not available to play Chinga in the film version of Rap's saga, Ms Kightley would do quite nicely. I greatly enjoyed not seeing her in the second and third films in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. The first one was enough of that shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 09:35 AM

Awright, just for that I'm not going to vote in the next Canadian election! Just suck on THAT for a while, smart boy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 09:12 AM

I've been not-reading Rap's amazing stories for many years now, and I feel that it has done me a lot of good. Kind of like not-shopping at WalMart. Or not-attending the monster truck rally and the demolition derby. And not-voting in USA elections. Heh! Heh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 08:05 AM

By the way, I have the same reaction to Robert Ludlum, Clive Cussler, and James Patterson as you do. I've never read a thing by any of them.

I figure this is partly due to...

A. ...my fine taste in literature, my ongoing search for REAL quality as opposed to vapid generic filler, and my generally keen sense of what is worthwhile and what is not.

and B.   On the other hand...(grin)...it could be because I'm a pretentious snob who thinks he's smarter than the common herd. (Well, in truth...I am smarter than the common herd...)

Yeah, it's probably a combination of A and B above.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 07:36 AM

Yeah, but....you have NOT read "Pride and Prejudice"?????????

WTF is wrong with you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 07:00 AM

By the way, lest feelings be hurt due to my gushing over Rap's derivative "Chonga" saga as superior non-reading material, please rest assured that I've long enjoyed not reading the non-derivative adventures of Little Hawk's various fevered imaginings as well.

I hold Little Hawk's efforts in the same high regard as those of Robert Ludlum, Clive Cussler, and James Patterson. Each time I visit my local library I pass over books written by those gentlemen with genuine pleasure and savor the experience of having not read them for many weeks.

Little Hawk should be proud to be not read in such illustrious company. I only wish he would release a compilation of his best work as an audio-book so I may not listen as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jul 16 - 05:19 AM

Prime... as in prime rib, primo, good stuff and all that, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 08:33 PM

I applaud Sir Rapp's dynamic, boldly-figured fictions. I always have. All of 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 08:27 PM

Rap, pay no attention to those who belittle your efforts. Your saga is by far the best thing I have not read since not reading Pride and Prejudice.

I can hardly wait for the film version to come out so I can stay home and not go see it.

Unless you can get Winona Ryder to play Chinga. That I'd pay to see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 08:21 PM

Sorry, gnu. 54821 is not prime -- it's 13 x 4217.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM

I agree. No more monkeys.

BTW... that was a prime post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 03:14 PM

You do have a real gift for this kind of fiction, Rap. It only falls down when you bring the Chimps in, because everyone knows that the Chinga character is bogus, and the "Chonga" character, of course, is nothing more than a distorted projection of your own emotional need to mess around with my favorite characters and attempt to trash them.

Sad, really. But I forgive you. There is no sense in holding enmity against a mind that simply cannot help itself.

Other than that, though, pretty darned good!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 09:10 AM

The ride was long and in places bumpy. After an hour or so, Chinga asked, "Where are we going?" and General West replied, "To a safe place."

More time passed and then the snow machine halted under a large platform. It began to ascend.

"Good," said the General. "We're here, Penelope."

"Where is 'here'?" asked Chonga.

"A safe place. Nowhere, to be precise," West replied, and chuckled.

The elevator containing the snow cat reached the deck of the platform and they climbed out.

"Inside, quickly," urged General West. "A storm is brewing and out here the wind will blow you into Russia."

They quickly went into a rounded building and then were led by guards -- armed guards, Penelope noted approvingly -- into a large office.

"Good," said the General. "Now we can talk. First, you wonder where you are. You're nowhere. This place is an abandoned oil platform, you are in international waters -- or rather ice, at the moment -- in the Beaufort Sea. It may be a British possession, but Russia, Canada, Norway, the United States, and other countries have claimed this area. Until ownership is settled, if ever, we're operating out of here."

"MI17?" queried Chinga.

"No. A different agency. SOB. Special Operations, Blue. And don't make any wise comments as it's a long way down to the ice."

"So we're SOBs now," mused Penelope. "Why 'Blue'?"

"Because black ops has a bad, bad reputation," replied the General. "And oh, yes -- your plane. Or rather, Her Majesty's plane. The Sorry Paling organization blew it up, of course. But they're backed by something much bigger, some government or government-like entity. SOB got the job of pulling you out because neither we nor the Yanks can afford you dead." He turned as a man entered the room. "Yes, Sergeant?"

"Here it is, Sir. Just as we thought." And he tossed a small metal capsule on the table.

"Oh, dear me. I'd hoped we were wrong." The General looked up at the Sergeant. "You know what this means?"

"Yes, Sir. Only too well, I'm afraid."

"Thank you, Sergeant. Dismissed."

The Sergeant, who obviously wanted to come to attention and salute, instead turned and left the room.

"What is it, Nigel?" asked Penelope, anxiety on her face and on the faces of the others.

"A capsule of VX nerve gas. If you'd stayed in that suite overnight you'd have all been killed. Nasty stuff. O-ethyl S-[2-(diisopropylamino)ethyl] methylphosphonothioate) chemically. Dispersed as fine droplets, which this container would do when heated on your suite's room heaters, it would land on you body and be absorbed through the skin. It does a number of things to your ACTH, making quite a mess of your nervous system. Among other things, you die."

Chonga looked stricken. "No guys with gats? Just a few droplets on a breeze on your skin and the lights go out?"

"That's it," said Penelope. "I've know about VX but never in a personal manner." She frowned. "I'm afraid, Nigel, that I will be taking lives before this is over."

"We all will. Hmm...I wonder if they knew that the Suite would continue deadly. This is a persistent agent. A lot of people would get sick and perhaps die. I don't think the hotel management was involved or this would never have been approved. Ladies and gentleman (he nodded to the pilot) we are up against a ruthless, ruthless organization." He turned to the pilot. "Sir, we can send you home or you can stay and work with us. Which would you prefer?"

The pilot answered, softly, "I'll stick. I had some friends lost to VX in Iraq when a chemical munitions weapon exploded. I hate that stuff. Sir," he continued, "if you could provide me with arms? I was PBI in the 'Stan and know something of their use."

"Thank you, Leftenant." West chuckled and said, "I know more about you than you think. DSC, MC -- your record speaks for you. And now," he continued, "shall we get down to work? I'm quite afraid blood will be spilt."


(Whose blood? Chinga's? Chonga's? Penelope's VX? -- you don't buy that at the local pharmacay, so where'd it come from? Don't change that dial!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 09:48 PM

The next Prime Post will be 54829. Just thought everyone would like to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM

Hah! Back there in Adams County, Illinois, is the city of Quincy. For some reason, probably because there were lots of Germans and Irish there and they could fight each other, my ancestors on both sides settled there. Right on the banks of Mighty Mississloppy River. Mark Twain country. Abe Lincoln country.

Anyway, long about backaways, my paternal grandpa Shorty was born to a guy named George. George had a farm on some land out on North 18th Street, and the Catolicks in town needed a second cemetery cuz so many were dying. A couple of the churches got together and bought some land for the cemetery from a guy named Benson or something -- began with a B, anyway. Each church paid USD 3,700, which back in 1905 or so was a pretty chunka change. Now that land belonged to George. I ain't saying money changed hands, which I'm sure it did, and I'm not saying George and this other fella diddled the churches out of a few grand, but it sure stinks even now.

Here's the thing: George became the sexton (caretaker) for the new cemetery. He diddled 'em on the land and then landed the job taking care of it.

Anyway, eventually he has a buncha kids: Bill, Shorty, Lawrence, Al, Joe, and some others too numerous to mention. Bill became an auctioneer, Lawrence became a really good painter, Al became a farmer SOUTH of town, and Joe followed George as sexton for that cemetery (our old family farm!) but for the other three Catlick cemeteries in town.

Now Shorty, he became a carpenter. He started courtin' a girl named Mary, and they got married. Some six months later they had a bouncing baby boy -- my father. And it was a miracle, cuz that bouncing baby boy was a full term baby!! Yes! He developed so quickly he did in six months what every other baby took nine months to do! (The alternative solution is...well, I just can't believe my very own grandparents were, um, canoodling and that a shotgun in the hands of her father, Frank, was involved.)

I ain't got no pictures ta show ya, so ya gotta take my word that every man in my family was and is the paragon of masculinity and good looks and the women were all sexy, svelte, and smarter than the men.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 07:38 PM

"... but mostly they settled in a place they called New Ireland..."

So. "They" called it that. Nobody else did. BTW, them there fellahs settled down south in yer Albert County and far more Irish settled elsewhere. Take yer Kent County... that fly infested bog country what could grow peat moss and rocks and some blueberries and cranberries and the odd red haired Irish child. I mean, some. Not "odd" as in "odd". Well, there was Aunt Annabell. She was as odd as they come. Crazier than a bag a hammers. What glorious fun she was. Always a laugh. She was actually a Little... half Little. Gramma Owens, nee Pascal, was not her mother. But, Gramps and Gramma brought her to Moncton when they said goodbye to the flies those many years ago. Fact is, Andy Little was firin blanks and he needed children... can't farm without children. So, since they were all farmers upalong, gramps was the hired gun. Hey, when yer bull is blank, ya go to the next farm and hire a stud, right? Alas, a female was born... Aunt Sally got sick, Andy couldn't look after a daughter (1900 or so; Aunt Sally died some years later), the farm fell into disrepair, and Annabell was Gramps' responsibility. So, off to the big city with the secret well kept. It's a wonderful story that gives insight into the lives of poor Irish "back in those days". Now, the story of Ned? The lumber company? The fire? Moving back to Ireland with the insurance money? The sale of the original (Riparian Rights) land grants illegally by the sheriff of the Edward and his son's properties? All great stories. One involves a T Model Ford with the back seat piled with bottles of liquor.

You pick out Annabell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 06:46 PM

Onanistic Pottage! Great band! Their first album, "Will the Circle-Jerk Be Unbroken" was seminal. Somehow their second album, "Doing the Five Knuckle Shuffle" didn't come off as well.


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