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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Dec 07 - 11:19 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 08:36 AM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM
Rustic Rebel 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM
Acme 04 Dec 07 - 10:34 AM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 12:09 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 03:44 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 05:29 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 05:47 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 10:57 PM
Janie 05 Dec 07 - 02:17 AM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 08:44 AM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 10:09 AM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 11:39 AM
Rustic Rebel 05 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 12:22 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 12:44 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 02:26 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 03:09 PM
MMario 05 Dec 07 - 03:13 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 09:11 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 10:40 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 11:08 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 07 - 01:34 AM
Rustic Rebel 06 Dec 07 - 02:08 AM
Amos 06 Dec 07 - 11:02 AM
Acme 06 Dec 07 - 11:27 AM
Amos 06 Dec 07 - 11:48 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 07 - 12:54 PM
Amos 06 Dec 07 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 07 - 01:43 PM
Acme 06 Dec 07 - 02:44 PM
Rustic Rebel 06 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 07 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 07 - 05:20 PM
Janie 07 Dec 07 - 12:43 AM
Janie 07 Dec 07 - 12:47 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 07 - 09:21 AM
Amos 07 Dec 07 - 09:54 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 11:19 PM

The words to "The Days of '49", for your information Amos, were written by none other than Joaquin Miller. I simply simplified them so that you could understand them.

For instance, Miller used the phrase "up the flume." Living where and as you do I am certain that you have no more idea of a flume than "Shane" does (he probably thinks it's what happens when you drink too much beer after eating a dozen Tim Horton's donuts). Now, if you lived in The Real West you'd know not only what a flume is but how to construct one.

Another example would be in the ballad "Sully's Pail." In it, the "hangin' wall" caves it. If the time comes I'll explain that so you'll understand it, since you wouldn't know about hardrock mining.

So please don't take it amiss when I try to help you understand things. It's really for your own good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 11:50 PM

Oh, Rapaire, you are really messing with it now. I spent months in the dry mountains north of Placerville working claims, shifting quartz veins with pickaxe and shifting iron, grinding samples down and panning them out, and crawling through 19th century drifts that threatened to come down on our heads if we sneezed, assaying with acid and tong, always looking for better color. We damn built a flume from scratch, me bucko, so I know whereof I speak. But how could you know that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 08:36 AM

Because you told me some time ago, that's how.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM

Well, there ya go. Either your diplomatic skills or your memory are missing on a couple of cylinders.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM

Them goats I tell ya, it's them goats I saw
up dancing on the MOAB stage
All hues of different colors
while eating up this page.

I thought to myself, this is different,
as a goat came from behind
it was looking for another page,
that page it could not find.

The page that was numbered high
way past twenty and nine
it numbered more like thirty thousand seven hundred and fifty two
point six, twelve and five.

Now why would a goat want to eat a page
that doesn't yet exist?
it must have fell through a wormhole
and now it's just plain pissed.

So watch your pages and watch your posts
they could be lost to a goat..
on the MOAB stage eating every page..
while mom is floating in a boat..
on the MOAB sea ..
with a cup of tea..
through the MOAB wormhole..
toward her next journey.

Excerpts from perverted INK.
'Goats ala Fricassee'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM

His wugga bugga is out of sync with his ongo bongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:34 AM

Shades of things to come! Thanks, RR!

Now would you mind looking in that crystal ball a little closer to home--tell me what the winning Texas lotto numbers were on Dec. 5th and 8th in 2007? Thank you very much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM

I swan this is the most whacky flapdoodle whizzbang thread in the universe.

Welcome back RR!! Wisht you'd come back more oftener.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 12:09 PM

Last guy who said I don't got no diplomancy skills got whumped up good. My diplomancy skills are at least equal to those of Your President And Mine, George W. Bush.

I got diplomancy skills real good, cuz I kin conjure up a diplomat most any time I need one, which is right seldom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 12:48 PM

I take it back about your diplomacy, sir. I defer, instead, to Mister Hawk's opinion just below.

Do see someone about that, won't you?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 03:44 PM

My Dear Mr. Amos,

I have just returned from an invitation-only luncheon reception at the now a-building Museum of Clean. When completed it will the the world's ONLY museum so dedicated. More importantly it will be Platinum Certified by LEED, the only retrofitted building to be so certified.

Luncheon was served in miniature toilet-shaped mugs, which we kept as souvenirs.

The museum will open in 2008; you might wish to visit.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 04:58 PM

Indeed, I would; but I feel it would be a great strain on my system, good sir, to rise above and burst the shackles of my early, deeply canalized childhood training never to drink out of toilets. No-one told me -- back then -- that the size mattered.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 05:29 PM

Size apparently matters a great deal, at least according to email I receive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 05:47 PM

Well, if you would only stop sending emails to those Nigerian heirs, and those Rolex dealers, it would soon dry up, so to speak.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM

Your point is well taken, sir. I was only acting upon the recommendations of one Little Hawk, which I now realize was probably a mistake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 07:00 PM

I have gone to the Web Site of the World's First Cleaning Technologies Museum and must say I am impressed with some of the examples there shown of human ingenuity. I should have known, but did not, that vacuum cleaners operated by human muscle were commercially sold long before the electrification of America. How intriguing! I can see the small boys ducking out the back screen door on a June afternoon to skinny up a tree to avoid the tiresome duty of pumping Mommy's vacuum.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:10 PM

You oughta see the horse-drawn vacuum cleaner wagon. They had it re-made from the original drawings, only right now it's hitched to fiberglass horses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:57 PM

The USGBC is the parent organization of LEED. Now that I know where to go, I'm going to see what I can do to green up the Library.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 02:17 AM

While you are at it, send some rain to green up my lawn and garden.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 08:44 AM

Snow. You need lots and lots of snow. And ice. And sleet. And freezing rain.

I'll see what I can do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 10:09 AM

See? I tole ya an I tole ya that Rapaire was a thoughtful, giving person. See?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 11:39 AM

Anny Who, I think we should shake our heads in awesome recogntiion that we have just skittered round the Q1 of 21. That's awesome.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM

Stilly,

bleaat, bleeat, baahha, bahaha, bleat, oooaha.

If you can read goat your prayers have been answered and you'll be a rich woman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:22 PM

Awesome? If you think that's awesome you still think Khandu is king! Now, the fact that Comet Holmes has lost its tail but still has a corona visible to the naked eye (at night, of course) is awesome because it presages the End Times as comets always do.

Repent, Amos! I say to you, repent! Give up your hedonistic. lustful life and repent for the End Times are upon us! Move away from the sin and idleness of Southern California and to someplace where you can expiate your sins amidst snow and ice! Do not be misled by false prophets, but remember that The Comet hath predicted what is to happen! Yea, we are all going to lose our tail!

Don't say I didn't tell ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:44 PM

I, repent? Nay, sir -- I live in harmony with the gracious light of God's own sun, his gentle surf, his mountains and beaches. (Aside from a few carbon emissions and a big plastics footprint, anyway). I honor his wisdom in making cold, Northern places uninhabitable so much of the time, and stay away from them during those times. I do not need 500 gallons a winter of #3 fuel oil, or umopty-ump therms of natural gas or 6 cords of firewood to burn in order to defend myself against His System. It is not I, at peace with the world wearing nothign more than a sweater, who needs to repent, but those who in their hubris have tried to wrest the Cold Places away from Nature as God intended it, and strive to refit Her to their own devices. For fie.

On the other hand, the more of y'all who stay in the colder parts, the less crowding on the interstates down here, which is really important anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM

I'd move to California except that if I wasn't washed away in a mudslide or burned out by a fire I'd be eaten by a mountain lion during an earthquake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 02:26 PM

LOL!! Our screen of psychic suggestion control is working!! WOnderful. Now, if only we can debug the loop that monitors mass-hypnosis on political issues we'll be all set for Utopia!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 03:09 PM

There will be Remedial Instruction in Goat-Reading this Saturday at Rapaire's Library in Pocatello. Learn to Read Goat!!! You'll Be Glad You Did!! Never Be Fooled Again!!!! To sign up, email Rapaire at the Pocatello Library. Cookies and orange juice will be served during recess.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 03:13 PM

and here I thought that the language of Goat literature was "Caprice" or possible Capricorn


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM

That's the spoken language.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 09:11 PM

Yes, that is true. Amos is already registered, and will be in the class taught by the one and only Chupa Cabra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 10:40 PM

I am so excited, really! Imagine learning to read Caprice from none other than the great Chupra Cabra itself!! Wow!! If i do well, it may let me make friends and call it Cabronita. This is an honor, really!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 10:55 PM

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn(e)
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action."


Boy, ole Billy knew how to get it SAID.

I'm glad Rapaire let him live.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 11:08 PM

We shall not spend a large expense of time
Before we reckon with your several loves,
And make us even with you. My thanes and kinsmen,
Henceforth be earls, the first that ever Scotland
In such an honour named. What's more to do,
Which would be planted newly with the time,
As calling home our exiled friends abroad
That fled the snares of watchful tyranny;
Producing forth the cruel ministers
Of this dead butcher and his fiend-like queen,
Who, as 'tis thought, by self and violent hands
Took off her life; this, and what needful else
That calls upon us, by the grace of Grace,
We will perform in measure, time and place:
So, thanks to all at once and to each one,
Whom we invite to see us crown'd at Scone.


Party! Party! Party!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 01:34 AM

"the desire for safety stands in the way of every great and noble enterprise"

(forgot who said that, but it's a quote from classical times in ancient Greece or Rome, and a very apt one)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 02:08 AM

"Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried up piece of roast goat."

? Johann Sebastian Bach


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 11:02 AM

Did he REALLY say that? In the early dawn of the Coffe Age? Like, wow,man. And how did he know about goat? That is so far out. Like, it's so far out, it's in, ya know what I mean? I mean, Bach, ya know?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 11:27 AM

Amos, you know Rustic is trying to get your goat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 11:48 AM

She may have it; she may have any beast or beastly part I have within me; she may have anything her heart desires, for she is Rustic.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 12:54 PM

Nick Bottom, Snug, Tom Snout, Peter Quince, Francis Flute, Robin Starveling, Phyllis, and a host of others were also Rustics. It says so in the First Folio.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 01:22 PM

Dear Lord preserve us, someone gave him back his Thesaurus to ride.

Down the hall from my office, yesterday, two engineers had a lengthy discussion about certain abstruse mathematical and physical topics relating to electro-magnetic field analysis. Both had strong regional accents -- one was a ntive-born Russian whose English is definitely a second language predominantly focused on technical vocabulary. The other was a native-born German whose English is a bit more fluent, and who is primarily a high-level mathematician. Back and forth they went, discussing things of an abstruse technical nature, the German accent first, counterpointed by the Russian.

I could not help think how much better it was for them than for their grandfathers, who might easily have faced each other down in the bitter snows outside of Smolensk or of Kharkov during the awful winter campaign of 1941, Unternehmen Barbarossa. The little mise-en-scene of the two of them solving technical problems together, encapsulates how insane the mongering of war really is.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 01:43 PM

Far better to argue on a blackboard than from opposing foxholes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 02:44 PM

And if there is a dispute, chalk erasers at 10 paces is usually not deadly force.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM

The quote from Bach may have been-
Bring me a bowl of coffee before I turn into a goat
Or, he could have said both.


J.S. Bach's Coffee Cantata - The Original Coffee House Music

The Coffee Contata concerns a coffee-drinking daughter and her disapproving father in a struggle over her caffeine habit with coffee references and lyrics like:

Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes,
more delicious than a thousand kisses,
mellower than muscatel wine.
Coffee, coffee I must have,
and if someone wishes to give me a treat,
ah, then pour me out some coffee!

The piece was originally performed in Zimmerman's Coffee House in Leipzig.

So yes Amos-Coffee and goats really did exist in the 1700's!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 04:05 PM

There is also PDQ Bach's Sanka Cantata for the decaf crowd.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 05:20 PM

And now, breaking and very important news from the Associated Press:

Victoria Beckham goes to bed naked. And she's got a very good reason - her husband. "You don't sleep with David Beckham," the 33-year-old Posh Spice tells Elle magazine in its January issue, on newsstands Tuesday. "I'm going to be naked if I'm getting in bed with him every night!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 12:43 AM

Gee, Rapaire (and Victoria.) Thank you for sharing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 12:47 AM

I am sure am glad to realize my son, home sick today with a fever, turned the thermostat up to 75 degrees.   For a couple of hours there, I thought the hot flashes had started up again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 09:21 AM

I knew that if that news about Old Spice belonged anywhere it belonged here and I am proud that it was my humble duty to post it. Yes, I think it ranks right up there with the news that Bush had a siezure after he passed out following a drinking binge -- a piece of information I saw at the grocery checkout.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 09:54 AM

Rap, that Posh Spice, you ninny. OLD Spice is her grandfather, the after-shave.



A


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