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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 09:58 PM
Acme 04 Feb 10 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 10:24 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 10:03 AM
Acme 05 Feb 10 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 02:42 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 04:50 PM
Acme 05 Feb 10 - 05:03 PM
gnu 05 Feb 10 - 05:29 PM
mousethief 05 Feb 10 - 05:59 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 10:45 PM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 06 Feb 10 - 01:54 PM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 10 - 07:00 PM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 10:52 PM
Janie 07 Feb 10 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 11:12 AM
Acme 07 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 07 Feb 10 - 03:46 PM
Donuel 07 Feb 10 - 07:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 10 - 08:15 PM
Acme 07 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 10 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 11:07 PM
Amos 07 Feb 10 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 11:53 AM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 01:15 PM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 04:18 PM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 04:53 PM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 08:07 PM
Amos 08 Feb 10 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 10 - 09:30 PM
Amos 09 Feb 10 - 12:39 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 10 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 10 - 09:37 AM
Amos 09 Feb 10 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM
Amos 09 Feb 10 - 12:24 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 10 - 03:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:58 PM

Well, Mom, I'm heading off to beddy-bye. I have to get to work early tomorrow to see why my office wall blew up today. It's just a little hole, about .5 inches across, but the lights are out and the breakers go "BANG! SNAP!" when I reset them. This indicates an electrical problem, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:22 PM

Love in the Checkout Aisle is probably a Silhouette, with the red cover, not a pastel Harlequin. A little racier, a little more steam coming out of peoples ears (or nostrils).

A hole in the wall, Rap? So the murderous swines taking a pot shot at you missed then? That's a good thing! But to hit the electrical wires in the process, that's a bad thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:24 PM

No holes in the windows, and Ann isn't mad at me right now (besides, I had her .22). Dunno what happened, but having had a breaker burn out quite recently I don't take the wiring for granted anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:03 AM

IT would be foolish to take the wiring for granite. It's usually copper, and not gneiss.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:11 AM

Whoa! I just hit a nasty capture-and-scare-the-bejezus-out-of-a-novice computer user page. I was searching for a plant a friend sent a photo of (he wants to grow them himself, but only has a photo of the dry pod) so I was searching. One page came up and immediately a script screen popped up saying I was infested with trojans and viruses. And when (I knew it would happen, but did it anyway) you click the little X on the upper right corner, it triggered a new screen to appear with a video looking like my browser was running a scan. What a lot of work someone has gone to to scare users into responding inappropriately. And after using control/alt/delete to simply drop the browser window (because now none of the usual commands will work since they rewire those with code) it actually reloaded to that page, so I had to control/alt/delete to get rid of it.

Those kinds of programmers are the ones I would happily kick in the nuts if I met them on the street. And I'd kick 'em HARD. They probably play havoc with a lot of unsuspecting users computers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM

Dear Mom,

It was a .38 bullet that hit a conduit that shorted the electric out.

1. I don't own a .38.
2. There wasn't a .38 in my office.
3. There are no holes in the windows or walls.
4. I don't know, but I'm glad no one was hurt.
5. I'm going to keep the bullet as a good luck piece.
6. I'm getting a lot of hassle from the electricians.
7. Since she's not here, I'm blaming my #2.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM

How did the bullet get into the wiring? Someone use it as a fuse? I guy did that with a .22 LR shell one night out gigging frogs in the back country, and about two miles later it heated up and went off, hitting him right in the testicles.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 02:42 PM

1. Andrew Carnegie, whose portrait is in my office, is pissed off with me.

2. The bullet was left in the wall when the wall was put in back in 1992 or so.

3. The CIA has bullets that can go through windows without leaving a trace.

4. The bullet was on the ledge at the top of the windows (about 12 feet up) and that was its day to go BANG.

5. Lee Harvey Oswald and/or John Wilkes Booth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 04:50 PM

In other words you have not a clue....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:03 PM

And I had a lucky guess. Are you wearing a flack jacket for the time being?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:29 PM

"3. The CIA has bullets that can go through windows without leaving a trace."

Modern technology, eh? What are they gonna come with next?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:59 PM

Who put that bullet hole in Peggy's kitchen wall?

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 09:43 PM

I think it was Mrs. Murphy.

Rapaire, come on now. How'd a .38 bulet get into yer wiring? Was it fired or still in its shell? Any bloodstain on it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:45 PM

It was fired and the copper jacketing and lead core were mashed where they hit the conduit. We have not found the cartridge case, which I suspect is in pieces somewhere inside the wall. I will admit that I own a .357 magnum, which will fire .38 rounds, but I don't carry it except to the range, it's a gate-loader revolver, and it's single action (you have to cock the hammer each time you shoot, like all good cowboys did). Ann was sitting in my office, facing me. She would probably have noticed if I was holding one of these.

We're writing off as one of the Library's mysteries. If it happens again, well...maybe that's a sign From Above that I best git outa Dodge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM

Dang. A Hall of Books is not supposed to be randomly filled with Lead. Except in Rapaire's case, the two don't generally mix well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 01:54 PM

My very own younger brother thinks someone tweaking on meth used a .380 (9mm short) to take a shot in my direction through my open door. He's retired from the IL state police, so he thinks that way. If it happens again I'll asssume that is the case and move my office. Electricians get pricey.

I'll check the sight lines and security cameras on Monday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM

If that were the case you'd at least find an entry hole through the drywall, wouldn't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 07:00 PM

My office sits behind a wall of good, honest BRICK, sir. Two or three courses of it. The hole in the drywall was in the wall that was put up to divide the old stacks area into rooms back in about 1992. Heck, part of my office is behind the (blocked, non-functioning) fireplace.

Bro's thought was somebody on the "bridge" between the old and new buildings popping a round through the open door to Administration and angling it so it went through the open door to my office (I really do have an open door policy!). I'm going to look at angles, sight lines, and the security camera tapes on Monday.

If that doesn't turn up anything, well, I'll just write it off as the time the 1907 building shot itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 10:52 PM

It strikes me that your sanctum sanctorum should naturally be behind something really solid and hard to penetrate. That open door is a nice gesture but perhaps you should use a Green Door instead. Tell people to knock three times and ask for Joe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 09:44 AM

Dang, Rap!

Was gonna offer you a cuppa joe to settle your nerves, only when I went to pour it right now, I discovered I had forgotten to add coffee before hitting the "brew" button.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 11:12 AM

It's okay, Janie. My nnnerves have ssssetttled down adquit a byttt.

Actually, I never was nervous or shaken. It was done, it was over, and I mostly wanted to figure out what happened to the lights. We had a problem with a breaker burning itself up about two weeks ago and I was more concerned with that than anything else. It was only after the electrician found the bullet I REALLY knew what had happened -- and if it was fired in my direction the shooter needs lessons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM

I posted again yesterday and it vanished. Darn.

Son ended up at emergency room with gut pain early in the morning. His dad called, and we thought it was his usual migraine, and they would tell us so, so I didn't go down. We'd tried to get this diagnosed a couple of other times in years past but the emergency room at the children's hospital is so busy that the pain would pass before we got in to be seen, so we left. So the theory was a less busy hospital would be able to tell us it was a migraine.

The surgeon told us he had a slight elevated white count and the appendix (after a CT scan) was a little large, though it could be a normal size because it was within the normal range on the large side. He wanted to do an appendectomy that afternoon. Son had been on morphine for a while, he was in a lot of pain, but he was also really constipated. Full bowel with surgery? No problem, the surgeon says. We were skeptical, and decided that since he had a range of a few days before this might become critical if it was an appendix problem, we'd take him home and use the laxative the surgeon said he could take. Including that bottle of citrus salty stuff you take before surgery. It took that overnight, but it worked. And I don't think taking out the appendix "so if he gets this again, you can rule out appendicitis" is a good reason for subjecting a kid to abdominal surgery.

Duh. We need to make sure he has more roughage in his diet. I was slipping last week, and I think that was the culprit.

Okay, back to the regular BS. The Appendectomy S-blocked bowel has now been remedied.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 03:08 PM

When I was a sprout I would have happily operated on one or both of my brothers. I carried a Boy Scout pocket knife I had specially sharpened just so I could do medical procedures on them, like saving their lives after a rattlesnake bite or an appendectomy or even a tracheotomy. Mom wouldn't let me get it really sharp because she was afraid I might hurt myself, so I sharpened it with edge 90 degrees to the whetstone.

Never got the chance, though. No cooperation at all from rattlesnakes or their appendices or anything. Totally ruined my childhood, not being able to save my brothers' lives by amputating a cannonball-shattered leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 03:46 PM

Yeah. What else are brothers really for?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 07:50 PM

its purdy here right now

out my front door pic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 08:15 PM

Hi, Mom! Don't try to make instant pudding using soy milk. It doesn't work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM

It does work, but you have to make old fashioned cooked pudding and use an extra egg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 10:16 PM

I was making the pudding for a child. I don't like children enough to make old-fahioned pudding for them. Instant's all they're worth until they're old enough to work a chain saw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 11:07 PM

Oh. I thought you said "OF a child."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 11:14 PM

Donuel:

What is all that damn white stuff on the trees outside your door?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 11:16 PM

TP, Amos, er, Norbert. Somebody TPed his house and lawn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM

I live in Calee-forn-eeay
On a San Dee-ay-gan claim
And I was happy as could be
Til ma outhouse slid away,
Out ta sea ma outhouse slid away.

Well, out here in Sandy Aygo
The skies are always blue
Cept sometimes the town burns up
Er a cougar cat will chew on you
Er a cougar cat will chew.

Sometimes the buildings all fall down
When the ground does rockenroll
But it's always warm and the skies er blue
When you wander through the town
Through the wreckage of the town.

I'd built ma outhouse not to sway
I'd built it fireproof
But it'd rained fer days and days
And ma outhouse slid away
With ma wife inside ma outhouse slid away.

It was last seen not far from shore
And ma wife was a-raising hell
I'd 'preciate it if you'd tow 'er back
Cuz I really need that door
Don't wann buy another door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:20 AM

Dang, Raparee, thet thar is one pure-dee original piece o' fantasmagorem, I must say. It is nice to see you working in an original vein for a while. What an imagination you have when you let it out!! Wherever do you get your ideas from???



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 11:53 AM

Sandy Ego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 12:14 PM

That's kinda like thinking with yer silicon, isn't it? Faux-blonde ideation?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 01:15 PM

Do you know the difference between "silicon" and "siliconE"? And I am not "faux blonde" -- I was born blonde, and have been blonde all my life (except that the shade of blonde is changing).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 01:29 PM

...to a whiter shade of pale. I do know the difference, but some people understand the nature of puns, oh Ye of Little Pigment...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:18 PM

Now that you know the difference between those two, how about hydrogen and helium? Rhodium and Rhododendron?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:53 PM

Oh, rascally knave, go to!! Your rhetoric approaches the convulsive. Have you been being beleaguered by Tea Baggers again?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:58 PM

Not that I am in any position to point fingers, you understand. I have been a rascally knave all my days, have practiced duplicity, evasion and hypocrisy with the worst of them. Sometimes I wonder if there's a secret Republican inside trying to get out...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 08:07 PM

I thought that Republican Party membership was required to live in San Diego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 08:19 PM

No, only if you want to subscribe to the San Diego Union or run for Mayor.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 09:30 PM

What if you want to do both? I'm just curious, nothing more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 12:39 AM

Well, once you run for Mayor they send you the Union for free as part of their lobbying effort.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 09:37 AM

Well, if no one else will do it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 09:37 AM

...I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 09:46 AM

Oh craggy crag-leaper! gaunt
Hurler of heights and bolts!
Tamer of tomes! None could
Claim a hundred
As boldly as thou!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM

Yes, but I'm humble about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 12:24 PM

Humble? Who are you really? And what have you done with Rapaire?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 03:49 PM

My given name is John, but because my mother is a Frank I am called Francis. I live in Assisi, and am a very humble man.


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