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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 09:41 AM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 10:03 AM
Acme 19 Sep 07 - 11:16 AM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:52 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 Sep 07 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 02:36 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 03:00 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 03:04 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM
Acme 19 Sep 07 - 03:51 PM
MMario 19 Sep 07 - 03:57 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 04:02 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 06:15 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 08:12 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 11:20 PM
Little Hawk 20 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM
Acme 20 Sep 07 - 12:18 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 01:53 AM
MMario 20 Sep 07 - 08:30 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 09:08 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 09:32 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 11:09 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 11:28 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 11:38 AM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 05:46 PM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 07:34 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 07 - 09:13 PM
Acme 20 Sep 07 - 10:33 PM
Little Hawk 20 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM
Amos 20 Sep 07 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 07 - 08:43 AM
Amos 21 Sep 07 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 21 Sep 07 - 11:52 AM
Amos 21 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM
MMario 21 Sep 07 - 01:46 PM
Little Hawk 21 Sep 07 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 07 - 04:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:41 AM

Held up in the future as The Failed Canadian, an example to every schoolchild fron Newfoundland to Vancouver Island and from St. Jean Port Joli to Kitikmeot. Reviled from Beaver Creek to the Bonavista Peninsula, his own mother and family cutting his name from the Family Bible and burning his birth records, his memory will serve Canada as that of Guy Fawkes serves England or Benedict Arnold the United States.

Oh, the shame of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 10:03 AM

Decades from now on the annual school-holiday known only as "Hawk's Day", tots will learn early to stumble up to strangers on the street begging for "Pennies for the Hawk, Mister?" They will not know how it all came about, or what a tragic history they are invoking with their childish phrases.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 11:16 AM

Rap has a good map of Canada, I see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM

LOL! You guys are really hitting some heights of inspiration here. Awright!

To be "the Benedict Arnold of Canada"....wow, eh? That would be quite an accomplishment. Canada has no such figure at this time. I love the image of me living out my final days in shame, exiled to Schenectaday, and surrounded by wiener dogs.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Omigod!

I am already surrounded by wiener dogs, but fortunately...not in Schenectady.

It's true, actually, that I have read relatively few Canadian authors. I have also sung relatively few songs that have anything whatsoever to do with Canada (unlike most of my fellow Canadian folkies, who make sure to absolutely pepper their performances with songs carrying Canadian themes and references). It sort of annoys me when people do that (I think it's a bit contrived)...although I don't mind when Buffy Sainte-Marie sings about Native American stuff a lot...but that's because for me Buffy can do no wrong. I'd do her yardwork for free.

And yet....I am quietly proud and patriotic about Canada....in an unobtrusive way, you understand. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:52 PM

By the way, here's a rewrite I did of "O Canada", back in the latter days of the Mulroney era:

O Canada!
Our home and native soil
Regional hate
Is rising to the boil
The French are outlawing English now
And the english hate Quebec
The politicians and citizens
Have lost all measure of respect (TUM...TUM...TUM) (that's the descending base line)
O Canada! (TUM...TUM...TUM)
Land of the Meech! (TUM...TUM...TUM)
God grant that we may live through one more speech
God grant that we may live beyond the Meech!

(And we did....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 01:02 PM

KREE-GAH!!!

19,800.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 01:04 PM

Your timing seems a little off there, ol' pal...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 02:36 PM

Well, I will attempt to correct your lack of patriotism, your unwillingness to die for your country, LH.

CANADA MY OWN LAND

The sun it comes up on the green fields of Newfoundland
On Vancouver Island, he sheds his last ray
The great Arctic Circle reflects back his glory
The wheat-laden plains grow more golden each day

Chorus:
This is my own land so fertile and beautiful
Majestic her mountains, her rivers run free
Priviledged the children, who call her their homeland
Canada, my own land for ever you'll be

Proud are the people who travel your highways
The farmer, the teacher, the factory hand
The merchant, the miner, the doctor, the fisherman
Proud to belong to this beautiful land

Chorus

Famed is your power and famed is your gentleness
Your bounty is endless from sea to shining sea
Your arms ever open to help those less fortunate
A bright light of freedom to those who would be free

Chorus

                      - Words and music by Tommy Makem
                        Copyright 1982


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM

It's you yanks who are seemingly obsessed with the concept of "dying for your country", Rapaire. Why would I try to compete with a standard like that? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:00 PM

It wasn't the US that came up with "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori." And we didn't apply it to our young folks, either. The motto of our armed forces was more along the lines of "Hide behind the trees and shoot the Redcoats." Until Vietnam. Then it became "FTA."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:03 PM

Yeah, you're right...the Romans were way ahead of you on that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:04 PM

The XXII Legion never used "FTA" as a motto. Neither did any other Legion. They may have thought it, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM

The acronym wouldn't have worked for the Romans. They would have said it in their own special way, but I am sure they would have siad it.

"Fornicate militis!" or some such.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:51 PM

I was not a military participant or aficionado. I don't know that acronym. What is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:57 PM

_ _ _ _ the army.

The Legion probably prefers FTEW


which is **** the enemy's wives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 04:02 PM

Howdy, boys and girls of Radio Land!! Welcome back to Mush-forBRains' Story Hour!! We've got a great ballad lined up for you, just after this message from Cream of Wheat, our facorite sponsor and your favorite breakfast!!!...

We were hitting spray and raising hell
Clipping hard at eleven knots
And the air grew thick, and the crew too sick
To be sure what was right, er not.
The bow was ducking into the green,
And the steering getting harder
And the cookie swore we should feed ourselves,
While he slept it off in the larder, lads,
The cook slept hard in the larder.

Then through the spray, as the nose came up,
Like a searchlight sent from Heaven,
I say the loom of a distant flash --
The light of Nineteen Seven!
We begged ole Maw to trim her more,
And cut back on her sail,
But Ma swore blue, "Before I do,
You can feed me to a whale, me boys!
Just feed me to a whale!!"

Well, we knew she didn't mean that part,
So we held on tight to wait,
The good craft heeled to larboard hard,
And the wind rose to Force Eight.
There was water green along the decks,
It froze our hearts in fright,
And the storm was only getting worse,
As we headed into night, dear Gawd,
A stormy, pitch black night.

There warn't a soul could sleep that night,
As our bunks they slammed and rose,
There was vomit in the bilges aft,
And salt all through our clothes.
As we heaved and creaked beneath the gale,
Each heart quaked in its sway,
And one or two started up a song,
And several knelt to pray, goddamn.
SOme of us knelt to pray.

Maw stood sublime, while the water ran
Down from her pink so'wester,
And the ocean tried to throw her off,
But nary a wave could best her.
She held that watch 12 hours straight,
Until the wind was gone,
And we saw the coast of Nineteen Eight
A-looming up through the dawn, boys.
It twinkled in the dawn.

We begged ole Maw to put about,
And find a steady berth.
She cussed and let out such a shout,
We swore she'd split the earth.
"Avast you coward brats!!", she yelled,
"Why yearn you so for land?"
"This voyage ain't half over yet!
We're bound for Twenty Grand!!!"
She was set on Twenty Grand.

She yelled us down, and her beady eye,
Forbade each man deny her.
Her breath was strong as a williwaw,
And her eyes were full of fire.
So we shambled back to the focs'le head
And turned our posts to stand.
We had no choice, for Maw's own voice
Had sworn us to Twenty Grand, me lads,
We were bound for Twenty Grand.

Now I like to think we'll get there yet,
And the day will some day come,
When we can cross the harbor bar
Beneath a warming sun.
But until we do, we're doomed to sail,
Until we fade away,
For the word of Maw has laid down law,
And we're bound for twenty K, my boys
We are bound for twenty K.

We may encounter storms again,
Or days before the Trades,
We may run out of salt hard tack,
ANd maybe we won't get laid.
But these are trifles, nothing yet
To make our courage fail.
For I never ever will forget,
The night Maw faced the gale, my lads,
The night Maw faced that gale.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM

For heaven's sake, Amos, where do you find the time?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 06:15 PM

Given their general scarcity, LH, I'll take that as a compliment from you. It does not take as long as anyone seems to think it should.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:12 PM

Ya know LH, that there is a rollicking good little ballad, as good as ever was writ in Ma's house, I;'ll have you know. If all you can come up with is a supercilious remark about wasting time, ya know, you can go take Chongo and Chinga off in the corner and take beaver lessons from them. I happen to LIKE my little sailor's ballad, and I think it captures a faint wisp of the velleities that make Ma what she is.   So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:53 PM

Yeah, but when I write one I'm called a plagarist and a literary pirate.

Humph.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM

My opinion of that ballad is just as good as yours, Amos. I was not intending any supercilious suggestion like that...I just genuinely wonder sometimes how you find the time to do the stuff you do on this thread and a couple of others.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 11:20 PM

Hackles down, then, good Hawk. As I say, when the burst of neurons fire, it takes little time to write their out put down and trim it up.

Rapaire, the difference is that you take someone's work whole cloth, and swap out a few nouns for relevance. I mostly hammer out every line from one end to the other, albeit quickly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM

Yes, well, I've had that experience too when writing. The good stuff, when it comes, tends to come pretty quickly just like you say...a burst of neurons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 12:18 AM

Little Hawk took the words right out of my mouth. "Where does he find the time!" to write such epics when he probably has a job and a life.

I have trouble finding time to write a letter, where there is no rhyme scheme or meter or anything else to worry about. Just words on the page.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 01:53 AM

My sainted father used to say, "It's not the writing that gets you down...it's the thinking." Then he'd slap his hat on his head (all gentlemen wore hats back then) and leave the office, announcing to his bemused secretary, "What this article needs is a change of venue...". And go to a bar..

Anyway, as I say, when the window opens, the river comes in.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 08:30 AM

I often suspect that Amos has taken a few applied workshops in cloning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:08 AM

Dear Mom,

Tuesday, as you know, was the Executive Staff Meeting at City Hall, followed (in fact, partially at the same time as) the Capital Campaign Committee Meeting at the Library, followed by the monthly meeting of the Board of Trustees. Yesterday was the Staff Meeting for the Pre-Agenda City Council Meeting, followed by my dashing around town dowing errands for the Library (like buying Greenspan's book), followed at 5:30 by a teaching a class in Introduction To American Culture for the international students at ISU, followed by helping control cub scouts at the Railroad Museum. And today I'm off to a Consortium Board Meeting in Idaho Falls, followed by the Consortium's Fall meeting, after which I have to dash back to be at the 5:30 City Council's Pre-Council Meeting Meeting on the Agenda, follwed at about 6:30 by the City Council Meeting. So I might not be around much today, Mom.

Tomorrow is easy: all I have to do is eat lunch and talk about the Library for 20 minutes to pay for it.

Next week I offered to help control Cub Scouts again. We've found that cattle prods usually work, and if they don't we have expandable batons and brass knuckles to fall back on.

Your tired favorite,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:16 AM

Aw, Rapaire, you work so hard!! I spend all day writing about technical issues, and I go home and write about non-techical issues and make dinner and see a client or work on several other projects like making DVDs from my favorite VHS tapes for longevity, or designing a driveway redo, and so on. It's pretty quiet, mostly, and I certainly am impressed with your "fast-lane" lilfestyle. I guess that's why you get paid such big bucks.

Anyway I am glad y'all liked the ballad.

Perhaps Bruce will collect it one day.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM

And, I hasten to point out, I do this amidst snow and ice, avalanche and erupting volcanoes, while cougars and grizzlies prowl around the circle of light cast by my smouldering campfire and naked, painted savages wait in ambush in every canyon and coulee.

Well, maybe them lawyers and politicians are exactly naked....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:32 AM

"...aren't exactly naked...." The mental picture of the City's chief attorney naked chills the blood, given that he's about 5'5" and weighs in at about 350 pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 11:09 AM

Maybe you should take to him about weight loss -- Jenny Craig, or Auschwitz or something...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 11:28 AM

We have painted savages surrounding us, also. Women are getting jobs in all sorts of areas they once could not aspire to -- lawyers, executives and so on -- and some of them can be downright blood thirsty.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 11:38 AM

Nubile youth or Geezer,
AThlete or wheezer,
Keep your faith out of the State,
And render unto Caesar!

Guru, saint or clod,
Slob or curvy bod,
Keep the State out of your faith,
And render unto God!

Bridge:

Never never never mix the two up!
If you do you're bound to cause
A monumental screw-up!

If you work a global scam,
Or tote bricks in a hod!
Just render unto Caesar,
And render unto God!


Throckmorton Haypennies Junior
Idle Doggerel for Idle Dogs
Ontario Ecumenical Press, 1975


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 11:44 AM

And in other news, the end draws nearer...

"18 September 2007
Antimatter molecule could lead to ultra-powerful laser

An exotic molecule built from electrons and antimatter is being touted as a route to powerful gamma-ray lasers.
An electron can hook up with its antiparticle, the positron, to form a hydrogen-like atom called positronium (Ps). It survives for less than 150 nanoseconds before it is annihilated in a puff of gamma radiation.

It was known that two positronium atoms should be able to bind together to form a molecule, called Ps2, and now David Cassidy and Allen Mills from the University of California, Riverside, have made that happen.

First, they trapped positrons in a thin film of porous silica. Those positrons captured electrons to form positronium atoms, and the pattern of decay rates signalled that some of these atoms had teamed up to form Ps2 (Nature, DOI: 10.1038/nature06094).

If positronium atoms could be forced to merge into a kind of "super-atom" condensate, it would decay in bursts of identical gamma rays, which could lead to gamma-ray lasers a million times more powerful than standard lasers. "It's like comparing a chemical explosion with a nuclear explosion," Cassidy says."

From issue 2621 of New Scientist magazine, 18 September 2007,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 05:46 PM

Can I have one of these lasers to use as a pointer? My green one is nice, but I can't quite get it to burn holes in things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 07:34 PM

You'd could use it to lead your gamma-gabblin' sessions, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 08:47 PM

I need one to intimidate Gamma Goblins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM

They pick on my Gramma's Goeblin all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM

But it does help the old lady forget Gamow's grapplin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:13 PM

Yeah, my old Gramma was a physicist. She worked with all of the old guys: Gamow, Teller, Oppenheimer, Lawrence.... She used to say that she found Neils a Bohr, but when he gave her a present she was so surprised that all she could say was "Oh! Fermi?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 10:33 PM

Good time for this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM

LOL! Cute song.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 10:40 PM

Aw, thanks for the remindment, Still!! I wish I could prattle on like him. No matter what LH says when it comes to fluid prattling, compared to Lehrer I yam a piker. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 08:43 AM

NOT a piker, Amos. The correct term is "pikeman." There were not, as far as I know, any "pikewoman," although the bows at knees of the chap in the picture, as well as the look on his face, are somehow reminiscent of Senator Craig.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 09:44 AM

I was using a different word, Rapire, old fruit:

"piker

"miserly person," 1872, formerly "poor migrant to California" (1860), earlier pike (1854), perhaps originally "vagrant who wanders the pike (1)" (which is the notion in Sussex dial. piker "vagrant, tramp, gypsy," 1838), but Barnhart and others say the Amer.Eng. word ultimately is a reference "

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 11:52 AM

piker ( n ) Cheapskate. That piker wouldn't pay more than $5 for a meal. (US, 1870s and after)

Ah well, I was trying to salvage what was left of your good name....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM

Well, see, when a man owns up responsibly to something, it is usual to honor him for that act of integrity.

So I think we'll let my name take care of itself. Besides, I am not sure I would delegate any salvage needed to a friend, or a librarian, or both. I might need a total mercenary with a flair for PR. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 01:46 PM

Amos is hiring mercenaries?

Where are you planning to attack?

and when?

Will CNN cover the action?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 01:50 PM

Attack Schenectady. They need a sense of renewed purpose, and an attack would give them one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 04:07 PM

The Legion would like to submit a bid.


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