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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 23 Nov 06 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 06 - 09:22 AM
Acme 24 Nov 06 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 06 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 06 - 07:42 AM
Bunnahabhain 25 Nov 06 - 09:15 AM
Amos 25 Nov 06 - 01:32 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 06 - 09:48 PM
Acme 26 Nov 06 - 12:17 AM
frogprince 26 Nov 06 - 11:23 AM
Acme 26 Nov 06 - 11:46 AM
Acme 27 Nov 06 - 06:09 PM
Amos 27 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM
Acme 27 Nov 06 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 06 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 06 - 09:21 PM
Amos 27 Nov 06 - 11:55 PM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 08:52 AM
Acme 28 Nov 06 - 09:59 AM
frogprince 28 Nov 06 - 10:03 AM
Acme 28 Nov 06 - 10:35 AM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 11:04 AM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 04:56 PM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 04:58 PM
frogprince 28 Nov 06 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 05:54 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Nov 06 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 11:14 PM
Acme 28 Nov 06 - 11:59 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 03:45 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 02:40 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM
MMario 29 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM
Acme 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 11:55 PM

Dinner has been cooked and eaten, the kitchen is cleaned up, the turkey broth has been made (from the carcass of the bird after most of the meat was removed). Gotta get that out of the way all at once while the momentum is working. Now I'm sitting, content, and thinking I might find something to put my tired feet up on.

I had better go make my bed now, so when I'm ready to crash I can just do so. This morning I found that the cat did a little barf on the sheets overnight. Bleh. I didn't hear it, which is unusual--there's normally nothing that the "urka gurka" sound to bring me right out of a sound sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 06 - 09:22 AM

Well, Mom, Stilly's cleaning up cat barf and Amos is finding the way to San Jose is full of pitfalls and potholes. Especially POTholes, if you get my drift. At least he's with a trumpeter and we all know that trumpeters will keep you on the straight and narrow because no more upstanding and law-abiding folks live in this world than trumpeters (trumpeteresses?? well, trumpet players).

Temptress trumpeteress Tess's tresses. Say THAT six times fast!

Thanksgiving is over and this morning we shall gather leaves in the yard of our friend May, at whose house we are. This afternoon is reserved for play (no, not jumping into the piles of leaves!) and tomorrow morning early we take the bus to Midway airport (or aeroport, if you prefer) and wing our way back to our humble home in the West. By tomorrow night I shall be asleep in my own bed.

More later, Mom. I need more coffee. And breakfast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 06 - 12:05 PM

Hey, MOM, want a nice piece of pumpkin pie for breakfast? And a turkey sandwich on homemade rolls for lunch? We've got 'em! I bet the airline isn't going to let Rapaire haul turkey and gravy through the airport so I bet he won't get homemade hot turkey sandwiches over the weekend. Going to stay with family is nice, but that's a huge tradeoff--no hot turkey sandwiches.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 06 - 07:56 PM

No, the airport wouldn't allow that. So I fooled 'em! I put some turkey and gravy and stuffing in a box and mailed it to myself! Cheapest rate, of course, since I'm running low on cash money, having bought some books and things. But I can enjoy it when it gets there, you betcha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 07:42 AM

And now, dear Mom, I'm going to fly back to my little old sod shanty in The Pacific Northwest. Yes, surrounded by acres of clams I shall soon decorate for Christmas. Just one candle in the window and a sagebrush for a Christmas tree, but warm Western Hospitality will more than make up for the lack of lavish luxuries. This year I'm gonna saddle Old Paint and ride into town, me and Little Joe (the wrangler), and but ANOTHER glass ornament for our Christmas Sagebrush! That'll make three. And I think I'll buy Pat a new mop for a Christmas present, or maybe a new washboard. After all, it's the thought that counts, isn't it? We'll strum a few of the songs we learned Back In The States, maybe drink a tot or two of eggnog, have our special dinner (canned oysters and just the opposite of beef and beans!), curry the horses and give them some hay (if they'll eat it, because they might not be hungry) and then, overcome with the exertions of the festivities, tumble in bed and wrap ourselves in our good ol' sugguns for a long winter's nap. And as the fire in the hearth burns low, Ol' Shep will be curled up in front of it, dreamin' about chasin' cattle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 09:15 AM

Stop eating the candles Rapaire. They don't do you any good, and you keep waxing lyrical afterwards....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 01:32 PM

That was a wick'd remark if I ever heard one. Is anyone keeping tallow of these comments? If he will stop waxing we will let him into Wane's world. Party on, Rapaire!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 09:48 PM

Got home just a bit ago. Cattle were fine and all there, horses were in good shape. The boys took good care of the place while we were gone. Even cleaned my .30-30 after using it to shoot an elk -- then a good elk stew on the stove, slow cooked over coals, along with some of Cosi's biscuits and some Arbuckle's coffee, ain't nothin' finer this side of Paradise.

Well, I better go see to the team. They're all unhitched and brushed down, put in their stalls with some oats and hay. But ya jist gotta be sure, ya know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 06 - 12:17 AM

My team is bedded down on the hay in their stall. Seriously. I built the dogs a stall in the garage. And they're so sweet, especially today since I gave them each a bath yesterday. It's still so warm here that I toweled each off then let them dry in the back yard. Warmest November I ever remember.

Well, Mom, I've been slowly but surely listing stuff on eBay today. I'm up to 11 items now. Doesn't sound like a lot, but this is stuff that is cluttering the house (was in the garage until I moved stuff around) and needs to be donated or sold. I'll try selling it first. I figured this is a good time of year to list stuff--there are a lot more folks browsing the virtual halls of eBay in the next month than all of the rest of the year.

Back to the salt mines for a while. . . but never fear, I'll go check on the team before I lock up and run my evening bath.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Nov 06 - 11:23 AM

"surrounded by acres of clams I shall soon decorate for Christmas...."

Sounds like a lot of work; I'm doin' good to get around to stringing up a few lights on the front porch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 06 - 11:46 AM

Aww, he's waxing poetic, or maybe geologic (if there is limestone with clam fossils in that there part of I-dee-ho). I have oyster fossils around here in Texas, but I also have fresh water clams that get as big as the razor clams on the Washington coast. I only see the shells, not the live clams.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 06:09 PM

Head bursts up from the still water of the pool in the middle of an Idaho golf course. . . the swimmer gasps for breath and then pulls another form to the surface. More sputtering, followed by a slow but steady one-armed crawl to drag the almost inert form to the edge of the water trap

MOM! You were going down for the third time! I got here just in the nick of time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM

Prolly 'cause no-one else around here goes anywhere near a golf course except to make out...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 06:25 PM

You could at least offer us towels, or a nice warm San Diego patio to sit and get dry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 06:50 PM

For the first time in a day and half!!! Ah, Mom! 'Tis good to see your lined and aged, but loving, face again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 09:21 PM

AND I snagged a palindrome!

Well, Mom, today I had a meeting of the Supervisors and wore my new headgear. I have decided that I no longer want to be called "Library Director" but must be addressed as "Ra, The Living God" instead. For some reason this provoked a rather unseemly display of laughter and comments of a type I shall not mention so as to spare your ears that kind of language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 11:55 PM

Well you showed 'em up fer the poor narrow minded fools they are, Rapaire. Imagine not wanting to address the Library Director as the Sun God!!! No imagination. Pshaw!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 08:52 AM

It was only a pallindrome in the public false numbering. In the secret true numbering it was n't. There must be a number somewhere that is palindromic in both sets!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 09:59 AM

Ra Ra Sis Boom Bah. . .

Kick him in the other knee

Sis Boom Bah


How did that go?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 10:03 AM

As I heard it,

Rickety, Rackety, Ree,
Kick him in the knee;
Rickety, Rackety, Razz;
Kick him in the other knee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 10:35 AM

Hmmm. Rapaire needs something about "kick him in the other hat." Ra ra ra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 11:04 AM

Ra, Ra, Giant Rat!
Kick the Sun God in his hat!
Ra, Ra, Rackety Ree!
Kick him in his other hat.


Howzzat?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 12:29 PM

Of grand delusions, wild and faire
The Master, here, is bold Rapaire
Who often dreams himself a star,
Or leading Foreign Legions far,
Or fancies he is twirling twine
Upon some cattle-pony's spine.

But of all these grand delusions, one
Has beaten all the rest for fun --
Being the ancient God of Sun!
There's nothing quite so lahdeedah
As walking 'round dressed up as Ra!

And none who do it with the flair
Brought to the vision by Rapaire!
His swiveling hips and God-like gaze
Are certain all the Board to faze,
Though they may think such fearsome looks
Were better used procuring books.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM

What I did not mention is that I also brought my new fly fishing pole to the meeting. When asked why, I explained that I had both my rod and my staff....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:34 PM

Except the Board thought he meant his pole and his human resources, which made them think he was buggering the crew...plus the Sun Hat...I dunno, man, but....well, let's put it this way: how long since you updated your resume? I mean, a joke's a joke, and all, but these Board types can be more serious than a DLL file in a pocket calculator, if you know what I mean...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:56 PM

A. It wasn't a Board meeting, it was a meeting of the Supervisors and me.

2. My Board of Trustees laughs a LOT.

III. My staff laughs a lot, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:58 PM

Aha. I see I have been woefully misinformed both about your circumstances and about the basic parts of an outline. Woe, woe.... LOL!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:19 PM

If this be Ra I see,
I'll kick him in the knee;
No ifs,or ands, or buts,
I'll kick him in the other knee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:54 PM

I think that I shall never see
A Ra as handsome as is me.

A Ra that is a God all day,                 
And will fleece the supplicants who pray;        

A living God who may in summer wear        
A golden head dress on his hair;        

Who down in lovely muck has lain,        
Happy, 'til he rose again.


Oops, wrong poem and wrong poet. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 07:23 PM

Will Gluon stop eating my posts...


As I tried to say earlier, the next post which is palindromic in both numbering systems is 13431, which is really 20002. They remain in sync up to 19991, diverge, and then sync again from 23432 to 29992 (public numbers)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 11:14 PM

A bout of twelve hits tonight, friendly stuff. We each scored a dozen, and neither of us would have gone home unbloodied had there been points instead of tips. Come to think of it, neither of us would have had to pay hospital bills. Funeral expenses, yup, but not hospital bills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 11:59 PM

What's the point in that post?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:45 AM

No point and very little pay, but the tips are good. In this respect Rapaire is like a Hasidic mohel. An ungay blade, who won't come off the fence.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM

You callin' me a mole hole, boy? Well, just for your information I have VOLE holes in my yard, not your common old MOLE holes.

Oh, wait. Sorry. You said "mohel" -- the guy who only works for tips as long as he can get a cut of your action. No, I used an epee with a string-wrapped French grip and a steel blade. Blunt tip, of course; these modern rules take all the fun out of it. "Wear a mask, be sure your jacket and plastron will withstand a hit of blah-blah Newtons, use blunt tips covered with a rubber or plastic..."

Wimps, every one of 'em. Why, back in the days when I started fencing you used a sharpened blade and sharp point, and by God you KNEW when you make a touch! And none of this "protective clothing" either because you fenced in your street clothes! And we were civil, too! We saluted our opponents and shook hands after it was over. Not like today, by crackey! A man wasn't a man then until he'd been in a few...what's that, nurse? Time for my meds? Okay...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:29 PM

Here's a limerick that can only be appreciated by a post-hole digger:


A fencer who was plagued by a vole
Thought he'd sever the pest from its soul.
With a jab and a lunge
The vole's soul he expunged,
But he suffers post-trauma, post-hole.

A


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Subject: Open Letter To Amos
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 02:40 PM

Dear Amos,

Tomorrow afternoon I will land at the airport in San Diego. So will my brother Tony and his oldest son Ralph.

Be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, etc. afraid.

Your fiend,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 02:56 PM

Dear Rapaire:

I read 'most every word you said
That streamed out from your fevered head
Each phrase and line, succinctly laid,
Advising me to be afraid.

Alas, although I find it queer,
I do not feel a trace of fear!
Not jot, nor tittle even wiggle!
Nothing appears but a muted giggle.

So though it's true, you are no stranger
I must remark, your sense of danger
Must have been bred in some dank mine,
Some place where sunlight never shines.

But when we meet, which will be soon,
You'll sing (I hope)a different tune,
And soon, on generous Bacchus' breast,
Your fears of danger lay to rest.

If not, the God will be annoyed!
And it will be hard to avoid
His wrath, as from his Godly void
He labels you a paranoid!

Kindest regards,

Amos

San Diego extends a sunny welcome to all your kin, and you as well, and offers to relief your early-onset northern Seasonal Affect Disorder with gentle sunbeams and sea breezes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM

You will see...you will see....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM

Amos - maybe you should indulge in just a teensy bit of fear - Rapaire is affiliated with the Idaho Legion - it's quite possible his relatives are as well - and that could mean trouble!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM

I hope you didn't plan for that thing to scan, Amos. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM

The Idaho Legion will not be coming. In fact, they're having a hard time getting out of the Hovel right now. The groundsman, Swoopin' Sammy, got a bit too thorough in his duties last night. Sammy ran the snowblower (we've had some snow here!) and cleared the parking lot, hitching post area, and hitchiking area right down to bare pavement. Unfortunately, he did this while most member were meeting inside the Hovel and because of his lack of familiarity with the discharge chute controls he managed to bury the Hovel and everyone in it under about 10 feet of snow.

Rescue attempts are being considered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM

Well, I'm glad they aren't coming, to be honest, much as I would love meeting them somewhere. I only have so much time!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM

The legion has plenty of time. Indeed, they have, on average 15 to 25 years, but they don't get all that many visitors out at Fort Notonthemap State prision and potatoe farm...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM

Hey! Almost all of the Legionaires are either doing good probation or they've done their time, those that got caught.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM

Have any done hard time shovelling snow?

Ooooo--I hear the thunder arriving! Rapaire's cold air from Idaho is running hard into the hot warm air from the Gulf of Mexico. Ker-POW! And tomorrow we're supposed to have bad weather, but I'd better get up at the normal time anyway to see if school is open or not, or if the cold and ice or sleet materialized. When it comes to anticipating snow days, there are usually more disapointments than anything else. Usually because the weather failed to advance sufficiently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM

My childhood in Connecticut was alleviated by the Great Indoor Sport of listening to a kitchen AM radio for school closing notices during white, bright snowstorm mornings. Like playing keno -- you only won occasionally but it made your whole day when you did.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM

And I have indeed done hard time shoveling snow, helping stranded motorists out of a ditch, learning to control four-point skids, and other tribulations concomitant with living in a refrigerator five months of the year. This is one of the reasons I am content to reside in San Diego, where the living is a tad more laid-back by reason of our sunshine, and the salaries proportionately lower.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM

Ooops, MOM! You slipped out there! Careful, let me help you up!

I kept my son home from school today, even though the schools were open. I called him in sick so it wouldn't be called an unexcused absence. It looked like it was going to get really icy, and since I have to drive a lot further than most parents, and since his Dad has been out of town and might not make it back because of the weather, I figured I didn't want him home alone at his Dad's (where he catchest the bus in the morning). It has fizzled after some freezing rain and snow. Accumulations on the grass and garden, but not on the street. Looks like the district called it (but my university closed--there are so many commuters that they no doubt figured they wouldn't have many show up). Oh, well. I'll feel guilty for a little while--he's a good student and hasn't missed any other days and every day is important.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM

Well, tell him he really, really owes you one for that!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

After getting up at the regular time he played computer games for a while, but I made him do all of his homework in the middle of the day before he went back to them, so it wasn't as much a holiday as he might have liked. Now he's in practicing his guitar, and I can hear him making progress. He's doing the lessons from his teacher and he's doing some of his own thing--which is as it should be.


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