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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 08:52 PM
Acme 05 Feb 11 - 09:35 PM
Amos 05 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 08:46 AM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 10:00 AM
Little Hawk 06 Feb 11 - 11:16 AM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 11:49 AM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 12:06 PM
Acme 06 Feb 11 - 12:36 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 06:53 PM
Eiseley 06 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 10:32 PM
Little Hawk 06 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 10:44 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 10:46 AM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 10:59 AM
gnu 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 03:25 PM
Little Hawk 07 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 08:04 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 08:05 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM
Acme 08 Feb 11 - 12:34 AM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 01:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 10:56 AM
Little Hawk 08 Feb 11 - 12:57 PM
Acme 08 Feb 11 - 01:23 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM
Little Hawk 08 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM
Eiseley 08 Feb 11 - 07:24 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 08:12 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM
Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 08:52 PM

I used to keep my light under a bushel, Amos, but it set the basket on fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 09:35 PM

You need a dog to alert you to your burning basket. Poppy is available on a case-by-case basis, first class travel and a generous per diem allowance required.

In the meantime, please keep your basket and candle in the fireplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM

The new dooor is JUST the thing for going in through and out of. It seems perfectly suited, as though ten thousand years of evolution had finely tuned it to serve this purpose to perfection. I have instructed it to allow you unlimited passage at your preference.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 08:46 AM

Wow! A door to go in and out of! What will they think of next? I've just been running through the wall all these years! Is this a new invention? Amos, did you think it up yourself? Did you patent it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:00 AM

SOCRATES: Among the ancient gods of Naucratis in Egypt there was one to whom the bird called the ibis is sacred. The name of that divinity was Theuth, and it was he who first discovered number and calculation, geometry and astronomy, as well as the games of checkers and dice, and, above all else, writing.

Now the king of all Egypt at that time was Thamus, who lived in the great city in the upper region that the Greeks call Egyptian Thebes . Theuth came to exhibit his arts to him and urged him to disseminate them to all the Egyptians. Thamus asked him about the usefulness of each art, and while Theuth was explaining it, Thamus praised him for whatever he thought was right in his explanations and criticized him for whatever he thought was wrong.

The story goes that Thamus said much to Theuth, both for and against each art, which it would take too long to repeat. But when they came to writing, Theuth said: O King, here is something that, once learned, will make the Egyptians wiser and will improve their memory; I have discovered a potion for memory and for wisdom. Thamus, however, replied: O most expert Theuth, one man can give birth to the elements of an art, but only another can judge how they can benefit or harm those who will use them. And now, since you are the father of writing, your affection for it has made you describe its effects as the opposite of what they really are. In fact, it will introduce forgetfulness into the soul of those who learn it: they will not practice using their memory because they will put their trust in writing, which is external and depends on signs that belong to others, instead of trying to remember from the inside, completely on their own. You have not discovered a potion for remembering, but for reminding; you provide your students with the appearance of wisdom, not with its reality. Your invention will enable them to hear many things without being properly taught, and they will imagine that they have come to know much while for the most part they will know nothing. And they will be difficult to get along with, since they will merely appear to be wise instead of really being so.

PHAEDRUS: Socrates, youre very good at making up stories from Egypt or wherever else you want!




As you can see from this fine example, the art of BS goes back a loooong way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:16 AM

I have a floor at my place, Amos! It's level, so you can walk on it and everything. I'll send some pictures if you like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:49 AM

Oh, ye twisters of context! I was merely responding to Fayre Eiseley's expressed wish to go in and out of this fine new door. Next eweek, the Fronte Doore will be replaced also (this one is the office door). Great beauty will be visited upon the Lande therebye.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:03 PM

V:

We broke through Thirty Nine and Five
In a frozen winter fog
As thick as mud, as cold as blood,
In a frozen cold sled dog.
There was no way out but forward,
We'd gone too far to return
And every man just yearned for warmth
And an end to the endless turns.
You couldn't see past the lead dogs ears
And the ice was treacherous thin,
But the only way out was to forge ahead
While your flesh came apart in the wind.

Mush on! Mush on! Each driver yelled
Though the dogs acted mean and afeared
And I guess they knew there was something wrong
As the drivers cussed, and steered.
Then the black ice cracked, and the dark wind roared
With a sound like the birth of sin
And the ground opened up next to one of the sleds,
And Little Hawk, he fell in.
And his sled and traces, dogs and food
Went tumbling into that maw
And the rest of us came to a fearful halt
And our hearts beat hard and raw.

There was never a trace of the Hawkster left
Or his dogs, or his smile, or his sled.
And the fog rolled down to that terrible grave
And we left him there, for dead.
So we closed our ranks, and we cracked our whips;
There was nothing left to say
But "Mush" to the dogs and "Screw you" to the gods,
And to slog on towards Forty Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:06 PM

LH, I have a roof I'm really proud of. It's not level so the snow and rain don't pool on it and leak or anything! And it's ABOVE the house so the house keeps dry! Amos probably doesn't have a roof because he says that the weather is Sandyago is perfect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:36 PM

AND - Amos - I have windows! Imagine that! Light (and dogs) come through to keep me from burning up baskets by lighting candles during the day. I'll send photos. (My dogs already know about your roof, Rapparee, I heard them talking about it last week!) Roof! Roof!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 01:01 PM

t doesn't matter, does it, pal? We're of that breed of men
With whom the world of wine and cards and women disagree;
Your trouble was a roofless game of poker now and then,
And "raising up my elbow", that's what got away with me.
We're merely "Undesirables", artistic more or less;
My horny hands are Chopin-wise; you quote your Browning well;
And yet we're fooling round for gold in this damned wilderness:
The joke is, if we found it, we would both go straight to hell.

(Robert Service)



You guys go ahead and laugh. You may have doors, like most people do, of the ordinary sort--pine or oak, with little appliqued designs laid on in rectangles or such, good enough to keep people from just walking in. But MY door is solid beech of a beautiful dense, perfect-grained and glowing and true. It has six coats of fine varnish and it weighs so much it would take two men to move it under ordinary circumstances. It is golden-red and it close with a masterful solid clunk! and a sharp click! to let you know you are safely and firmly and absolutely In and All That is now Out. It lets you know even a mad bull elephant wouldn't get in without some trouble. It is a Door among doors, a Perfect Beauty of a Door. I am most pleased with it. Scoff as you will, I am happy behind my door.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:45 PM

I'm glad you have a door, Amos. Here's a shot of , open for the h


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM

To complete what I was saying: Here's a shot my front door and entry. The sign is to keep out riff-raff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:53 PM

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /59/4/8/80/2045408800027144592biHotF_fs.jpg on this server.

That's only going to keep out very select riff-raff, you realize...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM

Thank you for the kind invitation, Amos. And Rapparee, what do you mean you have a roof?!? It sure looked like a lid last time I looked over there.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:32 PM

Humph. Here's one that should give you a better idea of my front door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM

Nice place, man. I hope you have cauldrons of boiling oil and big stones ready to throw from up on the battlements in case of unwelcome visitors. One should always be prepared.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:44 PM

No, Eiseley. This is a lid, and this is a roof, albeit a trifle ornate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:55 PM

MWahahaha! I was talking about the door to your house, Rapparree, not the door to your Precious Validity!! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM

My home IS a castle, Amos. And LH, under the welcome mat is an oubliette.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:46 AM

Good Morning, Mom! Let me be the first to congratulate you! Amos finally stayed out of jail for a whole night AND a whole day! You have every reason to be proud of him -- that hasn't happened since he was four years old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:59 AM

You have to call out a little louder, Rapp--it's hard to hear you yelling from the depths of your donjon keep when the portcullis is down.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM

A trap door? I like the high end options like this guy describes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM

Amos, the "keep" was the central tower of a castle, the place of last resort during a siege. The "donjon" was rarely a place of imprisonment, as we think of them today, but rather below-ground storage rooms for food and other necessities that would be needed during a siege. The portcullis, being a grate, would hardly block noise. A "donjon keep" wouldn't have a portcullis, although the entrance to the "donjons" might have a sturdy, iron-reinforced, door. Remember that the castle was intended as a military strong point and was never meant to be a place of partying it up or a snug and warm home (although it could and was used as both).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 03:25 PM

It is as a psychological defense that I refer to it, sirrah; your stout reinforced oaken doors are keeping out even the slightest glimmer of my earnest humor. What excellent defenses for your precious validity. The merrymakers of the world will surround your bastion and shower it with laughter and applause. But it remains to be seen whether any of it will get in. Little Hawk has offered his weiner dog as a battering ram.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM

Yes! And if some fresh cooked wieners are placed on the far side of yon bastion, my wiener dog will batter it down with indecent haste and absolutely unstoppable determination!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 08:04 PM

Heavens! I'm gong to be attacked by a medieval dachshund! Alack and alas! the dog shall undermine mine castle walls yip all night so I cannot get restful sleep! Whenever I catapult a ball of stone it will chase it and bring it back! Oh, whoa is me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 08:05 PM

Merriam Webster seems to think donjon and keep are alternative terms, which would make "donjon keep" a poetical repetition which I am entitled to under my U.S.-issued Poetic License AXOLOTL-8-54-789.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM

Oh. Only a level 8 license, huh? I have a Level 1.0 license, lifetime issue, license to ignore or use meter, scansion, rhyme, alliteration, assonance, personification, and all that other poetical stuff as I see fit. As a Level 8 you, Amos, must stick to the "rules" of trochee, anapest, dactyl, falling meter, enjambment, pyrrhic, iamb, tercet, spondee, et al. Of course, this does mean that you have been promoted from a Level 9, where all you could write were dirty limericks because the "clean" ones were too difficult, so perhaps there is some little hope for you. I'll be happy to nominate you for a Level 7.8 if you'll respond in a spondee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM

Yours comes from the Department of Anarchic Rebuttal, plasma-boy, not from the ancient Board of Poetes Lyrick. Those DAB guys will issue anyone any license in the world if you slip them a fin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 12:34 AM

That was a very funny clip, gnu! Thanks! Do you suppose he had Amos and Rapparee in mind when he referred several times to the Royal Marines?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 01:28 AM

Madame, Rapp and I have never been seen holding hands, for the simple reason that we do not touch each other. Ever. For good and sufficient reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 10:56 AM

And that is because the last time Amos and I met I fell down (he tripped me) and offered his hand to help me up. I politely declined his help, as I had seen what he'd been doing with his hands earlier and knew that an extremely contagious (and embarassing) disease could be spread. No, instead I worked my way to shore of Chesapeake Bay by myself and again declined his offer of a "hand up" knowing that if I once touched his hand he'd be all over me like white on rice. I don't object to those who like that, but I simply don't care for it myself and I knew that I'd have to harm Amos to break free. Therefore I politely replied, "No, thank you, I'm fine," to which he replied, "I'll bet you are!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 12:57 PM

You're not the only person who has had to resort to extraordinary measures to fend off Amos's unsolicited advances, Rapparee. I have heard some real horror stories from Chongo about bizarre and quite disturbing stuff he's turned up while investigating Amos's illicit actitivies in Mexico. Really creepy! You don't want to know. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 01:23 PM

Rap, I think someone must have left the door open again, you let your cold weather leak out of Idaho. It's spilling all over Texas (again!) this week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM

Well, that's not exactly what I said, but then Rapp's memory never was all that good. What I said was "If you're not, you probably should be..." meaning that he should be fined. Either the remark went entirely over his head, or he did not want to confront the long inventory of social offenses for which such a fine would be justified, as he ignored the remark, and continued to splash his arms and legs and wallow in the mudflats along the shoreline, asserting that he was a widdle-biddy fishy.

Little Hawk is a well known fantabulist who creates wild and fanciful tales about simians, hamsters, Canadian sots modeled on his mother, and dreams of unreal movie stars; so it is no surprise he has turned his fruitful but scurrilous imagination on my bold adventures south of the border, which he only wishes he could emulate. Unfortunately his hom is surrounded by snow and if he tried to flee south of the border he would be arrested by Homeland Security as a dubious type.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM

Yes, yes...I bear a heavy cross, Amos. Each day I yearn to be as cool, suave, and debonair as you are, and to live a life like yours. It just kills me, and I have no idea what to do about it. So I make up wild stories instead. ;-D Homeland Security is longing to get their greasy paws on me. They thirst for my blood. I am number 612 on their list of 75,213,709 known subversives worthy of detention and waterboarding...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 07:24 PM

Amos really is cool, suave, and debonair.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:12 PM

That's all true, but he spells the words "Kuwl", "Swave", and "Debonehair" -- just as he pronounces them. He also claims to be "hansum", "gud luking", "soovellt", "entelleejint", and "edyoukated".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM

Oh, Rapparee, give it up. The evidence is all agin ya.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM

NEVER!!

Truth, Justice, and the American/Canadian Way will prevail, just as their combined forces did at Normandy in 1944 or Fort George in 1812.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM

Oh, all right. Do let us know the next time you're in the general vicinity of present time, and we'll try to communicate. I m sure living in the remote past will occupy all your attention until then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM

Amos, we all live in the past. Roughly speaking your nerve impulses travel at 72 mph -- VIRTUALLY instantaneous in the size of the human body, but actually a pause from perception to brain realization. Thus, EVERYTHING you see, feel, taste, smell, touch, hear is actually in the past, just as the light from every star or satellite comes from the past. You're not built to do any OTHER than live in the past. Notice that I'm not saying anything about the "life of the mind" or a "spiritual life," just that at the biological level. Some, Shame McBride for example, rarely even reach that level....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM

To the contrary, we always live in the present. The past is a remembered dream, and the future is a phantasm. The only real thing we have and ever will have is the present. When you read this, it will be in the present. When you decide it's all a bunch of hooey it will still be in the present. You can deny the present all you want (and people do deny it much of the time), but it will never deny you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM

hilarious link, gnu!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM

Correct, LH. Our sensory lives are in the past. Sorry for the confusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM

spooky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM

Yeah. Everything could have disappeared and you wouldn't know it right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM

Well, you would know it right away, but just not at the instant everything disappeared. It would still be present in the mind for that instant. And if it is virtually present, doesn't that count? Virtual life is certainly as real as we allow it to be. Think of Captain Kirk, or Chongo, or even that McBride guy.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM

You're quite right that there is a small time lag in our sensory perceptions of the world, Rapaire. But it's VERY small, agreed? I think it's so small that it hardly matters in any practical sense. For instance, there was this Baboon who figured he was so fast that he could kick Chongo a hard one in the ass and then get away before Chongo saw who did it.

It didn't work out. Immediately after administering the kick he received a broken leg, a busted nose, 2 black eyes, 5 broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a bruised kidney. He is recuperating in hospital. The sensory lag just wasn't long enough.


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