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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 10:14 PM
Amos 27 Dec 11 - 08:45 PM
Little Hawk 27 Dec 11 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM
Little Hawk 27 Dec 11 - 05:40 PM
Amos 27 Dec 11 - 04:53 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 04:17 PM
Little Hawk 27 Dec 11 - 12:22 PM
Amos 27 Dec 11 - 11:47 AM
Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 10:29 AM
Acme 27 Dec 11 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 27 Dec 11 - 10:12 AM
Acme 27 Dec 11 - 01:35 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 11 - 09:40 PM
Amos 26 Dec 11 - 09:06 PM
gnu 26 Dec 11 - 03:24 PM
Acme 26 Dec 11 - 02:00 PM
Little Hawk 26 Dec 11 - 01:56 PM
Acme 26 Dec 11 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 11 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 25 Dec 11 - 10:45 PM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 11 - 10:40 PM
gnu 25 Dec 11 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 11 - 09:42 PM
Amos 25 Dec 11 - 04:14 PM
gnu 25 Dec 11 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 11 - 04:05 PM
Amos 25 Dec 11 - 02:53 PM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 11 - 01:29 AM
Rapparee 24 Dec 11 - 10:14 PM
Rapparee 24 Dec 11 - 10:00 AM
Amos 24 Dec 11 - 08:35 AM
Little Hawk 23 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM
Acme 23 Dec 11 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 08:54 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 11 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:21 PM
Acme 22 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 09:16 PM
Amos 22 Dec 11 - 03:40 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:33 AM
Amos 22 Dec 11 - 09:22 AM
Amos 21 Dec 11 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 11 - 09:44 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM

An important email sent to me:

As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY?ya hear


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:14 PM

Did I say I didn't give a "damn"??   No, I said I "don't give a d--n."
The fact that I used two hyphens does not indicate the length of of the word, only that I did not put in the letters between "d" and "n".
I could have meant:

dawn, dagon, dahoon, dagswain, daimon, dairyman, dairywoman, dalesman, damon, dalmatian, dan, dandelion, darken, darwin, darn, datsun, deacon, dean, debarkation, debulition, decagon, decameron, deceleration, decision, declaration, declassification, declension, declination, decongestion, decrepitation, decryption, decubation, defalcation, defoliation, deglutination, degustation, degeneration, dehydration, dehorn, deionization, delamination, delawarean, delegation, delineation, delusion, dementation, denomination, dentin, dickens, diencephalon, digression, and a lot more.

But you only discern what you have been taught, and hence attribute to me a bad word. That is naughty of you and Mom will wash your mouth out with soap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 08:45 PM

Here we see once again the reason for the ultimate collapse of WHite Supremacy in our glorious nation. It is not communism, nor race, nor conspiracy that is eating away at the foundations of this country's greatness. It is the corrupt soul of White Middle-Aged Men who, having taken advantage of the Cast System to better themselves, are callous and obdurate when confronted with the needs of others than themselves.

That single line of Rhett Butler's spells the Ende of Empire and the Fall of Civilization as we know it. Look at the very face of our collapse in the person of Rapparee, who frankly does not give a damn. The Cast System is a dark evil in this country, as witnessed by the delight of those who escape it and are free from Cast. But who among those lucky free people is willing to turn around and say "I!!!!"? "I shall correct this terrible flaw on the visage of our fair nation!! I shall turn this country away from the Cast System. I shall TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!".

The answer is, not one among them.

Thus, weep for the crumbling edifice of our once-proud Lande, the home of the brave and the free now become the home of the Irresponsible.

Sigh....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 06:20 PM

Good lord! What synchronicity.

I was just moments ago thinking of that same Rhett Butler line, but in regards to something else entirely, and then I opened this thread and saw Rap's last post!

Spooky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM

Frankly, Amos, I don't give a d--n.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 05:40 PM

Your thinking on that, Amos, is incisive, as always!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 04:53 PM

Oh, congratulations!! Mighty Healer!! Rapid Recuperator!! All Hail!!!

But pause to think, liberated one, as you turn and walk away from your cast, that you leave behind, intact and inexorable, the whole Cast System, whose victims number in the thousands every year. Think on that, as you turn your back on your fellow sufferers and walk away, and ask yourself, "How could I take responsibility for the Cast System in this country?" Dost dare face the answer to so terrible a question?




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 04:17 PM

Free of the cast,
Free of the cast,
Thank God Almighty,
I'm free of the cast!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 12:22 PM

He's almost as fast on his feet as a chimpanzee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 11:47 AM

Master of the counter-oblique tangential Introductory Rationalization, our Rapp...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:29 AM

she started frothing at the mouth and fell to the floor in a fit when i said something about books and carpet. she was okay when she left, mostly. only the occasional twitching.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:24 AM

No, I'm sure she was just humoring you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:12 AM

no, i'm putting it off, but i'm not putting off putting it off.

eiseley came by yesterday, muttering about moving books and flying carpets and holidays. i believe she's gone completely mad, poor thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 01:35 AM

You're putting us on, right? Or is it left?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 09:40 PM

mom got eight reindeer last night! they're sausage now. i don't know WHAT she did with the fat man.

tomorrow, 1 pm mst, my cast comes off and they put something else on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 09:06 PM

Mighty fine!! Mighty fine!! Thanks, Still.

Hope Mom and all her sibs have a great 2012.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 03:24 PM

Thanks. You are a sage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 02:00 PM

Don't you love that kind of surprise? I didn't know what to expect of the entire song after the interview, but it's even better that I thought it might be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 01:56 PM

That is a lovely song. I never even heard of Tim Minchin till now. He's very good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 01:41 PM

I was swamped with cooking and kid stuff the last couple of days. Thanks for holding down the fort.

Gnu, I have the song for you. And this is the story from last Saturday's Weekend Edition that brought it to my attention. It hits a lot of the points your last little rant just touched upon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 10:00 AM

good morning, mater dear! is that fresh home-made reindeer sausage?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:45 PM

quietly, at HOME for the first time in 30 years. lovely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:40 PM

Mine was absolutely great. Spent it in the company of people I genuinely love and had a wonderful time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:36 PM

I didn't take shit. It's your's. If I got it, I can give it. Really, I don't care about such thigs. Oh, the 40k should have been by the OP IMO but whatever.

What were we talking about? OH, yeah... I forget.

Xmas.... wine started at noon. I had two small glasses of the bubbly wine. Then I got home and things went down hill... Merry ho fucking ho. I hate Kissmeass. Bah, bah, bah hum fucking BUGGER.

Sorry if you are offended by my opinion of this inane holiday which USED to mean something but is now just a bunch of commercial shite... makes me truly sad and I rue the day.

Hope youse all had a good Christmas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:42 PM

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i had dibs on 43210 ans gnu took it!!!!!!

flog him, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:14 PM

And forty-five in your lap, unless you are under 35.


But that's what Christmas is really all about, isn't it?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:09 PM

"$20 for a table dance"

Yer shittin me!!!!????

Ho Ho Ho... all the way to the bank!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:05 PM

ditto.

rapparee
mom's favorite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 02:53 PM

Merriest of Xmases to you all, great and small, like me an' Rapparee, respectively, and Khandu, King, and Litttle Hawk and the Lovely Ladies of the MOAB, Still River Sage and the Lady Eiseley, Sister Janie and the many others who have crossed our dusty lintel here. To Noble Gnu, old friends long forgotten in the wake of the MOAB's golden taffrail, and those who even now and again think of our Mother in her distant unloadable castle!

Nuncle A, First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 01:29 AM

By Gar! I t'ink I eat enough food tonight to kill a horse, mon ami! Dere was lobsters, roas' beef, Indian pilaf, red cabbage, white wine, food, food, food! Tomorrow gonna be somet'ing real special, you bet. Isadore and Collette gonna bring da suckling pig over and play de fiddle too. We gonna have one partEE dat wake up de dead, mon petit haricot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 10:14 PM

why am i doing all the work around here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 10:00 AM

from acadia, the land of the stella maris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 08:35 AM

Ya know ya gots to winner where dat Rapparee gets dis stuff. Him no Arcadian, him, nor Hugonaut neither. I bet he doesn't know a pirogue from a sausage.


But he doan say where he gots dis stuff, hein?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM

Har! Har! Har! Wonderful! Tabernac, I get all teary jus' reading t'rough dat stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM

Cajun 12 Days Of Christmas

    Day 1
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las'night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.
    Marie

    Day 2
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.
    Marie

    Day 3
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.
    Marie

    Day 4
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Mon Dieux! I tol you no more xxxxx birds. Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.
    Marie

    Day 5
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
    Marie

    Day 6
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on Christmas day.
    Marie

    Day 7
    Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.
    Marie

    Day 8
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.
    Marie

    Day 9
    Dear Boudreaux,
    What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.
    Marie

    Day 10
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin'.
    Marie

    Day 11
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Where y'at? Cheerio an pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.
    Marie

    Day 12
    Dear Boudreaux,
    I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a million nex year.
    Marie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM

both talisker and sheep dip are better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:07 PM

Ed T has been in the Mudcat Christmas Tavern, and reports: After sipping far too many Glenfiddich for six hours or so, gnu was as planked as a salmon.

What a way with words! And good Scotch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:54 PM

...let's see who takes it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM

okay...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

okay. let's talk about sheet rock.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 11:59 PM

Dry wall! AAAARGH! Don't even talk about it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:21 PM

pay for it yourself if you must. it's worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM

I asked about the shingles shot when I got my flu shot and they said I might have to be a few years older for insurance to pay for it, but I'll check in again and have them research it. Getting older is the pits. First it's the shingles, next thing you know, you have dry wall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:16 PM

can't say i'm surprised.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:40 PM

The Mayans went up to Georgia
Looking for some maidens fair
To sacrifice at the temple house
But they found no maidens there.

There were married broads a plenty
And deflowered tarts as well,
But the Injuns said to the Mayan lord,
"You're wanting maidens? Hell!!

We're rough and tough and randy
And we hunt and fight real good.
We do beer and gin and brandy,
But we don't do maidenhood."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:35 AM

unless the great khandu gets it first, i got dibs on 43210!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:33 AM

just ask santa! i'm on his 'nice' list, just like always. or at least since i cracked his computer a few years back...he shoulda oughta changed his password and login more often. chmod 700, baby, chmod 700!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:22 AM

Especially when the proper bits are mixed in with the naughty bits.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:02 PM

It's because you stopped capitalizing your first-person pronouns. The bits KNOW that's wrong and they flee.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:44 PM

i posted something and now it's gone to the great bit bucket in the sky. that's twice in two days.


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