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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 16 Mar 05 - 10:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 05 - 08:38 PM
Amos 16 Mar 05 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 05 - 06:14 PM
Layah 16 Mar 05 - 05:59 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 05 - 05:03 PM
Layah 16 Mar 05 - 04:57 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 Mar 05 - 04:15 PM
GUEST,MMario 16 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM
GUEST,Chuckles 16 Mar 05 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 05 - 03:20 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 05 - 03:08 PM
Layah 16 Mar 05 - 02:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 05 - 01:36 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 Mar 05 - 01:16 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 Mar 05 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,MMario 16 Mar 05 - 12:56 PM
Acme 16 Mar 05 - 12:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 05 - 12:43 PM
GUEST,Bozo the wilmas 16 Mar 05 - 12:26 PM
Acme 16 Mar 05 - 11:26 AM
Bunnahabhain 16 Mar 05 - 11:26 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 05 - 09:31 AM
GUEST 16 Mar 05 - 08:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Mar 05 - 10:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Mar 05 - 09:52 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 05 - 09:19 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Mar 05 - 09:01 PM
Acme 15 Mar 05 - 07:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Mar 05 - 06:14 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 05 - 05:36 PM
Layah 15 Mar 05 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,Chuckles 15 Mar 05 - 09:17 AM
Bunnahabhain 14 Mar 05 - 10:53 PM
khandu 14 Mar 05 - 08:19 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 14 Mar 05 - 07:18 PM
Acme 14 Mar 05 - 05:36 PM
Rustic Rebel 14 Mar 05 - 03:11 PM
Layah 14 Mar 05 - 02:22 PM
GUEST,Chuckles 14 Mar 05 - 09:27 AM
Bunnahabhain 14 Mar 05 - 09:20 AM
Acme 14 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM
Acme 14 Mar 05 - 02:28 AM
Layah 13 Mar 05 - 08:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 13 Mar 05 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 13 Mar 05 - 12:27 PM
Acme 13 Mar 05 - 10:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Mar 05 - 09:58 AM
Acme 13 Mar 05 - 12:04 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 05 - 09:33 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 10:25 PM

BW, I wonder if that's what's slowing down Chuckles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 08:38 PM

Here on the MOAB the speed of dark is actually quite a bit faster than the speed of light. You see, that c of which scientists speak is actually the speed of light in a vacuum. Light doesn't travel at the same speed through, say, water as it does through outer space. And BS is one of the more difficult things for light to penetrate. In fact, BS of MOABic density slows light to a mere 34 MPH. Dark, on the other hand, penetrates BS with no difficulty at all. Dark moves through BS at 123,456,789 MPH which, though somewhat slower than light through a vacuum, is fast enough to get it a multimillion dollar traffic citation if the cops ever get cars fast enough to catch it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 07:10 PM

It's a cute hypothesis, born under the sign of the MOAB, and it has its mother's lips.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 06:14 PM

Welcome, Layah, to MOAB, where the future is past, the past is present, the present is future, and any other variation of that you can think of, including the concepts of near-past, far-future, and middle-present, except of course at speeds approaching or exceeding c, at which a whole new set of parameters takes over.

And I just thought that we always speak of approaching or exceeding the speed of light. What happens if we approach or exceed the speed of dark? Has the speed of dark been determined, and if so, what is it? If "d" = the speed of dark, does E=md^2 work? Does the speed of dark mean that all that energy is not expended by the conversion of mass, but is rather sucked up into the mass? Does the mass expand, or does it stay the same physical size but become massier? If the sucked-up energy produces less mass than the mass into which it is sucked, could that be considered as half-massed? There's a Nobel Prize in this, or at least something. Maybe something plastic and breakable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 05:59 PM

Now I understand why there was all that spatula craziness a while back. We were all preparing for the attack of freds! I'm sure glad we knew what we were doing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 05:03 PM

I'm over my brief attack of fatalism. You freds wanna piece of me, just come on! But I'm warnin' ya, I've got a secret weapon! And it really works well for sauteing sautaying frying mushrooms!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 04:57 PM

I can't read that, it's in English! The little Russian bit in the corner I can read, but I don't see how you expect me to understand all that English stuff. Does it look like I speak English?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 04:15 PM

I take it back Mrs. Bee. Your not a fred are you? Hell no! I cannot be a fred. I do not want to eat anyone who plays in swamps, sucks on lily pad fronds and makes cups from mud. But...If a person can read this it may shed some light on the entire existance of freds.

Or not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM

Chuckles is right, Bee-dubya. If you are gonna mess with freds the least you could do is stay still and be good food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chuckles
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 03:36 PM

Hello. I have located the Bee-Dubya-Ell, but it is moving around. Why doesn't it stay in one place? It is very difficult to masticate a moving foodsource even for freds. If you can, please tell it to SIT THE GODDAMN HELL DOWN AND STAY PUT!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 03:20 PM

We've been breedin' them shrimps as part of our Plot To Take Over. We figgered that iffen we could git 'em big enough...well, ya know that they's "fairy shrimp." So we figgered that having giant jumbo fairy shrimp would be oxymoronic enuff ta snuff the minds of the current administration in deecee. This was thought up by "Hacky" Moore, who figgered thet when the deecee spondits started thinkin' about giant fairy shrimps they'd git all worried about giant fairies and giant shrimp and their li'l minds would turn off like a blown bulb.

But the Idyho National Guard got wind of it aforen it was ready, and so our nefarious Plot To Take Over is foiled agin.

Prolly jist as well, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 03:08 PM

Wait a minute! If my "wife", "Susan", who is sometimes referred to as "Susie" by members of her "family", is freds, then that makes it highly likely that "Rustic Rebel", who is also known as "Susie", is freds as well! Next thing you know, I'll be finding that Tweed is freds too! Well, that wouldn't surprise me very much. Tweed's never exactly seemed 100% human anyway.

You're right, Layah. I might as well give up and go with the flow. If anyone needs me, I'll be off shopping here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 02:47 PM

Sounds to me like freds has already caught you, Bee-Dubya. It's much too late to do anything about it now that you've married one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 01:36 PM

By golly, you're right, Susie! My wife may be freds! She may even be Chuckles! I've only known the "woman" for eighteen years. Who knows what form hesheit might have manifested in earlier days? So hesheit claims to have been "married" before and there are the two "children" from the "previous marriage". How do I know they're not produced by mind-melding, as Rapaire's niece contends? Then there's the "ex-husband", "Willie". Yes, "Willie" definitely could be freds.

I'm getting quite frightened here. First Chuckles, then Bozo, then wilmas, and now my wife, "Susan". Hah! Listen to this: During the period between my divorce from my first wife and marriage to "Susan" I dated three "women" named "Susan" in a row! Coincidence? I think not! It's becoming extremely apparent that freds have been seeking me out for twenty years now! Oh! What shall I do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 01:16 PM

Upon further investigating I found this. Could it be freds and wilmas plotting a takeover?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 01:07 PM

Bee-dubya, if freds look like that your wife could be one.
What have you done Bee-dubya? I think you should be a bit wary after I found this page.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 12:56 PM

In other news - it appears biologists of the Idaho Legion have discovered a new species of Fairy Shrimp . A pretty big one - they say it grows to three inches (7.6 cm)

How come we didn't hear this from you, Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 12:49 PM

You are in deep now, BWL, that's all I can say! (But don't let the wife find out. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 12:43 PM

Aw, hell! It's worse than I thought! Freds have infiltrated the music stores! And they're manifesting themselves in the form of somtheing that looks nothing at all like a fungus! AARRGGHH!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bozo the wilmas
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 12:26 PM

I have been contacted by Chuckles the freds and he assures me that the labrador retrievers are sniffing around Florida as we speak.

Chuckles has contacted all wilmas in the planetary system to help seek and tickle Bee-Dubya-ell to a near laughter experience.

After this happens we wilmas will take no further steps to aid and abet our freds alliance.

Logon berry and quince to you, Bozo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 11:26 AM

Freds and friends. In hisherits visit to Antarctica.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 11:26 AM

Are you totally sure that those are freds? They look like humphries to me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 09:31 AM

My niece the biologist-in-training-for-her-PhD tells me that freds "almost certainly" look like this during something called 'telophase' and later, after pupation, they probably look like this, "especially after losing a game of chess." Anything else they look like, she says, is because of mind-melding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 08:40 AM

freds is coming! freds is coming! one if by air, two if by sea! Three with komodo dragons!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 10:49 PM

I didn't see anyone who looked like Chuckles on that Google Image Search page, SRS. So I did another search using "space creature fred" and, sure enough, THIS is the guy.

It's really not surprising that Chuckles should look like some boy toy actor I've never heard of. After all, Bubba Bubba bore an amazing resemblence to Heather Locklear. But then hesheit turned into a giant fungus. That good looking guy is apt to look like THIS tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 09:52 PM

I have been released by the large men in dark galasses, who turned out to be secret service. Apparently they, like Little Hawk want us to stop, cease and desist. Unfortunatly, they also forgot to mention what it is they wish us to stop doing. This leads to several possible conclusions.

Little Hawk is a member of the secret service.

Spatulas have been classifed as a WMD, and MOAB has been idenitifed as the source for a major outbreak of them.

The dolphins are right. Please tell us if anybody mysteriously gains engraved fishbowls

All three.

Bunnahabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 09:19 PM

Okay, that's enough. I want you people to stop now. Be done with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 09:01 PM

Those were not Komodo dragons. I asked one and it told me it was an iguana in the witness protection scheme. Plus, it tasted wrong with barbecue sauce. Did you get a good look at the guy? The FBI are trying to identify him, so thay can tell if it's the job of the CIA or NSA to track us down an


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 07:58 PM

The Chuckles lineup. BWL, can you identify the culprit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 06:14 PM

Dear Chuckles,









PFFFFFFTOOOOOOTTTTT!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 05:36 PM

Here, Mom. I'll help you back up. Not like those others lazy, no-good bums.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 09:24 AM

Well, I know this guy who hangs out behind gas stations trying to sell used komodo dragons, but don't think I trust him. He seems a bit dodgy. Keeps them hidden under his coat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chuckles
Date: 15 Mar 05 - 09:17 AM

I made the "mistake" knowing that it would lure the Bee-Dubya-Ell creature out of hiding. I am the greatest hunter among freds and I knew that would work. Now I know were the Bee-Dubya-Ell is, it is somewhere around a place called Pepsicola in the North American Southland. Do you know where I can get a used Komodo Dragon, preferably more, for only a little iridium? I would rather have new ones, but I have only a little iridium to spare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 10:53 PM

But left said his wife, and two minutes later, after the 'who's driving this car?' arguement got out of hand, straight on to the hospital was agreed on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 08:19 PM

Right said, Fred!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 07:18 PM

Chuckles is not a fred! Chuckles is a fraud! Why? Because Chuckles said, "I'm a fred..." There is no such thing as a fred! There is only "freds". We've been through all this before. "Freds" is singular, plural and communal. The entire race is "freds". Three freds in a meeting are "freds". One individual is "freds". "Freds" is never modified by an article. "The freds" or "a fred" or "those freds" make no grammatical sense to freds.   

If Chuckles were real he would have said, "I am freds..." in which case I would be totally creeped out, scared shitless and using what's left available on my VISA card on a one-way ticket to the Middle of Nowhere. But, since he's an obvious charlatan I shall break wind loudly in his general direction and go on about my business.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 05:36 PM

You tell 'em ('im, 'er, and it)!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 03:11 PM

Dear Chuckles (fred),
Forget it pal. We aren't giving you Bee-dubya-ell. Take your fredness and get on down the road chump. You freds have consumed enough earthlings to satisfy the needs of a hundred and ten thousand dragons.
We will not give you another. Good thing Bee-Dubya's link didn't work or you could have traced him by the pond sucking on a lily pad frond. Ha-ha and Har-har!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 02:22 PM

London has the fatest pidgeons I've ever seen. They could barely waddle out of the way fast enough not to get stepped on. I think they must improve after they turn into creoles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chuckles
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 09:27 AM

Hi, I'm Chuckles. That's not my real name which is actually untranslatable into your language. I'm a fred, and I'm the egg-brother of the late Bubba Bubba. Since Bubba Bubba was trying to mitosize with someone named Bee-Dubya-Ell when heitshe was forced from these matrices, it's my duty as egg-brother to avenge itshehe's rejoiced overpassing.

If anyone knows where this Bee-Dubya-Ell is I would greatly appreciate knowing it. I promise that whatever the Bee-Dubya-Ell is it's consumption will be felicitious.

Oh, I also need something that I think you call a "Komodo Dragon." Are there any used ones available? I have only a little extra iridium with me with which to purchase one.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 09:20 AM

Arggghhh!!! No!. May Shatner dance naked on your graves!

Pigeons are horrible things. Winged rats. Vermin. Not even a nice red wine sauce can redeem them.

These, of course, are urban pigeons. Rural ones are just another bird, rather than the cause of rants.

Bunnahabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM

And then there's this bird, no doubt now deceased. This was a photo stashed in my old computer, and thankfully I didn't delete it from the corner where I tucked it at work as a conversation piece.

The story is that a friend out in the wilds of West Texas kept finding messy splats on his glass doors, and occasionally dead doves on his porch. A neighbor finally showed him the trick of holding something dark (in this case, cardboard) behind the glass and you can see why the dead bird. This is a sort of "death mask" or a full-body-print of a dove making a grave miscalculation about that dark opening on the side of that bui. . .

THWAPPP!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Mar 05 - 02:28 AM

We have your yard-bird variety pigeons ("rock doves") and white winged doves and mourning doves around here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 08:58 PM

But pidgens are great! You get two languages and put them next to eachother and people make a pidgen, just like that. What's even more exciting is children of pidgen speakers, because then they make a creole, turning something that isn't quite a language into a full and complete language. In a single generation a language is created. Or isn't that what you were talking about?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 08:51 PM

Ahh, MOAB, a calm refuge from the serious talk on those mayflies of threads. A slice of the nicer side of life, or just plain idiocy, either is good. Just so long as all this bird talk doesn't start praising pidgeons.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 12:27 PM

We've got a pond we can visit just outside Cheyenne. And there's another one near Bozeman. This pond. is closer, but there are all these darned birds....   (I saw the Whooping crane mating dance last year.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 10:34 AM

A pond is excellent also--what counts is that it is water--but we can't see yours yet because it says we must be logged in. There's a pond up the street from us, and lots of ducks hang out there. We have egrets and herons and ducks and various accipiters, owls, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 09:58 AM

Well, I don't have a river, creek, bayou or anything else flowing by my property (though there is a nice creek on the adjoining uninhabited property that we can visit the creek as often as we wish). But we do have a 1/2 acre pond with an island in the middle of it and we do have THIS to sit in while we watch the lilly-pads grow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 12:04 AM

I thought it would be interesting to replace a few of the modern brass doorknobs in my house with some older-looking glass knobs. Unfortunately, the instructions listed above were insufficient. I forget what the problem was, but the knobs were not interchangeable. Too bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 09:33 PM

So I went to the store, see? And I bought this set of doorknobs. They don't have to turn or anything, just something to grab and pull. And I bring 'em home and install 'em. No big deal at all. But you know what the instructions said?

Remove old knob and install new one.

That's a direct, absolute, no changes, unedited quote.

Fortunately, I was bright enough to figure out how to do it without further instructions.


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