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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

khandu 06 May 03 - 11:13 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 10:59 PM
Tweed 06 May 03 - 10:57 PM
CarolC 06 May 03 - 10:56 PM
artbrooks 06 May 03 - 10:53 PM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 10:18 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 10:02 PM
catspaw49 06 May 03 - 09:54 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 09:41 PM
Ebbie 06 May 03 - 09:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 09:06 PM
catspaw49 06 May 03 - 08:59 PM
SINSULL 06 May 03 - 08:57 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 08:15 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 08:02 PM
Bill D 06 May 03 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 07:01 PM
Bill D 06 May 03 - 05:56 PM
Allan C. 06 May 03 - 04:28 PM
MMario 06 May 03 - 04:25 PM
Allan C. 06 May 03 - 04:23 PM
Morticia 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM
CarolC 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 03:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 01:37 PM
MMario 06 May 03 - 10:53 AM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 10:37 AM
Morticia 06 May 03 - 06:12 AM
Mark Cohen 06 May 03 - 03:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 02:46 AM
Allan C. 06 May 03 - 02:35 AM
Ebbie 06 May 03 - 12:58 AM
Joe Offer 06 May 03 - 12:30 AM
open mike 06 May 03 - 12:29 AM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 12:11 AM
Tweed 06 May 03 - 12:05 AM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 11:50 PM
Little Hawk 05 May 03 - 11:41 PM
catspaw49 05 May 03 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 05 May 03 - 11:19 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 11:05 PM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 11:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 03 - 10:48 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:40 PM
artbrooks 05 May 03 - 10:38 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:37 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:34 PM
artbrooks 05 May 03 - 10:32 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:22 PM
michaelr 05 May 03 - 10:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:13 PM

The bestest cleaner that I have found anywhere is at "Auto Zone". It is called "Power Clean"...fine for plastic Wal-Mart chairs.

I am thrilled! Little Hawk, the wise man of Mudcat, saw what was lacking in this thread becoming the perfect BS thread. He decided and moved quickly to add the nmissing piece...Carol the Crapper girl's Crappers! Perfect!
Thank you, Carol for honoring Harry Lee Wigley,( whom you do not know personally, but I do!) in the manner you did. Harry would be proud!

BTW, have you started osculating my hind-quarters yet? Are you ululating?

Tweed, I am on the edge of my chair waiting to see and hear you, Bobertz and Gatemouth belting out a few tunes!

This is a wonderful thread! It is, after all;

THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:59 PM

No! Not the accursed Catspaw Crotchrot virus! How diabolical of you to even conceive of this dastardly thing!

But it is better than the Rhodesian Root-Rot! The only symptom of that dreaded monster is when you get up to go tinkle the head of your Patterson falls of and bobbles in the commode!

But even that is not as bad as the malignant artbrooks-arse-rot! I shudder to even think of this botch, much less state the symptom!

Why can't we all just get along?

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:57 PM

Dere Yore Disjointedness,

Boberdz and I are indeed gonna come down to Como MS and check out young Daniel Ballinger's gig at the local bistro, so long as several factors knit themselves together but it looks like a go from here.

Yore attendance is mandatory and if we must, we'll journey clear to Tupelo and set up the Spartanette in yore front yard. Don't worry about us messing up yore pore, long suffering wife's baffroom. I think we kin just dig a open trench from under the trailer and grade it to run towards yore septic tank and in that way we'll stay perdy much outta yore way.

But tell me O khing, yore dillusions seam to be accelamating summat..Whar the hell did you come up wif Gatemouth Brown playing in Como? Did you ilk a toad? Also, what's good fer cleaning them plastic lawn chairs thet they sell down at the super WalMart? I habv unwittingly played host to migrating vultures and they hav left a hell of a mess on Mz.Tweed's patio furniture.

Yerz,
Tweed
Coot d'Azure


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:56 PM

Sure LH.

Here's Me and the McGill man. He was one hell of a guy, but I heard that he ran off with the hordes of Osama bin Lookalikes that were plaguing Orillia for a while a year or so ago.

This used to be known as the Sir Sam Steele Art Gallery McGill, but it has recently been renamed The Harry Lee Wigley Memorial McGill

Now these beauties don't have their McGill logos on them yet because they were only recently purchased from some poor schlubs from the US who seemed a bit stunned, and kept muttering something about "flying Jesuses and Marys", according to my sources within the McGill organization. They said negotiating a price with these guys was like taking candy from a baby and the guys selling them couldn't seem to get rid of them fast enough.

...and of course, here is the McGill Motherlode. I think it speaks for itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:53 PM

It has become clear to me that the person who began this eversodumb thread is not our good buddy khandu...it is really his evil twin kantdu. By unanamous...uh, unamorous...uh, unamonious...uh, anyway, we all agreed that he should be inflicted with the imfamous Catspaw CROTCHROT virus and turned loose upon the virgin alligators of the Great Dismal Swamp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:18 PM

Speaking of Porta-Potties, you can get 'em in Orillia at a great price. Carol, y' gotta post some of those old pictures, eh?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:02 PM

Thanks for the heads-up on this bit of info, Spaw. We may be needing some at the Como, MS Gatemouth Concert which Tweed, Bobertz and I (See above post!) intend to attend.

However, as much as I would like to accommodeate, they cannot clean out their equipment any where in Mississippi. The place is a bit full at the moment!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 May 03 - 09:54 PM

Say King, do you need any porta potties? The Boys are heading that way at the end of the week. They have their new ones all rigged up and are supposed to be here either tonite yet or tomorrow and then are heading out. They could use all the business they can get. And if you can't use them, cam they at least clean out their units at your place?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 09:41 PM

Ebbie is bucking for a place in the Royal Commune!

After much discussion with my First Duck and Grande Coot and KOTROT, Tweed, we have decided to meet in Como, MS in a couple of weeks to listen to Gatemouth play some of the hep-jazz he is known so well for. The Bobertz may also be in attendance. There has been some talk that Sir Tweed will join Gatemouth on the stage and play some of the badly-recorded swing which he (Tweedster) is known so well for. And if things go really, really well, Bobertz, Gatemouth and Tweed will do three part harmony on Bobertz'z stirring rendition of "Thousand Dollar Car".

I have been approached to read some of the less-famous quotes of Harry Lee Wigley, which, even to a King like me, is a grand honor!

It will be a grand moment! I will attempt to capture it on tape or photo which I will display to those who wish they had been there but weren't.

Yes, Mudcat will be well represented at the Gatemouth Brown concert!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 May 03 - 09:19 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, I wouldn't be so quick to take such pride in your title; khandu is tricky. Take another look: it says 'Poetl'ass ho'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 09:06 PM

Cool! Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi, huh? Do I, like, get paid or anything? Do I get a crown? Or a free subscription to "Reader's Digest"? Well.... whatever. It is indeed an honor.... I think. Just don't go gettin' any ideals about I'm gonna paint yer house fer free or anything.

I'm gonna sign off now and try it out. Okay?

Bee-dubya-ell Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi

Yeh, that'll work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 May 03 - 08:59 PM

Ya' know man, you got a warped groove........which is why I like you so damn much.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 May 03 - 08:57 PM

If this reaches 100 posts, I am going to insist that Joe re-open the "Killing The Thread" thread. Fair is fair. Who, by the way, finallykilled it? The elves?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 08:15 PM

King khandu is not ashamed to admit a Royal mistake.
I apologize for the previous post by the King. It was incorrect to post it on this thread because there was no BS in the previous post. And this is;
THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 08:02 PM

I am sooo proud of my fellow Catters! You have really rallied to my idea of the "Mother of All BS Threads"! And an important announcement is coming next!
HEAR YE!!
Be it known that bee-dubya-ell, AKA "Bruce" is hereby awarded the covet "Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi" award. He shall henceforth be known as "bee-dubya-ell, Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi"!


Now. to Carol the smarty-pants Sailor. You may osculate with my hind-quarters. That should make you ululate with joy!

Little Hawk, it is no surprise to me that you and I are the only ones here who appreciate the genius of Harry Lee Wigley. He, you and I are of the same ilk. And, yes, to those who may question, I knew him personally. LH, I also knew that you would give avid support to the "Mother of All BS Threads". You ,as I, also must have Royal Blood flowing through your heart!

Spaw, the Official Mudcat Belcher of BS, thnak you for the posts. I consider it BS!

Who needs medicine when I have such a great response to my idea? Not me!!!

Allan C., there is a Royal Position for you coming, just as soon as I can figure where you would be better suited!

And to Tweed, My Royal First Duck, are you quacking up?

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 06 May 03 - 07:41 PM

MEET Shitner..umm..Shatner?.(I kinda likes "Shitner")...

no, I think I'll stick to my own kind..*grin*...(and I'll confess, I have NO idea who Patrick Stewart is)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 07:01 PM

Very well said, Bill! You may yet earn yourself a scholarship or a bursary at the WSSBA. You might even become a "fellow", and get to meet Patrick Stewart at one of their gatherings.

If you want to meet le Shatner, however...well, keep trying.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 06 May 03 - 05:56 PM

ilks is similar to Wampeters, Foma and Grandfaloons (Google it if you don't get it)...and we ALL have one or two...

...and Bruce, I love your BS song, and your homage to King Khandu, who is no doubt delerious with joy at how much BS he is attracting.....however.....

Khandu...I must apprise you of the irrevocable truth that not all BS can BE crammed into one thread, as BS comes in many flavors, colors and categories. Like **MUSIC**, there is 'traditional' BS, classic BS, amateur BS, etc...
I really think that there needs to be a sub-basement to the BS level, like Saddam's bunkers, where BS that is too horrible for regular BS threads is sent. (listening, Pene?)....why, there could be one level..(like the 9th circle of Hell), just for fart jokes and stories!....and of course, one thread/level for debating which level each post belongs in!

Oh, the depths we could descend to, if only the Mudcatacombs were properly excavated and labeled!

Do consider my humble addendum to your clever concept as merely an attempt to mirror the collective consciousness of the group in a way that more nearly explicates the ambiguous vagaries and essential symbolism appropriate to the.....ummmm...well, you get my drift?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:28 PM

Honey is Annamill's husband. But you knew that already, didn't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:25 PM

is this the land of ilk and honey if so, who is honey?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:23 PM

The word I had was that 'Spaw had been stricken with pusillanimous; but reports are not from reliable sources.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Morticia
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM

Spaw's ilk??? What's the matter with him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM

I don't know, MMario. I think you're probably of our "ilk" also. khandu probably didn't include you because he couldn't remember how to spell your name. I think LH is one of us too, but khandu is jealous of him because LH knows more fancy words than he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 03:10 PM

I don't mind Spaw's ilk as long as I don't have to clean it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 01:37 PM

Hey! Be sure to check out my new BS song HERE!

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:53 AM

Hey! How come Carol the Sailor, spaw and Tweed get to have an ilk? Favouritism? And do they each have their own ilk or do they have to share? A least if they share it's not quite as bad, but if they each have their own ilk then I'm really upset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:37 AM

Well, yeah, I can see your point, Mark. It was a pretty transcendent moment, wasn't it? I could hardly believe it when I opened the thread and saw it. Amazing how these things just seem to fall in place, regardless of our well-laid plans. :-)

(You see, what worries me is that I might get in trouble with the Board of the WSSBA, for dissing Shatner. You may be aware that Spaw is persona non grata there for having done so repeatedly.)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Morticia
Date: 06 May 03 - 06:12 AM

Can we get back to the meds issue? Your Highness ( just how high is he,anyway?)....I went out and did a quick poll and your subjects said, to a man, woman and toad "Take the meds.....do it now.....and keep your hands in clear sight at all times".

Yanno, my Great Uncle Entwhistle got just like this before we had to put him a home for the Terminally Bewildered.....sad,isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 May 03 - 03:29 AM

LH, you disappoint me. Here you had just managed to achieve a true Transcendent Mudcat Moment by posting a glorious golden droplet of quintessential karmic truth...and then you went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like "a typo!" (apologies to Nancy Sinatra fans--both of you).

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 02:46 AM

Pore King Khandu has khum undone
"Not lots of threads! We'll have just one!"
He prokhlaims from his royal throne
"Yes! Just this one! This one alone!"

And all his subjects are amazed
And thinkh The King a little khrazed.
"Where does The King khum by his wit?
Where does he get such khrazy shit!"

"Does it khum from living in Tupelo,
Where okhra, khotten and khorn do grow?
Or does he just inspire his mind
With two-dollar-fifty-a-litre wine?"

"Perhaps he visits large khow herds
And pikhs fungi growin' on khow turds.
Or does he smokhe the Ganja bong
Half of the day and all night long?"

"We are not sure what it khan be
That makhes our King so damned skhrewy.
We only khnow with him our lord
We'll be khonfused... We won't be bored!"
   
Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 03 - 02:35 AM

The "Polka Band on Acid" sorta reminds me of a good friend's vision of hell. He pictured being put in a locked room with nothing more than an 8-track player and a stack of Wayne Newton tapes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:58 AM

I don't like to reprimand any one, least of all khandu, but I do think he shouldn't be called 'Harry Lee Wigley'. He is Mister Wigley. Unless perhaps you know him personally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:30 AM

Yeah, but how do you pronounce "pusillanimous"?
Inquiring minds want to know.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: open mike
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:29 AM

ah ha-- grey water-i just cleaned the
lint trap on my washing machine
the grey water does not always flow!
(it was stopped up)I was elbow deep
in the greyest water i ever saw..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:11 AM

A Polka Band on acid? Christ! That's a numbing thought.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:05 AM

GOD...the BS!! It flows like gray water...it oozeth from the pores of Mudcat like Bufo juice...It responds to probing like a Polka Band on acid...
Khandu, you sick fiend what have you done? This is like a black hole sucking BS from all over the galaxy into it.

Something should be done...the Renegade Lunatic must be stopped...the BS just keeps pouring in....awful,awful...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:50 PM

they want you to return posthaste!

Ooohhhhhh!!! Posthaste! Oooohhhh, aren't we special! We can use fancy words like posthaste! Well, you should see the fancy words Little Hawk can use when he wants to. Check this one out; "calumny". Yup. That's one of his favorites. That, and pusillanimous. He even started a whole thread for just that one word, pusillanimous. Top that why don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:41 PM

I must be delirious. I actually typed "Shitner" when I meant to type Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:29 PM

Khandu, the essence of BS is to leave a foul essence and so far this thread is really a winnerin that department!

I would listen to Allan C however as no one has more experience on BS even if by accident as he once started a BS thread about killing the thread which no one would kill of course and it went on ad infinitum. A remainder of it still exists but it's once glorious times of damn near 500 posts have been halved and shut down for good.

You might also want to talk with Art Thieme who, in a moment of passion and digust with the crop of threads that was running at the time, dared to ask, What Brand of Condoms Do Mudcatters Use? Several hundred posts later, and unwilling to die, the thread marched on while poor Art checked in at the NYCFFTS.

And Hawk....Don't even start with Billy-Boy......

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:19 PM

Yes! The MOTHER of ALL BS threads!!! I love the idea.

Khandu, I am glad you have drawn attention to the absolutely outrageous treatment accorded to the legendary Harry Lee Wigley by low-minded, prejudiced know-nothings; by scummy, impertinent, opinionated fools; by incontinent, lecherous poseurs; by people like Clinton Hammond...

Harry Lee Wigley's greatness is something I never tire of recognizing and acclaiming.

And now, may I say just two words? Two little words that can change an empty life and fill it with meaning. Two simple little words that anyone can say, but oh how powerful they are...


(drum roll....)


* * * William Shitner!!! * * *

Nothing more really needs to be said after that...but I'm sure something will be.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:05 PM

Carol C....go play the accordian! This is MY thread! It is where I want it to be! IT STAYS HERE AND IT SHALL REMAIN:
THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!

What's that??? The Polka Circus is calling...they have run out of "can't carry a tune accordianists"...they want you to return posthaste!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:00 PM

I think this thread should be re-named "The Toad Milking Thread", and be moved to the top of the Forum Home Page with the other music and folklore threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:48 PM

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (Just in case somebody's actually dumb enough to try it)

Actually, smoking is the only safe way to do toad venom. The psycoactive ingredient is 5-MeO-DMT not Bufotenine. Bufotenine is just plain poisonous. When smoking the dried venom, the Bufotenine is burned away but the 5-MeO-DMT is not. The high is supposedly very intense but very short-lived (5 minutes).

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:40 PM

Life is imagination.
The universe is smaller than imagination.
Everything else is just cheap whiskey!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:38 PM

khandu...you are certainly entitled to your own opinion, regardless of the lack of value it may have when compared to life, the universe and everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:37 PM

However artbrooks...I love it when someone who has not posted to a thread begins his first post with "And besides"! That shows a certain type of...class!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:34 PM

artbrooks...I disagree.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:32 PM

And besides, everybody here is some kinda wierdo...give me Starbucks and my SUV any day. Wait! This is the 20th response, unless some SOB sneaks in ahead of me, and nobody has said anything hateful or rude yet!!! This is my chance...I hate everybody who hates anybody else or is rude to them just for being what they are or for saying things about somebody else that doesn't agree with the opinions of the party of the first part! Does that cover it? If not, the hell with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:22 PM

NONONO! Bobertz! Kenny G said "That khandu! What a brilliant fellow he is!" The reason I remember him saying that is because it is the only decent sound the fellow ever produced! Incidentally, the "vase" quote, which Rumsfield used, was also originally coined by Harry Lee Wigley.

michaelr...snort 'em, smoke 'em, lick 'em...it all has the same wonderously grand effect!

Keep 'em comin' boys and girls...after all this is

I<>THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!!!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: michaelr
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:15 PM

You're supposed to smoke it? Dang... here I've been snorting it all these years...

Cheers,
Michael


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