BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 01:51 PM

No, Rapaire, a guitarist plays a guitar, known in some circles as a "git-tar". Beginning players often suffer from an affliction which requires them to play Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" ad nauseum. As a result, they are frequently advised to "Take that damned thang an' git out th' door with it! If I hear one more so-called 'note' from it I'm gonna break it over yore fuckin' head!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 01:05 PM

Aha! Rapaire, you said, and I quote: "If you buy it for me, I'll learn to play it. I have no shame."

And THAT is why he should come down there and visit you ASAP!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 12:57 PM

Does that also mean that gals can't play gui-tars?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 11:46 AM

If a satirist does play a satir, does he play it while satting? And since satting, being an illogical mix of present and past, is impossible in our 3D+time universe, does he have to play in some alternate universe where satting is a normal, everyday behavior?

Perhaps Gluon is a satirist.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 11:38 AM

Would an omniscient performer play a radar?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 11:17 AM

I thought satyrs were played by nymphs, no?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 11:13 AM

And does a satirist play a satir?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 10:48 AM

And if you play it prone, a Lidar?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 10:23 AM

I've noticed that the sitar is always played while sitting. So, if one were to play a sitar while standing, would it be called a "standar"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 10:22 AM

True, Janie. If more people took some time to BS during the day, the world would be a better place. Legislation is needed to make it so.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 08:50 AM

If you buy it for me, I'll learn to play it. I have no shame: I'm a member of the Idaho Legion as well as a librarian. In fact, I was elected Legion Arkeyevest two weeks ago and now I have to bring order to the Legion's collection of records (45s, mostly, but some wax cylinders), minutes, books of pressed flowers and labels from gone-but-not-forgotten liquor bottles, taped reminiscences of old liars (some are even on recording tape!), Other Things Too Delicate Or Gross To Mention, and jars of smoke signals.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 06:34 AM

Oh lordy, there ought to be a law.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 03:27 AM

You're all wrong. THIS is a catarrh. It's not actually made from a cat, but it does sound a bit like a cat whose tail has just been stepped on.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 02:25 AM

No sorprise, no....why do you ask?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 01:43 AM

Is it any surprise that Bangkok is the capital of the country with the largest per capita number of sex workers in the world?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 11:29 PM

Catarrh is a county in the emirate of Phoque, just west of Bangho and north of Bohdraine.
It is sometimes viewed as an economic competitor to Al-Kohr'din', which is a neighboring region, because it seems to draw on the same resources for its viability.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 10:09 PM

Ah! I knew it was somewhere around in that part of the world! East of Yesmen, I think.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 10:00 PM

It's directly south of Ague.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 09:07 PM

Isn't Cataar one of those Middle Eastern emirates? Somewhere near Dubee?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 08:19 PM

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."    — Emo Phillips.

I promised that if you re-posted this statement then I'd comment, but I forget what I meant to say. Here are some email-things that I'm going to cleverly disguise as content: wHATEver. HTH. YMMV. ydcwtsbyaa-wam-ipysb! IMHO. grn. -Greg Plesur

Raise your hand if this sentence helps you to see the way that English looks to someone who doesn't speak it. -Greg Plesur

Spelling is hard because English is a slut of a language. I blame the Norman conquest. -Andrew Plotkin

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. Unknown

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
-- Scott Adams

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 08:10 PM

"I am amazed, o wall, that you have not collapsed and fallen, since you must bear the tedious stupidities of so many scrawlers."    — Graffiti on a wall of Pompeii.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM

Little Hawk:

We operate on a higher plane here. You know this. You mortal flesh may have been born of Mary but your True Mother is the Mother of All BS. And HER name thou hast scorned and besmirched.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 07:02 PM

That's nothing, guys. Posting too much drivel on the Internet causes falling hair, obesity, incontinence, shingles, migraines, cataar, nasal distension, insomnia, tight ass, flabby ass, and smart ass, and that's just touching the tip of the iceberg!

You have been warned.

Rapaire, thanks for the video. Very nice.

Amos, what in the ever-lovin' world is your post of 01 Dec 09 - 12:32 PM alluding to when you say that I took my Mother's name in vain? I have done nothing of the sort. My Mother's name is Mary.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 06:49 PM

The shortest distance between two points is always correlation,

facts and causality be damned. (kinda sums up Sarah Palin and George Bush.)

The other shortest distance is a scientific discovery and its weaponized version by the military.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 06:09 PM

Like the relationship between being nuts and having imaginary playmates, the presentation of correlation is no sure evidence of causality. Certain uses of fire and metals occurred around the same time--perhaps lead poisoning, for example.

Stilly, cats would not put up with such uppity presumption from their servants, you know.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM

SHOE HEELS CAUSE SCHIZOPHRENIA

Not only did shoemakers start a trend that led to generations of women being condemned to wearing high heels, they could also be responsible for the increasing number of cases of schizophrenia.

The theory is that heeled shoes may have led to the first cases of the disease and the establishment of the first mental hospitals.

Researcher Jarl Flensmark says that the schizophrenia only appeared after heeled shoes were introduced into a population.

The oldest heeled shoe known to man, made over 1,000 years ago, comes from Mesopotamia ? the same area where the first institutions dealing with mental disorders appeared.

As industrialisation of shoe production spread from NorthAmerica to Western Europe, there was a remarkable rise in cases of schizophrenia.

In England, the heeled shoe emerged at the start of the 17th century, and a large increase in the number of mental illness cases followed.

This is compared with Native Americans, who wear flat moccasins and have a relatively low frequency of schizophrenia.

The science? When we walk, the movement stimulates receptors in the lower extremities which increase activity in brain cells.

Wearing heeled shoes weakens the lengthening contractions in the lower leg and foot, so the receptors are stimulated less.

This drop in stimulation leads to changes in the dopamine system in the brain.

This tallies with the knowledge that schizophrenics' brains produce more dopamine.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 05:57 PM

Both dogs and humans carry the same virus that can induce cancer

Analysis of breast cancer cases by researchers at the University of Munich showed that patients with this type of cancer were significantly more likely to have kept a dog than a cat.

In fact, 79.7 per cent of all patients had intensive contact with dogs before they were diagnosed.

Only 4.4 per cent of the patients did not have pets at any time compared to 57.3 per cent of a healthy control group ? so there was a 29-fold increased risk for pet owners.

Another study in Norway reported a very high level ? 53.3 per cent ? of breast cancers in 14,401 dogs.

In looking for a reason, scientists found a virus common in both dogs and humans.

The one they homed in on is the mouse mammary tumour virus (MMTV), which triggers breast cancer in mice and which has been investigated for possible links to human breast cancer.

The theory is that dogs, and possibly other pets, harbour and transmit MMTV or MMTVlike viruses that can induce human breast cancer.

The researchers say the theory may help to explain why women from Eastern countries are at increased risk of breast cancer when they move to Western nations ? Asian or Oriental women seldom keep dogs as pets.

Migration to Western countries may cause them to alter their lifestyle, including keeping pet dogs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 05:52 PM

Beware of the risks of keeping dogs....check out causes of and other illness here:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490581/Can-dogs-breast-cancer-Bizarre-medical-theories-experts-claim-actually-true.htm

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 05:26 PM

My dogs have enjoyed the arrival of green tomatoes (the ones that won't ripen and aren't in good enough shape for relish, etc.) in the compost heap this week. Cinnamon, the American Staffordshire Terrier, was playing fetch with a large one last evening. Literally. I'd chuck the fruit across the yard and she'd drop it at my feet for another throw. :)

When you watch dogs at things like this event, it's interesting to see the interaction. I have my dogs do certain behaviors during the day (they do lots of tricks for dog treats, certainly, but they walk on the leash close to me, and before they're allowed to eat their dinner they have to wait for me to give them permission.) I really think they enjoy the anticipation before they get to eat, they are so alert and happy to be performing this trick for such a great outcome and for approval.

Cats wouldn't begin to understand this kind of relationship.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM

Tiger Rag Django

not bad for a guy with missing fingers

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM

I'll moider da bum." - Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

I'm philosophically opposed to grounding straps on the grounds that many powers originate with sparks of electricity. Sure, sparks are annoying, but there's a slippery slope; first grounding straps become acceptable, then people start avoiding catwalks spanning big vats of chemicals, then someone enacts legislation restricting radiation sources within population centers...do you see where I'm going here? Stop the madness.
-Greg Plesur

A boy (Shane) can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 03:36 PM

Others may wish to view this little video (well...little...it's nearly 10 minutes long), but I post it here primarily for Mr. Little Hawk.

Please keep in mind that the dachshund's pet is 97 (human) years old.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 02:49 PM

Stilly, for fie!! You have mistaken me for some other drunken lout of a ne'er-do-well.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 02:45 PM

I'm glad Janie bagged a nice round number.

Janie, don't let these guys start hanging around on your back porch or there will be no end to the neighborly complaints, both of the noise of their caterwauling, and the smell from their peeing off of the back porch into the bushes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 02:40 PM

♫♫

Let a SMLE be your umbrella...

♫♫

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 02:33 PM

I can make it blink too, so it looks like fun!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 01:58 PM

mmmm shiney.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 01:46 PM

I love it when the pallid gleam of civilization paints a thin veneer over the rabid jowls of foaming madness.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 01:36 PM

Okay, I'll rephrase that:

BRING IT ON, you airhead! Guns, knives, fists, feet...it's all one to me, you flippin' piece of discarded pond scum! I'll shoot you to pieces and then shoot the pieces into dust! I'll cut you into collops to feed to the hogs! I'll shove you feet-first into your own big mouth and keep shoving until you disappear, and then wipe the smear of stinking grease off my hands and go have a drink with some REAL men who can actually DO what they say they can.

Get a real life, yo-yo boy, or just keep playing with yourself and your teddy.    8-) And HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:52 PM

At thirty-two and seven bells
We left the land to lee,
And all we saw was a raging hell
Of foam and storm-torn sea.
And the seas climbed high, and the seas broke hard
As our top mast reeled and swayed,
But she stood the force, and we held our course
For the thirty-three of Kay.

Below the deck, in a galley warm
Worked Janie, Reb, and Still
And they tried to make up something good
Our hungry mouths to fill.
But the twisting seas and the rollicking gale
Made the whole place much too rough.
So they tied themselves into their bunks,
And swore they'd had enough.

The night was pitch, and the howling bitch
Of a storm howled louder still
And we ducked our bow and rose again
In seas as big as hills.
No man could face that awful gale
Without thinking he oughter pray.
And no-one knew if we'd make it through
TO the thirty three of Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:51 PM

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill. - The Buddha



Now some of you here are making MOM sad and are breaking the written and unwritten laws and traditions of posting to the Mother of all Mudcat threads.


Here some recent NASTY examples.


(borderline)
You are jaded, cynical, myopic and bitter in these matters. Also dismissive, condescending, somewhat smug and (in my humble small opinion) not quite in touch with reality.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(medium)

Cheney despite his protestations of everyone but himself, is completely irrelevant. He is an old impotent man who clings to his delusion of elder statesmanship. Let him.
Instead of feeling outraged by the man who was formerly Dick Cheney, feel sad for him. Let him go.
Allow him to peacefully and compassionately fade away. Let him leave this Earth with forgiveness.

Please allow this man to die eventually of an expected yet agonizing heart attack at 2:45AM on January 21st alone and linger in extreme palin for weeks until all the medical machinery in the world can no longer sustain this man's evil sick and twisted life of fear.

May God bless.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(extreme)

BRING IT ON, you airhead! Guns, knives, fists, feet...it's all one to me, you flippin' piece of discarded pond scum! I'll shoot you to pieces and then shoot the pieces into dust! I'll cut you into collops to feed to the hogs! I'll shove you feet-first into your own big mouth and keep shoving until you disappear, and then wipe the smear of stinking grease off my hands and go have a drink with some REAL men who can actually DO what they say they can.

Get a real life, yo-yo boy, or just keep playing with yourself and your teddy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



…Now surely you can communicate with good will and cheer for a wee bit longer, at least until this holiday season has past.

For lambs of mercy sakes you certainly can carefully choose your words with goodness at heart. Or will I hav to beat the crap out of you?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM

I once shot a copy of "Sears List Of Subject Headings" with Walther P-38. Emptied the magazine into the thing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:38 PM

The Confederation of British Industry? Central Bureau of Investigation? Caribbean Basin Initiative? Conservation Biology Institute? Codon bias index ? Cumulative Book Index?

Your training is not helpful when you promulgate obscure expressions in arcane fields without the courtesy of explanation. It imposes unduly on others who do you the courtesy of trying to understand you in spite of all temptations to do otherwise...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:32 PM

Amos, I was taught in college not to translate materials into English, but to assume that the readers would be intelligent enough to translate them themselves.

As both a librarian and a rifleman of more than a half-century's standing, I can discuss the Short Magazine Lee Enfield (SMLE) until you would, to put it bluntly, puke. For instance, did you know that it was a change, an upgrade, from the 1888 Lee-Metford rifle, and it was adopted in 1895 and used until 1957? That it was known to the ANZAC folks as simply "the 303" for it's caliber? That a 174 grains full metal jacketed (the service round was 215 grains) bullet has a muzzle velocity of 2,475 fps, will rise about 2.75 inches at 100 yards, but has a drop of about 70 inches at 500 yards? Its metric designation is 7.7x56R, and the cartridge was first powered by black powder, then cordite, and then nitrocellulose ("smokeless powder"). A variety of weapons were chambered for the .303 round besides the SMLE, including the Ross Rifle, the Martini-Enfield, the Hotchkiss gun (which was used to shoot down Manfred von Richtofen), and the Bren gun. Variants included a "jungle carbine" used in the CBI during WW2.

And no, I did not look this stuff up. Nor will I explain what you can look up yourself -- it would be unprofessional of me to insult your intelligence by doing so.

Should you like to know more about the SMLE (or anything else), please don't hesitate to ask.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:32 PM

The Song of the Chthonic Erinyes, for Little Hawk, who took his Mother's name in vain:

Happy the man who keeps his heart pure from
Guilt and crime!
Him we avengers touch not;
He treads the path of life secure from us.
But woe! Woe!
To him who has done the deed of secret murder.
We, the fearful daughters of Night,
Fasten ourselves upon his whole being.
Thinks he by flight to escape us?
We fly still faster in pursuit,
Twine our snakes around his feet,
And bring him to the ground,
Unwearied we pursue;
No pity checks our courage;
Still on and on, to the end of life
We give him no peace nor rest.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 10:54 AM

And for those who wonder what he is talking about, a "SMLE" is a Short Magazine Lee Enfield, a .303 caliber rifle used by British and Commonwealth in the 20th century. You would think a Librarian would provide this kind of enlightening information instead of proffering deliberate obscurity...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 10:51 AM

I was beating ON Little Hawk. Rapaire is SOOO vulgar. Can't even use the right preposition, he's so fixated on his brother's bayonet.

Janie, terrific work!! I can't wait to listen to them when I get home.
Good on ya!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 09:35 AM

The last time the police came they weren't certain if the noise complaint was about my singing or the barking of the dog next door;>)

Or was it my barking vs the singing of the dog next door? Life is so confusing sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

Does Yours Truly want to admit to these things? Are the police ever involved? Are there singing dachshunds?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Dec 09 - 12:55 AM

While the boys are beating off around the campfire, Yours Truly finally got it together enough to post links to a few rough recordings of what Yours Truly does on the back porch late at night. They be "up top."