BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:27 PM

Chimpanzees are one of the six remaining ape species. There are two sub-species, the Common chimpanzee and the Pygmy chimpanzee.There are only 200,000 left in the wild today. Compared with millions that used to roam Africa 50 years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:25 PM

Chimps nightime story

Hoover Dam (original name was Boulder Dam) took 5 years to build. It is one of the largest dams in the world at 726 ft. (221 m) high and 1,244 ft. (379 m) long. There are 4,360,000 cubic yards of concrete in the dam, powerplant, and appurtenant works, about 5 million barrels of cement. The hydroelectric capacity of Hoover Dam is 1,345 Mw.

When the dam was built, there were theories that the enormous concentration of concrete in one spot would throw the earth off its axis. If this happened, some of the smaller countries were planning to sue for reparations in the World Court.
About 20 years ago, the administrator of the dam decided he didn't like the bats that lived there, so he had them exterminated. Needless to say, it is now plagued by insects. Attempts are being made to bring the bats back.
Although Las Vegas is only a 45 minute drive away from the dam (and half the time is spent on slow roads), it only gets about 2% of the dam's power output. This is because, when the dam was built and power was being assigned, the city only had a population of 6,000, and the mayor saw no reason for the population to increase by any significant amount.
The dam was originally expected to have a service life of 1,500 years. Now that other dams upstream of the Hoover Dam keep silt from accumulating under the dam, the expected lifetime has doubled to 3,000 years.
Watching specials on The History Channel, you will hear that about 100 people died during work on the dam. The number is actually over 400, but because the government listed Carbon Monoxide poisoning and Black Lung as unrelated diseases, most of these deaths were not listed as occupation-related.
At the top of the Dam, there is a star map that gives the appearance of the sky at the time that the dam was completed, as well as a description of the earth's axial wobble, so that archaeologists of the distant future might be able to fix the time that the dam was built.
The Hoover Dam is the only US Federal Public Works project of its size that has (directly) paid for itself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:23 PM

It's a miracle!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:20 PM

The only way I eat bananas is sliced, on cornflakes or rice crispies. For the potassium. And never more than 1/2 of the banana. Being a generous soul who values all sentient beings, I leave the rest for the fruitflies.

But then, I am not a monkey or a chimp. I am a child of MOAB.

Ed T. What hope you give for MOAB kind. We all thought MOM was past her childbearing years.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:15 PM

Amos' drive to 32K may coincide with my public radio station reaching it's pledge drive goal of $600,000.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:13 PM

That's an interesting point you make about banana eating, Ed. I think the chimps probably have it figured right while we humans are, as you suggested, victims of social conditioning.

However, take note of this: Chimps are NOT monkeys! They are apes. Apes are not monkeys.

Chongo expects you to correct this misuse of language, and if you don't he will have you publicly censured for uttering specist statements on the Net. Be aware of that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:09 PM

In early 2001, New Mexico's law making cohabitation illegal was repealed. The bill passed the Senate by a 26-5 vote, went through the House, and was finally signed by Governor Gary Johnson. The action followed charges against a couple living together in Los Lunas by the ex-wife of the man. The case drew national attention and was eventually dismissed in April 2000.

The law, enacted in 1963, made it theoretically illegal for couples to live together if they were not married. It had not been used for decades, however. The issue was last raised in 1987 and 1988 when a sheriff of Catron County and subesequently a reverend of Rio Rancho asked for it to be enforced. Their suggestions faded as they were told this was impossible.

The five senators who voted against the bill said they were doing so to strenghten families and marriage. They wanted the cohabitation law to be stricter, if anything.

Other states with such laws are Arizona, Idaho, Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Virginia, and West Virginia.
by agazade

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:04 PM

Go on, admit it - you've always wanted to haven't you? Perhaps not, but what if I told you that it's not just apes but those perennial favourites of enlightened humanity, monkeys, who have developed this enlightened way of devouring the humble banana? Yes, it's time we humans took that final step in our evolution - ironically by imitating our simian siblings! So, you ask, how exactly do I eat a banana like a chimp?

Chances are, if you pick up a banana with intent to eat it, you'll peel it by grabbing the stalk and ripping it downwards, then peeling down the other flappy bits. If that is your intention, stop now! Take a leaf (no pun intended) from the chimp's book. Basically, chimps eat bananas sideways, by bending the banana slightly (usually in the direction of its natural bend) until the skin splits, revealing the precious yellow inner. The fruit is then easily retrievable from its case, thus facilitating its transfer into one's mouth.

Why? WHY??

This is all well and good, but why bother? Well, let me ask you, why do you bother peeling bananas the way you do? As usual, it is all pure social conditioning! The way you peel bananas now is more work than the beautifully simple chimp method. Face it - chimps spend their lives surrounded by bananas, swinging joyously from banana tree to banana tree and eating bananas. They are banana experts! They know how bananas tick. Splitting the banana sideways in one swift action is not only much easier than peeling all the flaps from the top, but is also scientifically proven to greatly reduce the number of stringy bits you have to get off afterwards. Rigorous scientific testing has also proven this method to make the banana actually taste better!

As well as saving you precious life energy and producing a more pleasant eating experience, eating a banana like a chimp is less embarrassing than the usual, slightly phallic method. Plus, if you practise regularly, you get to eat loads of bananas! Bananas are good for you.
by kobold

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 08:04 PM

You've got it all wrong, Ed!

Canadians say "out".

Scots say "oot".

Americans say "aaaowwwwwwwwyyyyt" (make it really nasal like a halfwit Ozark hillbilly and you get the full effect.)

The Canadians and the English are, in fact, the only English-speaking people who pronounce "out" the way it should be pronounced. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 08:02 PM

Chimps rule
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scEgX_CI2P8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXEQhsZrkM8

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 07:06 PM

Remember.
This is a music website
And, a quota of musicdiscussion is wise to maintain in every thread

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 07:00 PM

My outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

When I awoke this a mornin' the rain was a pouring down
I was gonna wed the little river girl
just over the bridge across town

Now I'm a runnin' up and down the river
and my nerves are driving me wild
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and, I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Oh rain oh rain stop fallin'
dark clouds hurry from the sky
The preacher and my bride are waitin'
and the weddin' bells are startin' to chime

I can't kiss and hold her
and it's drivin' me out of my mind
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Yeah I got one foot in the river
one foot solid on the ground
I try to swim that ragin' ol' river
but I know if I try I'd drown

There's not a boat around me
they walked on out with the tide
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Yeah rain oh rain stop fallin'..
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 06:51 PM

An outie in Canada is called an ootie:)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 06:37 PM

Little Hawk used to have an Outie Chimp, bu the back wheels fell off.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:40 PM

You would if you had driven one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:26 PM

I don't think an Outie is any different from, say, a Honda or a Ford.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:01 PM

Good thing! Chimps with "outties" tend to get picked on and ostracized by their bandmates.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 04:44 PM

Just checked him out.
He has an innie, not an outtie.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 04:36 PM

Yours is an Inner Chimp, isn't it, Ed??? 'Fess up!! :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:54 PM

Sorry, the chimp has been messin with the keyboard, while I was typin....mested me up
Will send the link again

http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:52 PM

"My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso." Quote Pablo Picasso.


Prune based shooters to keep you movin'
Bowel Banger
Ingredients:
1 oz. Vodka - (or more)
1/2 oz. Prune Juice - (or more)
Instructions
Pour in order into a shot glass.

Old Yeller
Ingredients:
2 Olives - (more)
1 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
1 oz. Whiskey - (more)
Instructions
Throw all in a blender and mix well. Serve at room temperature and garnish with a lemon slice.

Smooth Move
Ingredients:
2 oz. Pineapple Juice - (more)
2 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
2 oz. Sour Mix - (more)
1 oz. Rum - (more)
Instructions
Blend with 1 cup of ice and pour into a sugar rimmed parfait glass. Garnish with a pineapple spear and a cherry

Absolut Death
Ingredients
12 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
4 oz. Absolut Peppar Vodka - (more)
4 oz. Absolut Vodka - (more)
Instructions
Mix with ice in pitcher. Pour into shooter glasses.

(Test, Test, Test
Test, Test, Test
Test your bootie
Don't worry, I'll get better)

<"font color=red""/font color"a href="blink""http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks"blink"/" "/font color">http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:01 PM

Actually that was a paraphrase of a childhood poem, in which the little elf-man insists he is just as big for him as the narrator is "for you".


I had completely forgotten thatpoem until LH reminded me.


I met a little Elf-man once

Down where the lilies blow.

I asked him why he was so small,

And, why he didn't grow.


He slightly frowned, and with his eye

He looked me through and through.

'I'm just as big for me,' said he,

'As you are big for you!'





By J. K. Bangs

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 02:25 PM

Context?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:59 PM

Lotsa folks have said that I'm unreal.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:46 PM

Little Hawk:

"I'm just as real to me," he said
"As you are real to you!!"

If you want to create big waves in the human playing field, go forth with our blessing. Mom will keep the candle burning in the window for you.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:16 PM

And so, as William Shatner works on another epic novel....

As Winona Ryder studies another great script...

As Dachshunds everywhere contemplate the joys of gluttonous larceny...

As George Bush sets about writing his memoirs....

As Achmed Jan plants another IED on the road to Kabul...

We struggle gloriously on toward the goal of 32K!!!

Heady times we live in, eh? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:11 PM

Bravo!! Bravo!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 12:26 PM

Musta scared the freds right outta the boy!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 11:52 AM

Want some content in your thread
some nitro in your tea
What's all these crazy questions MAOBs are askin' me
This is the craziest thread there could ever be
its for mega posters, odd reason for it to be

Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
MAOB ain't the way to have fun, no

So, open up the window
Let some fresh posts into this room
I think I'm almost chokin'
From the stale big-thread perfume

And that lingo they are speakin'
'Bout scared me half to death
Open up the windows, sucker
Let them catch a real fresh breath

[Refrain]
Mama told me not to come
Mama warned me not to come
She said,big-threads ain't the way to have fun, son
MAOBs aren't looking for new sons, no

The keyboards is blastin'
Cobweb's coveing the door
I'm lookin' at my Chimp
He's pissed -off at the door

I seen some secret codes
I ain't never seen before
Don't know what it is, but
No new scrathes at the door

[Refrain]

Mama told me, mama told me, mama told me
Told me, told me
MOAB ain't no way to have fun, blah blah , yeah
Mama told me not to come
Mama, mama, mama told me
MAOB ain't no way to have fun

That ain't the way to have fun, no
That ain't the way to have fun, son
That ain't the way to have fun, no
Same posters every one, son

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM

But Amos! Without the ties the rails SINK!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:30 AM

No, the ship was back around the 17 K, this gang is laying track. You don't nail rail down to ties at sea. I am sure that is not news to you, but I thought I would mention it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:01 AM

Perhaps we are on a ship laying track for an underwater railroad, which of couse, will be of immense use after the Dutch/Manatee takeover of the world.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 12:37 AM

Thing is, I can never remember html tricks. Have to go google and study and experiment -it's only worth the effort when I am compelled to gloat about the Tarheel basketball team.

Do you love me anyways?






And I am confused. Are we on a ship sailing toward the 32 of kay, or laying rail in that direction?

Don't misunderstand me. I'm all for mixed metaphors. It is just that I feel so much more emotionally secure when I know what formula for the mixing to follow.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 11:43 PM

We LOVE HTML tricks!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 10:01 PM

Yes, some nice HTML tricks could be in order, but we really should educate him in the Secret MOAB Code. After he swears a Terrible Oath not to reveal the Secret Code to anyone else, especially the freds and including his fredish (fredian?) relatives.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 09:27 PM

Ah, yes. Just typos, freds it is. And wonderous reading, should our newish Mr. T (or is he Mr. Ed?) go browsing. Some good html tricks in there also, I might add. Very nice.

And there's also the secret writing trick.

I wonder how long that would work here?

Has enough space been taken up so this will look like a suspiciously long space for a short remark?

Probably.

Okay. I'm finished.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 09:25 PM

: How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

Quote, George Washington Carver, Inventor, Educator and Agricultural Researcher, known for his work with products using peanuts, 1864-1943

Agricultural chemist, George Washington Carver discovered three hundred uses for peanuts and hundreds more uses for soybeans, pecans and sweet potatoes. He start popularizing uses for peanut products including peanut butter, paper, ink, and oils beginning in 1880. The most famous of Carver's research took place after he arrived in Tuskeegee in 1896. However, Carver did not patent peanut butter as he believed food products were all gifts from God. The 1880 date precedes all [eanut butter inventors, except the Incas, who were first. It was Carver who made peanuts a significant crop in the American South in the early 1900's.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 08:27 PM

When the toll crept down to sixty-six,
The tired sons of Mother
Were growing faint and querulous
And snapped at one another.
Their tongues were sharp, their tempers frayed,
As might happen the same to you,
And their weary ears were tired of
The number, "32".

They'd done their turn, worked through the night,
And through the follering day.
Their backs were sore, their pants were worn,
And they still weren't all the way.
So you cannot blame those noble folk
For feeling sharp, that way.
They'd earned it all, in the service of
The thirty-two of Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 06:54 PM

The horror. The horror.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 05:53 PM

Be careful, or DAD might torture you.... tie you and lock you in a room for years with nothing to read but old MOAB endless posts.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 05:51 PM

Stilly, you've been around long enough to know that it's the "freds" with a lower-case "f". But I would be at all surprised at your deduction: "ed" is half of "fred" and the "t" is just camouflage. Although, I suppose, freds might use letters as surnames or hive identification or something. Perhaps "Ed T" is actually telling us he's only half fred, like Spock was half Vulcan. We would have to investigate what the other half was, and given that he dropped the "fr" I suspect one of his parents was FRench and he's ashamed of it. The "t" would have to refer to Tau Ceti, in which direction his other parent came.

Now we have determined the "line" to the home planet of the freds! And all thanks to Ed T.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM

Many many people have made MOAB what it is today, not just 3 or 4 of us. And we've seen enough come and go that we should have been onto this latest infiltration before now.

It's my guess that Ed T is under the influence of the Freds. He may even be one. Trying to ingratiate himself into the MOAB homestead. I get it now: through the looking glass, seeing Chinga as a male, it's more than a yin/yang thing. It's faulty interpretive software.

Be afraid, be VERY afraid--the Freds are getting devious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 05:19 PM

I was strolling through the park one day
On the way to a merry thirty-two kay
When I was taken by surprise
By a gang of nasty guys
Who beat the crap out of me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 05:03 PM

No, I wouldn't; but I'd miss your more genuine and creative posts. I suppose its a "warts andall" proposition.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 04:42 PM

You'd miss my sardonic, condescending remarks if I was gone, Amos.

(grin)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 03:21 PM

"Virgin baby goldfish cracker poetry?"
The urban Cracker goldfish said as he lifted his Eurovision sunglasses

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 02:56 PM

Some do, some teach, and some write sardonic, condescending remarks, old man. Ya pays yer money and you tykes yer cherce.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 02:17 PM

Just think...somewhere out there in suburbia a goldfish is composing heroic poetry that no one here will ever hear! It's sad, really.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 02:10 PM

This must be sort of like the heroic dramas that goldfish in a tank make up about their lives... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 09 - 01:49 PM

The count was down to seventy-eight
When the wind began to blow.
The red dust flew to the skies on high
And ruined our hopes below.
The air was thick as an old brick wall
And it slammed our bones with pain.
And we thought we'd never gain a yard,
Or ever post again.

And every hand who could even move
Was huddled behind a rock
As the wind blew through like a hurricane
No hand of man could block.
We was lying low, ducking from that blow,
And we feared we'd starve in the dark.
When through the screaming gloom appeared
A figure, tall and stark.

We heard him scream into that blow,
"Goddam your eyes and all!"
And saw him stagger to the rail,
Stumble, and lurch, and fall.
And we saw him scramble and rise again
And grab the line and cuss,
Hammering down in that screaming squall,
"Gimme 32 Kay, or bust!"

Then that shadow yelled like a fiend from hell
And he grabbed a rail and hauled
While his clothes were shredded and his skin was too,
By the force of that awful squall.
And the hands looked out as that rail went down,
And he hammered it onto the ties.
And they wept to see old Amos win,
Or from wind and dirt in their eyes.

So another chain was laid out true
In the face of that living hell,
And the winds went home, cuz they knew the truth,
They'd been beat, any man could tell.
So the hands crept out as the wind died down
And a couple of chimps joined the fray.
And they all turned to with a post or two,
For the sake of 32 K.