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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 22 Sep 13 - 04:32 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 13 - 12:45 AM
gnu 21 Sep 13 - 09:27 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 13 - 06:29 PM
Ebbie 20 Sep 13 - 12:12 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 13 - 11:35 AM
GUEST 20 Sep 13 - 10:06 AM
GUEST,Amos 20 Sep 13 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 13 - 11:56 PM
gnu 19 Sep 13 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 13 - 05:45 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 13 - 12:03 PM
gnu 19 Sep 13 - 07:38 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 13 - 11:50 PM
Ebbie 18 Sep 13 - 10:52 PM
Ebbie 18 Sep 13 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 13 - 09:15 PM
gnu 18 Sep 13 - 09:09 PM
gnu 18 Sep 13 - 03:24 PM
Acme 18 Sep 13 - 02:55 PM
gnu 18 Sep 13 - 06:10 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 13 - 12:01 AM
Acme 17 Sep 13 - 11:46 PM
Acme 16 Sep 13 - 06:57 PM
gnu 16 Sep 13 - 06:45 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Sep 13 - 05:27 PM
Acme 16 Sep 13 - 02:53 PM
gnu 16 Sep 13 - 01:45 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 13 - 12:32 PM
Amos 16 Sep 13 - 09:28 AM
Little Hawk 16 Sep 13 - 01:06 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 13 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 15 Sep 13 - 09:24 PM
Acme 15 Sep 13 - 07:17 PM
Ebbie 15 Sep 13 - 01:25 PM
Amos 15 Sep 13 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 13 - 11:25 AM
Amos 15 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM
gnu 15 Sep 13 - 05:59 AM
Acme 15 Sep 13 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 14 Sep 13 - 10:11 PM
gnu 14 Sep 13 - 05:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 13 - 09:04 AM
gnu 14 Sep 13 - 06:49 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 13 - 10:31 PM
gnu 13 Sep 13 - 05:30 PM
Acme 13 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 13 - 12:44 PM
gnu 13 Sep 13 - 12:37 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 13 - 10:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 13 - 04:32 AM

I do indeed, Rap. Why, he even complimented me and I can assure you, as one who was once a master of Rhan, I suck. The only good thing nowadays is that my affliction and my injury preclude me from sucking for any length of time, thereby lessening my embrassment.

Mum picked the Chiefs and I am sure she cheered all six sacks on Vick as much as I did. She's goin Pats, Skins, Broncos and, just for olddude, her upset pick is Steelers at home but she ain't got no coin on that one (pretty sure Dan don't neether).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 13 - 12:45 AM

gnu. Go to Getaway and see how well Dani thumps. Amos wouldn't know -- he plays geetar and you know what THAT sort is like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 13 - 09:27 PM

Amos. Do tell. Does the lovely Dani thump the Bodhran well? I have always wished so. Nice Hran. I got it from The Wicked Witch of The West in a Mudcat auction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 13 - 06:29 PM

NO!!!

Mom had...had...fallen off the bottom!!!! No one, not even that flip-faced bolt-hole Sham McBride, to help her back up until I came along!!! For over five hours she lay there, unable to get up, until I came along, took her in my strong arms and set her back in her rightful place.

That's why I'm her favorite, except in Canada and other place where they spell things oddly, and in those I'm her favourite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Sep 13 - 12:12 PM

This thread has become downright lyrical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 13 - 11:35 AM

Tho' the poet remains anonymous
Cognoscenti know it's just Amos
Trifling again with foot and rhyme
Desperately clutching at sublime
Meter, scansion, words and verse
Making matters ten time worse
Forcing rhymes and sense attack
Hashing, grunting, pushed syntax
Everything to assume a part
That rhymes to create a word like "art".

       --Napleon Stilletoe Garcia-Chavez IV, Gedichte Meine Großmutter lehrte mich (Liepzig, Bernardo O'Higgins Press, 1643)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Sep 13 - 10:06 AM

Lo, like the dawning of inevitable day
Approaches now the Next of Kay.
Time and the world march on; duress
Forces the birth of New BS
And every voice partakes the line
That leadeth the Kays to Forty-Nine!
Now all our art and skill and tricks
Reduce the gap of posts to six
And ere the day or week are through,
The Forty-Ninth Kay will come through.
Than shall our labors doubled be
As raising our eyes aloft, we see
Like a glimmering star of hope divine
The Fiftieth follows Forty-Nine!

Salem Winniston Durham Beauregard III
Poet Laureate of Meconic County


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 20 Sep 13 - 09:50 AM

The long and endlessly faskinatin' voyage approaches its southern terminus; I have been in Nawth Carolina, the GRand Northern State, for a number of days now (don't ask which number as I have lost count in my meandering mind). I stayed a day with Bill and Rita in Maryland and then drove seven long hours to arrive at Sir Beaubear's most amazing estate tucked back in the wooded farmlands of Wingate, North Carolina, a short distance from the border with South Carolina. My stay with Bobert and Peavine was indescribably delicious. We hoisted and hauled thirty bales of hay from the neighbor's horse farm and stacked them in Bobert's barn. We went to the amazing reborn city of Charlotte and dined on pulled pork and beef brisket. We swapped songs in Bobert's secret lair, where all the mind-blowing stories are born, and dug out mud from the creek where fallen trees had choked the flow. We talked to Famous and Ghost (horses) and discussed affairs with a black cat named Kendall. Bobert and Peavine demonstrated their fencing techniques, a masterful demonstration of marital harmony and counter-point refined to a scintillating edge. We laughed a great deal. Peavine sang for us, and showed me her array of plantings, a subject of which she is an Ascended Master. With great regret, I left their sweet plantation.

I have come now, after several hours of driving, back to Hillsboro, the sweet spot of North Carolina, where I have settled down at Dani's lovely cottage in the trees, and peace reigneth upon the land. Herself is off to work, and a light rain has ended the most recent drought here, and the trees are wet and green, the spider webs sparkle like jewels, and all is well with the world. Aside from an occasional burst of public radio I have been exposed to almost no news or chatter from the media for some time, and I am finding it is quite salubrious to my mental state.

In two weeks, the World-Famous Getaway!! The Grand Reunion of Singing Souls from All Over Earth!

You-all come, y'hear? Gosh-all Hemlock, yes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 13 - 11:56 PM

I always have a clear shot.

Where ever you are, I am there. If you are looking West, I am in the East. If you hide you will be found. If you are below I am above, if you are above I am below. You cannot run fast enough, you cannot run far enough, you cannot hide well enough, you cannot have enough cover or concealment. Night, fog, smoke, darkness are all useless, for you will be be a target if I wish you to be. You cannot conceal your tracks, you cannot hide you scent.

I will find you. You have no recourse should I wish to do so.

None.












Tag! You're It!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 13 - 06:50 PM

Oh. I mistook a mistake. My apologies.

Careful... it's just a ruse to get us out in the open fer a clean shot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 13 - 05:45 PM

In spades.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 13 - 12:03 PM

I am not! I'm in Quincy, Illinois and peaceful and kind and courteous and friendly and cheerful and thrifty and helpful and the very epitome of the Boy Scout Law and the Acts of Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy, not to mentions the Gifts of the Holy Ghost, the Eight Beatitudes, the Ten Commandments, the Seven Glorious and Joyful Mysteries, the Seven Sisters, the Forty Days in the Desert, the Eight Phases of Mitosis and the Five Cards of a Royal Flush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 13 - 07:38 AM

Thanks, Ebbie. Re 50k... Rap was a boy sprout and is required to "Be Prepared". The rest of us are simply humouring him (he is armed to the teeth!).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 11:50 PM

Slightly over a thousand more, Ebbie. That much BS comes out of Juneau is just a few hours -- when the legislature is in session, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 10:52 PM

By the way, you guys are already concerned about Post 50,000? Long way to go, innit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 10:48 PM

Writing from the POV of someone not oneself is fraught with ambiguities. I have a dear female friend - and known to most of you - who has written songs in the name of someone else- and an acquaintance said to her, I didn't realize you have a daughter.

Notwithstanding that the song mentions 'Daddy'.

Incidentally, the acquaintance is a psychologist. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 09:15 PM

I watched the brilliant red orb of the Sun sink behind the Missouri foothills and bathe the Mississippi with its glow. I saw the mountains of Utah merge into those which surround Denver, and those flatten into the plains of Kansas and Missouri. I dared to drive across the Wide Missouri River in a rainstorm so fierce that it was as if a fire hose was playing full force against me. And now, at peace, I can at last watch the lights of the bridges spanning the Father of Waters glitter on the wavetops below.








REMEMBER the 50K is: Memory of Katlaughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 09:09 PM

I just got new pics for my YT vid today! I am stoked! Off to work! Not that it matters a whit to any of you that I have poured my heart and soul into a project that I found distressing from the start. I mean, it's just a song, right? Fuck all to a wee rhyme eh? Unless you write it for soemone else and you have to get their message across.

Have ANY of you done this? Tried to write just a simple protest song/prose/poetry for someone else? I have written a lot of stuff that is in the vault but all of it is just "for me".

Seriously, have you tried to write something to express the views and concerns of others? I still find my product lacking because I didn't address all of their issues. NObody wants a song that long. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 03:24 PM

Right on, SRS. Right on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 02:55 PM

At least the 503 message let a little light shine from under the locked door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 06:10 AM

Somehow, seeing the 503 was welcomed by me. I thought, "Hey. It means Max is okay to whatever extent." It may not have at all but I chose to think that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 12:01 AM

Wow. I was shaking and starting to hallucinate. MC withdrawal, or maybe just flashbacks from the '60s.

To UIN tomorrow.






REMEMBER: 50K is: Memory of Katlaughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 13 - 11:46 PM

Whoa! Now that was a long episode in a snug dark place. Let's hope the 'cat doesn't blink out any more! Breathe deeply and let's get this operation back underway!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 06:57 PM

Thank you. What is a compliment to offer to a chimp? I imagine calling him a "gentleman" has some cultural baggage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 06:45 PM

I think you should do it, SRS. I will hold all posts as we near the mark in that endevour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 05:27 PM

Okay, I promise not to take that post when it comes. I know that rituals like this are important to homsaps, and I will stand aside and let ya fulfill yer cultural needs without messin' things up.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 02:53 PM

We set aside 50,000 for Kat, so keep in mind someone needs to log out and log in in her name. For Old time sake - but do it so you don't startle the rest of the membership. "Honoring Katlaughing" or something like that.

Holding your toes to this fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 01:45 PM

How odd! I just came hence to post, "Only 1057 posts to 50k." and found I was outhenced.

As for proper writ words n such, maybe but it's doughtful.

It works. Look it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 12:32 PM

Dear Family and Friends of The Mother of all BS threads,

We are approaching a change from one "thousand" to another. The next change after that will be from one "ten thousand" to another -- in this case, 50,000 posts.

This is a record unexceeded anywhere, not just in the Mudcat Cafe but on the entire World Wide Web. It behooves us, as this remarkable event approaches, to remove our headgear and pledge the following:

I (state your name, not this parenthetical statement) do commit myself to posting the best BS of which I am capable. I shall use correct spelling and grammar whenever possible and appropriate, and shall endeavor to make all of my endeavors reach the unparalleled heights envisioned so long ago by King Khandu, our founder and inspiration. I swear this by the gods my people swear by or if I'm an atheist I'll just do my best. SO MOTE IT BE!!

Thank you for participating in this. The firing squad will now load ten rounds ball ammunition and will ensure that you keep your promise. Bugler, sound the Charge or something!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 09:28 AM

Speaking strictly for Amos, I suggest that is a very good thing, and wish to assure you that I never for a moment suspected you might--or even could be Amos. Being AMos is not a simple breezy task to be undertaken by the part-time scholar or the dilettante in search of a mere frisson. It is a full-time job, and requires the most complete attention and concentration.

Rapparree, for example, could never do it. And don't think, secretly, that he hasn't tried! I feel his envious efforts seeping through the psychic gloom like the exhalations of some over-grown treefrog aspiring to the status of a turtledove. His dark conceits are as transparent to me as the gray dishwater running down the kitchen drain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 01:06 AM

I am not Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 10:54 PM

Poor Amos. He's begun repeating himself. A sure sign of senility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 09:24 PM

gnu said: "I am a firm believer in reinclination. I believe that when ya get divorced and say, "Fuck that shit! Never again!", you are reborn as a different being."

Yes, it does seem that way. ;-) Although I haven't been divorced, technically speaking, never having married, but I HAVE experienced the same thing after breaking up with incompatible girlfriends. However, I think it's more like recovering one's original self than being reborn as a different being...though it could work either way, I guess.

gnu also said: "It's like reincarnation but without the death part. That part sucks."

Well...wait a minute. How do you know????? For all you know, death might turn out to be way better than anyone here can possibly grasp prior to experiencing it! I'm optimistic about that, and I have my reasons, but they must remain unspoken at this time. True, death is hard on the physical body...but if the dead body is analogous to a cast off suit of old clothing, that hardly matters, does it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 07:17 PM

Exactly!

I transplanted a little tree from a garden up the street (my friend called and asked if I wanted it) this afternoon. Fingers crossed it survives, this was the most basic of "bare root" transplants. There's a chicken wire fence around it now to keep the dogs out, but it has thorns, which will also work to keep the dogs out once the roots are established.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 01:25 PM

"...if there are chips on the edges, you can file them down" SRS

The same emery cloth that I use on rough edges when I change guitar strings does a perfect job on chipped glass. I have a favorite tall glass vase and somehow it got a jagged chip from its mouth.

I hauled out the emery cloth and smoothed it a couple of times. Perfect. Doesn't get rid of the dent, of course, but nobody's going to get hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:30 AM

I am a firm believer in glassware and Pyrex.

But Rapparree troubles me; not content with the towering accomplishments of his own vainglorious career, his troubled fundament drives him to seek to milk the fruit of my own meagre repute as First Vowel. This, of course, has no impact on my virtue or my merit, which being pure is as the strength of ten, but it does lead one to wonder about the deep insecurities of his fundament.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:25 AM

That's my grading the by USDA, Amos. I am officially "AAA" grade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM

I am a firm believer in glassware and Pyrex.

But Rapparree troubles me; not content with the towering accomplishments of his own vainglorious career, his troubled fundament drives him to seek to milk the fruit of my own meagre repute as First Vowel. This, of course, has no impact on my virtue or my merit, which being pure is as the strength of ten, but it does lead one to wonder about the deep insecurities of his fundament.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 05:59 AM

I got no quams with Pyrex but the only thing I use em for is cakes. 9X13 for cake cakes and 9X9 for Johnny Cake. Matter of fact, I'd be baking today as the temp is to be only 21 but it is Sunday, a day of worship... starting at 2PM with Dolphins at Colts and Panthers at Bills. The only thing getting baked today is me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 01:33 AM

Don't worry about the glassware. I have tons of Pyrex and I love the stuff. My father had a lot of it and I inherited much of that, in addition to what I already owned. Casseroles with lids in various sizes, measuring cups, etc. Just avoid the classic error - super hot and super cold meeting (like hot water in a frozen cup) - and you'll be fine. And if there are chips on the edges, you can file them down or use a blow torch and polish it down smooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 10:11 PM

Well, Mom, Cowboy Shooting today was interesting.

First, we stood on a raft (atop old bedsprings, not the River of No Return) and shot five targets with a revolver, then four targets with a shotgun, then two targets five time each with a rifle, and then five targets with a revolver. The "raft" on the bedsprings gave a wobbly footing so that was interesting. Oh, we were supposed to be protecting the "gold bullion bar" we'd panned and dug out of the hills from robbers.

Then there was the second scenario, which (ahem!) I created. Shoot a "V" of five targets with a shotgun, farthest first, then the two closest, and then the two remaining. Shoot five targets two times each with a rifle. HOWEVER! the last of bandits, with his dying breath, supposedly shoots off the tips of your "strong hand" thumb and index finger, so you have to shoot five targets two times each using your "weak" hand (that is, your left hand if you're right handed and vice-versa).

Then we took a break for lunch and shot the raft thing again. I was doing okay, hadn't missed any targets, when I got to the last five revolver shots. Without thinking about it I shot them left handed, missing the only two targets in my shooting that time. As I went to the unloading bench the Range Officer there said to me, "Showing off, are we?"

We were also visited by the World's Champion Cowboy Fast Draw. At the signal, draw your revolver, shoot one shot accurately, and reholster. SHE can do it in .513 seconds. She demonstrated for us. Let me note, Mom, that she shoots wax bullets with little or no powder (a primer only). Nobody wants anybody to get hurt doing this stuff and safety is Number Uno Paramount Ne Plus Ultra. You can't even touch a gun to unload it after firing when the command "The Range is closed!" is made. And anybody can holler "STOP!" if they see something unsafe.

Anyway Mom, that's what I did this morning and afternoon. And I'm not trying to be the best -- just better than anyone else on the range.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 05:37 PM

I am a firm believer in reinclination. I believe that when ya get divorced and say, "Fuck that shit! Never again!", you are reborn as a different being. It's like reincarnation but without the death aprt. That part sucks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 09:04 AM

Dear Mom,

I'm going out this morning to shoot cowboys. Then we eat them. They are tough and stringy and need a good marinade. You can kill the taste with lots of cheap whiskey. Did you know that this is birthday of Clayton Moore, the REAL Lone Ranger?

Your favorite kid and first letter,
A.A.A. Rapparree


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 06:49 AM

Okay... for the fourth time, I am gonna try ta post this, dammit!

I use measuring cups for measuring. I use Owens-Corning CorningWare for baking. Hey, if it's good enough for ballistic missiles, it's good enough for macaroni and cheese.

I do have some glass pans but I don't like to use em. They are left overs from a previous wife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 10:31 PM

Best check those measuring cups and stuff. Read this before bragging about your good buy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 05:30 PM

D'ye wear yer gum rubber boots while yer draggin yer leaves trew yer cups, maid?

Speakin a cups! I bought Anchor (made in USA!!!) glass measuring cups today. A three piece set of 1,2 and 4 cup cups and a 2 qt batter bowl WITH lid for, taxes in, $15.80!!!! Now, if the weather would get get fallish, I shall be cookin cakes and muffins and what have you in regal style. Not everyone has a full range of such in their kithen. Oh, I expect Matha does but then, she doesn't even wash them. Her servants wash after the cameras are off.

Wish I had a cookin show. I could eh? Bachelor Cookin With Ganew... first, grab a beer and then...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM

Every morning I have a couple of large cups of hot water. I prefer to drag a few dead dry camellia leaves through it before I drink it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 12:44 PM

Perfect impetuosity of lizards trumps a dish of Albanian turnips.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 12:37 PM

My memory isn't very good but I do remember the Ream-nosed Romflombler. Not that I actually care to do so, mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 10:58 AM

Negative urbiage festooned with a length of obsidian, resting volubly upon burnt sand. A dragoon trots by. When light pervades obscurity, who can rant? Will technical devices observed in quiet moments ever equal the sound of a Ream-nosed Romflombler at dawn?


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