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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 30 Apr 07 - 08:51 PM
Acme 30 Apr 07 - 08:37 PM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 05:17 PM
Acme 30 Apr 07 - 03:52 PM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 03:49 PM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 03:43 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 07 - 03:39 PM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 03:30 PM
Acme 30 Apr 07 - 03:16 PM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 07 - 02:39 PM
John Hardly 30 Apr 07 - 02:11 PM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 02:05 PM
John Hardly 30 Apr 07 - 02:02 PM
John Hardly 30 Apr 07 - 02:01 PM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 02:00 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 07 - 12:36 PM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 07 - 11:41 AM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 11:19 AM
Acme 30 Apr 07 - 11:17 AM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 11:17 AM
John Hardly 30 Apr 07 - 11:01 AM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 10:03 AM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 07 - 09:31 AM
MMario 30 Apr 07 - 08:18 AM
Acme 30 Apr 07 - 12:09 AM
Amos 30 Apr 07 - 12:01 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 08:46 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 07:22 PM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 07:16 PM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 05:58 PM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 03:26 PM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 02:59 PM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 02:30 PM
Acme 29 Apr 07 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 07 - 01:39 PM
Tweed 29 Apr 07 - 11:44 AM
Amos 29 Apr 07 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 07 - 07:55 PM
Acme 28 Apr 07 - 07:35 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 07 - 11:54 AM
Acme 28 Apr 07 - 11:48 AM
GUEST,freds 28 Apr 07 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 07 - 10:30 AM
Acme 27 Apr 07 - 11:38 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:51 PM

Yeah, there are 12 more unusual photos after that one. It runs fine on mine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:37 PM

It stops loading at the phone through the ear. Does it get odder than that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 05:17 PM

On Humility In the MOAB



I think it is well to remember that there are more kinds of BS under heaven, Horatio, than will ever find their way into our humble thread. Here, for exampe, are some scenes you will probably not see around town.

Sigh. So much BS, and so little time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:52 PM

There may be crawdads in the creek, mostly turtles and various fish. Lots of birds. It's an urban creek--do you think gumbo out of those waters would be good for you?

This is a little tough for eating. (This is an authoritative photo of one of the critters). And this you could use for seasoning (just a nice photo I found when I was looking for a place to park the ammonite--one I took during a deep freeze after a warm spell this winter. That rosemary is so easy to trick into blooming!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:49 PM

I suppose he needed something from which to let his tackle fall, so he brought some davits to the golf course. I believe they make a small plastic shoulder-mounted variety with little itsy-bitsy lines in it.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:43 PM

On a golf course? Is your next question "How long can tread water?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:39 PM

"Davits", not "divots", you foolish mortals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:30 PM

no wonder he's unbalanced. left divots should always be paired with right divots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:16 PM

Someone give Pat a call--Rapaire is off his meds again. I just received a text message from a golfer who saw a big nude guy kowtowing to a huge pile of golf balls he'd retrieved from the brush near his fence. He's chanting something about "Jessup Mountain" and has left divots all over the place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:56 PM

Dorothy absovled the Wicked Witch of the West by throwing a bucket of water on her. Are you going to do the same to absolve us? If so, please warm the water to approx 98 degrees (f) before absolving us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:39 PM

Creations:

We absolve you of your heinous and grievous and nearly unforgivable sin, that of Failing To Believe In Me. We do require certain penances of you, beginning with the donation of all of your worldly wealth to Khandu because We, as Deity don't need it and besides, We can get it from him anytime We wish. You will also sprinkle your heads with hot ashes, but as an all-beneficent deity We enjoin you from harming yourselves by doing so. Lastly, We require you to climb Soyo-San (also known as Mt. Soyo) by walking on your hands; you may descend in the normal way, by jumping off.

We strongly suggest that you do not do this again.

Your Beneficent and Forgiving Overlord,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:11 PM

here...

?

...I found this in my reply box. I'm assuming, perhaps, one of you dropped it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:05 PM

He probably would have said "doody-hood" if he'd thought of it first, but now it would be plaigerism, so he won't.

Am I correct that when you say "nail Articles of Protestant Reform on your door" that "door" is a euphimism


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:02 PM

you didn't just say "doody-hood" did you?

no, wait, I can see now that you clearly said "deity-hood". Do monks wear deity hoods?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:01 PM

I think that "ammonite" is what they make ammo out of. Or, it is that of which they make ammo. Or, ammo is made of "ammonite" (parenthesis optional).

Crayfish are in the creek in your back yard and if you want to fix them in a gumbo then, yes, you can mail some to me. Crayfish also worship Chemosh (this isn't well known, but I have it on good authority. I made it up).

Ammo is better for warship than for worship. That's just my observation. Your opinion may vary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:00 PM

MWAHAHAHAHA. I, for one, defy your power, your allness, and your self-styled deity-hood. I say your feet are as clay, and your nose as aluminum siding. I say your eye is skewed and your tongue as forked as a Republican platform. MWAHAHA! I am going to nail Articles of Protestant Reform on your door.


MWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:36 PM

NOT King, Amos.






























All-Powerful Deity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:43 AM

Delude yourself as you will, Rapaire, you are not the King of MOAB. No-one wants a King who steals his stuff.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:41 AM

He hath uncoveredth my Secret Identity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:19 AM

Some Gods are so picky!! Control freaks. Jealous. Kinda like any other celebrity.

Anyway, I had forgotten all about Chemosh, John, she'd gone completely out of my heart and mind until you reminded me just now.

Chemosh-nadab (in Assyrian, Kammusu-Nadbi) was the king of Moab during the reign of Sennacherib. He is described on the Taylor Prism as bringing tribute to the Assyrian king during the latter's Levantine campaigns.



and also:

Chemosh ( Hebrew כמש, pronounced [χe'moʃ] ), was the god of the Moabites (Num. 21:29; Jer. 48:7, 13, 46). The word Chemosh meant the destroyer, subduer, or fish-god.

According to the Hebrew Bible, the worship of this god, "the abomination of Moab," was introduced at Jerusalem by Solomon (1 Kings 11:7), but was abolished by Josiah (2 Kings 23:13). On the Moabite stone, Mesha (2 Kings 3:5) ascribed his victories over the king of Israel to this god, "And Chemosh drove him before my sight."

...

The etymology of "Chemosh" is unknown. The name of the father of Mesba, Chemosh-melek ("Chemosh is Malik," or "Chemosh is king"; compare Moabite Stone, line 1), indicates the possibility that Chemosh and Malik (or Moloch) were one and the same deity. Judges xi. 24 has been thought by some to be a proof of this, since it speaks of Chemosh as the god of the Ammonites, while Moloch is elsewhere their god (compare I Kings xi. 7, 33). Several critics rightly regard the statement in Judges as a mistake; but such an error was not unnatural. since both Chemosh and Moloch were developed, in different environments, from the same primitive divinity, and possessed many of the same epithets.




I tell ya, man, those were the good old days. John, let me know if you want to start a revival movement... ;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:17 AM

That was absolutely horrible, Amos. Inexcusable. (How come you got up so early to beat me to it?)

John, I think I have some Ammonites in the creek down in my back yard. You want me to mail you one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:17 AM

Chemosh was prior to the establishment of the Temple of the Golden Globes.

Molek didn't do to badly for a god worshiped primarily by extinct invertabretes.

Amos, Oowain is a "pre-minstrel" because due to test anxiety he has flunked his apprenticeship exams 32 years running. On a trip to 1575 Her Majesty (Bess I, that is) did decree him to be a full fledged minstrel on merit, but since this will be 1540 that hasn't happened yet, even though it occurred (will have occurred?) several years ago.

English really needs a few more tenses to take care of situations like this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:01 AM

Deuteronomy 2:9
Then the LORD said to me, "Do not harass the Moabites or provoke them to war, for I will not give you any part of their land. I have given Ar to the descendants of Lot as a possession."

1 Kings 11:33
I will do this because they have [ Hebrew; Septuagint, Vulgate and Syriac because he has] forsaken me and worshiped Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, Chemosh the god of the Moabites, and Molek the god of the Ammonites, and have not walked in obedience to me, nor done what is right in my eyes, nor kept my decrees and laws as David, Solomon's father, did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 10:03 AM

Is a pre-minstrel Cramp worse than a minstrel Cramp?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 09:32 AM

Hudson Valley Mayfaire. I'll be pretending to be "Owain Cramp" - pre-minstrel.

They said I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket - well I've proved them wrong!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 09:31 AM

Might I come? I have my own rapier and dagger, but I'll come as a leper if you'd like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:18 AM

Monday, monday! ONly 4 days until I time travel for the first time since christmas! yee-haw!

going to visit 1540 this time around - seems Oberon has decided that King Hank is a gloomy gus and is going to show up at May Day celebrations (held late due to weather) and liven things up. should be a fun weekend.

due to rain on friday and saturday the last of the snow disappeared - this strange bright light then appeared in the sky. wonder what it was?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:09 AM

It's Sunday night. Get some sleep. Monday morning comes early. Take your barf bucket with you, Rap. I'm glad you two sorted out the original portion of that song. Yankee Doodle, eh? Sure, right. wink wink


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:01 AM

Well, that explains everything!! So sorry I misunderstood your typo!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:46 PM

Actually, I misspelled the wind's name. It should have been "Mahrier" so that it rhymed with "Fire."

Sorry 'bout that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 07:22 PM

Yes, 17300. I refrained because I am the very soul and definition of self-restraint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 07:16 PM

Which was, BTW, 17300!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 07:01 PM

Well, this part of your conflation has been done before:

--- out -- we have a name
For Wind and Rain and Fire
The Fire's ---" the Rain is "---"
And we call the Wind Mariah


Andf also the part about stars being blown around.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 05:58 PM

"Original" means that no one ever did it/wrote it/whatever it before (it's too much trouble to reach for my dictionary). Therefore my song is original and is sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle," a ditty in the public domain.

Anything else is purely speculative on your part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 04:58 PM

Sorry, but "here" and "we" were both part of the original earlier song from which you stole derived yours. So it's fourteen.

As one who has contributed countless original works to MOAB and the Cat, I can only offer my condolences on the strain under which your equipment was recently placed, old friend. This, too, shall pass.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 03:26 PM

Also "Here" and "we." That's 16 words.

Do you have any idea of how much WORK that those sixteen words entailed? Do you? My brain was literally smoking from the friction of ideas and words rubbing together! I could have set my head on fire! In fact, I had a fire extinguisher pointed at my head as I wrote. But no, it's treated as if it was nothing at all. If my brain explodes from the knowledge and ideas contained therein it certainly won't be my fault! So there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 03:06 PM

I apologize, Rapire. I have to acknowledge that you, indeed did write somethings new and original.

They are the following 14 words:

West "Hot,"   "Wet,"
Horses, trains, cattle,
Courthouse roof, Baptist church,
Big Sam's baby's rattle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 02:59 PM

See, Mom? Even when I write something brand new and original I'm accused of Doing Awful Things! Just for that I'm going to go empty the dryer!!! and you'll all be sorry you treated me that way!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 02:30 PM

On the MOAB there's a name
For every kind of schism,
And when a man lifts other words,
We call it plagiarism!

It's plagiarism drives us mad,
Where truth is always shifting,
But Rapaire calls it parody
When others' words he's lifting.



A^n


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 02:15 PM

I have in mind a tune that would go with that song. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 01:39 PM

Here is an old traditional Western folk song I've just written. Please send royalties to Khandu.

Here out West we have a name
For Wind and Rain and Fire
The Fire's "Hot," the Rain is "Wet,"
And we call the Wind Mariah.

Mariah blows the stars around
Horses, trains, and cattle,
The Courthouse roof, the Baptist church,
And Big Sam's baby's rattle.


No, no. No need to thank me. Just send those royalties to Khandu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:44 AM

M.O.A.B.'S BIRTHDAY IN FIVE DAYS!

ALL HAIL KHANDU, THE GREAT CREATOR AND KING OF THE ETHEREAL KINGDOM OF MISSISSIPPI FOR INVENTING THE LARGEST WASTEBASKET IN THE UNIVERSE!!




In the beginning.....:
Subject: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu - PM
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:31 PM

Another brainstorm of mine, inspired by Tweed, Spaw, Carol the Sailor and their ilk.

We can save time which we spend searching through all the BS threads very easily. Henceforth, post all BS here in this thread. Soon there will be only one BS thread. We won't have to look for particular threads as this will be the only one and it will contain all the BS we have to offer.

My Gawd!! Why has this not been thought of earlier? It is so obvious!

I swear, sometimes I even amaze myself!

Once again, for those of you who are slow in understanding...hear me, Tweed! Post all BS in this thread from now on!

Pene Azul and Joe Offer will thank me for making their job so much easier! My fellow 'Catters will also thank me when they realize the time my idea will save them! Maybe this will finally get me the coveted "Time/Life Man of the Year"!!

I swear, sometimes I even blow my own mind!!

King khandu
Thank you, khandu. I worship at your feet.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 09:45 AM

Killing Gatorade? For fie. Perhaps you should stop eating?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 07:55 PM

Something I ate, I think. Sure did want to go visit the Tetons, though. I've killed off a quart and half of Gatorade today, with very little solid food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 07:35 PM

Feeling any better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 11:54 AM

freds, potters earthy sorts, with hands of clay and glazed eyes, and they often kiln something. Let these slip by and go find a nice, tender, banjo player.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 11:48 AM

Sorry to hear about that, Rap. There's nothing more annoying than wasting your days off being sick, instead of taking sick leave during the week. That really irks me!

freds, whoever gave you information about baking potters was misinformed. It's a crock. (winces and leaves quickly)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 11:29 AM

Are potters a special sort of protein? Do they bake well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 10:30 AM

I ain't heading nowhere except the bed and the bathroom after last night. I don't know if I ate something bad or if I've gotten what everyone at work, as well as Pat, has had but if I left here it could be...pretty awful.

Oh, if only Mom were here to soothe my fevered, ah, brow! But no! All I get is Gluon humpin' my leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 11:38 PM

John managed to pick up the tone for MOAB pretty accurately, even if he didn't read the 17200+ previous posts.

Looks like it'll be a quiet weekend of BOTH Rapaire and Amos are heading for the hills. Leo is probably still out shoveling snow in his back yard, trying to find his daffodils, and we haven't heard from Bunn for a while. Little Hawk is out torturing Shane and Chongo. I'll stop by periodically and give MOM a lift.

Don't mention it.


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