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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 12 Apr 10 - 09:32 PM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 09:02 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 10 - 08:46 PM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 02:04 PM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM
MMario 12 Apr 10 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 10 - 12:23 PM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 11:32 AM
MMario 12 Apr 10 - 11:26 AM
Amos 12 Apr 10 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 10 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 10 - 11:49 PM
Eiseley 11 Apr 10 - 09:31 PM
Acme 11 Apr 10 - 09:28 PM
Amos 11 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM
Amos 11 Apr 10 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 10 - 11:28 AM
Acme 11 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 10 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 10 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 10 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 10 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 10 - 10:27 PM
GUEST,Amos 10 Apr 10 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 10 - 10:23 AM
Eiseley 10 Apr 10 - 12:40 AM
Acme 10 Apr 10 - 12:10 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 10 - 09:07 PM
Amos 09 Apr 10 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 10 - 11:41 AM
MMario 09 Apr 10 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 10 - 11:04 AM
Acme 09 Apr 10 - 10:47 AM
MMario 09 Apr 10 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 10 - 10:22 AM
Acme 09 Apr 10 - 01:09 AM
Rapparee 08 Apr 10 - 07:12 PM
Bobert 08 Apr 10 - 05:36 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Apr 10 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 10 - 05:17 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 10 - 02:29 PM
MMario 08 Apr 10 - 10:56 AM
Acme 08 Apr 10 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 08 Apr 10 - 08:46 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 10 - 10:02 PM
Acme 07 Apr 10 - 07:30 PM
Eiseley 07 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:32 PM

I came through the screen door this afternoon, and there was Mom, dancing by herself in the parlor, listening to The McGuire Sisters on the Victrola. I tell you, she dances nice. I tiptoed up to my room during the next turn. She didn't look like she wanted to be interrupted or nothin'.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:02 PM

That's rich fare indeed, Goode Manne of Bookes. I am anxious for the day when they let him out of that bottle. I am sure the whiskey that was in it is all gone by now.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 08:46 PM

They pretty near hanged Tiny Little last night. He'd been sent a couple or three "3-7-77" notes and the poem "We're bound to stop this business, or hang you to a man / For we've hemp and hands
enough in town to hang the whole damn clan." But he pair no attention.

So the Legion went out to do its unpleasant duty, because Tiny was a dues-paying member and Life Member at that. The Squad found him at his boardinghouse, sucking on a bottle of Old Crow. He knew why they were there and so he'd crawled into the bottle.

Literally. Tiny Little is an elf of the Old School, and the Squad knew that hanging an elf was going to be a mighty tall order. For one thing, the Hangin' Tree branch is some twenty feet off the ground, and hanging someone who's two and half inches tall wouldn't be much of an object lesson to the rest of lawbreakers.

And there was the matter of what rope to use. Normally, well-stretched half-inch hemp was the hands-down winner, but when the guest of honor's hat size is pret' near into the negative numbers it makes it kinda tough.

Well, they stood around the room and debated what to do. Some folks were all for using a piece of cotton string, but it was pointed out that doing that "just warn't in the Code Of The West". And all the time Tiny's inside the bottle making obscene gestures at them, mooning them, and shouting things about their mothers that never got out of the bottle.

Finally, Delightful Doug picked up the bottle and screwed the cap back on. Tiny was surprised -- this had never occurred to him or to the others in the Squad. Delightful used his pocket knife to punch a small air hole in the top and put the bottle, screaming Tiny and all, in his coat pocket and they returned to the Legion Hovel for more palaver about what to do.

Well, the Legion is nothing if not humane, so Tiny now resides in a gallon jug which has holes punched in the lid on the shelf above the bar. Every so often someone shakes the jug a bit to quiet Tiny down and puts a bit of food or water into it. He's been sentenced to "life and a half" and for an elf that's a long time.

But as Delightful Doug and the others decided it was better that Tiny serve time in the jug than they mock The Code Of The West by literally "stringing him up."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 03:04 PM

If you are my delusion and I am yours,
And none can say where it may have first begun,
Then ownership is a temporary fiddle
An arbitration among One.
This choice destroys the young, and serves the crown;
To split the world being, and to disown
Its halves among each other, brother against brother
And never a cry to stop (as the blade comes down)
From the understanding heart of a true Mother.
Perhaps than, she is within, unable to voice distress
Driven by agreement in the parts to be asunder?
Oh, wiley heart, to turn to true BS
To build once more the whole of Wonder.

Anthony Baggins-Mooresfield
Thrumming by the Stones
Putney on Half-Shell, 1916


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 02:04 PM

Rapaire:

You don't get off the hook that easily--just by trying to include me in your delusion!! You're still playing with yourself.

I think you will find that Mom's affections transcend all our egos and she loves us all as One, in her own deeply unknowable way.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM

Well, yeah, but he's younger...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:25 PM

I don't think she like **ANY** of us as much as she liked that pool boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:23 PM

Well Amos, you're jealous because Mom has always liked me best.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 11:32 AM

I would also point out that the only person who has ever labeled Rapaire as Mom's favorite is Rapaire himself. Whichmeans he is playing favorites with himself.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 11:26 AM

Rap - you say MOM don't mess around with poor students; but what about that scholarship guy she hired as a pool boy? She sure messed around a lot with him!!!!!

And he was real poor - always asking MOM for money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 11:20 AM

A legend in his own mind, Rapaire is actually the black sheep of Mom's family. Eiseley need not fear his academic snootiness. She is free to get any grade she wants.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:20 AM

Of course, she put up with ME, but I'm her favorite (in the US) and her favourite in those benighted countries that spell funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 11:49 PM

Eiseley had better maintain at 4.0 GPA or better or Mom will spank her and ground her and make her go to summer school. Mom don't mess around with poor students.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 09:31 PM

Good luck, Stilly
Welcome home, Amos
Go read a book, Rapaire
Go study, Eiseley!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 09:28 PM

I'd been looking for hats, and finally ended up waiting till we got to the museum and buying a couple there. Yes, sunscreen, and do you know, they have sunscreen dispensers in the washrooms, just like you would get soap at the sink. Sunscreen if you need it over next to the door.

The heat does take it out of you, along with the higher elevation sunshine. MOM would turn into a raisin up here in no time without gallons of sunscreen. And did you know, she swears by Noxema on sunburns? If you look under the bathroom sink you'll see she has a gallon jug of it with a pump.

Tomorrow is the big day, the tour on campus and meeting the music professor or one of his students.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM

Well, sorry about that..I am used to causing large waves wherever I go, and didn't notice it was upsetting the little people like our beloved Booquemanne.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM

Even if your return DID cause earthquakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 06:45 PM

Especially the water. Arizona air sucks it out of your pores when you aren't looking.

Mom. we pulled out of Oakland at O-dark-thirty and are now safe and sound, unpacked, car washed, pets regrouped and doing bookkeeping after a week on the road.   WHOOSH!! Glad to be home!! Lovely town, Oakland, but there is no place like home...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 11:28 AM

And whether or not it's appreciated, a hat (bill forward!) and sunglasses. And don't forget lots and lots of hydration!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM

Tucson is lovely and warm. Not the material for a Robert Frost poem.

Yesterday was long but interesting. Today we have to connect with friends and visit the Desert Museum. I love that place, and it will be an immersion in desert environments for the kid who will live here for a while. With sun screen and moisturizer. And saline solution to spritz up the nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 11:01 AM

Poor Mom. Left along for 12 hours, and I find her nearly ready to fall off the edge (I think she might have been drinking). How nice it is for her that I'm around to care!

That's why I'm her favorite!

(By the way, does anyone know where Mom got all this money and why her clothes are so wrinkled?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:29 PM

and grab the palindrome?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:28 PM

just go ahead


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:28 PM

Heck. Why don't I


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:27 PM

Amos decides to come home and San Diego experiences a 4.5 earthquake...is there a connection?

I say, "YES!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 06:01 PM

Like plagiarists and pompous poltroons, for example.

Swanno is in great nick, Mom, and so is his fire house. The engines are shiny and the pole is brassy bright and the boots are ready.

Great little town, Oakland. I'll be on the road tomorrow making my way home again.

Stay bright, Mom...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:23 AM

Mom has never had any trouble at the bottom. In fact, she seems to like the Lower Depths, consorting with pimps, prostitutes, politicians, potters and other sorts whose occupations begin with "P".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 12:40 AM

Take care, drive or fly safely, Stilly. I'm sinking into the depths of graduate school projects now and have a funeral to attend in Wyoming next week. So . . . it's up to the boys (and Janie and Rustic Rebel) to keep Mother off the bottom.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 12:10 AM

You guys mind the fort. I'll be away for a few days, though I should be able to check in occasionally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:07 PM

As a gentleman, I decided to post one of the nicer versions so that I wouldn't offend the ladies too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 05:30 PM

My version is so much sassier I couldn't even post it where Mom mii
might see it. Still in Oakland about to share a Big Pint with El Swanno.

Hi, Mom!!!! Nothin'....why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:41 AM

Well, back to Mom's Song:

There's a sundown girl, her name is Mandy Lane
She's a free-livin' mama on a high-level plane
Gentleman calls at her front gate
You can hear him holler both early and late

Keep on truckin' mama, truckin' till the break of day
I said keep on truckin' mama, truckin' till the break of day
Oh you're the best truck driver this end of town
And you do your drivin' from your hips on down
Keep on truckin' mama, truckin' till the break of day, I say
Truckin' till the break of day

Now you keep on doin' what you done last night
They put your yes-yes back in jail
I said you keep on doin' what you done last night
They put your yes-yes back in jail
Well you come through the door just a raisin' sand
Tell what you been doin' by the way you stand
Keep on truckin' mama, truckin' till the break of day, I say
Truckin' till the break of day

Now big industry's come into our town
We got profit and a progress just a spreadin' all around
We got a big cotton mill and a plastics plant
And a sign in Mandy's window down on Fourth and Grant? Says
If I can't sell it, gonna keep sittin' on it
Never catch me givin' it away
Hey, now if I can't sell it, gonna keep sittin' on it
Never catch me givin' it away
Don't care how keen my competition might be
I ain't givin' samples away for free
If I can't sell it, gonna keep sittin' on it
Never catch me givin' it away, I say, never catch me givin' it away

Now if I can't move it out on the open market
Takin' all my business back home
Now if I can't move it out on the open market
Startin' me a little industry at home
Don't care if your name is Richard, Bill or Tom
Knock on my door and it's, "Hello John!"
If I can't sell it, gonna keep sittin' on it
Never catch me givin' it away, I say
Never catch me givin' it away, Oh No!
Never catch me givin' it, well, hardly ever
Never catch me givin' it away.


(as sung by the Chad Mitchell Trio on the "Slightly Irreverent" album)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:07 AM

How do you think she paid for those Christmas presents she sent us all...never mind the postage!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:04 AM

Yeah -- she's making money again that she doesn't report to Social Security or the IRS.

Well, that explains the guy I shot going out her back window. Fortunately I only winged the senator him and I told him I was sorry and that I was usually a better shot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:47 AM

Oooooo, Rap, that's not good. When a woman gets to a certain age, she doesn't want the kids underfoot when she's interested in that kind of opportunity. I wouldn't be surprised if a sign ends up on the front doorknob that says

If the monitor is rockin, don't come a knockin'.

Know what she means?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:28 AM

Hey Rap?

Mom's asked me to speak to you about dropping in un-announced.

Seems you've scared off a number of what she calls "social oppurtunities" and she isn't happy about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:22 AM

FIVE HOURS!!

Mom was left alone for 5 (five!!) hours!

Do you know what sort of trouble she may have gotten into? She may have made prank pizza delivery calls. She may have wrecked Big Tony's Bar again. She may have hacked the computers of the National Security Agency and/or the CIA. She may have posted music on the Internew with RIAA approval!!!

Heavens, she may have been by the lake, alone and palely loitering!

Thank goodness I dropped in from time to time to keep an eye on her and bring her a cup of tea and toast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 01:09 AM

What do you get when you put two people in the driver's seat when the car is chasing and exhausting and retiring pedestrians?

A steering committee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 07:12 PM

You'll look better in a kilt without the "bustle".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 05:36 PM

That's it fir me fir another year or so... I thought I had a good plan to hit 35K but it wasn't a good plan at all...

Congrates, Magz...

See ya'll around 40K...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 05:20 PM

Me big end's gone


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 05:17 PM

How do you feel after being chased by the car?

Run down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM

What do you get when you run in front of a car for a long time?

Tired.

What do you get when you run in back of a car for a long time?

Exhausted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:29 PM

I did that just a bit ago. Got a new (used) tire on my wife's car to replace, temporarily, one which was bald. I feel safer after retiring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:56 AM

Is it time to retire yet? Please?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 09:53 AM

But not long gone. Just gonna stay gone a little while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 08:46 AM

I guess he's still gone. Like, real gone, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 10:02 PM

Has Amos been gone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 07:30 PM

No, I wouldn't use it on my pit. Or my catahoula.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM

Welcome back, Amos


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