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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 12:11 AM
Acme 22 Dec 09 - 11:59 PM
Janie 22 Dec 09 - 11:40 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:25 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:24 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:23 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 09:16 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 08:42 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 07:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 07:29 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM
Janie 22 Dec 09 - 04:43 PM
MMario 22 Dec 09 - 03:56 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 01:19 PM
Acme 22 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 12:13 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 09 - 11:48 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 11:41 AM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 09 - 10:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 10:45 AM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 09 - 10:25 AM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 10:15 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 09:54 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 09 - 09:07 AM
Acme 22 Dec 09 - 01:26 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 09 - 09:08 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 08:01 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 07:53 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 07:08 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 05:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 09 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:27 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM
MMario 21 Dec 09 - 10:28 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 10:26 AM
Acme 21 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 09 - 09:41 PM
Amos 20 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM

"The best laid flans of mice and men..."

"Barefoot boy with cheek of flan..."

"The Flan of the Cave Bear"

"Just make a new flan, Stan..."

"What a piece of work is flan..."

"Aren'tyou glad you use flan?"


and of course


"Yes, we flan!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 12:11 AM

I think I shall not understand        
The import of a turgid flan        

A flan whose essence by degree        
Becomes one with turgidity        

A flan must breath, a flan must play
Turgid is not the flannish way        

A flan is a dessert so fair        
Turgid is for stale underwear

One wonders just what sort of man        
Would mate turgidity with flan

When flans are made by cooks like me
We don't include turgidity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:59 PM

I think it is the only way it can be "flan," is to be turgid. Otherwise it's just milk.

Good job, Amos. I haven't had time to watch this, we're finishing up the Ivy League apps. What a job. It does take a village. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:40 PM

Define "Turgid flan" please.


Inquiring minds want to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:25 PM

Then with a crash of turgid flan,
He snatched that post and off he ran!!
"Oh NO!! Oh WOE!" cried Rapparee
"The Grinch hath got my thirty three!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:24 PM

He swore to get it was a cinch,
That lowly, foul, immoral Grinch!
ANd softly stole one pace a-lee
Toward that three three three three and three.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:23 PM

And slowly, padded step by step,
Up the the Penultimate Post he crept
Breathing quite hard, and filled with glee,
His wicked face a sight to see!!

"I'll get it yet!" that Grinch, quoth he!
"I'll get that three three three three three!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:21 PM

Then from the closet, inch by inch,
There stole the Awful Posting Grinch
Who sneered and said "That three three three
three three, my friend, belongs to me!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:16 PM

But I would never be the one
To spoil Rapaire's silly fun
Poo on three, three, three, three and three
It does not mean a thing to me
I'll let one of you other guys
Abscond with the librarian's prize


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 08:42 PM

Now six in line awaited are
To reach Rapaire's long sought-for star
He'd sell his diapers and his bibs
If we would just give him his dibs.
Alas!! Alas!! 'Tis not to be!!

He won't get three three three three three.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 07:42 PM

((((((((Applause to BWL)))))))))))))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 07:29 PM

♫♫

How 'bout them scruffaws, ain't they a some stuff?
Out in them woods just a fawin' that scruf!
Fawin' that fat scruf, fawin' that skinny,
Don't matter if they got a lotta scruf er hardly any!
Look at them scruffaws, ain't they a sight?
Fawin' that scruf in the middle of the night!
Fawin' in the mornin' and a fawin' come noon,
Fawin' all the time, it's enough to make ya swoon!
Ya wanna be a scruffaw? Take this advice and gnaw it,
Get yerself some scruf an' hunker down an' faw it!

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM

I hope this was your office you speak of and not yourhome? THosae danged Scruffaws are such worthless laggard layabout ne'er-do-well nincompoop banderlog dweebs!!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 04:43 PM

Hi Mom. We are back in the building. They did a pretty good job of getting the smoke and fumes blown out so it isn't too bad. No one got a good look at the two scruffaws who lit it, but I am wondering if Rap had a lay-over here on his way to DC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:56 PM

33333 is so boring; I think the just departed 33322 is much more elegant. three three's two twos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

Eleven posts upon this thread
Hang above Rapaire's poor head
While he, above the frigid sky
Doth carefree lounge and drink and fly.
What will he do? Where will he be?
When claimed is three three three three three?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 01:19 PM

Did you hear the one about the brussel sprout and the phase-coupled oscillator?


Mwahahahaha....




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM

If it is entirely original I don't think it can be a joke. The only way it works as a joke is if there is some ground work laid, so you recognize it as a joke. The names of the characters may change, but there are probably only a couple dozen jokes in the world, making the rounds with different place and character names.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

I think you may be verging on genius... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:13 PM

My point in all this is that, to true BSers, the world is a straight man, always handing one opportunity after another for an easy joke. It's inevitable that multiple people will come up with the same joke, because the world has fed us all the same straight lines. The only way to avoid coming up with a joke someone else has hit upon is to have no BS sensibility at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:48 AM

You think so?

The guys in my school were obsessed with the number "nine". I have no idea why, but it seemed to imply something sexual. They would say, "Have you got nine?" "I've got nine." And so on, and so on...

It remains a complete mystery to me what the hell they were on about, but it seemed that the worst thing that could happen to a guy, in their opinion, was not to "have nine". ????? I obviously did not have "nine".... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:41 AM

When I was in high school, the group of fools I hung out with decided the number "42" was cool. I'm not sure which individual came up with it; it was sort of a group effort. Anyway, we began using it as a "secret code word" type thing. When we'd pass each other in the hallway one person would say "42" and the other would respond with "Moo." It made no sense. It was just the sort of thing adolescent brains cook up.

Flash forward twenty years or so and I'm reading A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and there's good ol' "42" in the role of the answer to the unknown ultimate question. Whaddaya think the chances are that Douglas Adams and the members of my high school clique would independently stumble upon the cosmic significance of the number "42", even though we never knew each other and lived on different sides of The Atlantic Ocean?

Actually, the odds aren't as slim as you'd think. Just count from one to 100 and any fool can see that if a number is going to be made into a joke, "42" is the obvious best candidate. It just sounds sorta goofy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 10:53 AM

You dare to suggest that I was not the first?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 10:45 AM

Little Hawk, the "quandering" joke has been independently conceived by 125,431,986 individuals, each of whom was under the impression it was a brilliant and totally original idea. In fact, it's such an obvious and easy conceit that it's the smug adolescent humor equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel. In fact, during the time it has taken me to type this message, three new people have derived the same joke, each thinking he's the first to ever think of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 10:25 AM

Amos, I am the inventor of "the Quanderer". I invented that expression way back when I was in Junior High. If you use that term, you owe me royalties.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 10:15 AM

Although the list of suspects would surely be few. It's no small matter, moving a house, and they have to do it very carefully if all your stuff is still set up inside...

Rapaire, Rapaire, it is I who am moved by the tears in your SOcratic eyes. But that's not a C-plus, dummy, but a C augmented chord notation. The song itself gets an "A". I, you see, am auto-didactic.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:54 AM

...it does mean you can find your own house out in the woods easier when you drive home at night....

You have a point there, Maggie. What if someone should move your house while you've gone into town to play music with friends? You'd come home and go, "Whoa! Where's my house? I could have sworn it was right here when we left!" But if you have a big ol' bright security light you'd just go, "Hah! Look! The neighbors moved the house again! It's way over yonder in the cornfield! What a bunch of practical jokers they are! I'm glad we have that security light or we never would have found it!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:07 AM

Stilly, that can be arranged...you can also as the installers to put in a switch, but they won't like to.

Amos, my Socratic eyes are in tears. I must agree with the the grade that ends most of your sentences and give the effort a C+.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 01:26 AM

I never did like those mercury vapor lights. Okay, it does mean you can find your own house out in the woods easier when you drive home at night, but it would be nice to be able to turn it off once you're home. But nope. Not unless you shoot it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:28 PM

C                     F             C
       I'm a roaming puzzler, pond'ring all day long
       G7                   C
       Quandaries around me sing their puzzlin' song.
       F                           C Cm6 A7
       Nights underneath aa precept bright,
       D7                      G
       I think a lot alone in the puzzled night

Chorus:

       F                      F7
       See them quandering down,
       E                                 E7
       Hoping their truths will be found,
       F                      C       C#dim
Hopelessly compromised 'round
       G7                               C         C+
       Ambiguous quandering quanderies.

       F                           F7
       Answers from yore are behind,
       E                           E7
       Your only tool is your mind
       F                         C      C#dim
       Out where the judgements are blind
       G7                               C         C+
       Thiimicking down with the Quandering Quandaries.

          Fm6 G7             C          Am6# B7             Em B7 G7
       I know when reason's has gone that a new world's born at dawn,

       F                      F7
       I'll keep musing along,
       E                           E7
       Deep in my brains it seems wrong,
       F                     C      C#dim
       I with my tenure belong,
       G7                               C    C7 C+
       Drifting along with the Quandering Quandaries....

(Loping music fades out...).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:08 PM

♫♫

See them quandering down
on slipp'ry ethical ground
resolution can't be found
drifting along with the quandering quandaries

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 08:01 PM

Oh, sirrah!! What a quandary you have placed me in, a dilemma, a puzzle, a moral confuzzlement of the first water!!!


I think I know how to resolve it though.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:53 PM

Rapaire, e'en tho' he has dibs
Knows full well how Amos is:
For flying tomorrow to DC
Is the noble Rapaire,
And Amos will spend both main and might
To take that which is Rap's by right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:08 PM

There had I three three three, oh three!

How very, very nice for me!!

In thirty more, just wait and se,

I'll steal his prize from Rapparree!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:43 PM

Public obscenity from lesser mammals is a shootin' offense in some parts...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM

And as if the ferrets weren't bad enough, I think my neighbor's goat has Tourette's Syndrome. Either that or it's a nanny that someone forgot to milk. The goats live with some non-imaginary white trash whose house is about a quarter mile through the woods. They have one of those idiotic security lights* on a utility pole. I can see their light in the winter, but not in the summer. Anyway, one of their goats is raising hell today. I don't speak goat, so I'm not absolutely certain what he or she is bleating, but I'm pretty sure it's obscene.


* Security light: A very bright light of the sort commonly used as streetlamps in urban areas. In rural areas, their function is to make thieves feel more secure by showing them (A) that your vehicle is nowhere on the premises and (B) exactly where your stuff that's worth stealing is. I do not have one. I like the dark. It makes it easier to hide the bear traps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 04:05 PM

Ain't no dibs here in MOABland, mister! It's every man for himself, every woman for herself, and every ferret for... Wait just a dadblamed minute! Where'd those ferrets come from?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM

33300, dibs on 33333.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM

But I shouldn't bother you with my family's problems.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM

Amos, I haven't worn a mustache in a very, very long time. THAT is a picture of my brother Tony. Notice how he used to keep his knife pointed at his, ah, groin area. Shortly after this picture was taken he suffered an autovasectomy when he tripped and fell over a pile of petrified camel dung. He had (and still has, for that matter) seven children, some of whom are more childlike than others. He also has four grandchildren: two boys and two ferrets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM

This is a picture of Rapaire conferring with several Legionairres trying to determine the best way to get him back to reality...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:27 AM

That is, the precise moment when the sun is its greatest distance from the Celestial Equator, not the precise moment of the longest night or shortest day, which would make no sense at all...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM

Today marks the winter solstice, the shortest day and the longest night of the year. The precise moment of the winter solstice is 12:47 pm EST, according to the US Naval Observatory .

This means Rapaire's chances of remembering to mail himself to reality are even smaller than usual.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:28 AM

The USPS hasn't serviced Reality in decades, so Rap will have to use FedEx or UPS....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:26 AM

Maybe Rapaire could mail himself to reality!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM

Is anyone shipping themselves to other localities for the holiday? LH, are any of your avatars heading to the UPS store with a box and tape to go visit family somewhere else on the continent?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

You're darned right about THAT, Bee-Dub. We have the same thing out here: enough real ruffians that we don't need to make any more up. Just the other night the police picked up Skinny Dick again for smashing up the Oregon Trail Room at the Bannock Hotel; said that Jesse Jones had stolen one of his hogs and he wasn't going to eat in the same room as a pig rustler. Other words were exchanges, as were several shots, before the police arrived and stopped them from throwing whiskey in each other's face.

Or Chicken Billy. I positively REFUSE to discuss HIS habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM

I don't have any imaginary ruffians, ne'er-do-wells, or white trash. Only city dwellers have those. We country folks have plenty of real ruffians, ne'er-do-wells, and white trash. Having imaginary ones would be like having imaginary deer, armadillos, and coyotes. Who needs 'em when there are more real ones than you can shake a stick at?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:41 PM

No, I want to know more about the gamettes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

Sorry--I meant the masculine or spear side of the gang.



A


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