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BS: The Mother of all BS threads
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 30 Sep 08 - 03:55 PM Wow. No wonder they collected it so assiduously. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 30 Sep 08 - 04:49 PM Gives a whole new meaning to the song "Goober Peas", doesn't it? Sittin' by the roadside on summer day Chattin' with my messmates, passin' time away Standin' in the shadows, underneath the trees Goodness how delightful, takin' good ol' pees! Pees, pees, pees, pees, takin' good ol' pees Goodness how deligtful takin' good ol' pee! Just before the battle the General hears a row, "I think the Yanks are comin', I hear their cannons' now!" Just then he turns around and whadda think he sees? The Georgia militia, takin' good ol' pees! etc. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Sep 08 - 07:01 PM Yes, urine has many practical uses. Dung, on the other hand, has only a few...unless you are a dachshund, in which case it is a vital "beauty" ingredient that they search out in order to give themselves that special "something" that sets them apart from the common herd. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: MMario Date: 30 Sep 08 - 07:09 PM dung was collected for the fields - but "white dung" (the aged dung of dogs was especially prized) was also used in leather making and papermaking |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 30 Sep 08 - 07:54 PM Take the white part of chicken droppings and dry it. Give one teaspoonful at every meal to cure fits. To prevent cramps while swimming, rub urine all over your body before entering the water. Chamber lye is very good for cramps. Melt hog manure on the stove and let it get quite cold. Put a few drops of turpentine on it. Cures the worst case of piles. Grind dried chicken dung into a powder and put a pinch of it into a prune. Give this to anyone with hysterics. Poultice gout with a mixture of goat milk butter and cow manure. Lose freckles by washing them with your own urine. If you want to take off freckles, cover your face with cow manure. If your hogs have cholera, put chamber lye in the slop. As soon as possible after stepping on a nail, put the foot in a bucket of fresh cow manure. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 30 Sep 08 - 09:21 PM Where did that come from? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 30 Sep 08 - 09:21 PM I ,usy say I find your advises, borrowed from some arcane collection, quite refreshing and entertaining in text, although possibly lethal in application. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 30 Sep 08 - 10:26 PM "Folk-Lore From Adams County, Illinois" -- one of the world-recognized collections of folklore and folk-beliefs. (And my home stomping grounds....) |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 01 Oct 08 - 01:14 AM I am glad all I need to take to the Getaway is a small packet of aspirins. For obviosu reasons. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: MMario Date: 01 Oct 08 - 08:30 AM at least one change of clothes, Amos. Please. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 01 Oct 08 - 08:57 AM Yeah, you got plenty of company to supply the chamber lye and dung.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:17 AM You, Mister "Family Trumps Getaway Two Years in A Damn Row", are hardly in a position to complain. At least I will be there to be smelled at all! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: MMario Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:25 AM ah well - "next year at the getaway" |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:29 AM I wonder why anyone thought the whites of chicken dung were suited to remedy the fits or hysterics. It is so bizarre!! Is there any practical experience behind this? Aside from the person being so disgusted they stop having fits long enough to throw a frying pan at you for feeding them chicken shit? A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: MMario Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:48 AM It may have been the result of observing copraphagia in animals... |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 01 Oct 08 - 12:23 PM Good thought, MM! That may be it. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 01 Oct 08 - 04:54 PM How about the fresh cow flop on the face to cure freckles? Or rubbing pee all over your body before swimming? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 01 Oct 08 - 06:10 PM I dunno--dog-rollers? I have no idea where people got these ideas.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Oct 08 - 07:32 PM Parniflagration! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 01 Oct 08 - 08:35 PM So Amos -- the next time you go out in that kayak, make sure you pour some pee all over yourself and rub it in good. We don't want you drowning. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 01 Oct 08 - 09:35 PM Hurray for us! Hennen's American Public Library Ratings has come out for 2008 (based on 2005 date that the Feds released late) and my Library is ranked, once again, tops in Idaho for cities of 50-99K population! Marshall Public Library: score 665, 76.6% Meridan Public: 627, 70.5% Idaho Falls: 621, 69.6% Nampa: 592, 64.4% Kootenai-Shoshone District: 524, 53.4% I am somewhat pleased. Perhaps you can tell. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 01 Oct 08 - 11:30 PM Good for you. If you want to improve the library even more, feel free to print out the entire MOAB thread (remember to use the "printer friendly" feature) and place at least one bound copy in the collection for your patrons to enjoy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:07 AM Bravo, Rapaire. For all my liberties with your name, honor, repute, and character, I have to say, "Well done!! Good works in a good cause!!". A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 02 Oct 08 - 10:15 AM It couldn't have been done without all of the Little People: Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Puck, King Rory and the Ballyfungus leprechauns...they know who they are. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 02 Oct 08 - 10:26 AM "In a recent interview with CBS' Katie Couric, the suddenly famous library director was asked the secret of his success. Much to the surprise of listeners in every walk of American life, he attributed it to the faeries at the bottom of his garden. Ms. Couric, for perhaps the first time in her professional career, was completely non-plussed and was forced to take an unscheduled commercial break to recover herself." Adieu, friends and MOABites. I leave in a few hours for the trials and tribulations of air travel in Bush's America. It is slightly better than traveling by schooner to the Hawaiian islands to start a missionary career in 1871, but not by much. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 02 Oct 08 - 12:49 PM AMOS!! For gods sake man, remember to take the grenades out of your carry on bags! TSA is dumb, yeah, but not THAT stupid...at least I don't think they are...maybe.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 02 Oct 08 - 12:55 PM "he attributed it to the faeries at the bottom of his garden" Finally some honesty! Rapaire is a forthright man with the courage to state it like it is and let the buffalo chips fall where they may. That is why Chongo picked him for his VP. No wonder Katie Couric was a bit flummoxed. After all, it's very unusual for politicians to tell the unvarnished truth about anything when they are being interviewed. She probably needed a stiff drink and some deep breathing to recover from the shock. But is the American public ready to hear the Truth? Chongo is betting that they are. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:21 PM Welcome to Wonderland, Wonderful Wonderland Everythings wonderful here, you can see. Nothing gets hairy When your protected by fairies Wonderland's Wonderful, just right for me!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: MMario Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:23 PM Amos! Don't miss your plane! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:49 PM Yeah, don't miss the plane. Your kayak trips aren't enough to condition your arm muscles to fly that far. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 02 Oct 08 - 06:16 PM Well, he also has to be vewwy caweful that the squirrels don't see him and try to store him away for the winter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 02 Oct 08 - 08:07 PM Corrected data: Corvallis-Benton Conty Public Library Corvallis OR 50k 853 97.00 Bellingham Public Library Bellingham WA 50k 819 94.00 Provo City Library Provo UT 50k 786 91.00 Orem Public Library Orem UT 50k 770 90.00 Tigard Public Library Tigard OR 50k 747 87.00 North Olympic Library System Port Angeles WA 50k 717 83.00 Everett Public Library Everett WA 50k 711 83.00 Renton Public Library Renton WA 50k 669 77.00 Marshall Public Library Pocatello ID 50k 643 74.00 Oregon City Public Library Oregon City OR 50k 643 73.00 Longview Public Library Longview OR 50k 632 72.00 Clackamas County Library Oak Grove OR 50k 624 71.00 Idaho Falls Public Library Idaho Falls ID 50k 628 71.00 Meridian District Meridian ID 50k 605 66.00 Nampa Public Library Nampa ID 50k 587 63.00 Kootenai-Shoshone District Hayden ID 50k 512 53.00 Springfield Public Library Springfield OR 50k 473 48.00 KlamathCounty Library Service District Klamath Falls OR 50k 454 43.00 Josephine County Library System Grants Pass OR 50k 449 42.00 |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 02 Oct 08 - 08:26 PM Seems like the stuff that was posted yesterday was the old data, not the new. The previous is the new data, comparing us (Marshall Public) with others around the region in the same population group. It's still good. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 08:56 AM Mom, you need a lift. You'll be glad to know that we've got some GOOD pictures of the woman who stole the purse at the Library yesterday. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 04:30 PM I'm really worried about Amos, what with the recent train wrecks and all. I'd really had to see Amos go to Getaway and get wrecked. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage Date: 03 Oct 08 - 04:45 PM There's my old childhood library, the Everett Public. Great children's librarians in there--opened a world of reading for me, even as a child from a librarian's family. It was/is in an old Carnegie library building. And the B'ham library--didn't go there often when I was in college, but I used it a few times. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 05:12 PM And steamboats exploding all over the place! I'm worried about him, I really am. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 05:27 PM He's not taking Old 97 is he? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 07:34 PM There was that HORRIBLE tunnel collapse in Richmond and that AWFUL Sultana disaster and then that bridge collapse over the river Tay and I just don't know that Amos should be traveling ANYWHERE unless he walks and even then he'd probably trip and hurt himself. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 07:55 PM Why, oh why, didn't he stay home? Why did he go off to that terrible Washington DC area? He'll be sucked into the maelstrom of politics, you just mark my words, and before you know it he'll be just another greasy hand dipping into the government pork barrel and then he'll be ruined, yes RUINED, as a guitar player or even a banjo picker. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Oct 08 - 10:00 PM I've been warning him for years about the slippery slope of intellectual foppery and where it leads. It starts with using odd French words that no one else in the English-speaking world uses, like...jejeune. And it just goes downhill from there. Soon you are talking in language so abstruse and divorced from reality that not even your dog will listen anymore. Then you take to writing interminable gasbag letters to the editor which never get printed because the paper hasn't the space for them and can't understand what point the writer is trying to make. The babblegab and bilgeroar become so awful that houseplants wither and cats flee the area. Then it's time for the men in the mauve suits to move in... |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 03 Oct 08 - 10:39 PM Well, gastroentreol...gastropods...stomach doctors use the word "jejeune" because it's part of the stomach or someplace. But then they are not normal human beings. Amos does not, at least yet, have a medical degree. So he really should avoid using what the lawyers call "terms of art." In addition to "jejeune" these include (but are in no way limited to) specialty words such as "semiconductor" "paintbrush" "dryer" "pentode" "detonating cord" "beaten zone" "screw" "camera" "guitar" "food" and "clothes." I'm sure you can think of others. For a while I think he should limit himself to words of three or fewer letters and submit other words he might want to use which contain more than three letter to Little Hawk for approval. Even some three letter words like "cam" or "yaw" should be submitted. This should not in any way restrict his postings or the ideas he can express. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Oct 08 - 10:55 PM That would certainly be a good start. It takes strong medicine to deal with serious pathology. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 04 Oct 08 - 12:17 AM that AWFUL Sultana disaster A Raisin in the Sun? The Sun Also Raisin? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 04 Oct 08 - 08:53 AM Just last week the Mississippi riverboat "Stillman's Run" was carrying a cargo of raisins to the Union troops outside of Pensacola when the cargo shifted. The raisins (which had been donated by the good people of California to raise troop morale and hence why they were and are called "raisin's") shifted in their cargo bins and cause the boat to flip right over. This, of course, caused the boilers to explode downwards, which liberated the raisins. Propelled by the shock waves of the explosion they all ended up in a slough off of Ed McCurdy's shack on the Rat River, where they fermented and, by the relentless action of the evaporating the "mash", cooling and condensing the fumes on underside of leaves which re-directed the "run" into a formerly dry creekbed, provided the troops around Pensacola with the liquid courage to confront their officers and break the news to them that the Civil War had been over for better than 140 years and they were going home. Fortunately no one was hurt in all this. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: maeve Date: 04 Oct 08 - 09:00 AM Which flag were they raisin' at the time of their departure? Hmmm. This may explain some of my kinfolk in Pensacola. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 04 Oct 08 - 09:52 AM I think it was the Red Flag of revolution. Those guys were ANNOYED!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 04 Oct 08 - 09:52 AM THE palindrome, at last. It's MINE! MINE, you hear? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 04 Oct 08 - 09:54 AM He's now raisin a fuss about numbers, not fruit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 04 Oct 08 - 10:06 AM Who? Amos? By the way, under my gentle proposal he would not be able to use his name because it is four letters long. I've been thinking on this, and I propose this list be used for a start. Me I am is bad guy man not tea eat poo pee hi yes no go a the him her eh? you now yet up eye ear toe bag boo who how now mow moo goo These should take care of all his needs until we can approve a larger vocabulary. While I admit that some of the words (toe, for instance) could be construed as "terms of art" we really should allow him such sentences as "Toe boo boo" if he hurts his foot. And the list is really quite complex: for instance, if he wants to cut the lawn he could say, "I go mow the moo goo now" or if he disapproves of the drink he is served he could say, "Is bad tea. Is pee!" |
