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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 16 May 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 16 May 09 - 02:56 AM
Acme 16 May 09 - 02:05 AM
Amos 16 May 09 - 12:27 AM
Acme 15 May 09 - 11:03 PM
Janie 15 May 09 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 10:07 PM
Acme 15 May 09 - 09:34 PM
Janie 15 May 09 - 09:28 PM
Janie 15 May 09 - 07:04 PM
Acme 15 May 09 - 06:21 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 04:37 PM
Amos 15 May 09 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 04:11 PM
Amos 15 May 09 - 02:47 PM
Little Hawk 15 May 09 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 01:23 PM
Little Hawk 15 May 09 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 12:56 PM
Little Hawk 15 May 09 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 15 May 09 - 08:53 AM
Amos 15 May 09 - 01:18 AM
Janie 14 May 09 - 11:49 PM
Janie 14 May 09 - 11:42 PM
Rapparee 14 May 09 - 11:22 PM
Janie 14 May 09 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 14 May 09 - 03:45 PM
Little Hawk 14 May 09 - 01:43 PM
Amos 14 May 09 - 01:11 PM
Acme 14 May 09 - 12:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 14 May 09 - 12:26 PM
Amos 14 May 09 - 12:14 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 14 May 09 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 14 May 09 - 11:26 AM
Amos 14 May 09 - 10:45 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 14 May 09 - 12:42 AM
Janie 13 May 09 - 11:07 PM
Amos 13 May 09 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 13 May 09 - 05:54 PM
Amos 13 May 09 - 05:34 PM
Acme 13 May 09 - 01:54 PM
Janie 13 May 09 - 12:40 PM
Acme 13 May 09 - 12:16 PM
Janie 13 May 09 - 11:58 AM
Janie 13 May 09 - 11:54 AM
Amos 13 May 09 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 13 May 09 - 10:59 AM
Acme 13 May 09 - 09:41 AM
Amos 13 May 09 - 12:28 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 09 - 10:38 AM

Last night I stood on a rocky promontory where the Pacific meets California at the surfer's mecca known as Windansea, my back to the ocean and the wind. Before me stood, meandering or standing to attention, a bride, a groom, four bridesmaids, several groomsmen, assorted well-wishers and relatives. It was a rehearsal for today's wedding. But first I have to go to Mexico. Be right back...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 09 - 02:56 AM

I was reflecting on my own calendar, dear Stilly, and may I add this is the first vacation we have taken in twelve years? And it was made possible by Barky, otherwise it would not have happened. But back to reality--for the next year or so, I too am a wage bondee, at least.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 09 - 02:05 AM

Whatever gets you where you're going, Amos! Some of us can't just up and go to Belize when the urge strikes. Some of us are wage slaves who take every small crumb, even if only a figment of our imagination, that comes our way!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 09 - 12:27 AM

Ah, it's a sad sort of life when you have to measure your respite by the day of the week instead of the season, or the decade.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 09 - 11:03 PM

But, on the bright side, at least it is Friday!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 May 09 - 10:59 PM

So sorry, Sib. Karma finally catching up with you?



How's that for a sympathetic response?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 10:07 PM

Well, about my day:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 09 - 09:34 PM

There was a beagle pup confused and running in and out of traffic yesterday morning. I couldn't stop to pick it up, I don't know if anyone managed to. Some school kids waiting for a bus were laughing. I hope it was nervous laughter, not the pleasure of possibly seeing an animal killed. I made eye contact with one kid as I drove by and mouthed "it isn't funny!"

Back to the B.S.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 May 09 - 09:28 PM

So relieved, Amos, to see that you are fully recovered from the deleterious effects of that vacation.

Let's have a weiner dog cookout this weekend. I hear there are a few unguarded ones available north of the border, if we are quick, that would be good with mustard, chili and slaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 May 09 - 07:04 PM

And, as much as I hate to say it, quite a good translator!




Cut that out, Stilly. You'll make the rest of us look like slackers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 09 - 06:21 PM

Sorry to be quiet for so long. I had to go to work today.

Whew! I'm glad that's over!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 04:37 PM

Humpf. I am offended. My card reads, as you very well know,

      Rapaire
"Have rapier, will travel"

Juries suborned, maidens deflowered,
wells poisoned, witnesses bribed,
haystacked burned, cakes collapsed,
cattle shot, horses stolen.

Misleading youth a specialty!!"

Unreasonable rates   
Wire Paladin, Pocatello


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 09 - 04:20 PM

Have schmear, Will travel-- Dishonor a Specialty.

Contact Big Bad Rapaire at 1-800-EAT-SHIT. No reasonable offer refused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 04:11 PM

Dachshunds? You mean those long little doggies? I should be happy to do dis honour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 09 - 02:47 PM

The honor of dachshunds? Snerk...snuffle...erg...mwahahaha...snerf...snort....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 09 - 01:28 PM

I'm gonna be away for the weekend, Rapaire. I will need your help to defend the honor of Dachshunds on the Dachshund film thread while I am gone. Can you manage that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 01:23 PM

I shall take this wonderful number, 29162.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 09 - 01:18 PM

Now yer talkin'!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 01:02 PM

Ach, Ich wiederholte es!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 12:56 PM

qaStaHvIS wa' ram loS SaD Hugh SljlaH qetbogH loD, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 09 - 10:53 AM

Klingon is a wonderful language. It's like the Scots dialect on steroids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 09 - 08:53 AM

"Dadgum it!" I done talked in Klingon agin! I'm so dadgummed clumsy sometimes I could jist spit."

There you are, Janie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 09 - 01:18 AM

Te ineptum sums it up nicely...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:49 PM

Or if you really want to show off your linquistic precision, make that "Central Appalachian Plateau Hillbilly."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:42 PM

Eh?

Please be polite and translate into my native language?



That would be Appalachian Hillbilly.

An approximation will do if you are not otherwise up to the task.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:22 PM

Vah! Denuone Klingone loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 09 - 10:48 PM

Poor MOM, neglected these many hours while the boys contemplate amusingly brilliant insults with which to respond to one another.

Here, there is another glass of Merlot left in the bottle. You have it Mom. It will make your dreams sweet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 09 - 03:45 PM

I can but add the immortal words "qama'pu' DIHoH net Sov. Qu'vaD II' net tu'bej. bIjatlhHa'chugh qaHoH."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 09 - 01:43 PM

LOL!!! Gawd, I love the language...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 09 - 01:11 PM

Chongo may be the first authenticated Egyptian Chimp--always in de Nile.

Ya know, pal, once you get too old to fling that roscoe around, assuming the North Side Gorillas don't wipe you out first, your past sins are going to come around and haunt you; and the harder you deny, the longer they will wait. Absolution only comes with facing up to whatchoo done, see? Pictchas of yer lil sisteh weeping as you walk out on her...the cries of your aged Mom... not to mention the
death rattles of somany past competitors and opponents... you've gotcher self a long row to hoe, buddy boy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:53 PM

Wasn't that kind of Amos, to deliver a message between family members? So sweet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:26 PM

She's ain't my sis, Roscoe. She's some nutcase chimp floozie who claims to be my sis. She's tryin' to hitch a ride on the uptown bus to Easy Street, but she ain't paid the fare.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:14 PM

Oh, and Chongo--tell your sis I met your dad on that jungle expedition, and he wants you both to know he's sorry he was such a lousy parent...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:56 AM

Nice editing, chump. I see you took out all the photos of the local workin' gals except for the one who's showin' some leg out in the surf there.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:26 AM

Amos, why didn't you say that you had run out of money and was forced to hunt and eat lizards? Or that your long pants had been stolen (or pawned?) and that you were forced to go around in your undies?

I'm sure we could have done something besides laugh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 09 - 10:45 AM

Chongo has obviously spent far too much time working for bananas already. I won't stoop to rejoindersd. THe pictures tell the story.

It seems odd, too, that after so long and energetic an effort seeking to refute the very existence of Chinga, Ole Goofball is now projecting her into my timestream as a kind of backwards-march epithet. Sigh. Well, consistency is not a chimp trait of note, anyway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:42 AM

I can tell ya exactly what is wrong with Amos. I guess you think he was just layin' around in the sun and drinkin' Margaritas, huh? Well, think again. I'll tell ya what he was really doin' in the sunny south, he was engagin' in way too much cavortin' around after hours with them proskirts down there, that's what! And now he is all "tuckered" out, if ya know what I mean...

He ain't got no bullets left. His tommy gun is empty. His kazoozle has kafizzled. His zuchinni has wilted. He ain't even got blanks left to fire. Elvis has left the friggin' building.

Yessiree, I know his type. They get off in some foreign land where they figger no one knows 'em and they go crrrrraAAAAZY!

I seen it enough times to know. Yup. I wasn't born at the bottom of a mine shaft. No siree.

That business with Chinga was only the tip of the iceberg. This guy has slid down the slippery slope to perdition and he ain't comin' back.

****

In regards to yer ex, Janie, count yer lucky stars that you are at least takin' steps to get clear of that guy. And watch yer back. Consider hirin' a local chimp or gorilla for security purposes. They'll work for bananas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:07 PM

Oh good. Amos appears to be recovering.

Let the sniping resume:>)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 09 - 07:05 PM

BEauty is in the eye of the beholder, old fruit. Not the gun holder...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 09 - 05:54 PM

They don't have ugly sidearms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 09 - 05:34 PM

Sounds like he needs a visit from half-a-dozen pissed Legionaires with long moustaches, stained suspenders, and big, ugly side-arms.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 09 - 01:54 PM

Sounds like a never ending loop--does it keep going through arbitration, only to be rejected?

I'm back from the high school, picking up my son's yearbook. He's still in his AP test and I wanted him to get a copy. They ordered a couple of extra cases of books, but after handing the pre-ordered books out yesterday, it seemed certain the extras would go soon. Next year I'll get my order in on time. I use my yearbook now to see if the people in the obituaries are the people I know or their family members.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:40 PM

Not yet. The arbitration decisions are not binding and he is going to again appeal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:16 PM

Damn, Janie. This guy sounds dangerous. Watch out for yourself. Can you now sue and get your legal fees?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:58 AM

I think I need some ketchup. (cheaper fix than a trip to Belize.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:54 AM

The Arbitor again dismissed the case as being the improper action. Unbeknownst to me, as I was paying my share of the arbitration fee at the cashier's window, Ex had walked up close behind me. I jumped out of my skin when I turned to see him standing only 24 inches away, face full of rage and saying in a menacing tone, "You're gonna be paying a whole lot more for the third round of this."

I just kept walking, but it is almost an hour later and my heart is still racing.

As I've said before in this town, this whole thing is real BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:20 AM

I dunno; I am thinking of getting me a big sailing catamaran , and running down to Panama and cutting over back to Ambergris; I know a fine dive master there who needs a business partner.

It would be somp'n to do, more fun than scrounging ASCII for a living.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 09 - 10:59 AM

C, SRS? U r o k.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:41 AM

C? I told you so!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:28 AM

Yeah--I built up a huge reserve of Vitamin Lassitude, and it needs some time to burn away.


A


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