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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 08 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 11:48 AM
Acme 08 Feb 07 - 10:20 AM
Amos 08 Feb 07 - 09:38 AM
MMario 08 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 09:25 AM
Acme 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 06:46 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 03:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:11 PM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:08 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 11:01 AM
JennyO 07 Feb 07 - 10:35 AM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 10:11 AM
MOAB 07 Feb 07 - 10:07 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:34 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:16 AM
Rapparee 06 Feb 07 - 10:54 PM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 10:40 PM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 10:38 PM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 07 - 10:21 PM
Amos 06 Feb 07 - 08:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Feb 07 - 08:05 PM
Amos 06 Feb 07 - 07:59 PM
Amos 06 Feb 07 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 07 - 02:50 PM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 07 - 12:19 PM
Amos 06 Feb 07 - 10:02 AM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 06 Feb 07 - 08:12 AM
Acme 06 Feb 07 - 01:34 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 07 - 08:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM

That's grand -- if you can use a Mudcat connection to bring about a library fundraising, or even just library PR, you can all at one swoop release ALL the angst you have built up about cruising the Cat on library time!! It all sublimates into R&D for the good of the library!! How cool is that?!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 11:48 AM

There is also a chance that a Certain Mudcatter (who shall remain nameless for now) will be coming 'round this summer and will do a concert. Maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:20 AM

Very nice. :) And ditto on the special library brew. What a great idea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:38 AM

As I strolled out, one fair May morning
Before the clock had yet struck nine
I heard a loud, mysterious thumping
Down by the banks of the old Portwine.

I looked around, my mind bewildered,
Those screams so high, and moans so low;
It sounded like the dance of demons
Or the mating steps of the buffalo.

But all I saw was a large man fencing
And yowling like a drunk poltroon!
He seemed to wield some kind of weapon,
A saber blade, or broad spadroon.

He whirled and hollered like a dervish
His blade it was a blur of light
He loudly stamped, swung and riposted
Though none was there with whom to fight!

His flying steel swung wild and madly
It struck the stones with many a spark.
He tripped and fell into the river,
And I went home, across the park.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM

You should do it! You could call it Portneuf Olyd Bookwyrm!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:25 AM

The Portneuf Brewing Company will, if I give them enough lead time, brew up a special amber (or other) beer for my Library's centennial celebration. The seismic activity you would detect would be Minnie Howard, a life-long member of the WTCU, spinning in her grave.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM

Amos, I think to disguise the river you should call it the Portwine. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:46 PM

M is for the million things she gave me
O is for omniscience, which she are
A is for something or other just like those
B is for spending time down at the bar.

O is for omniscience, see above
U is for uric acid, which causes gout
R is for what happened: 'twas a rout.

M is for another million things she gave me
O is of omniscience, like I said
M is for another thing that begins with M

Put them all together they spell MOAB Our Mom
Except upper and lower case are rearranged.


             --Ode To MOM MOAB, by "Little" Richard
                Rogers and "Biggie" Hammersteins, 1913.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM

Lo, how the BS loud does rage,
Among the sleepy threads,
And draws the readers of the page
To shake their sleepy heads
How turley roond the tome doth grow,
How glissone goes its measure,
As on and up she boldly goes,
Where no man knows the pressure.
How stringly fired is her ween!
How glimly doon, her tripple!
Beneath the glumringed stars between,
A dampling, struttering stipple!
No lass in herbs can make her less
Nor lissome manny slattern,
For she has all our strove behest
And heaven's gandering pattern.
So come forth Une, Deus, Tray
And plaster thrice the wooly slab
For thou hast cantilevered Day
On the brow of proud MOAB!

g.g. thumbrings
Doonwich Porridge, New Yak, 1934


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:57 PM

Well, I thought I would change the place-name just to protect the guilty. But if you're not interested in being protected, then call it Portneuf.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:30 PM

By turning the numbers upside down you are making them smaller and smaller. If you keep it up Mom will disappear completely and it will be your fault.

Amos, the is no "Pocatello River." The Portneuf River flows through Pocatello and has done so for a very, very long time (at least as long as I've been here, and that'll be four years this coming May 5). If you have heard a report involving the "Pocatello River" it was false, fake, untrue, and a fib.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM

One too many zeroes there... I meant "16091", obviously, though I'll keep the dibsies on "160091" as well.

Let's see, that's about ten times as many posts as at the current time.... It's taken us 3 years and 9 months to get to 16000.... Multiplied by ten is 37 years and six months....   Heck, I'll only be 92! Yeah, dibsies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:14 PM

Nah, Stilly, I'm too enthralled with turning MOAB post numbers upside-down to worry about things like making pots right now!

I hereby claim dibs on post #160091, which is the same right-side-up or upside-down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:11 PM

Whoa! And "16009" upside-down is "60091"! A difference of 20,000 in a negative direction in a single post! Hot damn!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM

BeeDub--I heard you were going to throw a special plate that she can eat it off of. Do you have any that would be suitable for that lovely cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:08 PM

And upside-down, it's "80091"!

Happy Sweet Sixteen, Mom! Enjoy the cake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM

THIS post is 16008, a number I really admire. It splices itself beautifully, as so few numbers do anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM

Speak for yourself, sirrah! Celibate and dancing are an oxymoronic coupling. That's why baptists make love lying down. (So no-one will think they've been dancing)...or something like that. Anyway, speaking of oxymoronic couplings, is it true you were seen in the reedy underbrush down by the Pocatello River trying to emulate the earth-shaking mating dance of the water buffalo? Or was that fencing?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM

Celibate! Celibate! Dance to the music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:01 AM

I agree--if I'd been less tired when I decided to make that last push I could have excerpted previous stunning posts to use as reminders ot the quality of the BS generated here. Maybe I will start a stockpile in a notepad file. "MOAB Gems"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:35 AM

Here's your cake, MOM! Bee-dubya-ell ordered it a week ago. And here's a Birthday Banner for you!

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!

And of course, your Birthday Song, also from Bee-dubya-ell -

*sings*

You're a thread from a dream
Your bullshit's supreme
A BS nukular bomb
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom

You're BS to our ear
It's you we revere
As other threads go and come
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom

       {Bridge}
       You're our MOAB, you're our thread
       We love you more than Wonderbread
       The mouse went "click", BS went "plop"
       When we started posting we could not stop

You appeared on the screens
Of our computin' machines
To BS we did succumb
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:11 AM

Ah, Stilly, an heroic, hard-charging assault, inundating the entrenched position of imaginary numbers with an overwhelming rain of borrowed words. Exhausted, but triumphant, she sleeps at last, the enemy duly subdued and whelmly overwhelmed. To which, say all of us, "Thanks, Stilly!!. You kept 1600 safe for democracy."

When the time comeas for us to mark our history with 20K, we should have prepared well in advance a new improved lot of telling epistles, gathered ahead of time. For novelty, we could use screeds of our own composition. That way we could ensure that only the very best of genuine BS gets thrown into the historical mix.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:07 AM

So, where's my cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM

Okay. Now I can go to bed. Mom is past her crisis. But there's no saying what is going to happen with that whacked out astronaut.

Here's the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM

hmmm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM

yes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Nowak, 43, a married mother of three who flew on a space shuttle in July, was charged with attempted murder, accused of hatching an extraordinary plot to kidnap Colleen Shipman, who she believed was romantically involved with Oefelein, a space shuttle pilot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Specifically, police said Nowak confronted Shipman, who was in her car at the Orlando airport, and sprayed something at her, possibly pepper spray.

At first the astronaut was charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts, and a judge had permitted her release on bail. Then, in a surprise move, prosecutors upped the charge to attempted murder, basing it on the weapons and other items they said they had found with Nowak or in her car: a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing and large garbage bags.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Nowak's lawyer, Donald Lykkebak, disputed that upgraded charge, which allowed police to keep the astronaut in jail. "In the imaginations of the police officers, they extend these facts out into areas where the facts can't be supported," said Lykkebak.

As the hearings on charges and bail played out on TV, the astonishing details about the case were repeatedly broadcast and quickly made the rounds of office e-mails and Internet blogs.

The details of the relationships of all three were unclear. Nowak and Oefelein, who both live in the Houston area, had trained together as astronauts, but never flew into space together. Shipman, 30, works at Patrick Air Force Base near Kennedy Space Center.

Earlier, Nowak was quoted by police as saying she and Oefelein had something "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

ORLANDO, Fla. - She was the Robochick. He was Billy-O. According to police, her obsession with him led her to drive 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, bringing with her a trenchcoat and wig, armed with a BB gun and pepper spray, and wearing a diaper to avoid bathroom breaks on the arduous drive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM

I hope those poems help you get to sleep tonight, MOM. I'll check on you again in the morning.

If you see that sorry so-and-so Flamenco Ted, just boot his butt out the door!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:34 AM

"Out, Out--"

Robert Frost

THE BUZZ-SAW snarled and rattled in the yard
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.
And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behind the other         
Under the sunset far into Vermont.
And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.
Call it a day, I wish they might have said         
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.
His sister stood beside them in her apron
To tell them "Supper." At the word, the saw,
As if to prove saws knew what supper meant,         
Leaped out at the boy's hand, or seemed to leap?
He must have given the hand. However it was,
Neither refused the meeting. But the hand!
The boy's first outcry was a rueful laugh,
As he swung toward them holding up the hand         
Half in appeal, but half as if to keep
The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all?
Since he was old enough to know, big boy
Doing a man's work, though a child at heart?
He saw all spoiled. "Don't let him cut my hand off?         
The doctor, when he comes. Don't let him, sister!"
So. But the hand was gone already.
The doctor put him in the dark of ether.
He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath.
And then?the watcher at his pulse took fright.         
No one believed. They listened at his heart.
Little?less?nothing!?and that ended it.
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:16 AM

The Blind and the Dead

Robert Service


She lay like a saint on her copper couch;
Like an angel asleep she lay,
In the stare of the ghoulish folks that slouch
Past the Dead and sneak away.

Then came old Jules of the sightless gaze,
Who begged in the streets for bread.
Each day he had come for a year of days,
And groped his way to the Dead.

"What's the Devil's Harvest to-day?" he cried;
"A wanton with eyes of blue!
I've known too many a such," he sighed;
"Maybe I know this . . . mon Dieu!"

He raised the head of the heedless Dead;
He fingered the frozen face. . . .
Then a deathly spell on the watchers fell ?
God! it was still, that place!

He raised the head of the careless Dead;
He fumbled a vagrant curl;
And then with his sightless smile he said:
"It's only my little girl."

"Dear, my dear, did they hurt you so!
Come to your daddy's heart. . . ."
Aye, and he held so tight, you know,
They were hard to force apart.

No! Paris isn't always gay;
And the morgue has its stories too:
You are a writer of tales, you say ?
Then there is a tale for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:54 PM

I WONDER WHERE MY PAPA IS?

I wonder where my papa is,
      Oh, where could he have gone,
I wonder why he does not come
      And see his Lilly Long.
He would come and sit by me
      When the fever burnt my brow,
I wonder where my papa is,
      For he comes not near me now.

I hear no more the foot pace
      In the hall by my door,
Where he would gently, gently tread
      Upon the oaken floor.
His place is vacant by the hearth,
      There stands his easy chair;
I hear no more his loving voice
      Raising the evening prayer.

The last time I saw my papa dear
      Was just five days ago,
He took me in his arms and said,
      "You are getting better slow,
Thank God, my little Lilly pet
      Will soon be well again,
And run about the house and play
      With little Nettie Lane."

I wonder where my papa is,
      Oh, where could he have gone,
It cannot be he has forgotten
      His little Lilly Long.
No, he never would have left me
      And mamma without aid;
I fear my papa has fallen
      A victim of the "plague."

The mother listened to her child,
      Her heart filled with pain
To hear her loved one mourn for him
      Who would never come again.
Tears were falling from her eyes,
      From her bossom heaved a sigh;
Little Lilly asked in wonder,
      "Mamma dear, what makes you cry?"

"Dearest Lilly must I tell you
      That your papa is no more,
That he cannot come and see you
      And caress you as of yore.
He has gone to live with Jesus,
      In the heavenly home above,
Where are dwelling the blessed
      In God's everlasting love."

Lilly listened to her mother,
      She uttered not a sound,
O'er her little pale cheeks softly
      Tears began to trinkle down;
At last she sweetly murmured,
      "Mamma dear, you and I
Must live so we can meet papa
      In Heaven, by and by."

"Yes, my child," the mother answered,
      "Your words are very true,
While we live on earth we should keep
      The heavenly land in view;
Then bright on earth will be our future,
      Bright as a shining star;
We will live in love together,
      Till we reach that home afar."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:40 PM

The Sceptic

My Father Christmas passed away
When I was barely seven.
At twenty-one, alack-a-day,
I lost my hope of heaven.

Yet not in either lies the curse:
The hell of it's because
I don't know which loss hurt the worse ?
My God or Santa Claus.

       Robert Service


(I like that one--discovered in a rather random search, but an interesting sentiment!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:38 PM

Just Think!

Just think! some night the stars will gleam
Upon a cold, grey stone,
And trace a name with silver beam,
And lo! 'twill be your own.

That night is speeding on to greet
Your epitaphic rhyme.
Your life is but a little beat
Within the heart of Time.

A little gain, a little pain,
A laugh, lest you may moan;
A little blame, a little fame,
A star-gleam on a stone.

          Robert Service


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:35 PM

I hope that works for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:21 PM

There was a young swordsman named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action
The Fitzgerald Contraction
Turned his epee to a disk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:41 PM

An antediluvian mug
WHo had ears that stuck out, like a jug
On his death was set thinking
By his martingale shrinking
In the rain. And he gasped out, "Oh, fug!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:05 PM

Only 16 posts to go 'til theBIG 16!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:59 PM

Cheeeze -- ya use one three-syllable word and everyone clams up on ya!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:00 PM

Listen to the martingale
Listen to the martingale
For the martingale has hung him where he lies,
....tumtee tumtee....not you, Rapaire. A famous antediluvian paramour.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:50 PM

Humph! A martingale is a leather strap that holds the grip of the Italian epee or foil to the inner arm. This is usually illegal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:42 PM

Martingale. Looks a little kinky, Rap. How are you planning to use it?

I think the games my son selected aren't as involved with the throwing and such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:19 PM

Well, that's a great idea Amos! I'll use a martingale with the new rapier. Should help a lot. Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 10:02 AM

Make sure you test the wrist strap--there were a number of unhappy explosions when the Wii first hit the streets, caused by flying controllers meeting obdurate TVs in their big glass centers. Also various bruised noggins and broken vases, etc. You Tube was cluttered with these incidents for a couple of days. They even had a recall to replace the wrist straps. But you gotta use them. Otherwise things can gget wiidiculous pretty quickly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 09:40 AM

Sounds more like an uncivil war. And your pals are a couple of stinkers, which could make that a civet civil war . . . just helping Mom along. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:12 AM

My new rapier came yesterday, or rather, over the weekend. I was going to take it to Fencing tonight. Sure. I have a dinner at 6 with a discussion following, and since it's the Idaho Commission on Libraries (called "The Idaho State Library" before they got delusions of grandeur) I really can't just shuck it off so I can be at Fencing at 7.

I took it up to the Legion Hovel last night, though. Actually, I stopped by to deliver some flyers on my way home. Thutnose The First and King Billy were looking in the car window at the rapier when I came out.

"Whut's thet?" asked the Nose.

"Rapier," I replied with a sigh. I know how these things go.

"Whut's it fer?"

"Opening letters," I replied.

"Kinda big fer thet, ain't it?" asked the King.

"We get big mail down at the library," I said.

Silence.

"Well, Ah never woulda guessed THET," said the King. "It looks like a frog sticker ma daddy usta have when we lived in the swamp in Alabamy."

"Alabamy?! You some kinda Reb?" exploded the Nose.

"I wuz born thar. What's it to you, ya clod-jumpin' Yankee?"

As I drove off the US Civil War had broken out. Yet again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:34 AM

I have one more thing to fight my Wii way past now. We were finally able to find the games that the kids had each received cash for at christmas (from their Dad--I don't have enough money to buy one, let alone two of those things!). I did the shopping, however, and got the games on two separate days last week (they still won't let you buy more than one at a time). One is in another city with Moonglow, but one is here at the house and is now Internet ready. And the "Cool!" that I heard come from my son as he skipped around web pages tells me that he is thrilled to come a step closer to having a computer in his room (his computer is in the living room, where every child's computer belongs). My router is going to be working extra, so I'll try to keep my MOAB posts short and sweet and see if I can shoot out to the Internet when there is a lull in the back bedroom activity.

23 to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 07 - 08:27 PM

Jist twenny-five more to go, girls an' boys.


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