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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Oct 06 - 12:24 PM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 06 - 11:22 AM
Bunnahabhain 27 Oct 06 - 11:01 AM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 10:20 AM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 09:55 AM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 09:53 AM
Acme 27 Oct 06 - 09:41 AM
GUEST,Thoroughly PO'd Grace 27 Oct 06 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 06 - 09:33 AM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 06 - 09:11 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 05:46 AM
autolycus 27 Oct 06 - 03:35 AM
autolycus 27 Oct 06 - 03:34 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:15 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 12:06 AM
JennyO 26 Oct 06 - 11:14 PM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 08:56 PM
Bunnahabhain 26 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 07:36 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 06:42 PM
autolycus 26 Oct 06 - 06:24 PM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM
rumanci 26 Oct 06 - 05:21 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 05:12 PM
MMario 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 03:57 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:58 PM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 11:12 AM
Bunnahabhain 26 Oct 06 - 10:30 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM
rumanci 26 Oct 06 - 09:44 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM
GUEST,Paxton Ochs 26 Oct 06 - 09:27 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:01 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:35 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM
Acme 25 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM
GUEST,Paxton Ochs 25 Oct 06 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 06:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:24 PM

I would think this was generated by a MOABitye, except that it was published in the New Science magazine:

"In everyday life, of course, locality is a given. You're over there, I'm over here; neither of us is anywhere else. Even in Einstein's theory of relativity, where distances and timescales can change depending on an observer's reference frame, an object's location in space-time is precisely defined. What Susskind is saying, however, is that locality in this classical sense is a myth. Nothing is what, or rather, where it seems.

This is more than just a mind-bending curiosity. It tells us something new about the fundamental workings of the universe. Strange as it may sound, the fate of an elephant in a black hole has deep implications for a "theory of everything" called quantum gravity, which strives to unify quantum mechanics and general relativity, the twin pillars of modern physics. Because of their enormous gravity and other unique properties, black holes have been fertile ground for researchers developing these ideas."...



I have never thought of locality as a given. I am sure I have been anywhere at all, usually elsewhere, at most times, and certainly at the best times. It's a knack I have for missing out on them, at least when they are local.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:05 PM

Wow, Rapaire. That is such a DRAMATIC improvement!! One would think you had somehow absorbed the instincts of a master all of a sudden.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 11:22 AM

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,        
Alone and palely loitering?        
Tho' others frolic by the lake
And beer is outpouring?

II.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms!        
So laggard and so out-of-sorts?        
The tavern's barrels are quite full,        
And they're quaffing it in snorts.

III.

I see a Wilde lily on thy brow        
With anguish moist and fever dew,
And on thy "cheeks" a fading rose:        
A recently acquired tatto.        

IV.

I met a lady in her mead,        
Full beautiful?a faery's child,        
Her hair was long, her foot was light,        
And boy! was she ever wild.        

V.

She had a garland for her head,        
And bracelets too, and a fragrant zone;        
She look'd at me as we did love,        
And made sweet moan.              

VI.

She found me jars of relish sweet,              
And pickles dill, and Tullamore dew,        
And sure in language strange she said?        
"Let's get it on a time or two."        

VII.

She took me to her elfin grot,        
And since I've wept, and peed full sore,              
And the Clinic cannot cure my pox
In less than weekes four.        

VII.I

And I dream of when I might urinate,        
And not scream, tho' woe betide!        
The latest drugs they give to me
In arm, IV, and side.        

X.

And this is why I sojourn here,              
Alone and palely loitering,        
Though other frolic by the lake,        
With beer outpouring.        

          L. A. D. Unoperro, Frisky Frolicsome Poesy (Chicago:
             Frisky Frolicsome Press, 1807)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 11:01 AM

The criticism of Rapiere's poetry is very harsh. After all, what is poetry?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 10:20 AM

What Knight is this so weak and pale,
Though the locks are yet brown on his noble head,
Propt on pillows in his bed,
Gazing seaward for the light
Of some ship that fights the gale
On this wild December night?
Over the sick man's feet is spread
A dark green forest-dress;
A gold harp leans against the bed,
Ruddy in the fire's light.
I know him by his harp of gold,
Famous in Arthur's court of old;
I know him by his forest-dress--
The peerless hunter, harper, knight,
Tristram of Lyoness.

What Lady is this, whose silk attire
Gleams so rich in the light of the fire?
The ringlets on her shoulders lying
In their flitting lustre vying
With the clasp of burnish'd gold
Which her heavy robe doth hold.
Her looks are mild, her fingers slight
As the driven snow are white;
But her cheeks are sunk and pale.
Is it that the bleak sea-gale
Beating from the Atlantic sea
On this coast of Brittany,
Nips too keenly the sweet flower?

Is it that a deep fatigue
Hath come on her, a chilly fear,
Passing all her youthful hour
Spinning with her maidens here,
Listlessly through the window-bars
Gazing seawards many a league,
From her lonely shore-built tower,
While the knights are at the wars?
Or, perhaps, has her young heart
Felt already some deeper smart,
Of those that in secret the heart-strings rive,
Leaving her sunk and pale, though fair?
Who is this snowdrop by the sea?--
I know her by her mildness rare,
Her snow-white hands, her golden hair;
I know her by her rich silk dress,
And her fragile loveliness--
The sweetest Christian soul alive,
Iseult of Brittany.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:55 AM

Furthermore, Rapaire's claim to being a perfect poet, based on his two-word poem, is misplaced. While his two words qualify him as a good rhymester, there is nothing poetic about the sentiment thus expressed, or the construction used to express it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:53 AM

Autolycus' pedantry is misplaced. "It is I" is perfectly correct when the implied ('...who (verbal element)') can be inferred from context.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:41 AM

Takes me back, that Burl Ives snippet. And since I have Spybot Search&Destroy in place, it only takes me back in memory, it doesn't let Real Player also take me back to when Real was my default clip player. Damned little program tried to change my registry while Burl was singing. It had managed to take over another time and even set things up so my Windows Media Player wouldn't load. How's that for a nasty little usurper?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thoroughly PO'd Grace
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:35 AM

I wrote that one !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:33 AM

Well, (ahem!) I wrote the first one, the perfect one. The second one (which should have "her eyes" and not "here eyes") is unattributed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM

Oh? Who wrote it?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 09:11 AM

I?
High!


There. A Perfect poem. Perfect scansion, perfect rhyme, and all from a perfect poet.

See our tearful little Grace
With a shadow on her face,
Like the sunny, April skies
Clouded are here azure eyes;
All because it rains to-day
And she can't get out to play.


                  Ibid., p. 177


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 05:46 AM

Ah yes Ivor, I do know that, but the verb (or phrase) "that will get the 14700th post" can be implied after "I".

Anyway, "I" rhymes with "high", so there :-)

*goes off muttering* BLOODY PEDANTS!!......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: autolycus
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 03:35 AM

14702 !!!!!!!!!!! Oh,yes.





    Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: autolycus
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 03:34 AM

Grammatically correct would have been,
"Though unworthy,is it me?' - one only
says 'and I' when followed by a verb.
NALOPKT.




    ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:15 AM

14700!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM

I've been known to raise your head
And lend to you my sofa bed
With cups of cocoa, movies too
Tell me Mother - will this do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM

But mother knows her children who
Will work and slave to bring to you
BS whose quality is high
Though unworthy - is it I?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM

Others too may stake their claim
Blow-ins wanting fleeting fame
Cheating, as they write one word
Or a number, so I've heard


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM

As we write our pomes and verse
Silly songs or even worse
Who will nab that number there?
Amos, Stilly or Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:06 AM

SOrry -- I have just spent several hours compiling Doo Wop lyrics, and am parked on the time line in 1956, listening to Oh, Donna and Love Like Yours Will Surely Come My Way.

So your 1915-era sentiments don't phase me one bit!! I've got a white carnation and a pickup truck!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:14 PM

For a little trip down memory lane, go to this page Little White Duck. Scroll down and click on "play clip". I hate to say it, but I remember it well. Just when I had managed to completely forget it too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:01 PM

The song I could never shake was "Seventy-six Trombones" from The Music Man. One of the worse earworms I've ever encountered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:26 PM

Golden Curls and a Heart of Gold

I met one day not long ago
A dear little maid whose name you know,
She'd a ruby mouth, two sapphire eyes,
A nice enough nose for a girl of her size;
   But oh! her curls!
   That sweetest of girls
Had a head of adorable golden curls!
   Red gold curls,
   The cunningest quirls--
I fell in love with those golden curls!
But I afterwards found, to my glad surprise,
That neither those curls, nor the nose, nor the eyes,
Were of this little maiden the very best part,
For she had what was better--a golden heart!
   Heart of gold--
   For young and old--
Golden curls and a golden heart!


             Thomas W. Handford, ed. Belford's Annual. 1888-9,
               (Chicago: Belford Clarke & Co., 1888), p. 189.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:56 PM

Hey, Amos, you rotten little [deleted by censor]!!!

Do, a deer, a female deer,
Re, a drop of golden sun,
Me, a name I call myself
Fa, a long, long way to run
Sol, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sol
Ti, a drink with jam and bread
And that brings us back to do, do, do, do
Do, a deer, a female deer....


I hope that this starts the chain which will put the song in YOUR mind like you've put that acursed Duck in mine! May you spend your days with it as the only song you can think of and your nights dreaming about it! May it run through your mind every nanosecond of your life, and may you hum it from your final resting place after you're dead!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



















Kill little white ducks. Wring their little white necks. Kill. KIll. KILl. KILL KILL KILL KILL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM

Gluon just ate my last post! Bad dog!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 07:36 PM

The song was made widely known by Burl Ives. I believe it was also poulrized by Arthur Godfrey. It goes like this:


There's a little white duck, sitting in the water. (D - - A)
A little white duck, doing what he oughter         (- - - D)
He took a bite of a lily pad,                      (G - D -)
Flapped his wings and he said, "I'm glad          (E - A -)
I'm a little white duck sitting in the water.      (D - - A)
Quack! Quack! Quack!"                              (- - D -)

There's a little green frog, swimming in the water.
A little green frog, doing what he oughter
He jumped right off the lily pad,
That the little duck bit and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little green frog swimming in the water.
Glug! Glug! Glug!"

There's a little black bug, floating on the water.
A little black bug, doing what he oughter
He tickled the frog on the lily pad
That the little duck bit and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little black bug floating on the water.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz!"

There's a little red snake, laying in the water.
A little red snake, doing what he oughter
He frightened the duck and the frog so bad,
He ate the little bug, and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little red snake laying in the water.
Ssss! Ssss! Ssss!"

Now there's nobody left, sitting in the water.
Nobody left, doing what he oughter
There's nothing left but the lily pad.
The duck and the frog ran away. I'm sad.
'Cause there's nobody left sitting in the water.
Boo! Hoo! Hoo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:42 PM

It better not be that godblasted little white duck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: autolycus
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:24 PM

Bunnahabhain

Thank you for the calculation. I wanted to
know if I had the time to read thru this
thread from beginning to end.
I don't see your answer as any more or less
silly than the bits of the thread I've so
far managed

Amos

Who famously sang the 'sitting in the
water' song? I remember the song and
don't know the answer

      

hurrah for fatuity.




    Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM

Quite the contrary--many would say this is a no account thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:21 PM

Aha
So if you're counting instead of scrapping
I ought to leave Mom to her sleep or rapping
her knuckles against those lads' ears.
Stay asleep Mom. I'll share some beers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:12 PM

Oh sir, it seems to me unkind
To turn on me your wicked mind
T'upbraid me for my case misstating
Which you did cause, by simply waiting
And fault my simple, earnest rhyme
For breaking not the Law of Time.
In fact the flaw, sir, I would guess,
Was born of your untimelieness!
I prithee, sir, you let me be,
And go amuse the G.O. P.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM

17 with this post


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM

Ah, but now you've gone and blundered
To think we're twenty from that seven hundred!
Fourteen thousand seven hundred will soon be seen
But the difference is actually just nineteen.

-- Ed Rex Various Verses (Thebes: Yo' Mamma Press, 498 BCE).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 03:57 PM

In twenty posts, unless I've blundered
We'll reach ANOTHER even hundred
And 14 thousand seven postings shall
Be the shining count of Mother's hall
What pride, what joy, what merriment
Shall greet this rare accomplishment.
We'll invite each poster ever here
To come back over, for a beer,
And coming back to Mother's home
Submit some mediocre poem.

Shay Nannigan
Couplets of Ineptitude
Neever, Borriore, Norah, Lenderby
Edinburgh, 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:58 PM

HI RUM!!! WELCOME BACK!!! COME BY MORE OFTEN, PLEASRE!!!!!!!!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:12 AM

Several folks have dropped by to say "hi" to Mom. I wonder if we'll hear from Teresa one of these days? We have enough bats in our belfries to keep her happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 10:30 AM

I thougth it was exaent, pursured by a bare. Shakespeare never told us what was bare though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM

If April showers
Should come your way,
They'll bring you flowers,
Sometime in May!
So in October,
It's just the thing
To put your mind on better times
And plan ahead for Spring.

Da da da DEE da
Da da dum DEE
Da dad da DEE da....(fade out)

Exit stage right, tap dancing, pursued by a mobile hot-dog vendor's stand).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:44 AM

Hello Mom
Long time no rum
I know I only occasionally drop by these days
but Hell !
I still THINK about you

I see the guys are still scrappin'
and making us all smile
in turn

Mom ???
MOM
MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Wakey.....Wakey
Sort them out !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM

Thanks, I could use their services sorting out a certain Bilbray who is a ...local politician who needs it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM

You're gonna get yours, buddy boy! I'm gonna send the Legion after you and they'll drink you outa house and home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paxton Ochs
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:27 AM

Thanks, Amus. I'll credit you on the label of the CD as a research assistant!

Met a lovely young groupie last night named Victoria Rotledge or something. You know how it is with groupies, you can never hear their name clearly over all the shouting and screaming. THIS one managed to get past the security and was all OVER me. I certainly did enjoy it, even though she seemed too young. English bird, I think. I a few more years, when she's eighteen, I might be temped, if you know what I mean.

Oh, the Agent tells me that "The Alphabet Song" has gone platinum. Imagine that! And I recorded it less than a week ago!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:21 AM

Mwahahahahahahaha,

The Spirit of Arthur Godfrey is coming for YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!



Mwahahahahahahahaha......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:01 AM

Goddamnit, Amos, that f*$%#@!! song will be running through my mind all damned day now and it's your fault. I've tried very hard over the years to forget it and I thought I had succeeded.

One of these days....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:35 AM

The chords are C-----G------C C-----F-----D7----G

If you Google the title you will find a MIDI.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM

Written by: Bernard Zaritzky and Walt Barrows - © 1950

There's a little white duck sitting in the water
a little white duck doing what he oughter
he took a bite of a lily pad
flapped his wings and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little white duck sitting in the water
quack! quack! quack!"

there's a little green frog swimming in the water
a little green frog doing what he oughter
he jumped right off of the lily pad
that the little duck bit and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little green frog swimming in the water
ribbit! ribbit! ribbit!"

there's a little black bug floating on the water
a little black bug doing what he oughter
he tickled the frog on the lily pad
that the little duck bit and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little black bug floating on the water
bzzz! bzzz! bzzz!"

there's a little red snake playing in the water
a little red snake doing what he oughter
he frightened the duck and the frog so bad
he ate the bug and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little red snake playing in the water
hiss! hiss! hiss!"

now there's nobody left sitting in the water
nobody left doing what he oughter
there's nothing left but the lily pad
the duck and the frog ran away, I'm sad
'cause there's nobody left sitting in the water
boo! hoo! hoo!




Fifteen seconds.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM

Do you suppose Little Hawk or BWL has a little time on their hands this evening?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paxton Ochs
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 09:15 PM

Hi again! I was wondering if any of you might know the lyrics, chords, and music to "Little White Duck." I don't really want to sing it, but you know how audiences are! First you do "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and it spirals upwards from there! Last concert I had to do FOUR encores of "I'm A Little Teacup."

I've got a great CD coming out soon. It's tentatively entitled "Pokey Mopey Puppy: Paxton Ochs In Concert" and I'm negotiating with Sony for the release.

Well, gotta go. Groupies, you know. I'll check back.

Ta.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 06:58 PM

I think I'll ask my friend John about that. He works at Fermilab, sometimes, when he's not at Argonne. It sounds suspicious to me.


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