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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 20 Jul 09 - 06:05 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 09 - 06:54 PM
Amos 20 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM
Amos 20 Jul 09 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 09 - 09:44 PM
Janie 20 Jul 09 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 09 - 09:09 AM
Amos 21 Jul 09 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 09 - 04:39 PM
Amos 21 Jul 09 - 07:02 PM
Acme 21 Jul 09 - 07:37 PM
Janie 21 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 09 - 10:08 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 09 - 10:30 PM
Amos 22 Jul 09 - 12:16 AM
Rapparee 22 Jul 09 - 06:15 AM
Amos 22 Jul 09 - 12:08 PM
MMario 22 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jul 09 - 01:52 PM
Acme 22 Jul 09 - 02:47 PM
Amos 22 Jul 09 - 03:19 PM
Amos 22 Jul 09 - 06:59 PM
Janie 22 Jul 09 - 11:00 PM
Amos 22 Jul 09 - 11:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jul 09 - 09:54 AM
Amos 23 Jul 09 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 23 Jul 09 - 12:26 PM
Amos 23 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM
Amos 23 Jul 09 - 12:49 PM
Acme 23 Jul 09 - 12:50 PM
Amos 23 Jul 09 - 03:17 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 09 - 07:33 PM
Amos 24 Jul 09 - 12:09 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 09 - 01:28 AM
Acme 25 Jul 09 - 11:40 AM
Amos 25 Jul 09 - 11:42 AM
Rapparee 25 Jul 09 - 02:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jul 09 - 02:15 PM
Amos 25 Jul 09 - 02:16 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jul 09 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 09 - 05:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jul 09 - 07:11 PM
Acme 25 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 09 - 08:22 PM
Amos 25 Jul 09 - 10:06 PM
Acme 25 Jul 09 - 10:08 PM
Amos 25 Jul 09 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM
Amos 26 Jul 09 - 11:45 AM
Acme 26 Jul 09 - 12:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 06:05 PM

Ah, woe, woe. But be oif good cheer. You'll be out of there before you know it. Oncer you are, there is a long slow process of rebuilding and re-strengthening, which is a Royal PITA but which you must undertake with courage and optimism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 06:54 PM

I can still shoot pistols and supported rifles as well as fence right handed....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM

And with your slick computer set up, you should be able to steal poems from long-forgotten poets almost as fat as ever!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 07:31 PM

I mean, as FAST as ever. I am sure you are not really fat.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 09:44 PM

Neither were most poets. Those who were, weren't poets. I mean, can you picture Keats waddling down the streets of Rome?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 10:07 PM

I feel so much better knowing that MMario was weeping over the dishes. Pisses me off, though, that he set that night's dishes aside in a pan to mold while awaiting my return.

Don't tell any of the family secrets when emerging from the anesthesia, Rap. Otherwise, we will have to do what we can to make sure you never wake up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 09:09 AM

Hey, that's my gas passer: Annie Thesia! You know her?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:36 AM

Seems Janie not only knows her but saw you emerging from her...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 04:39 PM

That's something she made up! There wasn't anyone around at the time! I checked very, very carefully.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 07:02 PM

You are just lucky that my perfect limerick concerning your emergence from the anesthesiologist happened to be perfected at a time when Max wasn' t accepting MOAB posts, or your face would be so red.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 07:37 PM

MOM has been a little harder to reach this week. But I've been busy, so haven't tried as often as I might.

I'm dreaming html and styles and whatnot these days. Almost finished the design on some pages for work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM

Yep, MOM is getting old, fat and slow. This is the first time today she didn't time out on me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:08 PM

Dearest Mother,

In a few hours they will come for me. I will rendered unconscious and then I will be filled full of holes -- I suppose they think it's more humane that way. I don't blame those who do this thing; they are only doing what they are ordered to do. Remember that my last thoughts will be of you and the sibs.

And Mom: Let no man (or woman) write my epitaph until MOAB has taken her rightful place among the nations of the Earth.

With Love,
Rapaire


PS: Give my slinky to Stilly because Amos is just a big poop-head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:30 PM

Janie can have my chemistry set and Bee-Dubya can have my modeling clay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:16 AM

If you can tell the difference.

Rapaire, I have always treated you justly, and only been a poophead when you really needed a poophead in your life. Surely you can agree with that.

So leave me your guns, your trumpet, and one of your buried freezers, okay?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 06:15 AM

You can have your pick of the buried freezers Amos, or even both of them.

Now they are coming for me.

Adieu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:08 PM

Do well, amigo; here at home we will shoulder your burden while you deburr your shoulder.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM

we may have finally established the limits of natural growth for a thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 01:52 PM

It's sorta like my dear old mother used to tell me: "Son, into each life, a poophead will come. Someday, while you're just minding your own business, someone will tap you on the shoulder and, when you turn to face him, he'll say, 'Hi! I'm your poophead!' It's unavoidable. It happens to everyone. How do you think I met your father?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 02:47 PM

Amos, if you play your cards right, you can sneak into Rap's room before he's fully awake and have him sign a form that lets you have all of that bright red carpet from the basement that is stacked in the back of the garage after they pulled it up. That, plus a buried freezer, and maybe a bucket of golf balls, is a pretty darned impressive bequest from this rootin' tootin' libarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 03:19 PM

Sigh. How is it that all I get out of this rootin' tootin' librarian is stuff I don't want or stuff I don't need?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 06:59 PM

Alas, Rapaire, alas, alas,
Taken from life by a passing gas,
Deep in the darkness, swimming free
Like a sperm in singularity.

Long has it been, since he was a sperm,
And now we sigh, and wait, and yearn
For him to once again return,
AS he became when he divided,
Doubled up and multiplieded.

Shoulder the burden, shoulder the pain
Would that it all were new again!
Now through the hole the cutter's blade
Into the rotor-cuff invades,

Now comes the needle, and the thread
Binding the muscles that turn his head
Sewing the ligaments, lean and frayed
That once his noble gestures made,
When he controlled a flashing blade.

Now let the healing slow come on,
The exercises cruel and wan,
The limits of each smallest reach
Like gray whales stranded on the beach.

Alas, alas, for dear Rapaire,
Who once like lightning did declare!
On every whimsy, posts would linger;
But now, he types with half his fingers.

PErhaps he'll fail to post at all!
His voice abandon Mother's hall!
His light abandon all our eyes?
Who shall we use to plagiarize?

Let him grow stronger, is our prayer,
Through the long summer, sure repair
Grow strong and firm, and neatly knit,
We really need his fine Bull Shit.

Winston Sympatico Adrenaline Jr.
Tragic Chemistry and other Splurge
West Miami Beach, 2002


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 11:00 PM

Coinsidence or something more significant that MOM has become increasingly slow and unavailable as Rap has approached the time of his "gassing?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 11:24 PM

My God!! I never looked at it that way!! Do you suppose Rapaire is really nothing more than a thread on the Mudcat????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 09:54 AM

Good morning, Mom! Boy, you sure are getting hard to wake up! I had to knock on your door five times!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:22 AM

Use this as your bookmark's HTML;

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=59418&messages=30429&page=1&desc=yes&RequestTimeout=500

and you won't get the failed timeouts. But something has changed in the server responsiveness over the last week or so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 12:26 PM

Yeah, and mine too.

The last thing I heard was "This is the most painful surgery we do" and a log, evil laugh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM

By now our Good Bookmeister is home cussing and hurting, I suspect. Every impulse to pick up something has to be constrained and rechanneled to the other arm, and turning over in bed hurts like hell. Not only that but he is about to start a physical therapy regime which is a pure-dee caterwauling, razor-clawed Missouri-bred pain in the ass.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 12:49 PM

By god, he TYPED!!   Well done, Manne of Bookes!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 12:50 PM

Look! He's awake, and typing.

What do you remember, Rapaire? Anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 03:17 PM

He's probably in Paul Revere mode about now--dreaming about replacement body parts and hollering "Two arms!! Two arms!!"

Thank you, at least, for waking up, old son. It was the least you could do.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 07:33 PM

People in black robes...black candles on skulls...the horror...the horror...black draperies...the screams from the other rooms...the blood on the floor....

Actually, I have a CD and photos if anyone is interested. The doc said it wasn't the worst he'd ever seen, but it was right up there in the running.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 09 - 12:09 AM

The Ballad of Rotoar Cuffe


Oh, lack and a day, for Bold Rapaire,
For he has gotten older,
And now the years have left a tear
Upon his older shoulder.

And he has to the surgeon gone,
And asked of doctors many,
And all have offered him their knives
In promise of many a penny.

And nay, he cried and no, he swears,
I bid you still your urging,
For I will be both old and weak
Before I come to a surgeon.

ANd he has fenced and he has danced
And typed him much and vainly oh,
Until the day when the piper called
And his shoulder was most painly, oh.

Then Bold Rapaire to the surgeon goes
Pray heal me of this hurting, oh!
I ye shall heal but ye shall feel
My blade both sharp and certain oh!!

And the surgeon looks over his shoulder
To see who was to pass there, oh!
ANd he cried high, and he cried low,
Now turn on him the gas there oh!

And Rapaire he has fallen still
And into deadly sleep, oh!
And into his arm went the surgeon blade
And he cut him wide and deep, oh!

Then he did sew him back again
And When he came to feeling, oh,
Said "Now I give you back your arm,
With herbs and pills for healing, oh!

And you shall rest in a feather bed
With pillows of great sizes,
And under your arm and around your head
Shall be placed these strange devices.

And you shall cry and you shall faint
And curse these strange devices
ANd every day ere the cock doth sleep
You shall do these exercises!

Go out from here, now bold Rapaire
You'll heal as well as any, oh!
And never again to the doctor come
To argue over a penny, oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 09 - 01:28 AM

Amos still cannot comprehend that the name is pronounced "rap-a-ree" and not "rap-air". But he has been so nice, so charming, so wonderful, that I will, for him, change it.

I'll change it to "Orange Month" and he won't rhyme it with anything in English.

I am awake at this ungodly late hour (usually I have long ago said my prayers and trundled off to bed like a good boy) because my shoulder hurts. In spite of T-4 and hydrocodone. I'm also hungry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 11:40 AM

I hope your head cleared while MOM and all of the rest of Mudcat was away most of yesterday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 11:42 AM

The Cat has returned, it couldn't stay away. Howsomeever, the literate and charming amputeeoperee known as Raparee is still adamant in his refusal to use his proper name, and insists on using Rapayre, spelled similarly to "repair" which is what he hopes happened to his arm.

But you can bet he won't write any perfumed thank-you notes or leave any voice-mails saying "Hey, Doc!! Thanks for reepareeing my arm!!" It just don't stand to reason.

Lacking such rationale it is clear in the matter of his name we are facing stubborn, autocratic, arbitrary and whimsical typographical idiosyncrasy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:06 PM

You are, as I have said several times before, facing the stubborn, autocratic, arbitrary and whimsical typographical idiosyncrasy of one of the standard dictionaries of the Irish language. I might also have used "Tory" "Highwayman" or, if it had not already be registered, "Raparree."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:15 PM

I propose that we cheer good Raparee along in his recoveree be adding pointless and superfluous "EE"s to our names. Until further notice, I shall be known as Bee-dubya-elleree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:16 PM

Oh, sir, a thousand apologies!! I must amend my unfeeling remarks at once, and beg you to accept the corrected version:

stubborn, autocratic, arbitrary and whimsical typographical idiosyncrasy flimsdily disguised as a foreign language.

Better?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:43 PM

While you're at it, you might consider amending a long list of other unfeeling and insensitive remarks you have made as well in the last 10 years or so, particularly those directed toward my friend Chongo. I'll PM you a list shortly. ;-) Be prepared for a very loooooooong download time when you click on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 05:20 PM

Ye filthy spalpeen! Callin' the language of Cu and the Fiann and Pearse and Miles the Slasher and Maeve and Patrick Grainna and Columba and Rory O'More "foreign" brands ye as sassenach and a heathen without sense of either history or poetry!

Olcas na síolrach daoine ó dtángais,        
Gan focal le maíomh ag do shinsear gránna        
Ach lopaigh gan bhrí, lucht míre is mála.
Is aithnid dúinne an snamhaire is athair duit,        
Gan chara gan chlú gan chúl gan airgead,        
Ina leibide liath gan chiall gan mhúineadh,        
Gan mheadar gan mhias gan bhia gan anlann,        
Gan faic ar a dhroim is a chabhail gan chóta,        
Ach gad ar a choim is a bhonn gan bhróga.
Creidigí, a dhaoine, dá ndíoltaí ar aonach        
Eisean is a bhuíon tar éis íoc gach éileamh,        
Dar colainn na naoimh ba dícheall mór dó        
Pota maith dí lena fhuíollach d'fhuascailt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 07:11 PM

I can understand part of that!
      
Gan focal le maíomh ag do shinsear gránna

That translates to "Go fuck your mamma, and also your granny!" doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM

It's hot in the yard, MOM, and the boys have just a touch of sunstroke. They'll get over it as soon as I turn on the sprinkler. No, no, don't say a thing. We'll let this be our surprise for them . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 08:22 PM

Sure, and I'll post in the language of the Oppressor the words from the great Brian Merriman:

Everyone knows you were born in a ditch
Your ugly ancestors can't boast of their blood
They're aimless louts, sprung from the mud.
Everyone knows your father's a creep
Without friends or fame, common and cheap
A grey old yo-yo with no erudition
Without cup or bowl, racked with malnutrition,
Not a stitch his back, no coat on his body
A súgán for a belt, his footwear shoddy.
Believe me, people, if he was sold at the fair
Of all of his debts he couldn't take care
By the saints who are holy, 'twould make the news
If he then could afford a bottle of booze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 10:06 PM

So this is presented as an autobiographical defense of your spelling errors? Huh.

And who, with such disgrace full seen,
Then becomes the true spalpeen?
Manners course, and features feo,
Usted él es quién se ve como el pendejo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 10:08 PM

One would have thought that THAT much water would have cooled the rhetoric by now. Especially with that one sprinkler head that's broken. A couple of the guys got hit kind of low and hard by that jet of water. But there's Rap, singing along. I wonder--maybe his pain meds muted that hit. (I didn't mean to do it, but it was funny to watch them suddenly jump and run!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 10:23 PM

Wel;l, I have been loading up the kayak for another incredible inimitabler sunrise adventure -- I am slightly concerned about the recent reports of record breaking surf, due to heavy weathe rout in Tahiti somewhere. But we will push through, our duty plain before us.

SATURDAY: FAIR-GOOD
SURF: 4-6 ft. - shoulder high to 1 ft. overhead and fair-good conditions.        
SUNDAY: FAIR-GOOD
SURF: 3-4 ft. + - waist to shoulder high and fair-good conditions.        
Solid SSW swell continues; shape still mainly walled; drifty for the openly exposed beach-breaks         Fading SSW swell with a minor NW swell mixing in; slightly less walled for beach-breaks and biggest early


ANd that's the way it is here at he boundary of the mighty Pacific, fellow folkies.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM

I'd join you, sir, save for distance and my shoulder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 09 - 11:45 AM

I'm back, Mom--a perfect entry, and ap erfect exit in a fast roller. The sea was not high as I feared, but it wa slively with strong, low swells. I could not stay on my toes, being seated, but I did have to stay alert. Nevertheless it was a lovely small cruise.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 09 - 12:11 PM

At the bulky waste drop-off yesterday I saw a large yellow fibreglass paddleboat. If I could have fit it in the pickup I'd have brought it home. Perfect for the pond in my creek. Not so seaworthy, but sufficient for plucking trash from the brushy banks.


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