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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 06:11 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 05:01 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 04:55 PM
MMario 19 Dec 07 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM
MMario 19 Dec 07 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 02:50 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 01:00 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 12:51 PM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 11:43 AM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM
MMario 19 Dec 07 - 11:29 AM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 11:27 AM
MMario 19 Dec 07 - 11:25 AM
Acme 19 Dec 07 - 11:13 AM
Amos 19 Dec 07 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 07 - 09:26 AM
Acme 19 Dec 07 - 12:16 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 07 - 11:06 PM
Amos 18 Dec 07 - 09:53 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 07 - 05:24 PM
Amos 18 Dec 07 - 12:35 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 07 - 09:45 AM
Amos 18 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 07 - 09:32 AM
Acme 18 Dec 07 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 17 Dec 07 - 11:40 PM
Amos 17 Dec 07 - 08:28 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 07 - 06:26 PM
Amos 17 Dec 07 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 07 - 03:52 PM
Amos 17 Dec 07 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 07 - 01:30 PM
Acme 17 Dec 07 - 11:33 AM
Amos 17 Dec 07 - 10:03 AM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 09:41 PM
Janie 16 Dec 07 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 07 - 09:07 PM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 08:54 PM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM
Acme 16 Dec 07 - 01:45 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 07 - 01:34 PM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 12:13 PM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 10:47 AM
Amos 16 Dec 07 - 12:15 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 07 - 10:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 06:11 PM

Why not just use a playground and merry-go-round?

But most of the proxies are students at BYU, and since they don't drink, smoke or mess around there isn't much left for them to remember of their college days.

...The Baptismal pool,
The proxy names,
The year we lost to Notre Dame,
We'll have these moments to remember....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM

Nope, you're not answering the question. If they use proxies, and there are millions of nameless European Jews to be caught up, maybe they should just get one very robust proxy, stand him up on a dredly, and spin him around with a garden hose or something.


Kinda like a prayer wheel.

But I think it is an awful lot of trouble to go to to placate some imaginary super-hero.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 05:01 PM

A baptismal pool.

Me, I'd use a fire hose. Stand 'em all out in a bunch and turn on the water. MUCH more efficient.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 04:55 PM

Yeah, Rapaire, but you're talking about sedrial proxy-driven baptisms and such.

Stilly was talking about the Mormons baptizing "The Jews of Europe", which has gotta be a pretty big number, in the billions.

So, what do the Mormons use as devices of Mass Spiritual Normalization?




a


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 03:29 PM

Given how rar3e conspicules are becoming, I'm sure you are right


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM

I think that there's way too much conspicuous consummation in our society.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 03:11 PM

People pay to much for consumation anyway - why I was in a restauraunt the other day and they had beef consumation on the menu for $7.50 a cup. Heck - a buillion cube will do a pretty good job of producing what they were serving for about a couple of cents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM

Well, say I'm baptizing you 'cause you're defunct. I stand in the water in my baptizin' clothes and say, "I am Amos, the All-Powerful!" Then the man dunks me (because I'm really you) and you are now baptized. I fetch up outa the pool and a young lady in baptizin' clothes enters it and says, "I am Mata Hari!" and she gets dunked. After she leaves the pool I go back in and say, "I'm MMario, the Obscure and Defunct!" and get dunked.

And this goes on and on and on.

The marryin' up is sort of the same, only a man and a woman (no exceptions!) play the parts of the bride and groom and do the vows and all. But no consummatin' allowed!

And the folks you're representin' gotta be DEAD.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 02:50 PM

---------NOT-----
This does^ sound like a Good Plan to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 01:46 PM

So -- let me see if I have this right. An invested elder, I suppose, conducts a baptising ceremony using some sort of symbolic objects which by his decree represent the souls of millions of unbaptized Jews and pre-Columbian Mayans and Gawd knows what-all, and by twirling and invoking, exactly thus and so with correct pomp and ceremony, he thus raises them all, by their millions, to a State of Tolerance in the Eyes of the Lord? Is that roughly what we are talking about?

As to the marryin' part, Rapaire, I'll have to take yer word for it. But I think even an Idahoian would agree that most redblooded men are not going to stand still for marrying up with no prospect of consummation, given that that is the one thing most of them are even standing still for in the first place. This does sound like a Good Plan to me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 01:00 PM

You use proxies, old bean, you use proxies. And it's only a ceremony in both cases -- you don't get to consummate the marriage posthumously (at least the proxies don't get to do so).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 12:51 PM

AND, how do you marry someone posthumously? Doesn't the ring tend to fall off? And that (shudder) first kiss must be a doozy....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 12:27 PM

All right, Oracle, but how do you baptize someone posthumously?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:43 AM

Yup, Amos old boy. Posthumous baptizings. Got 'em in trouble with the Jews when they started a-baptizing all the Holocaust victims and President Hickley his own self promised they'd stop. Only some of the more enthusiastic folks didn't get (or didn't obey) the Word and THAT got them in deep doo-doo with the church.

Your ancestors might well be p-baptized. This sort of thing would probably come as a real surprise to folks like Francis of Assissi, Mother Theresa, John XXIII, Martin Luther, Ulrich Zwingli and others.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM

Really? How does that work out for them?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:29 AM

well - Mormons also have postumous weddings...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:27 AM

POsthumous baptising?

...lemme think....no, wait...POSTHUMOUS? Baptising?


My puir head is reeling. Where was I when this heppened? Wa sit like, a paperwork-only sort of deed? Or what?

Well, and what was a good liberal humanist boy doing wearing a Lamb of God jacket anyway? What did it mean? And why would the stupid woman even have to ask? Doesn't it seem obvious that such a message would be pro-? Or was there some sort of image attached?

I swear to Gawd this area is like black-hole quicksand, a morass of interlocking irrationalities so charged and multifaceted as to spin an able-minded person completely. Brrrrrrggggh.

In the local Scripps Aquarium there is a huge acrylic column, a cylinder filled with salt water, maybe ten feet tall and five feet in diameter, filled with large sardines. Hundreds of them. They are mindless, and go around and around and around in their mindlessness, eyes blinking, mouths gaping, round and round.....

Kinda like that.


A

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:25 AM

well - since there is more then a little evidence that the English word "good" derived from "godly" - basically she was wishing him nothing more then "Have a good day" -- what's wrong with that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 11:13 AM

A woman approached my son in the grocery store one day to ask if his "Lamb of God" sweat jacket was pro god or anti god. He got the drift of her interest and simply said "I don't know." Easier than upsetting this holier-than-thou lady who then slightly offended him by offering a "blessed day." (I wish people would get over that. It seems to be an attempt to co-opt an otherwise-affiliated or unaffiliated day, kind of like the Mormon's posthumously baptising the Jews of Europe).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 10:40 AM

Well, it's kinda hard to predict what terms will be in everyone else's vocabulary -- or no-one's -- anyway, it's a mind-bending responsibility, not fit grounds to erect a moral dictum on, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 09:26 AM

I also like Ray Troll's "Spawn til you die" series. I was wearing one of the pins at work as a woman asked me, "What does 'spawn' mean?" Since she was with her kids I answered, "It's a fishing term." She replied, "You shouldn't wear things with words other people don't know."

She was serious about both the question and her response. I wondered if her children were adopted or what.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 12:16 AM

Gives new meaning to "Grin and bear it."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 11:06 PM

One of my very favorite tee shirts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:53 PM

I watched one whose claws were huge, and whose paws were as big as chairs; but he would dig up a quahog and slip one nail into it and flip it open as daintily as a milkmaid. Awesome to see.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 05:24 PM

Considering them critters kin run 30 mph, you ain't gonna outrun one. And their claws are...well, they could use a pedicure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 12:35 PM

It's amazing what advenmtures await you when you mix large hostile animals with a few beers.

I saw a TV show, Mom!! I hardly ever do that. But htis one I chanced upon followed a phtographer into the wilds of the outlying ALeutian Islands, to film giant brown Kodiak bears. I gotta say a big Kodiak moving fast is a pretty awesome site, even at some safe remove. And their babies are cuter'n bugs.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:45 AM

Oh, that Sam Hinton! I was thinking of the heeler who didn't tighten his cinch at the rodeo last summer in Preston and got dragged all around the arena. 'Course, he'd had a few beers beforehand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM

A renowned collector and singer of folk songs.


And harmonicas.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:32 AM

Well, Amos COULD tie on hard and fast...the jerk's the same at the end, but your fingers are out of the way.

(Who's Sam Hinton? A team roper? And if so is s/he a header or a heeler?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 12:05 AM

You guys have been listening to Sam Hinton again, haven't you? (except for that dog joke. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 11:40 PM

A dallyman was brought into the Emergency Room, minus his thumb like so many dallymen are. Doc asked what happened, the guy said, "Just took my dally and didn't git ma thumb outa the way in time."

Doc said, "So where's the thumb? Maybe we can sew it back on for you."

Man said, "She flew right up inta the air and the dog ate it."

"My God, man!" exclaimed the doctor. "Why didn't you shoot the dog and try to retrieve the thumb??"

"Best blue heeler we ever had," replied the cowboy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 08:28 PM

Whoopy Tai-yiiiii,
Get unwound, ya lil dogie
It's my misfortune, t'ain't none of yourn.
Whoopy tai-yiii, unwind, li'l dogie,
I think Ah'm ah-suffering
From third-degree burn.


But see, it worked. Mom jes' floated right back to the top of the heap. It's a pure wonder evvy time. I loves to watch it happen. Boi-OINNNNNG! ANd up she goes.

Amazing, innit?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 06:26 PM

No problem for most buckaroos until about a thousand pounds of runnin' cow suddenly takes up the slack in the rope.

I understand that's where the cowboy's cry of "YAHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!" came from.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 05:33 PM

Wal, amigo, thanks for the kind words, even though meretricious and disingeuous.

As you know, dally-around-the-horn USUALLY refers to the saddle horn.


But never mind that--I think I like your version better.

Toughest horn in the West. Yeehaw, and all that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 03:52 PM

You took a dally around your horn? Goldang but you're tougher'n I thought you were! I'll betcha I could get you a place in Dodge National Championship Finals Rodeo here next March to show that off, iffen the police would allow it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 02:19 PM

Dear Rapaire:

One does not free-fall down a totem pole if one is hitting the beaks and heads of the totems, clearly. That would be impeded fall.

In fact we did not hit the actual Totem POle until I cinched 'er down and tightened the dally round the horn enough to stop Mom's fall.

And by that fact she arose from plummet to pinnacle, you see, so no hurt done.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 01:30 PM

Amos, which totem pole were you sliding down? And did it hurt, hitting all the carvings and noses and beaks and wings and things? Did you get any splinters, and if so, do you want to say where?

Mom could slide down a balustrade wrapped in razor wire, but I don't think you could.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 11:33 AM

Er, Janie, not to be too nosy, but does the owner of those piles of paper pay part of the mortgage, or are you tolerating that clutter out of the goodness of your heart?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 10:03 AM

Halfway down the Totem Pole
My Mother said to me,
"How come nobody comes around,
When I am falling free?"
"When I am locked in free descent,
And heading for the bottom,
Where are the chilluns of my hearth,
To post ideas so quick and smart,
(If any of 'em has gottem)?"

I took a turn around that pole
And dallied it hard down,
And with a smoking, screeching roar,
Another post came 'round.
And Momma's pale and worried face
Burst out in a radiant smile
"Ah, Sonny Lad, you've done the trick!
You've gone that extra mile!"
And she flew to the top o' the pile.

I gave her a kiss, and I closed the door
And gently shut the glims;
And climbed back in to my feather bed
To nurse my agued limbs.
I shivered with chill and with fever I swore,
And sweated through the night;
But I knew, at least, I had done my part
To keep Mom's feelings bright,
On a cold and lonely night.

Rutherford Kizzbudt Ferphame
From Out On the Plains, A Song
Guttersnipe & Goops, pubs.
Cincinnati, 1907


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:41 PM

Ach, du lieber schadenfreude!!!

Don't suppose you could burn 'em, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:37 PM

OKAY! I'm here again!

See Amos? You think, therefore I am.


We got some RainRain glorious Rain. Not much. Just enough to fill the birdbath and remind me that the roof still leaks. but every little bit helps.

This in from the Bonafide BS Dept:

Early in our separation Hubby let me know "I'd be sorry," if I attempted to move or otherwise deal with any of his huge, disorganized, piles of papers and 'stuff' that are all over the house. He still comes in the house regularly when I am gone, and anytime I have attempted to move things out of the way, or at least tidy up the appearance some, he moves it all back. After about 8 weeks, I surrendered, and haven't touched his stuff except to occasionally trip over it in 9 months.

It was with considerable satisfaction, therefore, that I noticed the drip coming from the ceiling had moved about 9 inches east overnight, out of range of the bucket I had placed yesterday evening, and a large pile of his papers are now sopping wet.

Talk about passive-aggressive enjoyment!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:07 PM

Reality is a feeble crutch, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 08:54 PM

Well, really, folks.

I mean really, now.

Really really!!

Now, c'mon, now, really.

REALLY really.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM

Mowing tomatoes in the Spring -- a wonderful thought, and one which could surely provide fodder for a really whimsical song. But since my last ditty evoked dire warnings about poisoning, I will refrain. Them love-apples are not to be messed with.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:45 PM

I dragged my cherry tomatoes, plant support and all, onto the front porch last night so the last several dozen tomatoes might ripen on the large vine out of the freezing temps. I left a trail of tomatoes behind me that I discovered this morning. Rather amusing, but it means I'll be mowing tomatoes next spring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:34 PM

Yeah, well, don't overdo it. Pat did (once) and spent the day throwing up and finally was off to the ER, where ibuprofen poisoning (mild) was diagnosed. Couple days later, off the ibu, she was fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 12:13 PM

What a friend is Ibuprofen!
All our aches and pains dispel!
What a joy it is to take it,
When your body aches like hell.
Headaches, too, it quickly conquers,
When old age and stress betray!
What a friend is Ibuprofen!
Run and bring some home today.


Dungblatter, Bigges, Noizes

Library of American Poetry, 13th Edition, 1972


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 10:47 AM

Dammit, I am still in need of Ibuprofen this morning. I had hoped I would be eighteen again.

Oh, well. It's a clear cool morning, a bit chilly here -- it gets down to 50F at night anymore...I hate cold weather and am threatening to move to Southern California to escape it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 12:15 AM

What a sacrifice!!

I just came from a live concert by Geoff Muldaur and Jim Kweskin.

They are both awesome.

Muldaur's techniques of voice and guitar are sans pareil.

Jim Kweskin is a Big Soul who plays and sings beautifully.

Catch them if you can!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 10:01 PM

On December 20 I will, with Pat, be flying to DC. I shall return here on the 27th, she on the 1st. Just so everyone knows just how giving and caring I am...going to DC so you all don't have to.


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