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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 15 Mar 11 - 07:13 PM
Eiseley 15 Mar 11 - 07:27 PM
Amos 15 Mar 11 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 11 - 07:46 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 11 - 09:30 PM
Amos 15 Mar 11 - 10:13 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 11 - 10:31 PM
Amos 15 Mar 11 - 10:36 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 11 - 10:42 PM
Donuel 15 Mar 11 - 10:45 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 11 - 10:49 PM
Acme 15 Mar 11 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 11 - 11:34 PM
Acme 15 Mar 11 - 11:36 PM
MMario 16 Mar 11 - 08:44 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 10:35 AM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 02:12 PM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 16 Mar 11 - 02:35 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 16 Mar 11 - 02:35 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 02:48 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 04:28 PM
Acme 16 Mar 11 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 06:21 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 06:59 PM
gnu 16 Mar 11 - 07:01 PM
Eiseley 16 Mar 11 - 07:42 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 10:14 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 11 - 07:12 AM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 10:20 AM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 01:16 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 01:36 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 01:42 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 02:18 PM
gnu 17 Mar 11 - 02:45 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 11 - 08:41 PM
Acme 17 Mar 11 - 11:39 PM
Eiseley 18 Mar 11 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 09:54 AM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 10:05 AM
Acme 18 Mar 11 - 11:02 AM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:22 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 07:13 PM

Amos Too much of anything can always turn tragic


Never give up no matter how hopeless
No matter how painful no matter how long
A full year of burns in only an hour.
None of the 50 did cry out or cower

Onward strode the Magnificent 50
manning the pumps for family and city
through nuclear fire, and bosses who lie
Burned every hour til the last of them die.

They knew of the secrets, the money and danger
They did it for family but what made it stranger
Was the people who bombed them
gave them this gift.
Now they are buried
in a deep steaming rift.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 07:27 PM

So you lobbed a nitroglycerin-filled golf ball from your balcony, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 07:30 PM

Rappare is such a rogue
Claiming science was the vogue
WHen his motive, now we've found,
Was just to make a banging sound!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 07:46 PM

No to both of you! Nyah, nyah, nyah!

I didn't make any noise at all. After all, there's a high school nearby and I most certainly wouldn't want to disturb the young scholars. No, I just mixed a few harmless liquids together and poured them on the ground. The bubbling and fizzing was very SCIENCE!!-y indeed.

By the way, the hole is about as deep as it is wide now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 09:30 PM

Whirling derivation, eh? Can we get a definition of that?

Here's the official definition of Jargonaut, straight from the pages of The Ridiculous Business Jaron Dictionary:

Jargonaut [n.]

A true master of ridiculous jargon, this individual has a 'robust' vocabulary, but none of it means anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:13 PM

That's a shallow, derivative definition. The word deserves much better and should have been coined long since. Some liberal arts major snuck into corporation-ville, man....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:31 PM

Shallow, derivative definitions are the specialty of The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary, Amos, given the fact that it is a dictionary about ridiculous, derivative speech habits practiced in corporate boardrooms (often with accompanying flow charts present to supplement the jargon and increase the inane sense of false importance given to the proceedings). I think, Amos, that with your stunning mastery of bafflegab and bilgeroar you could go far in such organizations. They would look at me, on the other hand, and realize in an instant that I am not "corporate material", after which I would vanish right off their radar screens. I would as be "yesterday's pizza". But I think you could fool them! You have both the urbane look and the bloated vocabulary. What I suggest is that you penetrate the innermost and hitherto impregnable sanctums (sancta?) of the corporate order and overwhelm them with your vibrant and irresistible blathertwaddle and blithermore. They will be rendered helpless in the face of it, and will soon propel you to the top of the $ySStem. You then deliver them over to the true revolutionaries, such as myself, Donuel, and Chongo Chimp, and we will handle it from there. The corporate order will be swept away!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:36 PM

That certainly sounds like a game-changer, a real paradigm shifter, Little Hawk. Could you run up a PowerPoint wall-talk on that for a few high foreheads from mahogany row? They'd be thrilled to hear your vision and it would totally revolutionize their idea of what is or is not low-hanging fruit.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:42 PM

YES!!! You are the Master, Amos! No doubt about it.

I'll take that off the back burner and run with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:45 PM

The heroic Japanese 50 were not long lived
They are now all gone


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:49 PM

Where did you get that info, Donuel?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 11:21 PM

Before bending my brain around the succinct yet articulate definition of "whirling derivation," I thought I'd Google it. Just out of curiosity.

Whirling and stability of flywheel systems, part I: Derivation of combined and lumped parameter models

I came up with this from The Smithsonian/NASA Astrophysics Data System at this page.

Okay, so there's a little distance between them. But it is a great result!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 11:34 PM

If ? is a real-valued function on Rn, then the partial derivatives of ? measure its variation in the direction of the coordinate axes. For example, if ? is a function of x and y, then its partial derivatives measure the variation in ? in the x direction and the y direction. They do not, however, directly measure the variation of ? in any other direction, such as along the diagonal line y = x.

A whirling derivative would also be scalar, as it would have to satisfy velocity as well as direction. A three- or more dimensional model is likely needed, especially if the whirling derivative were to vector linearly as well as rotationally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 11:36 PM

Oh, and that hole of Rap's in the golf course; since it was of chemical nature (his liquid mix) and not water dissolving limestone, I think you need to call it a "sunk hole" rather than the Karst topographic term of "sink hole." As in, "last night Rapparee sunk a hole in the golf course behind his house."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 08:44 AM

If ? is a real-valued function on Rn, then the partial derivatives of ? measure its variation in the direction of the coordinate axes.

So who is the nurse and why is f messing around with her? Not Ratched, is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 10:35 AM

Yes, it is. Both scalarly and vectorly, but when the wind is southerly she, like Hamlet, knows a hawk from a handsaw. In her case, however, the wind is never southerly, but will sometimes tarry southern, as sweet as candy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 01:35 PM

I think Raparree needs a terrier rather than a tarrier, to sweeten his tea.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 02:12 PM

Amos, you need an o-pun mind, but that's just my opunion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 02:35 PM

* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
    * A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
    * Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
    * A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
    * Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
    * He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
    * A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    * Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
    * Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
    * Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
    * Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
    * A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
    * A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
    * Without geometry, life is pointless.
    * When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
    * Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
    * A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
    * Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
    * When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
    * A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired..
    * What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
    * A backwards poet writes inverse.
    * In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
    * A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
    * If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed..
    * With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
    * Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
    * When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
    * The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
    * A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
    * You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
    * He often broke into a song because he couldn't find the key.
    * Every calendar's days are numbered.
    * A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.
    * A boiled egg is hard to beat.
    * He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
    * The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
    * Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
    * Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .
    * When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 02:35 PM

Al, you kill me, you're so punny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 02:48 PM

I alone am left to groan....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 04:28 PM

So our esteemed librarian is coming out of retirement and starting a new business, and this is his Grand OW!punning....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 05:03 PM

Good list, Al.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 06:21 PM

Yes, I have a way with words. Like the Caterpillar, I will have my way with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 06:59 PM

That;s like saying Rev. James Brennan has a way with young altar boys...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 07:01 PM

Caterpillars have their way with anything they want.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 07:42 PM

Caterpillars have their way with anything they want.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 10:14 PM

It is simply a matter of who is to be the master: you or the words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM

Here's a challenge for you who are masters of words. Could you have talked this Verizon floor manager into doing math correctly??? This is one of the funniest and most saddening conversations I have ever read. But then, it's a matter of opinion.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:18 PM

No, because innumeracy is rampant in our society. I blame the Trotskyites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM

Come you masters of words,
You who use the big ones,
You who enjoy poly-syllabication
You who make the bad puns.
You've never done nothin'
Except write and talk to enjoy
You play with folks minds
Like they're your little toy.

And I hope that your words fly
And your fame'll come soon
I will burn your thesaurus
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lauded
On the Best Seller Lists
And I'll read all your books
'Tho I'll be almighty pissed.

    -- Zimmer Robertman, Masters of Woids
       (Saginaw, Michigan: Bob's Place, 1964)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 07:12 AM

Happy Patrick's Day, Mom. Remember: if the beer is green, it's not fit to be seen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 10:20 AM

I wish I were
A Plastic Paddy
Only for nights
In West LA.
And I would get me
A flask of green beer
To drink the night
Of LA away.
Where the streets are wild
And the crowds unruly
A roaring tide
From square to square
I wish I were
A Plastic Paddy
Wearing green braces
In LA there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:16 PM

Latest from the Ridiculous Business Jargon thread:

"I'm glad to see that we have well-trained personnel here who can prioritize language, thereby maximize their communicative efficiency, and achieve a clarificative level of dynamically accurate interpersonal information transfer."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:36 PM

DO you talk to your mother with that mouth?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:42 PM

My dear fellow, it is the only mouth I have! What would you have me do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM

Buy, rent, or steal a second body, fully-equipped. That was you can keep one mouth for the dirty work of visiting such websites or talking to Chongo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:18 PM

Wow. What a cool idea! I'll look into that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:45 PM

Sounds like Verizon are crooks. Shocking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 03:51 PM

The people who talked to this customer were not so much crooks as completely innumerate. They repeatedly lost track of simpople decimals, multiplaying kilobytes by cents and coming up with dollars.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 08:41 PM

IN THE HILLS OF SAN DIEGO

CHORUS: Gather up the pot and the old-time bong
The hash, the hemp, the seeds right or wrong
Run like the devil from the narcs so strong
Keep the smokes a-tokin', Amos.

Keep your eyes well peeled today
The big narc men are on their way
Searchin' for Tijuana tay
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

A key for the butcher, and two for Tom
Another for poor old Father John
To help his prayers and hymns along
In the hill of San Diego.

CHORUS

Stand your ground boys, it's too late
The big narc men are at the gate
Glory be ta God but they'll be smokin' it late
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

Swing to the left and swing to the right
The big narc men will toke all night
Smokin' up the tay till the broad daylight
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

             --Trad. Plastic Paddy Song, ca. 1968


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 11:39 PM

Moonglow came down for lunch today and we did a little shopping. I introduced her to some of the helpful attitudes that her MOM has learned over the years, like, it is okay to pick up the big roll of vinyl in the upholstery section and carry it to the cutting board. And if you see something you need that it looks like they're going to throw out, ask for it. They have these really heavy-duty cardboard rolls from the same upholstery yardage, and she needed some for a project. "Are these for the taking?" I asked. "Yes, as many as you would like!" was the response. Much easier than waiting for someone to carry the roll, or assuming they might say no. If you don't ask, you won't know.

She's 22, and she's a fast learner. Who knows what she'll do next time we're in the fabric store.

She graduates in August from UNT, Eiseley's alma mater.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 01:05 AM

Yay Moonglow! And yay, Stilly, for teaching her so well. I just got home from an outstanding concert. Time for Three, a trio with two violins and a double bass played a spectacular and exquisite concert. I'll try to find some links tomorrow, but I'm way too tired tonight. You really missed a good one, Rapparee, but I'll lend you the CD if you'd like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 09:54 AM

After being home for THREE WHOLE DAYS, Rapparee finds himself and his wife in Silver Spring, Maryland, visiting his MIL.

But we did get the laundry done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 10:05 AM

That's important!! THere are many friendly mudcattersa in the Silver Spring area. Sandrolin and Gene, Severin, come to mind.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 11:02 AM

And it's a good thing you did the laundry before heading out - those Silver Spring-area Mudcatters might be rather fastidious about other Mudcatters arriving with dirty linens. You'd have to air them somewhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 01:10 PM

Rapparee has no compunction in that department, I would hazard.

I love your pot poem, by the way., Your poetry is improving!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM

Hah! Put one over on Amos!

Gather up the pots and the old tin cans
The corn, the mash, the barley and the bran
Running like the devil from the excise man
Keep the smoke from rising, Barney

Oh the excise men are on their way
They're hunting all around for the mountain tay
Oh they won't go away for the devil of a day
In the hills of Connemaraugh

Oh here's a bottle for Uncle Tom
And here's a gallon for Father John
To help the poor old man along
Through the hills of Connemaraugh

Well, stand your ground for it's too late
The excise men are at the gate
Oh, glory be to Jesus, they're drinking it straight
In the hills of Connemaraugh


Sure an' I'll just keep stealing from the Irish -- Amos will never know now, will he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:21 PM

Aw, I'm sorry, Amos. I shouldn't try to fool you like that. I won't do it anymore for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:22 PM

40104! And dibs on 4104-W, my dear old grandma's phone number.


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