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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Jul 11 - 10:26 AM
Amos 11 Jul 11 - 11:33 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Jul 11 - 11:40 AM
Amos 11 Jul 11 - 11:41 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Jul 11 - 11:53 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 11 Jul 11 - 01:20 PM
Amos 11 Jul 11 - 01:28 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Jul 11 - 02:16 PM
gnu 11 Jul 11 - 02:53 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 11 - 07:35 PM
Eiseley 12 Jul 11 - 11:47 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 11 - 01:42 PM
Amos 12 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 11 - 06:48 PM
gnu 12 Jul 11 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 11 - 07:42 PM
Acme 12 Jul 11 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 11 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 11 - 09:59 PM
Amos 12 Jul 11 - 10:34 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 11 - 07:00 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 11 - 09:44 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 11 - 10:25 AM
Amos 13 Jul 11 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 11 - 02:33 PM
Amos 13 Jul 11 - 03:29 PM
Acme 13 Jul 11 - 03:36 PM
Eiseley 13 Jul 11 - 05:30 PM
gnu 13 Jul 11 - 05:50 PM
Amos 13 Jul 11 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 11 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 11 - 07:11 PM
Amos 13 Jul 11 - 07:26 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 11 - 07:47 PM
Acme 13 Jul 11 - 08:05 PM
Eiseley 13 Jul 11 - 08:33 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 11 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 11 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 11 - 10:35 AM
gnu 14 Jul 11 - 12:47 PM
Acme 14 Jul 11 - 01:56 PM
Amos 14 Jul 11 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 11 - 04:22 PM
Amos 14 Jul 11 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 11 - 07:26 PM
Amos 14 Jul 11 - 09:46 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 14 Jul 11 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 11 - 11:43 PM
MMario 15 Jul 11 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 11 - 10:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 10:26 AM

Sax and violins. All ya need to make a good movie.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 11:33 AM

Rages are red, violence is blue
Suckups are sour and so are imaginary PI's.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 11:40 AM

Yer just jealous.

For my latest adventures, check the beginnin' of the week thread.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 11:41 AM

I have no need for petty jealousies or incivil carping, you sad miasma of nebulous un-living fiction.

For I am alive. I am a REAL boy.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 11:53 AM

Like Sherlock Holmes or Philip Marlowe, I will live on forever, Amos, immortalized in print, indestructible and ageless, but you will soon vanish into obscurity like a bug that met its sorry demise on someone's windshield.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 01:20 PM

This is the Intergalactic Overlord. For technical reasons I have been forced to assume the use of the Rapparee creature's electronic identity.

The Examiners found much dissonance and disharmony in the subject. So much was found that it is being debated whether or not the world which produced such a creature should continue or be moved to a different multiverse. I am in favor of such a move, being forced as I have been to assume this idiosyncratic arrangement.

The Intergalactic Overlord, Lord of All Universes and the Spaces Between, Overall Intelligence and Master of All







(Hi Mom!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 01:28 PM

So far, Old Chimp, I have many, many more column inches in print here in our digital Cave of Beguiled Souls than you do, and I haven't seen your name in print anywhere else. So perhaps you are a self-deluded illusion, a fractious figment fomening fits of frantic but futile exponential unrealities?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 02:16 PM

So you are sayin' that because you run off at the mouth more than I do that you are more important than me?

Ha! Try it that the local bar, chump. I will be there to carry you unconscious out to the curb. People ain't that impressed by your overweanin' loquacity, know what I'm sayin'? Havin' you around yakkin' yer fool head off is like dyin' by Chinese water torture, one slow drip at a time.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 02:53 PM

I have a copy of Too Much Saxon Violence somewhere. Must find it and send it to Sev... there might be a pun in it he doesn't know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 07:35 PM

I know one he doesn't know. In fact, the only person I've shared it with was the punmeister himself, Spider Robinson. He paid it the compliment of calling "the first original pun" he'd heard in a very long time.

Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 11:47 AM

So, are you going to share this original pun with us? Or have you forgotten it?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 01:42 PM

Well, I guess. Since you asked nicely and all.

Many years ago on the shores of the Mediterranean, people would risk their lives diving to collect a particular kind of shellfish. Many died, but the shellfish yielded the dye known as "Tyrian Purple" and was so costly that it could only be purchased by the very wealthy and powerful -- emperors, for example.

Recent archeology has brought some new facts to light about the preparation of and the ceremonies surrounding this legendary dye.

First, after the shellfish were brought to shore and scraped out of their shells, they were placed in large vats. They were then soaked in urine to dissolve the chemicals which produced the dye. The urine was flung onto the bodies of the shellfish by war heroes, those who had lost an eye or a limb in battle and to fling the "chamber lye" was considered a great honor.

When the dye had been extracted, the vats were washed and the shellfish (which previously had been toxic because of the chemicals which made up the dye) were now fit to eat. Again, only the heroes were permitted to partake of this culinary delight.

Honored in song even today, this select group of warriors were and are highly honored and were known throughout the Mediterranean countries as the "One-Eyed, One-Armed, Flying Pee-Pee Purple Eaters."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM

I groan in your general direction. Yes, parts of the tale are very good, and parts of it are very original. Unfortunately....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 06:48 PM

Jealousy ill becomes you, Amos. But I think you for the groan, which is the Sign Of The Great Pun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 06:56 PM

Tsk tsk tsk. Effort effort effort. Sadly lacking cut and paste.

Pastey and not cutting. Undercooked.

Sorry, but I calls em as I read em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 07:42 PM

The yard is, except for sealing the concrete curbings, mulching, and the placement of a large rock, complete. Come up and see us sometime, all you flatlanders, and see what a beautiful job was done!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 08:11 PM

I think that is more along the lines of a Shaggy Dog story, less a pun, don't you?

Does Chongo know how to read our magic writing? Maybe you could discuss the nasty things about him behind his back right under his nose. So to speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 09:37 PM

...Tyrian purple was expensive: the 4th-century-BC historian Theopompus reported, "Purple for dyes fetched its weight in silver at Colophon" in Asia Minor. The expense rendered purple-dyed textiles status symbols, and early sumptuary laws dictated and forbade their use. The production of shellfish purple was tightly controlled in Byzantium and subsidized by the imperial court, which restricted its use for the colouring of silks for imperial use, so that a child born to a reigning emperor was porphyrogenitos, "born in the purple", although this may also have to do with the fact that the Imperial birthing apartment was walled in the purple-red rock known as porphyry.

The dye substance consists of a mucous secretion from the hypobranchial gland of one of several medium-sized predatory sea snails found in the eastern Mediterranean. These are the marine gastropods Bolinus brandaris the spiny dye-murex, (originally known as Murex brandaris (Linnaeus, 1758)), the banded dye-murex Hexaplex trunculus, and the rock-shell Stramonita haemastoma. The dye is an organic compound of bromine (i.e. an organobromine compound), a class of compounds often found in algae and some other sea life, but much more rarely in the biology of land animals.

In Biblical Hebrew, the dye extracted from the Bolinus brandaris is known as argaman (ארגמן). Another dye extracted from a related sea snail, Hexaplex trunculus, produced an indigo colour called tekhelet (תְּכֵלֶת‎), used in garments worn for ritual purposes.


There's more on Wikipedia for you doubters!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 09:59 PM

And yes, that was indeed cut & paste -- from the email I sent to Spider. In short, I cut & pasted myself. I did forget to put the last line in italics, but I don't think that's a capital offense, not on the 'Cat and especially not on Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 11 - 10:34 PM

I was already familiar with the legacy of the purple dye and its origins. That part was very good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 07:00 AM

Does the foregoing apply in any way to the daily life of Dachshunds?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 09:44 AM

Of course. EVERYTHING applies to dachshunds. You need only ask them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 10:25 AM

Ah.

Of course!

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 01:21 PM

The true dachsund knows that anything of any importance relates directly to his ability or desire to eat, sleep, pass waste, chase interesting objects, bite things, and occasionally, to mate. What else is there in existence of any merit? All esle is but noise and trivia, signifying nothing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 02:33 PM

What about a dachshund bitch, Amos? You specifically said "he" and did not mention the "she". I know at least two, Rose and Lily, who will piddle on your shoes and nip your ankles for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 03:29 PM

I refuse to be bullied by small-minded political correctitude, sir. The generic use of "he" in the general sense to cover all genders of the species is underastood, except in cases of wilful, obdurate intransigence, as here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 03:36 PM

Who knew that the MOAB would be one of the last bastions of sanity in Mudcat-land these days?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 05:30 PM

One reason I like MOM is because it takes someone of a certain ilk to dare traipse into her halls and post something. About the worst that happens here is that one can be Shatnered upon or made pun of. Or called a Spudchucker.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 05:50 PM

Although NB is big potatoe country (I refer you to the McCain frozen french fry and beyond empire) I prefer to remain traditional and be called a herring choker rather than a spudchucker... thank you very much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 05:59 PM

That all depends, sir, on whose herring is being choked!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 06:45 PM

We'uns out hyar in Ideeho chuck spuds at them dang-slab Californicators that move hyar and try ta tell us how ta run our State. Tree huggin' wolf lovers, ever' danged one of 'em. Outa be run outa hyar, 'ceptin' we need their tax money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 07:11 PM

"The true dachsund knows that anything of any importance relates directly to his ability or desire to eat, sleep, pass waste, chase interesting objects, bite things, and occasionally, to mate. What else is there in existence of any merit?"

That's pretty accurate, Amos, but it doesn't cover the dog's emotional needs, and they are considerable. Trust me on this. Dachshunds deeply crave companionship. They yearn for praise and acceptance. They do not like being made sport of. They want a lot of affection.

Outside of that your comments were most apt. I just thought I'd add in the emotional components.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 07:26 PM

I love trees well, but do not hug them. I hug wolves, and they gather around me ready to seek instant vengeance on any who hurl spuds in my direction. Let spud-chuckers all stand clear as they value their knees and buttocks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 07:47 PM

LOL!

Wolves positively despise spudchuckers. If you've ever been hit in the eye by a hurled potatoe, you'll know why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 08:05 PM

Hurling potatoes! Next you'll tell me you move them with brooms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 08:33 PM

Oh, my children are now looking at me askance because your comment made me guffaw, Stilly!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 08:48 PM

That sport is called "purling", and it's only done in Idaho, same as raping squirrels, marrying several of one's farm animals, and showering only on every 10th birthday. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 11:25 PM

Yes, much like Northern Ontario, only more sanitary. And the spuds chucked are cooked and mashed, because we don't want to hurt anyone 'ceptin' them dadgummed Californicators. THEM use fer targit practice, but 'tain't hardly fair what with them jist standin' 'round talkin' 'bout peace and love and their joints all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 10:35 AM

Legion caught a Californicator tryin' ta sneak inta the Hovel once. They tied him to a chair and made him drink pure California orange juice until he was sick of it and then switched to Florida OJ. He got sicker'n a dog. Finally, they took pity on him an' gave him a job cleanin' out the cuspidors. After a couple of years of that they made him an Assistant Associate Temporary Potential Member, and just last week voted him "Potential Member" for his long and fateful service. His name is Arnold or Andy or somethin' Swartsensomething. Up at the Hovel he's just called "Cal" (fer Californicator) or "Dummy" or worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 12:47 PM

Amos's old joints are acting up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 01:56 PM

Not unless his pain meds aren't working or he got hit really hard with one of Rap's tubers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 03:48 PM

My joints don't grow old. I send them off to Bobert while they're still fresh and moist.

I 'speck ole Rapparee just collects the retired units from Big Mick's thong collection to use as ammo; always being careful to wear latex gloves and a respirator in the process.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 04:22 PM

Yup. And I ain't a-gonna tell you where I gits mah secret weapon, the double-barrel slingshot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 07:19 PM

Ah, hell--everybody knows Mick uses a double-banded model due to excess wear from overhanging underpinnings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 07:26 PM

But THIS fires up to two GRAPEFRUIT at once!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 09:46 PM

You flatter our bard of Erin, sir; while again changing your subject madly. Isn't there a code about sticking to the choice of assault weapons once made?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 11:25 PM

I trust you gentlemen do know how to defend yourselves against "a man armed with a banana"? (to quote the great John Cleese...)

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 11:43 PM

Erin? I know Erin. Nice lady. She's got at least two kids, but I don't think Mick had anything to do with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jul 11 - 09:39 AM

Does KoKo know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 11 - 10:15 AM

You know, "Bad Penny" Rutledge has an asterisk in front of her signature but I can't find ANYWHERE what the note is. Perhaps some flat? Or a simple "Ibid." or "op. cit."?


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